Should MOB get her dress before MOG?

My FMIL has been going shopping for her dress. My mother hasn't even started yet. She says she wants to lose a little weight first.

FH's grandparents live in Florida most of the year. They come up here for a few months during the summer. So FMIL is shopping while her mom is here.

Should I be upset that she has starting looking before my mom has?

I think she is suppose to wait so they don't get similar colors.....and I think the MOB kinda has first pick for color too????

She knows that my mother is looking to wear either black, eggplant or navy blue.

But still.... my mom should get her dress first, right?

I think that telling your future mother in law when she can and can't buy a dress is a really bad way to start off your married relationship with her.

Honestly, this is one of those points where 'ettiquette' is silly. There is NOTHING that makes the mother of the bride more special than the mother of the groom - one was implanted with a Y chromosome carrying sperm, the other with an X chromosome carrying sperm. That's the only difference, in today's wedding world, really. If your fmil wants to buy a dress while her mother is in town, then let her buy whatever she wants.

Clearly you're not already upset about it, since you're asking if you should be, so why would you want make yourself upset over such a minor detail if you're not already? It's not worth the headache, and telling your fmil that she's not allowed to buy her dress yet is a good way to come off as a major bridezilla.

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Posted by weddingbunny

I think that telling your future mother in law when she can and can't buy a dress is a really bad way to start off your married relationship with her.

Honestly, this is one of those points where 'ettiquette' is silly. There is NOTHING that makes the mother of the bride more special than the mother of the groom - one was implanted with a Y chromosome carrying sperm, the other with an X chromosome carrying sperm. That's the only difference, in today's wedding world, really. If your fmil wants to buy a dress while her mother is in town, then let her buy whatever she wants.

Clearly you're not already upset about it, since you're asking if you should be, so why would you want make yourself upset over such a minor detail if you're not already? It's not worth the headache, and telling your fmil that she's not allowed to buy her dress yet is a good way to come off as a major bridezilla.

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I agree --- especially if your mom is specifically waiting until she loses weight to go, that could make it that much harder/more stressful for your FMIL. If your mom knows what color she wants, as long as FMIL knows that and goes for a different color, I think its fine.

Thanks for you advice.

It wasn't that I was upset. It's just that I felt bad for my mother. I hear everyone say that the MOB picks her dress first. So I didn't want her to have to pick her dress around what FMIL buys.

I would NEVER tell FMIL that she has to wait to buy her dress either. I just think it is a little too early for her to be looking. We have 10 months to go. But on the other hand, I do understand that she wants her mother to be with her.

I really just don't want my mother to be upset.

MOB is suppose to get her dress first.

I just ran into this problem with my FMIL, she thought she had found a dress and my FI told me and I was like ohhhhhhhh lord. So FI had said to his Mom casually 'You know the MOB is suppose to get her dress first so you don't have matching colors (or somrthing like that)'...She said 'She knows and that she was going to call my mother to see what color she was thinking of doing'...SO she did, they had a nice conversation & all was solved. I think honesty is the best policy....just say casually to your FMIL....'ya know I don't know what color my mother is doing maybe give her a call and make sure you won't match...etc.'

It may not be a big deal to some people but it was important to my Mom....who IS the one paying for this wedding (well my parents.) So I thought something should have been said. So if it's important to you then just casually talk to her about it.

It worked out well in the end.

FMIL should not be buying a dress without your mother giving her the go ahead. that is plain rude and disrespectful. i understand that she wants her mother to be there, and it is fine to look, as long as she does not buy.

As soon as your mom tells her what color she is going to buy, then she can go ahead and purchase her dress.

this is small - and i think FMIL does not realize as this is her first wedding.

Maybe she needs to be reminded..

my MIL looked for a while but did not order or purchase anything until my mom gave her the go ahead..

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Posted by angnick

FMIL should not be buying a dress without your mother giving her the go ahead. that is plain rude and disrespectful. i understand that she wants her mother to be there, and it is fine to look, as long as she does not buy.

