single people who were invited alone, rsvp 2?

what the heck?

and when we asked who one of them were bringing, he was like, ummm, maybe this girl from work.

he is going to know a few people at the wedding besides us - i would HATE for him to show up alone at the last minute.

and then another dud who was invited alone puts 2 on his reply card. he only knows one other person besides FH, but has flaked out last minute and didnt show up to a wedding last summer at the last minute.

question is, how do you tell these friends to make sure they are brining someone if they want, but to please don't just bring anyone just to bring someone- in a nice way....and not in so many words...?

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Posted by dewdrop

what the heck?

and when we asked who one of them were bringing, he was like, ummm, maybe this girl from work.

he is going to know a few people at the wedding besides us - i would HATE for him to show up alone at the last minute.

and then another dud who was invited alone puts 2 on his reply card. he only knows one other person besides FH, but has flaked out last minute and didnt show up to a wedding last summer at the last minute.

question is, how do you tell these friends to make sure they are brining someone if they want, but to please don't just bring anyone just to bring someone- in a nice way....and not in so many words...?

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I'm going to be curt. You really CAN'T tell them. They're adults.. they SHOULD be making adult decisions and be respectful of how much the wedding is costing you, but unfortunately some people dont realize it.

If they dont know anyone else at the wedding, i would think they would bring a guest.. doesnt matter who it is.

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Posted by carolinep24

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Posted by dewdrop

what the heck?

and when we asked who one of them were bringing, he was like, ummm, maybe this girl from work.

he is going to know a few people at the wedding besides us - i would HATE for him to show up alone at the last minute.

and then another dud who was invited alone puts 2 on his reply card. he only knows one other person besides FH, but has flaked out last minute and didnt show up to a wedding last summer at the last minute.

question is, how do you tell these friends to make sure they are brining someone if they want, but to please don't just bring anyone just to bring someone- in a nice way....and not in so many words...?

---

I'm going to be curt. You really CAN'T tell them. They're adults.. they SHOULD be making adult decisions and be respectful of how much the wedding is costing you, but unfortunately some people dont realize it.

If they dont know anyone else at the wedding, i would think they would bring a guest.. doesnt matter who it is.

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yep. just worried they're guests will be 'no-shows', or worse they'll be no shows plus 1, which one has done in the past.

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Posted by jboothin2008

Tess, when you say they were invited alone - does that mean that you did NOT invite them with a guest because they were not seeing anyone seriously? If so - they shouldn't be adding a guest and you definitely CAN tell them that due to space / money / whatever, they can't bring a guest. it is just plain RUDE of any guest, IMHO, to assume that they can bring someone if the invite did not say 'and guest' - and it's perfectly acceptable for you to correct them.

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yep. i invited just them, no guest. both are not seeing anyone.

i am going to try & begin the conversation with the budget - i just don't want them to feel awkward, ya know?

dummies.

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Posted by dewdrop

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Posted by carolinep24

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Posted by dewdrop

what the heck?

and when we asked who one of them were bringing, he was like, ummm, maybe this girl from work.

he is going to know a few people at the wedding besides us - i would HATE for him to show up alone at the last minute.

and then another dud who was invited alone puts 2 on his reply card. he only knows one other person besides FH, but has flaked out last minute and didnt show up to a wedding last summer at the last minute.

question is, how do you tell these friends to make sure they are brining someone if they want, but to please don't just bring anyone just to bring someone- in a nice way....and not in so many words...?

---

I'm going to be curt. You really CAN'T tell them. They're adults.. they SHOULD be making adult decisions and be respectful of how much the wedding is costing you, but unfortunately some people dont realize it.

If they dont know anyone else at the wedding, i would think they would bring a guest.. doesnt matter who it is.

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yep. just worried they're guests will be 'no-shows', or worse they'll be no shows plus 1, which one has done in the past.

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they'll always be no shows. I had a no show & guest and a few cousins who rsvp'd with guests and then came alone.

If you didnt invite them with a guest you have simply TELL them they werent invited with a guest.

honestly--i think this issue comes up here and there on the boards. to be totally honest i don't think you have a right to say who they should bring. weddings can be hard when you are single---and you always want to bring someone so you don't feel bad. i know you didn't invite them with a guest.....so either you tell them they can't bring anyone AT ALL---or you allow them to bring someone

you can't say 'okay i guess you can bring someone--but it has to be someone of meaning in your life' unfortunately you really can't pick and choose who they invite.

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Posted by MJDoc12

honestly--i think this issue comes up here and there on the boards. to be totally honest i don't think you have a right to say who they should bring. weddings can be hard when you are single---and you always want to bring someone so you don't feel bad. i know you didn't invite them with a guest.....so either you tell them they can't bring anyone AT ALL---or you allow them to bring someone

you can't say 'okay i guess you can bring someone--but it has to be someone of meaning in your life' unfortunately you really can't pick and choose who they invite.

