Since I have a new problem every day....

I am so CONFUSED. I truly feel like Im losing my mind. EVERYONE I know is telling me that I am ' just freaking out' because the wedding is closer and we are having financial and wedding stress. Im sure that we are..but how does stress cause you to doubt your feelings for someone? Poeple who know me but dont know each other..they are ALL telling me this. Now Im second guessing my own instinct.
has anyone gone through this? I am so overwhelemd and cant think straight..and since Ive already aired all of my dirty laundry on here...I thought Id just roll with it..if anyone has gone through this...PLEASE FM me or tell me how it all worked out. I just want to do whats right for me and Im scared.
Thanks so much! alicia ( drama queen )

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Time heals all wounds, and just give this time. You have to do what is best for you and only you know what is best.

Relax, breath, and you can always come on here and talk to us. We'll all be here to listen and help

I'm sorry I can't offer much advice.... I just wanted to say that if you were strong enough to make this decision there must have been some reason behind it. I really think only you and he can figure this out. For some people I know a short break was necessary. I think planning can be very stressful and couples I know that postponed/cancelled their weddings ended up having very small intimate affairs.
Good luck in what ever you decide.

Hi. I am sorry for not responding to your earlier threads. My heart goes out to you.



I am going to be completely honest with you. During my wedding planning my Dh and I had quite a few arguments. He drove me crazy with his slow, lax attitude. Also, we were worried about money. It was not fun. Out of anger I told him on more than one occasion that we should call it off. In retrospect I really did not mean it, but the stress of it all really got to me because he was getting on my nerves
Luckily he did not take me seriously because he knows me better, but I can see how this wedding stuff can make you lose control of your senses.

Sit back and really think if this is what you want to do. No one will think any less of you if you want to call it back on. As brides to be we can be very loco.

I was not going to throw away 10 years because of MINOR disagreements that we are laughing about today.

Noone can make this decision for you EXCEPT you. Only you know what's best for you & what is really in your heart. Did you make your decision after thinking long & hard about it? Has anything changed? Weddings can easily be postponed but bad marriages aren't so easy to deal with. GOod luck with what ever yoou decide.

thanks you guys! nrvbrd...not that your pain is my gain..but you made me feel better. I can believe my feelings are so out of control.

wedding planning can take a toll on anyone and you have had more than your share of problems lately. If you feel like you may have overreacted, is there any way maybe you can speak to a therapist or someone? Someone who is completely objective?

I mean, there was a reason you fell in love with him and said yes in the first place, right? don't worry it will get better...trust your instincts.

I 100% agree with nvrbrd. Jeff and I have had MAJOR disagreements and I am sure there are days we both think- we are fighting so much- why get married? But she is right- we look back on these things and realize it was the stress getting to us and when the planning is over in 2 months, we're left with each other and not the planning. If you were fine before the planning began than there's hope. Although if felt that strongly, do not ignore those feelings. Talk to you FH. Would you ever consider couples counseling? I know it sounds silly but it could help!

We actually started couples counsleing last week...I am going tonight to see whats going on with myslef.. Things were fine before we planned this wedding. I wanted to elope..its no surprise to him or anyone who knows me that a wedding would stress me out. I just thought I could handle it. I never dreamt that I would second guess HIM. So I need to be sure.
I guess what I wanted to know is if its common to be so stressed that you can actually doubt marriage.

I am saddened to here about this distress you are going through I think talking about it will definitely help you weed through your emotions. The only suggestion someone made to me was it is not about 'can I live with this man for the rest of my life' it is about 'can I libe with out this man for the rest of my life'.......remain calm do not make any rash decisions. Maybe a big wedding is not your thing, reconsider the elopement.

Alicia, please let us know what you decide.