As soon as your mom tells her what color she is going to buy, then she can go ahead and purchase her dress.

this is small - and i think FMIL does not realize as this is her first wedding.

Maybe she needs to be reminded..

my MIL looked for a while but did not order or purchase anything until my mom gave her the go ahead..

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but WHY is it rude and disrespectful? It's just a dress. What's so disrespectful about that? Because the mother of the bride is supposed to go first? Because that's just how it's done? But why? Why does it matter? There are a lot of things that aren't done how they're supposed to be these days, so why this one?

Short of saying 'because the mother of the bride is more important than the mother of the groom' I can't see how anybody can explain that one, and to me, saying THAT is about as rude and disrespectful as it gets.

I don't mean to start an argument or anything, I just honestly don't get how this could be rude or disrespectful.

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Posted by Athee07

i personally dont think it matters who gets a dress first as long as they both get a dress in time for the wedding.... sorry thats just my honest opinion.....

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AGREED!!!! Why doesit make a difference who has their dress first? noone willbe trying to ourdo eachohter? Are u worried abotu this topic for an particular reason???

ETA: Dont stress about such minor details. Ur going to driveurself nuts... Weddingbunny said it correctly.. u dont want to cause drama over something so insignificant. I personally have never heard on anyone HAVING to be 1st to get their dress... It makes no sense.

Of course this is JUST my opinion, and who the heck am I...BUT really who cares if the mothers both have similar dress colors? My mother wore a copperish color-it was beautiful and MOG wore a tannish color (of course these had real names) they were similar colors-not the same-and it looked nice that they coordinated...even if it was not on purpose.

Etiquette says MOB should get dress first...BUT really, does it matter? Why should FMIL have to wait longer because a MOB is loosing weight first..doesnt seem fair to me.

What if,and I am not saying she is...BUT what if there was a situation where a MOB was a BIG procrastinator and waited til a month or two before the wedding...should a MOG who is a planner wait?

Traditionally yes MOB should get it first. To quote my mother 'The MOB gets the first pick of colors after the BP'
I guess it is something you have to talk to both of them about. For example- if there's a specific color your mom wants to wear then tell your FMIL that all shades of that color are off limits.

Thanks girls.

You always hear about ettiquette. And we are trying to follow certain rules so not to insult other people. But who cares about proper ettiquette? To a point we have to but this issue doesn't warrant 'ettiquette.'

FMIL is being so sweet. She is excited about her only son getting married. She didn't order anything because she wanted to speak to me about color.

I understand why she has started to look. She wants her mother with her. I completely understand. I spoke with my mom last night and told her that FMIL has started to look. And it didn't seem to bother her.

I am sorry if this topic started a little bit of an argument. Just curious as to how other people would take it.

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Posted by Athee07

i personally dont think it matters who gets a dress first as long as they both get a dress in time for the wedding.... sorry thats just my honest opinion.....

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I agree 100%!!!!!!!!!!!

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Posted by angnick

FMIL should not be buying a dress without your mother giving her the go ahead. that is plain rude and disrespectful. i understand that she wants her mother to be there, and it is fine to look, as long as she does not buy.

As soon as your mom tells her what color she is going to buy, then she can go ahead and purchase her dress.

this is small - and i think FMIL does not realize as this is her first wedding.

Maybe she needs to be reminded..

my MIL looked for a while but did not order or purchase anything until my mom gave her the go ahead..

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I agree. My FMIL waited until my mother got her dress and gave her the okay as well. I understand she wants to start looking, but she should at least ask your mom first to make sure its okay with her. Its a respect thing.....

My mom got her dress before I even got mine!!

My FMIL was really sweet and asked a bunch of questions about my mom's dress so she wouldn't choose the same color.

lool FH and I are like the go betweens for my mom and FMIL

like every time one of them likes a dress i have to go report back to the other one to make sure the color and style is different

neither of them have gone shopping yet but so far their color ideas are complete opposites!