so aggravated/overwhelmed VENT!!!

How involved is your FH in helping you plan for the wedding? My FH has been zero help, and its beyond frustrating. I am ready to crack. On one hand it's nice, because he told me trusts my taste, and he will love everything I plan, and I know that. (I know other couples where the FH is so involved he is making decisions on BM dresses!!?!?) On the other, it would be nice to have him actually want to help.

I am planning this wedding from FL by myself. I have relied doing basically everything online, the phone, and busting my A$$ each time I come up to NY. I have turned into a nag. I dont want to be one, but he is making me turn into one. I have tried to designate certain things for him to be in charge of :

-the honeymoon (we researched that w/ the travel agent and did that together)

-contacting the priest, to make sure we have all our ;paperwork in order, pre cana, etc. (we are about 95% of the way there.. but its like pulling teeth).

-get the ppwk for passports, etc... (i have asked FH 25x)

-get me the addresses for his friend's wives/gf's for my shower.... (still nothing - is it that hard to do???)

We are now needing to finalize the hardest part, the guest list, and I just feel like I am going to have a f@#$# breakdown.

I am almost dreading the semi-DIY invites we are doing, for fear that I will be gluing, and cutting all by myself. He promised he would help....

At this point i dont even care if nothing more gets done. I am tired of asking, reminding, nagging, etc.

His attitude is 'it will be beautiful and it will all work out'. Well of course it will, because I have done 110% of the planning and a$$ busting, and all he has to do is show up!!! The only thing he has contributed to is the growing guest list....

I just brought all of this up to him again, and he said lets designate one night a week to do wedding stuff... One night is not going to cut it..

I would faint if he one day said 'what else needs to be done for the wedding that I can help you with???'

Sorry, i just needed to vent, cause I am ready to blow!!!

Awe!!! Have you tried to talk to him? Maybe he thinks that there's so much time even though we brides know it will sneak up on you! Maybe if you explain to him you don't want to be a nag like you told us, he might understand and try to help out a little bit more. Good luck!!

my FH hasn't been that involved either. we're also planning from OOT but my parents live on LI and have been doing a lot of the legwork for us. I've flown to NY a bunch of times and spent 7 weeks in NY this summer so I've taken care of a lot of stuff, while FH has only been to NY a handful of times this year.

I also get the 'whatever you want, whatever makes you happy, they all look the same to me' thing but I've found ways to get him involved

- i learned that while FH hates looking at registry stuff online, he likes registering if we go to the store and look at things in person

- i learn that if i show him a few different designs and ask him something specific he'll usually be able to tell me which he likes better

- i've delegated music to him, as he's a big musician and i am the opposite. yeah, we got our song selection in a month after the deadline he set for us, and yeah i ended up being a lot more involved in it than i expected, but he was involved

- he wanted to go to the food tasting so our hall worked with us to give us a private tasting during a weekend he was in NY -- he enjoyed that :)

i asked him to get the addresses for his friends and it was like pulling teeth, i had to friend them on facebook and ask them myself. i also asked him to find out if his friends were seeing anyone and to find out their names, and he told me a bunch of people were 'all single' and then i went on facebook and saw he was totally wrong.

try to find the things he can help with and present them in a way that will make him interested. its hard, but you're not alone

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Posted by bluegreen08

my FH hasn't been that involved either. we're also planning from OOT but my parents live on LI and have been doing a lot of the legwork for us. I've flown to NY a bunch of times and spent 7 weeks in NY this summer so I've taken care of a lot of stuff, while FH has only been to NY a handful of times this year.

I also get the 'whatever you want, whatever makes you happy, they all look the same to me' thing but I've found ways to get him involved

- i learned that while FH hates looking at registry stuff online, he likes registering if we go to the store and look at things in person

- i learn that if i show him a few different designs and ask him something specific he'll usually be able to tell me which he likes better

- i've delegated music to him, as he's a big musician and i am the opposite. yeah, we got our song selection in a month after the deadline he set for us, and yeah i ended up being a lot more involved in it than i expected, but he was involved

- he wanted to go to the food tasting so our hall worked with us to give us a private tasting during a weekend he was in NY -- he enjoyed that :)

i asked him to get the addresses for his friends and it was like pulling teeth, i had to friend them on facebook and ask them myself. i also asked him to find out if his friends were seeing anyone and to find out their names, and he told me a bunch of people were 'all single' and then i went on facebook and saw he was totally wrong.

try to find the things he can help with and present them in a way that will make him interested. its hard, but you're not alone

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Thank you for your responses. I do the same thing.. 'what do you like better, this or that' to get him involved. There are some things that dont need my input on, such as passports, flights, getting addresses, calling for limo quotes, etc. He just has zero motivation for this wedding. He is wrapped up in his job, and works hard, and sadly is useless when he gets home most nights. .