The same thing happened to me after I got engaged. I was estatic to get engaged and could not wait to marry Jimmy. Then after we started visting halls and estimating how much everything was going to cost, we started to have problems. Then we started fighting alot and I started to second guess my decision of getting married. I spoke to my mom about my concerns and she and I talked about everything and then I had a hugh talk with my fiance and we decided that we were meant to be together. Even times now when the stress gets a little to much I doubt my decision. But my mom gave me a good rule of thumb to go by. If we were poor and homeless and had nothing would I still be willing to marry Jimmy, and my answer is always yes. Because I know that I truly love him with all my heart and would not want to live without him. But maybee you two need to put all the wedding stuff aside and go away for a weekend and see if the feelings are there and maybee rekindle the romance. Every couple of months Jimmy and I will go away and do this, and Each time I feel like i fall more and more in love with him. You need to sit down with him talk everything out then take a couple of days apart and sort everything out in your heads and see what decision you come up with. And whatever you decide to do just stick to it, because that is what is meant to be for know. I will be praying that everything works out for you and if you need anything FM me.

Bridget

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I know exactly how you feel. I was having doubts about getting married to my FI myself. I realized that my doubts started right along with the planning. I still have to remind myself of that every time I want to scream. It isn't him, it is the stress. He is just the easiest person to direct it at. This is just me. You need to figure out what you are really feeling. Just remember, you are not alone. Anything you decide, you will have everyone behind you. FM me if you need to talk!

Maybe u should just have some alone time or girls time. Whatever is suppose to be will be.

first of all to you! i think no matter what anyone says or tells you - you know you best - and yes, stress can sometimes effect a person, but again you would know whether you are over-reacting or not better than anyone - perhaps sitting down with and discussing your feelings one on one would be a good idea...soemtiems getting things outther makes it seem better or can help an issue.

i don't ewant to pry or to preach - so good luck and if there is anything you need, let me know! don't listen to anyone but yourself - follow your heart and also your mind....though they sometimes go in opposite directions! you always have us too!!

take a few breathes, maybe even sleep on it or just take some time for yourself to re-group if you need!

I have to say that you guys amaze me every day..i am glad to hear that doubts are normal. I guess I just need to make sure whether Im having genuine doubts because hes not the one, or if Im having doubts because its normal. We have talked about everything, over and over..but lately all we have done is fight. We got in a rut, thats why I left. thats why Im at my sisters, and hour away from him... I never thought Id find myself in this position.
but I appreciate all of your kind advice and hugs more than you guys will ever know. Whod have thought Id be ppourng my heart out to a bunch of complete strangers. THANKS FOR LISTENING!

Alicia,

For the month before my wedding all Frankie and I did was fight, due to many many many family problems. I thought about calling it off. I packed the whole apartment. I begged him to elope with me! We argued for 2 days straight, no sleep. My mother asked me, can you picture your life without him? In 20, 30, 40 years is he the one you still want to be with? That set it into persepective for me. It was not Frankie I was doubting, it was the family situation that was stressing me and the wedding.

I think that couples counseling is a great idea. If you guys decide to work it out, don't jump right back into planning. Take some time for the 2 of you!!!

I wish you the very best!!

swags... Thanks for sharing that story. I want to make it clear that I dont take any type of pleasure in anyones pain..but it is SOOOOOOO good to know that you had your apartmenet packed up..its so good to know that people have had seriosu doubts. Its not like Im an idiot and cant think for myself..i just am not used to fighting like this...so Ive been looking at it as a sign that maybe marriage is not good for us. We used to never fight to the point where I wanted to go stay at my sisters..I thought that was a bad sign..i guess that was me being narrow minded, which I never thought of myself as..but clearly I know nothing. So it actually does my heart good to hear about fights this big before a wedding..it helps me to see that maybe this could be ok. I love you guys!!!!!! Thanks so much for sharing yoru personal stories!!!

I almost called it off with my DH- he had been laid off AGAIN and was working part time as a meat packer at Pathmark. I wasn't making much money either (not like I am now)... It was a horrible time- everyone wanted us to call off the wedding- my parents AND his parents. His dad even called my mom & said, 'aren't you worried that my son won't be able to take care of your daughter'!

Well- we stuck together- like the vows say- 'in good times and in bad'... and things turned around.

I think it's all a gut feeling. I knew my DH would be able to pull it around and 'provide' for me and our eventual children- and taking a crap job at Pathmark sort of proved that!

Butterflies are normal- so are the doubts- counseling is a good start.