Sleeping with Mommy and Daddy ..Is it good??

Did any one happen to catch the Early Show this morning? Dr.Jay Gordon was on . He wrote Goodnights. (He has been studying this for the last 20 years)They were speaking on whether it is good for the children to sleep with the parents. He said (AND IT MAKES SENSE) It builds a more loving , trusting relationship. They know they can come and get comforted at any time. This builds trust & independence.They know they can come to their parents at any time. That is the start of trusting communication.
He said every parent wants their child to be able to come to them about anything. Well, this is the start. So if they get 'ignored' for wanting to be comforted by sleeping with us at 3am... then what would make them confident enough to approach about other things? Made sense.
I know every persons situation is different and you can not let the situation get out of control. But, on a whole the underlining message comes across.
I'm going to try to go to the library and pick up the book. Our son has started coming in our room around 2-3 am . We just leave him with us. We figure he won't do this when he's 10 ... why rush him.

Re: Sleeping with Mommy and Daddy ..Is it good??

Hmmm, this is one of those 'debatable' topics. Theres no right and wrong. The main reason why we wont have the baby sleeping with us through the night is that DH is a very heavy sleeper. He can have an arm on me and not realize I am trying to pull it off to get up or something, lol. and when someone is sleeping, its dead weight (MUCH heavier!) so he's afraid he would lean on the baby or not realize the baby was right under his arm...

I dont see anything wrong with the baby falling asleep in your bed, or having saturday mornings in your bed with you or even once in a while falling asleep there (and daddy taking the couch !). But I dont really see a reason for it to be every single night (why buy a crib ? ). I also know that some kids like their bed time alone. My niece is now 3, and for a while now, she has been the type to lay in bed before falling asleep, just talking about what she just did, mentioning everyones names (yep by herself in the dark ! ADORABLE!!!) she kinda does that to wind down. and when she wakes up, she stays there in bed, looking around the room, just relaxing, observing all the colorful things in her room, and if you try to get her out of bed, she will yell ! she wants to lay there and relax until shes ready to get up ! Her bonding thing, is that mommy or daddy will read her a book every single time, and she expects that and loves it, she suggests the book. and she knows she'll get that hug and kiss and get tucked in.

I am kind of in the middle, not strongly one sided on this, and theres no right or wrong. You bond with your children the best you can and do whatever works for each child !

I'm going to try to pick up that book also !

Re: Sleeping with Mommy and Daddy ..Is it good??

Absolutly!!! I agree.. It shouldn't be every night and they should have wind down time in there own bed. My son also asks to go to bed when he is tired.
I guess I didn't explain it correctly. He was just saying That if they do wander in.......
Not to make them comfortable to snuggle in our bed as a nightly routine. LOLOL
Everybody's situation is different. I gotta get this book!!! LOLOL....We can always learn something from everywhere .. Even 1 thing that might make life a little easier

Re: Sleeping with Mommy and Daddy ..Is it good??

I agree, you can learn something from everywhere. I love reading different opinions and perspectives, because it may show me something in a new light and give me new options or ways to do something...

Thats cute that your son asks to go to bed. Shows that he is ready to rest and feels comfy and loved even being alone in his room

Re: Sleeping with Mommy and Daddy ..Is it good??

This is an interesting topic, and since I'm new at learning to be a mommy, I want to read more about this. Both DH and I agree on co-sleeping while our baby is nursing. We haven't talked about the later years.

Re: Sleeping with Mommy and Daddy ..Is it good??

My poor sister made the mistake of bringing my nephew into their bed to make him fall asleep because it was either that or get no sleep -- this was when she was working and commuting every day from Jersey to Manhattan. Well, she's no longer working anymore and my nephew is 3 1/2 and WILL NOT SLEEP IN HIS BED!!! If he falls asleep in it, and that's even w/my sister or BIL sitting there w/him, he will walk his little body into my sister's room to climb in her bed and sleep the rest of the night there! He'll even tell his father to get out -- it's his bed and room!! LOL :) She's done everything, from making a big deal over 'the big boy' bed, to putting his Thomas the Tank stuff all over, to no avail. When you ask him why he doesn't like his room, he says there are dinosaurs in there, which I might add, he LOVES -- but there are nightlights in there, so it's not dark!!!

It's a tough situation and there's good and bad with it. One of my friends had the same problem w/her first child -- to the point where she had to lay down and take a nap w/him!! But once the second one came, she put that one immediately in the crib!! LOL

Anna, it's funny what you said about your hubby being the deep sleeper and rolling over onto the baby!! I'm a deep sleeper and anytime I watched my niece or nephew and had them sleeping on me, I was a nervous wreck worrying I would roll over on them!

Re: Sleeping with Mommy and Daddy ..Is it good??