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ITA, we had people we KNEW were single RSVP with a guest, which was fine b/c we invited them with a guest. But even if we hadnt we still would have allowed them to bring someone.

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Posted by MJDoc12

honestly--i think this issue comes up here and there on the boards. to be totally honest i don't think you have a right to say who they should bring. weddings can be hard when you are single---and you always want to bring someone so you don't feel bad. i know you didn't invite them with a guest.....so either you tell them they can't bring anyone AT ALL---or you allow them to bring someone

you can't say 'okay i guess you can bring someone--but it has to be someone of meaning in your life' unfortunately you really can't pick and choose who they invite.

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aww, this is so true & it didn't occur to me - the single part & all. thanks for bringing that out.

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Posted by PegaLega

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Posted by MJDoc12

honestly--i think this issue comes up here and there on the boards. to be totally honest i don't think you have a right to say who they should bring. weddings can be hard when you are single---and you always want to bring someone so you don't feel bad. i know you didn't invite them with a guest.....so either you tell them they can't bring anyone AT ALL---or you allow them to bring someone

you can't say 'okay i guess you can bring someone--but it has to be someone of meaning in your life' unfortunately you really can't pick and choose who they invite.

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ITA, we had people we KNEW were single RSVP with a guest, which was fine b/c we invited them with a guest. But even if we hadnt we still would have allowed them to bring someone.

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it's more about them rsvping 2 and not really being sure if they're coming with someone.

My cousin rsvp'd 6 days before the wedding with a guest. We had to rearrange 3 tables on the seating chart to get it to work out. At that point, I wasn't going to stress or argue. It is just who he is and my dad really wanted him there.

How you respond really depends on your own unique situation and the family dynamics involved.

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Posted by rmsgirl

My cousin rsvp'd 6 days before the wedding with a guest. We had to rearrange 3 tables on the seating chart to get it to work out. At that point, I wasn't going to stress or argue. It is just who he is and my dad really wanted him there.

How you respond really depends on your own unique situation and the family dynamics involved.

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true this.

I feel your pain here, its a difficult situation. We just sent save the dates, and FH's second cousin who lives in Virginia just sent an email asking if the kids were invited -- they're not! We aren't inviting any children, and we weren't even sure if we were going to invite this guy! It was difficult to explain that we simply couldn't invite children, if we did, we'd have at least 30 children there, and there just isn't the budget or space for that. We hope he understands -- FH is not close with this person at all.
So, I would just tell these friends that they weren't invitied with a guest, you hope they understand, but you simply do not have the budget/space to invite all single people with guests. If you made an exception for one, you'd be worried that all others would be insulted.

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Posted by diva7531

Is there a way to leave them off the final head count if he has the potential to flake out?

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this is what i was going to do - if i do that, we'd have to pay the RH the night of for the extra person?

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Posted by dewdrop

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Posted by diva7531

Is there a way to leave them off the final head count if he has the potential to flake out?

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this is what i was going to do - if i do that, we'd have to pay the RH the night of for the extra person?

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I believe you would, but better to pay extra that night, than for two extra people for no reason.

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Posted by MsPotterhead

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Posted by dewdrop

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Posted by diva7531

Is there a way to leave them off the final head count if he has the potential to flake out?

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this is what i was going to do - if i do that, we'd have to pay the RH the night of for the extra person?

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I believe you would, but better to pay extra that night, than for two extra people for no reason.

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definitely.

thanks ladies!!!! you've been a great help.

This issue was a pretty BIG deal for us at our wedding. We ended up losing a pretty close friend as the result. (Which is sad but O.k in the end we learned something)

Bottom line is this is your wedding make a plan , and stick to the 'rules'.
If it is the money factor or whatever the reason (although it is none of anyones's buz) than say 'at this time' it is simply not in our *budget* or we are not taking requests to have significant others unless they are married or seriously dating.
(another wards no random's)
Have yourself or your FH address the individual politely about it.
By using the term 'at this time' it will allow for to have room later on when your wedding gets closer to make an assessment if this truly is no big deal to let them attend with a guest they are not serious with. Guest will reply no or not show. You will have a better idea I'd say anywhere from 3 to 1 wk bfr hand.

My feeling is this. A invite to a wedding is a gift, honor & privilage. If a guest doesn't chose to see it that way and will attend only under their conditions esp when it was clear on the invite, than they are not respecting your wish and are not sharing your day with you and your HTB for the correct reasons. Those guests should most probably shoud not be there.


We had a singles table for the guests that didn't have a guest to bring, they had a blast. Guess what??? Two of our friends are now dating as a result!