And she was like 'Oh, hell no -- kick her pregnant arse OUT of the bridal party!!'
I don't know what to do... I know this a decision I have to make for myself but I guess I kinda of want to hear what you guys have to say... see if I get any insight into the situation.
I did the math and going by what the doc told her she's going to be not 6 mos PG as I thought but a full EIGHT months PG!!! She's going to be a house. I went to the bridal shop and the dress situation ain't pretty either. We have NO idea how big she's going to be. I don't like the fact that she's going to have to be in a completely different dress than the other girls (except the MOH) and at 8 mos... she can pop at any time... plus I have no patience to be accomodating her on my wedding day.
FH totally wants to boot her. My mom wants me to boot her and even says that she'll THANK me later for booting her because she will be so uncomfortable that day. She ALSO told me that my family will gasp in the church... not because of me, the bride, but because I let an unmarried pregnant BM walk down the aisle. My family is quite traditional and I know this will be quite the scandal....
I don't think I want that kind of negative attention & snickering on my wedding day. I know she's making her ploys for attention in all this and I'm sure I've only seen the tip of the iceberg.
I don't know what to do. I love her and I want her in but I also don't want her to be such a huge distraction and spectacle on my wedding day....
Anyone?
MrsBrad
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
I think you should just ask her if she is comfortable and if she is leave it at that. My aunt was my other aunt's MOH and she was 8 months pregnant, no one ever said anything bad or thought of kicking her out. And she still looked great!
JMO...but i wouldnt kick her out
kel2004
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
I would ask her to step out. Maybe she can do a reading. I have two pregnant bridesmaids (both married) one will be 8 months, and one will be 9 months. It has been stressful - picking dresses, wondering how they will look and feel, and if they will be able to make it at all.
sophie78
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
I think it is crazy to kick her out if she still wants to be a BM. Who cares what she looks like? It is only 6 months anyway and I am sure that she will look beautiful.
belleboyd
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
Posted by JimmysBride
..... I don't know what to do. I love her and I want her in but I also don't want her to be such a huge distraction and spectacle on my wedding day....
Anyone?
My own opinion would be to find something else she can do within the context of your wedding. A reading maybe... or perhaps help get (or keep) things organized?
Remember you don't know how this pregnancy will go for her. What if she (God forbid) has a hard time with it and has to stay in bed or something? Every pregnancy is different ... even for the same woman! And even more - at 8months - is she going to want to stand all that time for pictures??
In your place - I would kindly ask a P.G. BM to step down for her health as well as my own sanity! And then I would try to include her in another way if possible.
Ultimately - you have to be happy on your day! Do what feels right to you!
Karacg
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
It's the BRIDE'S belly most guests check out anyway!! OK if she is you BM, you are close to her. Speak to her and see what she wants to do. She may not even want to continue as a BM, may have lots on her plate then and be nervous and uncomfortable....maybe she'd rather do a reading. Or maybe not. Speak with her calmly and openly.
JMO...
KarenK122
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
I would ask her want she wants to do...she might not even want to be a BM anymore because she'll be so far along. But if she does, I would never kick my friend out of my wedding because she got pregnant.
Snowboardgirl
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
I think you have to think about why you have Bridesmaids in the first place.
Is it to make your pictures look nice? NO!!!
They are there for you to support you, so I think it should be her decision if she is comfortable being your bm if she is pregnant. What is the Drama all about? Am I missing something?
Jordan
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
Posted by am470
I think it is crazy to kick her out if she still wants to be a BM. Who cares what she looks like? It is only 6 months anyway and I am sure that she will look beautiful.
Ditto.
Snowboardgirl
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
ok, I just read it again and saw the part about her not being married. Are you against her having a baby if she is not married? Are you just worried about what your family will say?
eroxgirl
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
I have a BM who will be 6 months at the wedding...but 6 months is VERY different from 8 (plus mine already has 2 kids so I know how big she gets). I would have a talk with her and let her know that you want her to be a part but there are so many what if's involved that maybe she should take on another task at the wedding - i.e. make her a reader. To keep her as a BM would require a completely new dress IMHO. She can give birth at 8 months, she can be put on bed rest (God forbid but these things do happen!) If she's a really good friend hopefully she'll understand where you're coming from.
StepherG
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
I'm sorry, I just don't get it. She's obviously your close friend...isn't that what really matters here? Most Pregnant women glow...I would be honored.
