So....

I've kind of been trying to avoid the subject but meanwhile I've been thinking about it since I was old enough to even think about getting married haha.

Heres the situation:

From the time that I was 8, I've been living with my aunt and uncle and 2 cousins. Essentially, I was raised by them. My parents are still alive, just separated and in short, it wasn't a good living situation for an 8 year old, so I moved in with my aunt and uncle. My father is still in life in that I see him on holidays and he's my FB friend but we dont really interact or have a father/daughter relationship in any sense of the 'word.'

SOOOO.....when it comes to walking me down the aisle, what do I do? My father will be at the wedding and I dont want to hurt his feelings BUT he didn't raise me. I feel like if I didn't have my uncle, it would hurt him too. So i'm torn....do I just have neither and walk alone? Or have my male cousin(like my brother) walk me? I wouldn't want my father to do it, its just a matter of feelings.

I hope that this makes sense and I know you girls will give GREAT advice. I know this is long so thanks for reading it all

Also, this goes hand in hand with the Father/Daughter dance....which I'll prob eliminate altogether but i DEF want FH to have his Mother/Son dance

WOW yea I can totally understand your feelings with this - I would have the uncle walk me down if it was me.

There are other things you can have your dad do if you wanted. Readings possibly - if you are getting married in a church he can bring up the gifts.

One thing you could do is have your dad walk you down the asile but have your uncle actually give you away. As in take your hand and put it into FH's at the alter.

Thats a tough one. I'm so sorry you're in that position and its great that you dont want to hurt anyones feelings, but I kind of think you should do whatever feels right and best for you. My two suggestions are to possibly have both your uncle and your father walk you down together if youd feel ok with that, or to have your uncle walk you and ask your father to do a reading, or maybe do the father daughter dance with him if that feels less important to you than walking down the isle. The cousin route doesnt sound like a bad idea if it will feel ok to you, but if youd rather have a father figure walk you down then I wouldnt do it just to appease the others.

HTH

I can see how you are having a hard time with this, as it is a tough decision.

When my SIL got married (her parents were divorced) she has her mom walked her half way down the aisle, (and there was kind of like a break in the center of the church), and her dad was waiting there and walked her the rest of the way down the aisle and gave her away.

Idk if you're church/RH is setup in a similar way, but maybe you can do something along those lines.

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Posted by LindyBride22

Thats a tough one. I'm so sorry you're in that position and its great that you dont want to hurt anyones feelings, but I kind of think you should do whatever feels right and best for you. My two suggestions are to possibly have both your uncle and your father walk you down together if youd feel ok with that, or to have your uncle walk you and ask your father to do a reading, or maybe do the father daughter dance with him if that feels less important to you than walking down the isle. The cousin route doesnt sound like a bad idea if it will feel ok to you, but if youd rather have a father figure walk you down then I wouldnt do it just to appease the others.

HTH

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ITA with this advice. I like the idea of somehow including your father if you choose to not walk with him. I think though regardless of the decision you should explain to both your uncle and your father in advance. That way if there are any hard feelings or anything they can be dealt with before the wedding. I am sorry you are in this situation and I hope whatever solution you decide, that it works out and you are happy on your big day.

I'm in a similar situation. My dad was in my life until I was 16 and then we had a huge falling out mainly bc of his wife. I didn't talk to him for like a year and he was really nasty about it. Then one day we just kinda acted like nothing happened and would be nice when we saw eachother on holidays and birthdays. He hasn't been there for me since that day and has been really ****** for no reason (i.e. he texted me Happy Birthday this year but gave my older brother $100!) My problem is that I'm still close with his family and if I don't have him walk me down the aisle there will be a lot of tension.

That being said, my step-father has always been there for me - more than my own dad, so I'm having him do a reading at the ceremony. Maybe you could have your uncle walk you down and your dad do a reading? Or visa versa? HTH

Eek!!! If it were me I would probably walk down alone and skip the father-daughter dance. But that's just because I'd rather not have drama AT ALL.

