So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

Original post by JimmysBride

Apr 16, 2004 01:55 PM

And she was like 'Oh, hell no -- kick her pregnant arse OUT of the bridal party!!'

I don't know what to do... I know this a decision I have to make for myself but I guess I kinda of want to hear what you guys have to say... see if I get any insight into the situation.

I did the math and going by what the doc told her she's going to be not 6 mos PG as I thought but a full EIGHT months PG!!! She's going to be a house. I went to the bridal shop and the dress situation ain't pretty either. We have NO idea how big she's going to be. I don't like the fact that she's going to have to be in a completely different dress than the other girls (except the MOH) and at 8 mos... she can pop at any time... plus I have no patience to be accomodating her on my wedding day.

FH totally wants to boot her. My mom wants me to boot her and even says that she'll THANK me later for booting her because she will be so uncomfortable that day. She ALSO told me that my family will gasp in the church... not because of me, the bride, but because I let an unmarried pregnant BM walk down the aisle. My family is quite traditional and I know this will be quite the scandal....

I don't think I want that kind of negative attention & snickering on my wedding day. I know she's making her ploys for attention in all this and I'm sure I've only seen the tip of the iceberg.

I don't know what to do. I love her and I want her in but I also don't want her to be such a huge distraction and spectacle on my wedding day....

Anyone?

ChristineC68 Posted: Apr 16, 2004 03:52 PM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

Since you havent told us the whole story and that there is some reason why you all feel she should be asked to step down as BM it's really hard to respond to this situation.

Based on what you have given us, I would give her the opportunity to step down but I would never ask her to.

heidla Posted: Apr 16, 2004 04:16 PM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

Posted by ChristineC68

Since you havent told us the whole story and that there is some reason why you all feel she should be asked to step down as BM it's really hard to respond to this situation.

Based on what you have given us, I would give her the opportunity to step down but I would never ask her to.

Ditto!!

nylibride Posted: Apr 16, 2004 04:59 PM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

I think this is *your* decision, not anyone else's. If you picked your BM b/c you are close, then why would you kick her out? I am thinking that I'd feel pretty bad if my friend was embarrassed by me b/c I happened to get pregnant before getting married. It matters what you think, not anybody else. I'm sure she'll be beautiful and it will be a special memory for both of you. She's standing up for you on one of teh most important days of your life. If she is really your good friend, you should stand by her too.

jill13bean Posted: Apr 16, 2004 05:40 PM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

why would you kick someone out if they were pregnant?

skew Posted: Apr 16, 2004 05:51 PM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

I would leave it up to her to decide. I would be very symapathtic and tell her that it DOES mean a lot to you if she is included, but if she doesn't feel comfortable than you will support her decision.

IMO, 'kicking' her out is basically saying that YOU don't approve of the situation.

sept20yay Posted: Apr 16, 2004 05:54 PM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

I had my wedding and stressed about how everyone would look and everyone had to be coordinated properly and everyone lined up together and all these details. The minute the wedding was over, it was like, I cant believe I even cared. No one will know what your bridesmaids look like, no one will notice or care she is pregnant. If she is a good friend of yours, put her in. It's like having a heavy bridesmaid in the wedding. I had a very heavyset bridesmaid and we made accomodations for the dress. All was wonderful!

Spitzergirl Posted: Apr 16, 2004 05:54 PM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

Don't kick her out unless she wants to leave. She will feel bad, plus pregnant people always have mood swings..

I was just thinking about my 1 friend who would have been a back up for my wedding (She does not know this) ....

......now she found out she is pregnant. She will be 5 month pregnant. But, it looks like I don't have a back up girl...if 1 of my 4 bridesmaid, can't make the wedding. My pregnant friend, only wanted her daughter to be a flower girl. But, If i was short a bm , I would have asked her, but now I can not.

Xelindrya Posted: Apr 16, 2004 06:12 PM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

Im sorry but I can't see it.