The trips we have taken to NY, he has gone to Atlantic City for Bachelor parties, while I run all across long island doing things for this wedding. We are coming to NY 2x in August for our friends weddings, and I am not doing a blessed thing related to this wedding. I am sending him to the limo co's, the tux place, etc. I want no part, and want to enjoy my time in NY with family and friends. He even insinuated that I should get the GM gifts.I am soooo not doing that. He has no ideas, nothing.I told him if the GM dont have any gifts, I dont care anymore. My BM's will have gifts, so I cant worry about his friends. This is the first time during the whole planning process where I am on the verge of tears.

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Posted by jnlax29
Thank you for your responses. I do the same thing.. 'what do you like better, this or that' to get him involved. There are some things that dont need my input on, such as passports, flights, getting addresses, calling for limo quotes, etc. He just has zero motivation for this wedding. He is wrapped up in his job, and works hard, and sadly is useless when he gets home most nights. .

The trips we have taken to NY, he has gone to Atlantic City for Bachelor parties, while I run all across long island doing things for this wedding. We are coming to NY 2x in August for our friends weddings, and I am not doing a blessed thing related to this wedding. I am sending him to the limo co's, the tux place, etc. I want no part, and want to enjoy my time in NY with family and friends. He even insinuated that I should get the GM gifts.I am soooo not doing that. He has no ideas, nothing.I told him if the GM dont have any gifts, I dont care anymore. My BM's will have gifts, so I cant worry about his friends. This is the first time during the whole planning process where I am on the verge of tears.

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yuck, you need to remind him that this is his wedding too. do you have enough time left where you can take an entire week off and just not do anything wedding related?

why dont you make him a list of things to get done, and just tell him you arent going to nag.

getting his family measured for tuxes was an ordeal, but it eventually got done....

if it helps at all, my FH i love him dearly but he has been not so involved throughout this process mainly because doing the 'whole big LI wedding thing' is really not his top choice. If it were up to him, I think we would have hopped a plane somewhere just him and I but this is what I wanted instead so I try to take on as much as I can without annoying him with it. Like the church thing is really not what he wanted so I do all that stuff. He picked our honeymoon spot and I did the research than just gave him final options, stuff like that.

You can do it, just be patient. From the look of your albums, you are doing a GREAT job!!!

(Yay november by the way!)

bluegreen,
I took your advice and emailed FH a mini to do list, consisting of passports, GM gifts, getting quotes/booking the limo, finalize everything with the priest and both churches in NY/FL,finish registering with me, and to make an appt at the tux place of his choice.

I think this is a good start for now.. If he can accomplish even 70% I would be happy.

I love him, but God, he is like a child with this stuff.. so so so frustrating.

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Posted by jnlax29

How involved is your FH in helping you plan for the wedding? My FH has been zero help, and its beyond frustrating. I am ready to crack. On one hand it's nice, because he told me trusts my taste, and he will love everything I plan, and I know that. (I know other couples where the FH is so involved he is making decisions on BM dresses!!?!?) On the other, it would be nice to have him actually want to help.

I am planning this wedding from FL by myself. I have relied doing basically everything online, the phone, and busting my A$$ each time I come up to NY. I have turned into a nag. I dont want to be one, but he is making me turn into one. I have tried to designate certain things for him to be in charge of :

-the honeymoon (we researched that w/ the travel agent and did that together)

-contacting the priest, to make sure we have all our ;paperwork in order, pre cana, etc. (we are about 95% of the way there.. but its like pulling teeth).

-get the ppwk for passports, etc... (i have asked FH 25x)

-get me the addresses for his friend's wives/gf's for my shower.... (still nothing - is it that hard to do???)

We are now needing to finalize the hardest part, the guest list, and I just feel like I am going to have a f@#$# breakdown.

I am almost dreading the semi-DIY invites we are doing, for fear that I will be gluing, and cutting all by myself. He promised he would help....

At this point i dont even care if nothing more gets done. I am tired of asking, reminding, nagging, etc.

His attitude is 'it will be beautiful and it will all work out'. Well of course it will, because I have done 110% of the planning and a$$ busting, and all he has to do is show up!!! The only thing he has contributed to is the growing guest list....

I just brought all of this up to him again, and he said lets designate one night a week to do wedding stuff... One night is not going to cut it..

I would faint if he one day said 'what else needs to be done for the wedding that I can help you with???'

Sorry, i just needed to vent, cause I am ready to blow!!!

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Same boat here. FH is not very involved. At first it realllllly bothered me but since it is coming so close, I'm used to it now.
Don't stress. When the day is over (which I hope lasts LLLLOOOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGG) and put your head down on your pillow, you will feel so gratified that you perfected a day which you'll remember forever.

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Posted by jnlax29

bluegreen,
I took your advice and emailed FH a mini to do list, consisting of passports, GM gifts, getting quotes/booking the limo, finalize everything with the priest and both churches in NY/FL,finish registering with me, and to make an appt at the tux place of his choice.

I think this is a good start for now.. If he can accomplish even 70% I would be happy.

