Should we be honest with our Priest?

Original post by prettykitty831

Feb 19, 2009 02:17 PM

My Fiance and I are planning to be married in a catholic church on 10/10/10 but we've hit a few road blocks....
I know it's not favorable in the church's eyes to be living together before you are married but times are different now and we do live together. A few of my friends who were in the same situation when they got married assured us that it would be OK to be honest about that with the priest at our interview and during pre cana. Well boy were they wrong! We went to OLPH church in Lindenhurst and interviewed with Father Kline. When we told him that we live together he started to twitch and told us that we were living in sin and did not want to be a part of our marriage unless we lived seperately until our wedding. It turns out that the church isn't available for our wedding day anyway. Wish I would've known that before being barraded! Apparently OLPH is a very old school parish but now we are nervous to be so honest with the next church. Tonight we are meeting with Father Rene at St. Joseph's in Ronkonkoma and Tomorrow night we are meeting with Father Francis at St. Joseph's in Kings Park.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated : )
Thanks!
-Jessica

MrsBtobe2009 Posted: Feb 19, 2009 04:31 PM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

we were asked and I lied.....I will probably go to h3ll for that but i figured better to be safe than sorry.

KPetekie Posted: Feb 19, 2009 04:32 PM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

I put my parents address and he used ours. Its really none of their business in my opinion and I'm not going to make my life any harder because of their views....

Jenn04 Posted: Feb 19, 2009 04:35 PM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

I wouldnt lie.

My sister was asked and the priest was really pushing for her to have get married before her actual wedding day. It was akward and she decided not to use that church and got married on site instead.

xosweetiexo Posted: Feb 19, 2009 04:40 PM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

I wouldnt tell him the truth. You are living with your parents and he is living with his.... and NO you guys are not having sex- end of story. Why would you want to go through the trouble of him telling you how much of a sin it is? You saw what a problem it caused for your friends and what it caused you at the other church? Why go through it again. If you want to go through that again and have a chance of them denying you guys getting married there- then its up to you. I think it would just be better if you didnt- just to make sure you can def. get married there.

christine2010 Posted: Feb 19, 2009 04:40 PM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

Posted by MrsBtobe2009

we were asked and I lied.....I will probably go to h3ll for that but i figured better to be safe than sorry.

my FH would have a heart attack if i lied about it.

MrsBtobe2009 Posted: Feb 19, 2009 04:45 PM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

Posted by christine2010

Posted by MrsBtobe2009

we were asked and I lied.....I will probably go to h3ll for that but i figured better to be safe than sorry.

my FH would have a heart attack if i lied about it.

Fh was actually the one who told me to do it. He told me before we walked in....remember we dont lie together. lol

I put my dad's address and he put our address.

stargazerlily Posted: Feb 19, 2009 04:49 PM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

What is that called...lie by omission. If they don't ask then don't tell. If they do ask...lie and go to confession later.

CappyGirl Posted: Feb 19, 2009 05:29 PM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

FH and I were so nervous before our meeting with the priest - he didn't ask us about our living situation, but kind of bombarded us to fill out the paperwork - I had to take it and leave the room to fill out our addresses, etc. This would have been fine, except that FH's parents recently moved and I didn't really know their new address!! I totally faked it . . . funny thing is, FH had to fill something out too and he didn't know their (his!!) phone number. Too funny - we laughed about it afterward. The truth is, Marriage is one of the sacrements and thus cannot be denied to you if you are a catholic. That's that!!

DCLM726 Posted: Feb 19, 2009 05:38 PM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

Posted by prettykitty831

Thank you all so much!
I've heard alot of people have stopped going to OLPH and now go to Our Lady of Grace b/c of OLPH being so old school.

I grew up in OLPH and I would not get married there because of the BS associated with them. Old School is putting it mildly!!!!

Deeglasser Posted: Feb 19, 2009 06:42 PM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

ugh... that makes me so angry...

honestly, some priests have different attitudes... we have learned that every priest/church is different... st pats in smithtown gave us such a hard time about going to church weekly- we're not living together. you will find that every church is different. don't be discouraged!!!

FuTuRe MrS MaZz Posted: Feb 19, 2009 06:44 PM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

i think you should be honest.... if they are going to belittle you for it, then i dont think you should get married in that church... its not a right 'fit' so to say...

MrsL2010 Posted: Feb 19, 2009 07:01 PM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

we have a friend of the family who is a priest that is marrying us, he knew that we lived together and didn't care, but he did tell us that when we go to the church that we are getting married in, to tell them that we don't live together, because they could give us a hard time about it.

FallBride2010 Posted: Feb 19, 2009 08:52 PM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

I wouldnt lie. My Mom thought I should lie and tell the priest I wanted kids. But I refused to lie...and have someone marry me under false pretenses. The priest was totally taken aback...but in the end he agreed to marry us

mlcvln129 Posted: Feb 19, 2009 10:23 PM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

. . .and this is exactly why I refuse to get married in a church. The RC church is totally NOT with the times. I should be able to marry whoever I want and live with him before I get married. . .come on, this isn't the 1500s and people aren't coming down with the plague because they're 'living in sin'!!!!

JamDancer Posted: Feb 19, 2009 11:08 PM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

Don't lie. Our priest didn't ask but even if we told him I don't think he'd even care. Ours is very down to earth and laid back.

If they give you a hard time, find another church.

Honesty is one of the most important things in a marriage... why would you want to start off your marriage with a lie??

TommysWife08 Posted: Feb 20, 2009 08:13 AM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

we told our priest and precana people the truth... that we live together and had been for over a year before that point

IMO the church has NO place to tell you that they arent going to marry you b/c you live together

TommysWife08 Posted: Feb 20, 2009 08:14 AM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

Posted by JamDancer

Don't lie. Our priest didn't ask but even if we told him I don't think he'd even care. Ours is very down to earth and laid back.

If they give you a hard time, find another church.

Honesty is one of the most important things in a marriage... why would you want to start off your marriage with a lie??

ITA!!

stinenandy2010 Posted: Feb 20, 2009 08:30 AM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

Definitely DO NOT LIE....it could come back to haunt you, plus maybe its just me but I can't lie to a Priest.

I know Father Francis at St. Josephs, actually if you go with them, definitely get Father Sean, he's great, young guy, has a ton of tattooes, just a really nice down to earth Priest. St. Jospehs has a beautiful aisle to walk down. The only reason I didn't book them was b/c I made all my sacraments at Christ the King in Commack so I just felt more of a connection there otherwise I would have went to St. Joes.

Good luck, don't lie, be honest. FH & I live together and we told our Priest that, and it wasn't a problem.

lori7570 Posted: Feb 20, 2009 10:15 AM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

I don't think we were asked, but he def noticed it when he saw the same address...

I wouldn't lie...I would find a different church...why would you want to get married in a church that is alienating you...

futuremrsfab Posted: Feb 20, 2009 10:30 AM

Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?

Posted by MikeandJess

You should be honest, I wouldn't feel comfortable lying to someone who has god as their homeboy.

I agree- we didnt live together beforehand but our priest never asked us that and I got the feeling that he would have never said anything to us at all. Glad that you are trying a new church and I hope that they are kinder to you