Once I asked a person to be in my bridal party its over. I could never rescind the offer. It goes very much against how I was raised.

This is probably why I have so few BM and GM. I didnt want anyone to stand by my side who I didnt 'just' like, but someone I trusted could do the job and understand the responsibilities and would accept the 'job' of BM & GM. For me it wasnt a social favor it was as a personal request and favor for them to be a BM.

That being said. My MOH has a son. My very own Godson to be exact. He's not coming to the wedding. Why? Because she is the MOH and I made it clear she would be busy with her obligations and bringing Mikal would distract her. So he's staying home with his grandma.

If one of my BM got pregnant, I would ask 'Do you still want to be a BM, knowing you may be uncomfy at that time?' period. Nothing about how her dress won't match or how the family may think of her or how it would look to have a late 3rd trimester woman walking down the aisle in front of me. Each woman (in my opinion) should be comfortable enough in her own skin that it should be her own choice.

To me it's the same as saying I invited a girl to be my BM then she had a horrid accident and will be facial scarred, should I ask her to bow out? Or a girl gets a tattoo on her arm two months before the wedding.. or any other number of things. It's just not the way I see it. I asked the person to be my BM, but life happens. JMO

Heck if she MEANS something to you and it really counts it doesnt matter what she looks like as long as she wants to do it. If she bows out I am sure you'd understand, but that's her choice to make. Be glad you have her that day in any capacity.

We lose sight on the fact that we don't know what tomorrow may bring. At least this was good news (pregnancy) instead of some tragic bad news.

Sorry so long, just my thoughts on this.

Let her decide on her own (if you want her in that is) but I wouldnt suggest she leave, just ask how she feels about it. Otherwise leave it be. You made your choice when you asked her to be in the Bridal Party.

myasmom Posted: Apr 16, 2004 07:17 PM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

I am really saddened by this post honestly. ...

We can ask opinions on how a dress may look or what flowers we may want in our bouquet but this is one situation where no one elses opinion matters but you..especailly without all the facts on the table.

Only YOU know how you feel about this girl and if you want her to be gone...then it is your day..but please remember one thing..
A wedding is only 1(one) day. There is life after this blessed event so make your decision wisely.

As for scandal..Its funny how people easily point fingers at others..but never look at themselves....If this is a true friend..Stick up for her!

janwinterbridejoy Posted: Apr 16, 2004 09:51 PM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

Posted by myasmom

I am really saddened by this post honestly. ...

We can ask opinions on how a dress may look or what flowers we may want in our bouquet but this is one situation where no one elses opinion matters but you..especailly without all the facts on the table.

Only YOU know how you feel about this girl and if you want her to be gone...then it is your day..but please remember one thing..
A wedding is only 1(one) day. There is life after this blessed event so make your decision wisely.

As for scandal..Its funny how people easily point fingers at others..but never look at themselves....If this is a true friend..Stick up for her!

thats is so well said. i would be afraid how asking her to step down could effect your friendship in a negative way.

WinterBride2005 Posted: Apr 17, 2004 11:10 AM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

Posted by kel2004

If you really want her in that shes in. If deep down you feel its going to cause a problem/turmoil on your wedding day then drop her. its not worth the stress

Well said.

True.. but you don't want to hurt her either. Her feelings are at stake here. So dropping her may not be such an easy thing. I think I remember you posting about her a few weeks ago? She told you that she was going to purposely get preggo for your wedding?

ETS: IMO If you are actually considering 'booting her' then I am not sure why you asked her to begin with. Is it possible you really didn't want her in it all along.. because the reason/s you stated are not strong enough to justify kicking her out. You really need to think about this. One of my BM is preggo too. For me, it's a happy time for all of us. If she feels like she can't do it because of her health, then she can exclude herself from the party. I will be fine with that. But, ultimately, it will be her decision. My wedding will still go on no matter what. Good luck! It sounds like a tough situation to be in.