Did you ever consider having your mom walk you down the aisle? I'm going to a wedding in October and that is what the bride is doing since her relationship with her father is terrible.

HTH and that you figure it out soon!

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Posted by LindyBride22

Thats a tough one. I'm so sorry you're in that position and its great that you dont want to hurt anyones feelings, but I kind of think you should do whatever feels right and best for you. My two suggestions are to possibly have both your uncle and your father walk you down together if youd feel ok with that, or to have your uncle walk you and ask your father to do a reading, or maybe do the father daughter dance with him if that feels less important to you than walking down the isle. The cousin route doesnt sound like a bad idea if it will feel ok to you, but if youd rather have a father figure walk you down then I wouldnt do it just to appease the others.

HTH

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I agree with this. amybe have both of them walk you down. but you had said you didn't want your dad walking you down at all.... so maybe jstu your uncle and dance with your father at the wedding (if that is lessimportant to you) or the reading is a good idea too. or you can walk down on yoru own, or maybe ask one of yoru male family members (cousins etc)

That's a rough one. Your uncle essentially raised you, but your father is your father and I'm sure he'll feel slighted at the wedding.

I'd either have them both walk you down the aisle or walk alone.

I would tell your Uncle that you really want him to do it, but you don't want your father to be offended or feel bad that he wasn't there for you, and I would just walk down alone. Your uncle will understand and this way your Dad isn't upset.

At this point, what does it matter if you make your father feel inadequate??

It's a personal decision, and I am only giving my opinion, but you need to do what will make your day perfect for you.

I'm sorry for this position you were put in. My (half) sister haf to deal with something like this, so I can tell you what she did.

Basically when my mother and her first husband divorced (my sister's dad) my sister lived with my mom and dad. Her relationship with her father is pretty strained and my father basically raised her. She decided she wanted my father to walk her down the aisle. When she told her birth father, he was furious and refused to come to the wedding because he wasn't 'acknowledging' him. After all was said and done, she went with her gut and still doesn't regret the decision. I think you just need to follow your heart, no matter what.

HTH

wow, this is a tough one.

what was your initial gut reaction? i think that's going to be what you need to listen to, otherwise you might wind up regretting your decision.

If i were in your position, I would have a hard time justifying my father walking me down the aisle if my uncle raised me. to me, it's not about genetics it's about relationships. since you and your dad's relationship doesn't seem to go past facebook and holidays, i would be more inclined to have my uncle walk me down.

again, it's not me that's in the position so i can only tell you what i THINK i would do. i really think you need to listen to your heart on this one- what do you feel like you WANT to do (not what you SHOULD do)...that will be the best thing to guide you with your decision. it's yours and andy's day so the decisions you make should satisfy you two

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Posted by futurestevens

wow, this is a tough one.

what was your initial gut reaction? i think that's going to be what you need to listen to, otherwise you might wind up regretting your decision.

If i were in your position, I would have a hard time justifying my father walking me down the aisle if my uncle raised me. to me, it's not about genetics it's about relationships. since you and your dad's relationship doesn't seem to go past facebook and holidays, i would be more inclined to have my uncle walk me down.

again, it's not me that's in the position so i can only tell you what i THINK i would do. i really think you need to listen to your heart on this one- what do you feel like you WANT to do (not what you SHOULD do)...that will be the best thing to guide you with your decision. it's yours and andy's day so the decisions you make should satisfy you two

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ITA, well said. Anyone can have a kid, anyone can raise it badly. For your uncle to have raised you like a daughter all these years speak volumes about the man he is and I would want someone like that to walk me down the aisle.

You can always explain this to your father. You were just a little girl, you didn't have a say in your situation. He was the one who missed out!

IMO I would give the uncle the honor. I personally wouldn't just let a male cousin walk me just to spare feelings on both sides...It's not like you are shunning your father completely. You have been open to him but you just never made that connection.

Hope it works out!