My BM will be 8 months pregnant at the time. I'm just glad that she still wants to be there for me on that day. She'll look beautiful in anything she wears. I never even considered 'booting her.' She would be mortified and what kind of friend would I be.
marymoon
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
Honestly I'm kind fo shocked at your fmaily's rections and that you would even think of 'booting her.' So she's preggers, so what? You get a dress really big and alter it right before the wedding. You picked her to be your BM because she's your frined and you care about her, not because she was a perfect size six. I think it's selfish and cruel to 'boot her'. I can;t even see why you wold want to. JMO
ETA: Let her decide if she's comfrotable. I don't know what kind of 'accomodation' you feel you're going to have to make, but that just sounds SO selfish IMO...plsu there are other people who will be able to help her if need be. So she's unmarried. So what? I'd warn her about the looks she might get, and let her decide. Most people won't even know she's unmarried. And I've never seen ANYTHING with any BM (including a pregnat one walking down the aisle with a kid in her arms) that cna distract from the beauty of the bride..and if your family is that petty, then it's their loss. If I were you, I would decide to stand up for my friend. If she's not ashamed, and you're not ashmaed of her, why bring shame upon her by not letting her walk down the aisle?
Pickle
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
If she is a good friend to you, you should keep her in the BP. Her having a baby is her business, not for everyone else to make gossip over.
I was in a wedding w/ a very PG bridesmaid, and i think it would have taken wild horses to drive her away from being there. If her health is an issue to her, that's another matter. It sounds like you are a little unsure of her as a BM in general? If she gets ill/tired/etc the day of, I'm sure you'll be a friend and understand. dresses can be altered, it can all work out.
If she's still game to do the BM duty, and you really want her there for you, anything else can be easily dealt with. Good luck!!!
Marcela1654
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
Posted by Jordan
Posted by am470
I think it is crazy to kick her out if she still wants to be a BM. Who cares what she looks like? It is only 6 months anyway and I am sure that she will look beautiful.
Ditto.
I agree. One of my BMs is preggo and may be showing at the wedding (she'll be 5 mos), but honestly, I could care less if she is showing. I am VERY happy for her and am honored that she is in my bridal party (if not I would not have asked her to be in it). Yes, I did get nervous about the dress situation but I knew it could be fixed, even if she ended up getting another dress. But thankfully the place where we got them from is fixing everything.
ETA: Good Luck with your decision.
KarenB
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
I think you should think about the entire situation, and then make your decision. It is your Wedding day and whatever will make you happy & comfortable is what you should do.
bridzilla
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
I don't think her being pregnant is a good reason to kick her out. Bridal salons are accustomed to fitting pregnant women, so finding a dress shouldn't be too hard. Your only concern should be of her comfort. If she feels uncomfortable standing the whole time, then it would be best for her to not be in the party. You wrote: 'I know she's making her ploys for attention in all this and I'm sure I've only seen the tip of the iceberg.' This makes me think you're not as close to her as your other BMs. Right? So her being preggers isn't the only reason you don't want her in the BP.
JimmysBride
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
Posted by bridzilla
You wrote: 'I know she's making her ploys for attention in all this and I'm sure I've only seen the tip of the iceberg.' This makes me think you're not as close to her as your other BMs. Right? So her being preggers isn't the only reason you don't want her in the BP.
That's not correct. If she weren't pregnant, I would have no doubts about her being in the BP.
There is a little more to this story than I'm giving out in this post but it's because I'm curious to see what people think without that bit of info.
AJsMommy122
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
Posted by JimmysBride
Posted by bridzilla
You wrote: 'I know she's making her ploys for attention in all this and I'm sure I've only seen the tip of the iceberg.' This makes me think you're not as close to her as your other BMs. Right? So her being preggers isn't the only reason you don't want her in the BP.
That's not correct. If she weren't pregnant, I would have no doubts about her being in the BP.
There is a little more to this story than I'm giving out in this post but it's because I'm curious to see what people think without that bit of info.
I want to know the bit of info!!! Go with your gut feeling girl!!!! Who cares what anyone else thinks/ says/ is going to think or say. If you really want her in thats it shes in. If deep down you feel its going to cause a problem/turmoil on your wedding day then drop her. its not worth the stress
kel2004
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Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....
If you really want her in that shes in. If deep down you feel its going to cause a problem/turmoil on your wedding day then drop her. its not worth the stress
