My Fiance and I are planning to be married in a catholic church on 10/10/10 but we've hit a few road blocks.... I know it's not favorable in the church's eyes to be living together before you are married but times are different now and we do live together. A few of my friends who were in the same situation when they got married assured us that it would be OK to be honest about that with the priest at our interview and during pre cana. Well boy were they wrong! We went to OLPH church in Lindenhurst and interviewed with Father Kline. When we told him that we live together he started to twitch and told us that we were living in sin and did not want to be a part of our marriage unless we lived seperately until our wedding. It turns out that the church isn't available for our wedding day anyway. Wish I would've known that before being barraded! Apparently OLPH is a very old school parish but now we are nervous to be so honest with the next church. Tonight we are meeting with Father Rene at St. Joseph's in Ronkonkoma and Tomorrow night we are meeting with Father Francis at St. Joseph's in Kings Park. Any advice would be greatly appreciated : ) Thanks! -Jessica
Espo22
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Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?
not all churches will ask this question, i wasnt asked anything about this. So hopefully you'll have better luck with the other churches. Good luck
Dani777
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Our Preist didn't ask anything about it either... Hope you have better luck at the next two ...
prettykitty831
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Thank you!
dedecakes
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We weren't asked this question persay, but we had to write down our addresses and the priest definitely noticed that we lived at the same address because he confirmed it with us. Every church is different. I battled over the same thing. In the end, I decided to tell the truth because I didn't want it biting me in the @ss later on. I would say, tell the truth. If the priest says something, I would say 'I am sure a lot of couples come in here and lie about their living situation. We did not want to be one of those couples. We wanted to be open and honest with you.'
The only thing our priest said was that he recommended I live at home for a week or two before the wedding. Other than that, though, he seemed fine with it.
The last thing you want is for the priest to find out that you have been lying the whole time a week before your wedding and say that he won't marry you! (I have heard this happen before!!!)
my3girlsafh
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I know tons of people that got married at OLPH and they are very old school. Go to Our Lady of Grace in West Babylon. They are with the times. My fiance and I have a baby together before marriage and they were fine with that. I asked them if I was able to get married there being that I have a child . They never gave me a hard time Christening my daughter but I know OLPH would have convulsions if you told them that. The church is beautiful also. Deacon Brian is awesome. Has a great personality and makes your ceremony very interesting. FH cousin was married by him and everyone loved him Good Luck
MikeandJess
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Our priest was lenient. We were married before our wedding, we aren't raising the kids catholic (I'm Jewish), we were living together and a few other things that would make us 'sinners'. Our priest didn't care. You should be honest, I wouldn't feel comfortable lying to someone who has god as their homeboy.
jonsgirl04
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I got married at St. josephs in ronkonkoma. I had father Michael Boyle. He didnt actually ask us if we were living together. Just in case he did, I put my address down that I lived in Ronkonkoma at my moms house. I was scared he would yell too. Its not like they investigate you lol....
prettykitty831
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Thank you all so much! I've heard alot of people have stopped going to OLPH and now go to Our Lady of Grace b/c of OLPH being so old school.
FutureMrsKuehne
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IM HAVING FATHER RENE FROM ST JOSEPHS!!!
i was SOOOOO afraid of him asking about our sex life, or where we sleep when we stay over each others houses....BUT he didnt!
it was a really good meeting, he asked questions like 'have you ever been married before' 'have you ever intended to marry before' 'are u going into this marriage with a free will, on your own, or is someone pressuring you' 'are u aware of any physical impediments you may have that will keep u from performing the marital act' (by far the funniest most odd question)
and then the rest were personal bio questions, address, phone number, etc, and what day/time/type of ceremony u want
ETA: but ya maybe u can put ur parents house as ur address, just to avoid being questioned about it, technically, ur parents home is still yours too right?? lol
prettykitty831
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Oh, that's a relief! When I spoke to Father Rene on the phone he sounded very nice. I am anxious about our meeting though! We live together but because it is an illegal apartment we still use our parents' address for mail and stuff like that. Maybe we should just stick with that.
KSquared
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Posted by jonsgirl04
I got married at St. josephs in ronkonkoma. I had father Michael Boyle. He didnt actually ask us if we were living together. Just in case he did, I put my address down that I lived in Ronkonkoma at my moms house. I was scared he would yell too. Its not like they investigate you lol....
Same for me. I love Fr. Boyle. They really aren't that strict there, he never asked, but I wrote down my parents address anyway because that's where my mail went at the time. And pre-cana there is a breeze, you just have to sit and listen basically.
FutureMrsKuehne
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Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?
Posted by KSquared
Posted by jonsgirl04
I got married at St. josephs in ronkonkoma. I had father Michael Boyle. He didnt actually ask us if we were living together. Just in case he did, I put my address down that I lived in Ronkonkoma at my moms house. I was scared he would yell too. Its not like they investigate you lol....
Same for me. I love Fr. Boyle. They really aren't that strict there, he never asked, but I wrote down my parents address anyway because that's where my mail went at the time. And pre-cana there is a breeze, you just have to sit and listen basically.
ooo thats good to know!! our pre cana sessions are in october!! im kinda looking forward to those tho actually!
prettykitty831
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I hope Fr. Rene is as great as Fr. Boyle! : )
twoifbysea
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My friends who had a baby together out of wedlock got married in a Catholic church -- which used to be such a big 'no no' -- so I would imagine that most parishes are with the times and are aware that many couples live together.
Honestly, I have pre-cana this weekend and if the priest asks about our living situation I will say I am still with my parents just to avoid any issue. I hate lying, but I really don't want to hear about how we're 'living in sin' LOL
I Love Paolo
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Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?
We were concerned about the same thing, and we decided if they asked, we would not lie, fortunately, they did not ask. Although when we filled out the paper work, we did the same address for the bride and groom.
NY2009
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Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?
I had a child out of wedlock when I was 18. I have been with my FH for 10 years; living together for 8 of them. Our priest is aware of all of it and it is not a problem.
mrsjpc3
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sorry this happened. OLPH was also my church growing up and I was planning my wedding from out of state, and the old hags in the rectory there knew that w hen I called there several times. They were so so rude to me, telling me that any information I needed (not even any info about a wedding date) had to be done in person! After 100X explaining that I do not live in NY, they would not help me. I wound up calling the diocese of RVC to express my concern and to let them know how rude these old bags are to donating parishioners. Anyway, that got their attention, and I got to speak to an actual priest on the phone. Because of how rude they were, and from my past friends experiences with OLPH, I decided to forgo OLPH altogether, and went to St. Josephs in Babylon. They were sooooo acoommodating from day one on the phone. They were so helpful and the woman Valerie in the office at St Joes was a pleasure. We came to NY a month later and met with FAther Heller - he is such a nice man. We told him we lived together, and he was fine. He welcomed us non-parishioners with open arms. So we got married there. I have heard nightmares about Father Klein, he did the same thing to my good friend who he married, he was very tough on her.
I would seriously suggest going to St. Joes. FM with any ?'s.....
kirstenjk
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Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?
We weren't asked about our living situation at all but than our priest/parish was very cool about everything and made the entire process easy and painless.
I say go with the 'don't ask, don't tell' policy!
christine2010
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Re: Should we be honest with our Priest?
i think you should feel the situation out. if the priest you are speaking to makes your feel comfortable i think you should be honest. you never know when it could come back at you.
