Shower drama already!

So I am from PA and my FH and his family are from LI....we are getting married in PA and that is where my family is from. My mom is being generous and throwing me a shower, and my sister who is my MOH is planning it. So she was very nice and asked my FMIL what days are good for her cause she is going to book the spot...and my FMIL flipped out. She called me and told me I was selfish for wanting in PA when her friends are here...I told her I was the bride and her response was but I'm the mother of the groom!

She wants to throw me another shower here, which is nice of her, but I want 1 shower. We had 2 engagment parties and most of my friends and bridal party (who most live here) didn't come to my party in PA and my family was hurt. And i don't want to do that to my mom this time. I want 1 special shower. Plus it's only 1 hour and 45 mins away. I don't think it's that far. If people want to celebrate with me they'll find a way. I just couldn't believe she had the gall to call and yell at me for something I want. I have been soooo good. She saw the RH before I booked, she went dress shopping with me and my mom, I invited her to the GNO event at fortunoff.....I think that's pretty involved.

Sorry this is sooo long I just needed to vent...

I agree...it's not that important to me not to have the 2 showers. It's that I don't want to hurt my mom's feeling. She is being so generous and I want her to be able to say she threw me my shower. I know it's importnat to her. So my FMIL is going to just have to deal.

And i agree also, that my friends will make the trip for me, as will those it's importnat to celebrate with me.

Toughie.

Im from LI, FH is from MD, and we live in PA. (Where in PA are you?)

I think I'm having 2 showers - one on LI for my family and friends, and one in MD, which I am sure my mom and a few of my friends and family will attend.

Maybe just have the two - and deal with it, to avoid problems? That's my thought on it.

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Posted by zoe282

I agree...it's not that important to me not to have the 2 showers. It's that I don't want to hurt my mom's feeling. She is being so generous and I want her to be able to say she threw me my shower. I know it's importnat to her. So my FMIL is going to just have to deal.

And i agree also, that my friends will make the trip for me, as will those it's importnat to celebrate with me.

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my mom would be the same way. i think if she is throwing it for you let her have her moment and i know if it were my friend i'd have no problem going to PA, let alone my daughter in law.

My family is from the Allentown area? About 40 mins north of Philly.

See that's the thing...yes a few people will go to PA but the majority of my friends are here...so I know that they won't go to PA other then my bridal party and my mom's shower will soon become the small shower and not the big one. And I don't want that.

We had 2 engagment parties for this reason, and the one here was just so huge...which was fine for that but a shower is really about the brides friends and family and my parents friends I have grown up with and it's importnat to have them there and my friends there together. So one is just perfect for me....

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Posted by zoe282

My family is from the Allentown area? About 40 mins north of Philly.

See that's the thing...yes a few people will go to PA but the majority of my friends are here...so I know that they won't go to PA other then my bridal party and my mom's shower will soon become the small shower and not the big one. And I don't want that.

We had 2 engagment parties for this reason, and the one here was just so huge...which was fine for that but a shower is really about the brides friends and family and my parents friends I have grown up with and it's importnat to have them there and my friends there together. So one is just perfect for me....

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I'm about a half hour south of you - right near Lansdale. I'm actually going to be substitute teaching in Allentown.

It's really not a far drive from LI to Allentown - maybe you can just sit her down and explain the situation - and tell her that you did the two e-parties so that everyone would be happy - but that THIS would really make you happy?

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Posted by zoe282

that's a good way to put it...Her moment...that's what I don't want to steal from her. It's importnat for her to throw her daughter her 1 shower...

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exactly! in all honesty, i really didn't want an e-party but the look on my mom's face when i told her that changed my mind... it's what she wanted and now i'm glad we did it (my style though ) and I'm glad it made her sooo happy. It's all worth it if it makes your mom happy.

can i be honest, i would let her do the 2nd shower and here is why, again just my opinion. On a sunday for ppl to travel about 2 hours for a shower is alot. I had to do one hour and it can be a bit hectic, and i go to PA and know that you can hit traffic especially on sundays coming home. ESPECIALLY if there are older guests, for example his grandmother to travel for that long.

I understand that the shower is for the bride and you are concerned about your family and friends which is great but you dont want to start off like this, by doing this and saying this its not starting off well remember they are your family now too and you have to deal with them for the rest of your life, is it worth it to start off bad with FMIL? Its like you are leaving them out of a big part of the whole wedding process and as if they dont matter.

You can let her do a little something for you and she is offering which is great, alot of girls on here can tell you they would love it if their FMIL offered that.

Most ppl i know who live in another state from family have 2 showers.

Oh i did talk to her...and in the end she still didn't get it...Oh well her loss. AND we are planning the shower in Easton which takes off about 30-40 mins off the drive for the LI people.....trying to accomodate...

Where in Allentown are you substitute teaching? It's a nice area. I like the lansdale area too:)

I'm going to be all over. There are 22 schools in the district!! That is trememdous!

We have friends that live up there - right off of 22 - not that that really narrows anything down.... lol. But I can't remember exactly where they live!

I like it up there. I was just up there yesterday for the orientation.

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Posted by zoe282

Oh i did talk to her...and in the end she still didn't get it...Oh well her loss. AND we are planning the shower in Easton which takes off about 30-40 mins off the drive for the LI people.....trying to accomodate...

Where in Allentown are you substitute teaching? It's a nice area. I like the lansdale area too:)

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theres ALOT of traffic around li on sundays just keep that in mind...Fh and i go out to li on sundays for his games and we always hit traffic

what about somewhere in between? so everyone has to drive the same distance would that be ok with FMIL?

See the thing is it won't be little. She doesnt' know how to do little. they are Greek with lots of friends and I know the one here will get out of hand. With all their friends, and then all my friends.

I won't be offended if people don't make the trip. I'll know that those that do/will want to be there for me. No hard feelings.

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Posted by Future Mulligan

what about somewhere in between? so everyone has to drive the same distance would that be ok with FMIL?

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That might actually not be a bad idea at all! Somewhere like.... Elizabeth NJ, Orange, NJ Union, NJ. - those might be decent halfway marks!

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Posted by zoe282

We are doing a Saturday shower so people won't hit the Sunday LI traffic

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I was going to say before but forgot - I just assumed it was on a saturday since there was traveling involved. So that's good...I also like the idea of doing it somewhere in the middle

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Posted by zoe282

See the thing is it won't be little. She doesnt' know how to do little. they are Greek with lots of friends and I know the one here will get out of hand. With all their friends, and then all my friends.

I won't be offended if people don't make the trip. I'll know that those that do/will want to be there for me. No hard feelings.

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well even if its big its fine. No the thing though is they might get offended, like their side doesn't matter.