I've got a better one for you, Deb... my niece is 6 and in first grade and STILL sleeps with mom and dad! Her bed has NEVER been slept in!

Re: Sleeping with Mommy and Daddy ..Is it good??

Oh geez, my poor sister!! And at this rate, my nephew will NEVER have any siblings!!!

Re: Sleeping with Mommy and Daddy ..Is it good??

You ladies are cracking me up with your stories about nieces and nephews! This is definitely not an easy topic - especially for the parents that are suffering through it.

I understand the need to co-sleep when an infant is nursing. It is so much easier in the middle of the night to reach over to feed the baby. But, if you don't get the child used to sleeping on his/her own soon, you will have a problem.

I started putting my son in his crib immediately. I had some nights where I slept with him on my chest (this was during the first 6 weeks), b/c I was absolutely desparate for sleep. Occasionally, he would nap in the afternoon on my chest on the living room couch.

But, since he was 10 weeks old, he's been sleeping through the night on his own. My pediatrician in CA told me to put him down for his naps while he's still awake, but tired. It sometimes took about 20 min. to get him to fall asleep, but it helped him develop good sleeping habits in the long run. I would put him down, wind up his mobile, give him his 'binky' and then leave the room. Sometimes he spit the binky out and then cry, so I'd run back in, find the binky, wind the mobile, stroke his cheek lightly and run back out again. To this day, stroking his face calms him.

He's wonderful about falling asleep on his own, and he's very comfortable falling asleep anywhere really - on the floor, on our bed (he can't do this anymore b/c he rolls now! ), in his crib, in his car seat, in someone's arms.

There are occasions when I cannot resist the temptation to snuggle with him. Like this morning - it's darn chilly outside, and Paul woke at 6AM with ice cold little hands! I just had to put him in our bed to warm him up! We slept like that for two more hours... He's such a little angel.

Re: Sleeping with Mommy and Daddy ..Is it good??

Just wanted to share some of my experience. My daughter is 6 and she just started sleeping in her bed about a year ago. BUT...she sleeps with me in my bed on the weekends. That's the deal I made with her. As an infant I never had problems putting her in her crib. She would sleep all night. Then one night, (she was about 1 and 1/2)she was sick...fever and stuff, and I put her in my bed. It was like 3am and I was a walking zombie, so I figured that it would be better for her to be with me. Well....that was it!! I never again got her back into her crib. I tried everything from bribery to letting her cry. It was toture not only for me but her too. My doctor told me it was ok to let her sleep with me and that there would be no harm done. I guess it wasn't so bad having her with me because I was divorced and sleeping alone, so I liked having her with me. But then after a while, she needed to be a 'big girl' and that's when I made the deal about the weekends. I feel it's really what works best for you. It wasn't an easy transition for her to be alone in her room. it took a while, but she is fine with it now. We still have some days of difficulty, but she looks forward to the weekends!!!

Re: Sleeping with Mommy and Daddy ..Is it good??

Nanjoe.. It's funny you said that about your daughter becuase I have the same deal going on with my son.
We thought there was nothing wrong with him comming into our bed at 3am and figured that he would grow out of it soon enough.. Then every year he seemed to be spending more time in our bed than he did in his own.. When he turned 5 last year I really felt that it was in HiS best interest to kinda MAKE him sleep in his own bed all night unless of course he was sick or scared. Well, he didnt like that to much and it got so SO stressful everynight fighting him on it that we made up something called 'CAMP OUT NIGHTS'
They are Fridays and Saturdays and we rent movies, make popcorn and stay up a little bit later.The deal was, if he slept in his bed like a big boy all week,, that would be his reward.
It's been a year now and it still works great.
Though I dont think there is anything wrong with young children sleepiing with there parents, I wish that I wouldnt of let it happen everynight so that he didnt get so used to it.
It's just so darn hard to say no aint it?
Heheh

Re: Sleeping with Mommy and Daddy ..Is it good??

Happy.. That is such a great idea!!!!

Re: Sleeping with Mommy and Daddy ..Is it good??

Oh I am so gald that I dont have to worry about this. My mother co-slept with my brother and when my father said enough already he (my brother) was not having it. She use to have to lock him out of the bedroom. I still remember him at 8 years old screaming in the hall and beating on her door. I swore I would never let things like that happen when I became a mom.
Fortunatley I was totally unable to sleep with the baby in the bed. I kept waking up thinking I rolled over on him. One night DH took him out of the bed and I woke up in a panic thinking he somehow at 3 wks old crawled over me and ended up on the floor. So needless to say that was the end of that. DS would not sleep in his bassinet, he hated it with a passion. So he slept in his pack n play since day one. We are planning to move him to his crib anyday now. Just need to find a place to put it. But I think that as mother you need to do what is most comfortable for you and your child, bottomline.