I love him, but God, he is like a child with this stuff.. so so so frustrating.

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i dont think he is the only one...a lot of guys, dont really participate in this things, my fh barely helped and they were some days when i napped so much about it. however, that ur fh doesnt help much doesnt mean that he does not care..just talk to him and tell that is frustatimn sometimes..good luck

Men just don't get that stuff, I call the whole wedding thing the 'Girl Olympics', somehow that got the idea across to him that it's a big deal.
Good luck!

My FH is not that into the details but he does appreciate the things I try to do (like our monogram). He often gives me constructive feedback but sometimes he thinks he has veto power or something. Like I'll do all the work or all the research and he can just say no we're not doing that without even discussing it with me.
Um -- I don't think so buddy!

My FH is not so involved in the planning either. He has a crazy business trip schedule, so I do a lot of the running around and day-to-day stuff here. At first it annoyed me that he wasn't into the planning, but now I've realized that guys really just aren't into this as we are. He's a guy, he doesn't care about flowers, or colors, or shoes, or these earrings match that dress. And I've learned I don't care about wrestling, sports, and sci-fi. He has on occasion vetoed something after I've done all the research and running around, but I keep showing him the budget and telling him I'd rather save up for a house or condo and kids than blow all our savings on one day. That helps. I think I'm more budget-conscious than he is!

What we did together was set the budget and choose the RH. He and I both met w/ 2 videographers, but I did the legwork for photo, flowers, and most else. And he'll be coming w/ me to the menu meeting.

I'm a photographer and have lots of layout design experience, so I researched photographers, but we went w/ a family friend b/c I fell in love w/ his work. As for invitations, printed materials, and all DIY projects, I'm doing those b/c I enjoy it. I used to do layout for local newspapers and I miss the creativeness. This is my outlet now!

To keep my sanity, I've learned to do my research, pick out 2 or 3 things I really love, and then say, 'what do you think?' to get his opinion. Lately, we've been joking that his answer, no matter what the question, is 'OK.' OK this, OK that. Thursday night I showed him the ketubah I picked out to get his final OK (we had discussed 2 of them previously) and that's what I got, 'OK, whatever you like, I know you're doing a great job planning this.' The ketubah is the Jewish marriage contract... I joked to him that he could've just signed his life away and he wouldn't know it!!

So, in one respect, yes, he's not really helping much, but then again, if he was, the Yankees would be featured prominently, as well as me in the Princess Leia slave outfit, with Storm Troopers as the groomsmen and Yoda to marry us. 'Take her, do you?'

There are only a few things that he has asked or insisted that we must do. After thinking about it and realizing that I'm making a lot of the decisions, if he's asking for something, it must be important to him and his family, so it's been OK w/ me.

We're both contributing to household expenses and paying for the wedding together. I've always been good with money issues, but we're learning to budget and choose wisely together, which is a really good thing.

If you want your FH involved more, before you ask, figure out exactly what you want him to do. Try to give him 1 or 2 tasks at a time so it's not overwhelming (I know, we're overwhelmed with the rest!!). I've also done things sweetly, writing little cute reminder notes, leaving them on the mirror so he sees them, sending him silly emails to remind him, etc. Being sweet actually works to my advantage, rather than getting annoyed, which yes, sometimes I do. I'm still waiting for 3 address corrections on his side (been 2 weeks already!!) but then again, FH has been in and out of NY on business, so it's hard.

Hope you're having an easier time now.

ETA: I almost forgot..... yes, there's one thing he promised he'll help with and I'm not sure if that will happen b/c of back-to-back business trips the month before our wedding. I want to make a donation to the children's & young adult cancer organizations that have helped me out through the years (I'm a childhood cancer survivor) and he wants to make homemade Thank You chocolates to go with the TY notes. Why do I have a feeling I'll be making chocolates the whole month of October while he's away?

Thank you all for your posts and advice. I had a meltdown.. I emailed FH a to do list... and today, I come home and he made a 'wedding folder' with my email stapled to the back of it!

He called 3 limo places today, and the tux place, and printed out his passport ppwk. I was shocked and grateful at the same time. I hope he continues to help me, cause I have lots more to do!!! I guess all my nagging, pleading and email worked. (finally!)

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Posted by melissaMPA

if it helps at all, my FH i love him dearly but he has been not so involved throughout this process mainly because doing the 'whole big LI wedding thing' is really not his top choice. If it were up to him, I think we would have hopped a plane somewhere just him and I but this is what I wanted instead so I try to take on as much as I can without annoying him with it. Like the church thing is really not what he wanted so I do all that stuff. He picked our honeymoon spot and I did the research than just gave him final options, stuff like that.

You can do it, just be patient. From the look of your albums, you are doing a GREAT job!!!

(Yay november by the way!)

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I'm in the same boat as Melissa and honestly I like it. I'm a control freak so, I like things my way. He was perfectly fine with planning the honeymoon and picking his tux but, now he's done.