BriBri529 Posted: Apr 17, 2004 11:25 AM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

Posted by Snowboardgirl

I think you have to think about why you have Bridesmaids in the first place.

Is it to make your pictures look nice? NO!!!

They are there for you to support you, so I think it should be her decision if she is comfortable being your bm if she is pregnant.
What is the Drama all about? Am I missing something?

I agree- if this is someone that you are close enough with to ask them to be in your bridal party, how can you be this way just because she is pregnant. I love all of my BMs and no matter what their size or pregnancy status, I want them as a BM just the same. I don't really think this should be an issue unless SHE is the one who feels uncomfortable. After all, she accepted and is doing this FOR YOU, not the other way around. (Unless of course this was something you really did not want to do in the first place, like maybe you felt pressured somehow into asking this person . . .) JMO -

steph4777 Posted: Apr 17, 2004 11:28 AM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

IMO based on what you have told us I think it's shallow, disappointing, and rude that you would kick her out of the wedding bc she's pg.

I am so appalled that you would think of kicking her out. You asked her to be in the wedding, so I assume that she is a good friend. And your friendship will go beyond that one day. Image the message that you give her when you tell her that you don't want her standing up bc she's pg. If the sole reason is bc you don't want her in another dress or she'll stand out in the pictures, what does that say about your friendship? If she is a true friend it wouldn't matter, you'd still want her to be a part of your day.

Like most people say, it's your choice. But think about what this choice may do to your friendship. Now you said you didn't tell us everything so, I only commenting on what I read.

MrsTC Posted: Apr 17, 2004 11:58 AM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

i think it would be totally rude to kick her out....you asked her bc she is your friend.

cluelessbride Posted: Apr 17, 2004 12:05 PM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

Posted by Jordan

Posted by am470

I think it is crazy to kick her out if she still wants to be a BM. Who cares what she looks like? It is only 6 months anyway and I am sure that she will look beautiful.
Ditto.

Double Ditto!

mosh913 Posted: Apr 17, 2004 12:07 PM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

JMO, I don't think you should kick her out. MY maid of honor will also be 7 months pregnant at my wedding, and I'm thrilled. I think she will look adorable. I think pregnant woman look beautiful, especially dressed up. I really think it's up to her, and you will look bad if you kick her out because she is pregnant. It's kind of superficial. Sorry, but I think you should leave it up to her. Plus she'll be a house and you'll be beautiful!

jennelishal Posted: Apr 18, 2004 11:25 AM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

Posted by am470

I think it is crazy to kick her out if she still wants to be a BM. Who cares what she looks like? It is only 6 months anyway and I am sure that she will look beautiful.

JMO here but, I understand the whole what would she look like, but isn't that the point of having a wedding and getting married, so you can go on and have a baby yourself and start a family. Why is it that bad? I have a preg BM and I think that she is beautiful and brings true meaning to my wedding and the essence of family. Sure, picking dresses was stressful, but she wanted to be there and in it and it means a lot to me especially having to carry around the little 'bebe'. JMO

futuremrspfm Posted: Apr 18, 2004 10:39 PM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

I am sure that the reason you asked her to be a BM in the first place had nothing to do with the way she looked, but with how important she is to you. The pregnancy should have no affect on your prior decision to ask her to be a BM.

marymoon Posted: Apr 18, 2004 11:28 PM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

The more I see this post's topic the more it sort of bothrs me. I mean it's sort fo disturbing that you refer to your PG friend as 'knocked up' and say you want to 'boot her'. I think that's what's really sort of baffling me here.

hsdfl Posted: Apr 19, 2004 12:10 AM

Re: So I told Mom about the knocked up BM....

I think you should have her in your wedding party. You asked her she accpeted. I was 8 months pregnate and flew over 100 miles to be with my sick mother.. they weren't going to let me on the plane. If she is a good enough friend she will be there if she is feeling up to it. Of course doctors orders too. I really am interested in hearing the rest of the story!