shower vent!

I am aggravated and just need to spit it out. My shower is being held at my house. It's easier for everybody - my mom lives in westchester and me in jersey. Most of the people coming are from nyc and jersey.

I know when it is, so of course will be slightly involved. I have a mom, two sisters and a gazillion friends ready to lend a hand. So I get a call from my mom today asking me to look into caterers in NJ because she thinks the whole thing is too big a deal. So I do - and then I call her and read off the options and she's totally rude about it. (meanwhile it was standard stuff - like triangle sandwiches and pasta salads) So now she doesn't want to cater it for who KNOWS what reason and she's complaining about having to travel to my house with everything (which is like 20 minutes from westchester) - whatever. I just dont understand where she's coming from. She hasn't done ONE thing to help me. She lives on Cape Cod in the Summers and she has tried to reach out to do things - but then is like 'oh but I can't make an appointment during the Summer because I dont' want to miss a weekend up here...' I mean HELLO. I am getting married in Nov. - ALL my appt.s are in the summer!

I am just SO tired of feeling like this whole wedding is a major inconvenience for everybody. Sorry to vent.

Re: shower vent!

sorry you have to go through this.

Try not to get too upset. Sometimes mom's have a hard time accepting that their little girl is growing up. Maybe she's having a hard time just accepting that this whole thing is happening and she doesn't know how to deal with it! She takes it out on the person she feels most comfortable with...and unfortunately, that's you!

It's too bad you have to be so involved in your shower. It's easier when you know nothing about it.

Try to talk to her and tell her that you would like her to come to some of your appts. and you really value her opinion. If she still gives you a hard time...come right out and ask her why she doesn't want to be a part of the planning process.

Maybe she doesn't even realize how much she's upsetting you...

Good luck...I hope it all works out....

Re: shower vent!

Honestly I would be done with the whole thing. I would tell everyone that they can have it at my house but it is MY shower and I will NOT plan it. Done. Period. The end. WHy should you have to deal with more than you already have with the wedding. I would also send out a contact sheet to each BMs and the Moms. They can speak to one another and work this out themselves.

Is it $$ that your Mom is worried about? Or does she really just not want to deal with this during her summer break? Either way, let your sister, BMs and Mom work it out for themselves.

I am sooo sorry you have to deal with this too.

Re: shower vent!

Jenny,
you & I are living the same nightmare! I decided to only have a MOH(because my friends are older & past the BM thing)we wanted to keep our wedding party simple. I never even thought what that would mean for my shower. I personally don't feel I need one, I have everything & my Fi is divorced so his family did the whole shower thing already.
Anyway my Mother is attempting to plan a lavish shower @ an upscale restaurant(she does not have a lot of money)& her & my MOH are splitting it. My Moh was beginning to get concerned about the cost & mentioned something to me about only having $500 to spend on my shower! I can't believe my mother would even think about letting her spend that much! It's not her fault I didn't pick any BM's!I have loads of other friends/family looking to help but I don't know about $ offerings.
Anyway my Fi says I need to stay out of it!!!! So that's what I'm trying to do, I already told & my Mom & MOH how I feel, the rest is up to them.
Try to let them take care of it & focus on your planning, your wedding!!!! Good Luck!

Re: shower vent!

I'm sorry about your shower...you should not be doing anything...even I knew when and where the shower was and I went a little early to see if I could help and they wouldn't let me...so I agree with Michele...

when it came to planning, my mom really didn't come with me that much...only with the hall, tasting and picking of menus...she didn't even come to my fittings...but it was just timing difficulties...maybe your mom wants to stay out of your way, maybe b/c her mom planned her wedding? this is the reason my mom was the way she was, I think...

Re: shower vent!

Tell them how you feel. I agree, you shouldn't be doing anything, thats ridiculous!