Should this bother me???

SeptBride70 Posted: Jan 19, 2006 01:05 PM

Should this bother me???

Okay, do I reserve the right to do what I want in this situation?? and a bunch of other ?s at the bottom....

For favors... Me and my FH's good friend was killed by a drunk driver. He really meant a lot to us seperately but b/c of how my FH and I met-- our friend is even more special to us now then ever before (long story, sweet, but not relevant to this).
We wanted to make a donation to MADD in each guests name for our friend and have a little something written about him and how my FH and I met b/c of him on a card. That would be our favor b/c to me, who needs another bottle opener or salt/pepper shaker??
I mean, I go to weddings all the time and get this stuff that I usually never use and since we have this idea and it means something to us we really wanted to do it.
Of course, my FIL's feel (mostly my FMIL) that we should give our guests something physical like a typical favor you would get at a wedding. I told her I REALLY didn't want to do that but she said then she would just pay for them. BUT IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY!
I tried to explain to her that to us, it's about our friend and the importance of how most people should not want something physical over something meaningful that could benefit a great charity--I mean, who is that selfish to say I would rather have a bottle opener?
But my FMIL feels that's what people are going to think and that they are going to be offended and insulted!
My cousin did a donation to the cancer center that helped save her life, I NEVER thought oh where's my wine stopper?
I mean, am I the only one that thinks this is crazy?? Am I the only one who thinks she should support what my FH and I want b/c its our wedding?? And am I the only one that is insulted by the fact that everytime I disagree with what she wants to do with the wedding she just says, well then I'll pay for it?!!

If anyone could please help me here, I get so annoyed when it comes to doing the right thing for a good cause--and especially when it comes to my friend that passed away.
sorry this is so long....

carlsbride Posted: Jan 19, 2006 01:09 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

Do what you want - it is not her wedding - it is you & FI's decision. If someone is offended because they didn't receive a little photo frame/candy/etc., that is their problem.
Do the Donation, just keep telling your FMIL no.

prinses777 Posted: Jan 19, 2006 01:10 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

I am most liekly doing a donation in honor of my father...

I have been to weddings and rcvd NOTHING... and honelsty... I didn't even notice...

But... I am doing Pictureframe placecard holders... and most likely... a little box of chocolates with the tag saying that we donated money in lieu of a favor...

Do what you want... its your wedding... and not everyone is going to be pleased, but that doesn't matter... it only matters that you and your fh is happy.

MissingTheBGene Posted: Jan 19, 2006 01:12 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

This is not your FMIL's wedding, it's yours and you FI's. Do the donation, tell you FMIL no every time she brings it up but don't volunteer any information, just say 'this is what we are doing'. Period, end of story.

No one is going to be offended. Leaving that note of your friend is very important and will be very special on your day.

BernandRob Posted: Jan 19, 2006 01:14 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

I say do what you want nobody will be offended. They want some thing physical how about all the food and drinks they got at your wedding. I think that's enough. Don't worry about what they think do what you want.

nov06 Posted: Jan 19, 2006 01:14 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

I think that is such a sweet and thoughtful idea. Don't even listen to what your FMIL says, it's not her wedding

ML110 Posted: Jan 19, 2006 01:18 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

i would definitely do what you want in this case.
we did a donation to the lance armstrong cancer fund as our favor ( my dad is a cancer survivor, dhs grandpa had cancer, my aunt has cancer....) we gave everyone a 'livestrong' bracelet with a note that said ' to honor our loved ones affected by cancer, a donation has been made to teh lance armstrong cancer fund'
and let me tell you... we got SOOO many compliments on it. everyone thought it was the nicest idea. and, a lot of our guests, are still wearing the bracelets almost 7 months later... you can't say that about most other favors.
so i would definitely do this becasue it means so much to you and your FI. maybe you could attach the card to a little tin of mints or put it in a mini picture frame or something, to satisfy FMIL.... but, to me, if people really care that much that they're not getting a physical favor, they've got much bigger problems.

JanuaryBride06 Posted: Jan 19, 2006 01:20 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

I can't imagine anyone being offended by such a beautiful gesture. I think donation favors are wonderful - you and FH are the decision makers on this one and what you're doing is great.

Jackie&Justin Posted: Jan 19, 2006 01:23 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

I think its a wonderful idea, so beautiful and touching. Do that, who cares what your IL's think....

ZuzusPetals Posted: Jan 19, 2006 01:25 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

Posted by Jackie&Justin

I think its a wonderful idea, so beautiful and touching. Do that, who cares what your IL's think....

Well said!

nygirl77 Posted: Jan 19, 2006 01:26 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

So many people nowadays are making donations in lieu of favors - I think you should continue with your idea and ignore FMIL's idea. It's your wedding after all.

SeptBride70 Posted: Jan 19, 2006 01:27 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

thanks guys so much, at least i know i'm not going crazy and the last thing i want is to offend my guests but i definitely agree with the idea that if they are offended by that then they have problems!
my only other problem is the fact that every thing i want that she disagrees with she just tries to take over by saying she'll pay for it, i hope it doesn't have to come down to me saying something to her!! i appreciate her helping us out money-wise but not just to get what she wants... i mean, right??

angel77 Posted: Jan 19, 2006 01:44 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

We are doing a donation in honor of my father. I have been to weddings where they have given a donation and I thought it was a fantastic idea. I would rather see the $$$ going towards a charity or to people who need it vs. getting an a favor that gets thrown in a drawer and never gets used.

hbradio Posted: Jan 19, 2006 02:21 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

I think its a wonderful favor idea!!!

Maybe to make everyone happy you can have almonds or hersheys kisses in a little box or something in addition to the donation?

LaurenluvsTJ Posted: Jan 19, 2006 02:25 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

We are doing a donation as well, I don't see any problem at all with not giving a 'favor'. IMO, most people don't know what to with the favors after the wedding. With a donation you have done something meaningful and your money is going to an organization that can really get some use with it. I have seen donations done at a number of weddings. I am sure your guests will not notice the absence of a traditional favor, and the ones who do? Well, who cares?

Beth1210 Posted: Jan 19, 2006 02:26 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

I did the donation and gave a cookie with a tag explaining what we did

everyone loved it

I agree with you- no one needs that stuff- and a bottle opener with a MADD donation send the wrong message

SeptBride70 Posted: Jan 19, 2006 03:00 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

Posted by Beth1210

I did the donation and gave a cookie with a tag explaining what we did

everyone loved it

I agree with you- no one needs that stuff- and a bottle opener with a MADD donation send the wrong message

EXACTLY!!! OMG my FMIL was like why can't we just give a little wine bottle, I felt like saying ARE YOU THINKING CLEARLY?!!

SeptBride70 Posted: Jan 19, 2006 03:00 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

...meaning ALONG with the donation!

babybug631 Posted: Jan 19, 2006 03:10 PM

Re: Should this bother me???

I think if anyone should understand it should be your FMIL. Do what you want. You can even put a picture of your friend at the wedding with a memorial candle with a little tribute and a brief description about MADD and what it means to you.