Okay, do I reserve the right to do what I want in this situation?? and a bunch of other ?s at the bottom....
For favors... Me and my FH's good friend was killed by a drunk driver. He really meant a lot to us seperately but b/c of how my FH and I met-- our friend is even more special to us now then ever before (long story, sweet, but not relevant to this). We wanted to make a donation to MADD in each guests name for our friend and have a little something written about him and how my FH and I met b/c of him on a card. That would be our favor b/c to me, who needs another bottle opener or salt/pepper shaker?? I mean, I go to weddings all the time and get this stuff that I usually never use and since we have this idea and it means something to us we really wanted to do it. Of course, my FIL's feel (mostly my FMIL) that we should give our guests something physical like a typical favor you would get at a wedding. I told her I REALLY didn't want to do that but she said then she would just pay for them. BUT IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY! I tried to explain to her that to us, it's about our friend and the importance of how most people should not want something physical over something meaningful that could benefit a great charity--I mean, who is that selfish to say I would rather have a bottle opener? But my FMIL feels that's what people are going to think and that they are going to be offended and insulted! My cousin did a donation to the cancer center that helped save her life, I NEVER thought oh where's my wine stopper? I mean, am I the only one that thinks this is crazy?? Am I the only one who thinks she should support what my FH and I want b/c its our wedding?? And am I the only one that is insulted by the fact that everytime I disagree with what she wants to do with the wedding she just says, well then I'll pay for it?!!
If anyone could please help me here, I get so annoyed when it comes to doing the right thing for a good cause--and especially when it comes to my friend that passed away. sorry this is so long....
klingklang77
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Re: Should this bother me???
tell her no and say that you would rather take the money that she is using for wine etc and give more to the charity. also the idea of MADD and a wine opener so sends the wrong message.
i am doing a donation to breast cancer, b/c FHs mother was affected. my mom said she wanted to do wine bottles, but backed down after i said no.
just tell her NO and that is it.
BJandDan
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Re: Should this bother me???
Posted by klingklang77
just tell her NO and that is it.
Or better yet... have FH tell her!!!!! It was his best friend, maybe coming from him it will hit home to her.
Blu-ize
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Re: Should this bother me???
didn't do favors...nobody thought ill of me for it. It's your wedding. You don't want them, don't have them. With all due respect, I would rather not have favors.
KellyDance
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Re: Should this bother me???
I'm doing something similar. I still remember the first wedding that did a donation instead of favor-I thought it was greatest thing I had ever heard of! So much nicer than another ice cream scooper.
I understand that it is touchy with in-laws. If you want to compromise, out a little note inside of a picture frame or something saying that you made a donation. If you feel strongly about just making a donation-then do that!!!! Everyone's right-it is your wedding!
Tibbar75
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Re: Should this bother me???
I agree with everyone here. In fact my FH and I are going to be donating all of our flowers to a near by hospital. I would tell your soon to be mother in law that donations are more in vogue, because they certainly seem to be and are so much more touching.
-Jen
tjs
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Re: Should this bother me???
i dont know if they have tehm but dose madd have braclets...like the lance armstrong bracelet type thing?? this way you would be donating and would be able to give a physical 'gift' ...if not i say do the donation anyway!!! it is YOUR wedding and it is for an amazing charity!!! good luck!
july06bride
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Re: Should this bother me???
we are doing a donation to the susan g komen breast cancer foundation... we are giving the ribbon magnets that go on cars to accompany it but truthfully i think a donation is enough... i say do it, your wedding, dont let her win this battle, she will want to win them all
cindyandkevin
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Re: Should this bother me???
Absolutely do what you and FH want!! It's YOUR wedding, not FMIL's!!
That's a great favor and I think every guest will be so moved and touched by your thoughtfulness. Plus it will remind them all to be smart that night and not mix drinking & driving!
lovetolove
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Re: Should this bother me???
OMG, i love the idea of donating the flowers to a hospital..
what a beautiful way to spread the love
I think more people should donate things at and form the wedding, like donation favors, donating flowers, left over food to a homeless shelter, Then it makes spending all this money, not seem so vain..
jellybean1420
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Re: Should this bother me???
We do donation favors a lot in our family b/c many have died of cancer or have diabetes. Everyone is extremely apprecative b/c it is going to a good cause. Its not a nick-nack someone is going to throw out or stick in the bottom of their drawer when they go home. I am doing donation favors as well. I am probably going to do a small box of chocolates or some type of candy with it. Not too $$$$ and 'something' for them to take home. Run that by your FMIL....see what she says.
RadioLau
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Re: Should this bother me???
I think it is a wonderful idea and it is what you and your FI want to do. That is what is most important. I hate all the favors too. I am leaning toward something edible.
Katie&Chris2006
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Re: Should this bother me???
I think it is beautiful what you and FH want to do to honor your friend. Stick to your guns girl!!!!
lilacwine
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Re: Should this bother me???
We did a donation and a favor.
The original plan was to announce the donation on a bookmark, but we went to a wedding three months before ours that did that as part of their favor, and the guests seemed to leave them on the table.
So, we annonced the donation on the frames that held the table numbers (kind of a watermark effect) and we got personalized boxes of chocolate as a 'traditional favor' for each guest.
sarahthegreat
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Re: Should this bother me???
ultimately, a donation made to a charity of choice, will do more good then a wine stopper or piece of Godiva ever good. yes, flame away, but i'd rather see $4 go towards a hospital or ASPCA.
jesseskylar
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Re: Should this bother me???
More people should donate to a cause that means a lot to them. Lets be honest, do people really need a little stupid trinket that they will throw out or will end up in someone's junk draw. People will find you classy and true to yourself. Its your day, tell anyone that tells you what to do to kiss off!
PegaLega
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Re: Should this bother me???
I would not be offended...actually I think it would be a great thing for you-all the more reason if there is a story behind it...I say do what you want
7706bride
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Re: Should this bother me???
Ignore your FMIL!!! do what you want!
dreamworld06
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Re: Should this bother me???
I'll be doing donation favors for my dad who is a cancer survivor. When I told my mom what I was going to do she cried....that was all the reassurance I needed. Don't let anyone change your mind....when they got married they made their own decisions and now you can make your own. Donations are from the heart and I think everyone appreciates them!
lipglossjunky73
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Re: Should this bother me???
Donations speak louder than a piece of plastic crap that no one will use!!! Just like you said - who needs another tiny frame that you can't put anything in!!!
Thumballina
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Re: Should this bother me???
We are also doing a donation in memory of my father to the Cancer Society...and if someone at my wedding has a problem with not receiving a $1.50 knick knack tell them to come to me...I'll give them a knick knack
