So Stressed out!

Just need to vent here. I live with my grandfather. I pretty much take care of him, my nana passed away in march and it has been the two of us ever since. I do all the housework, plus I teach full time, I am in the practicum stages of my master's degree and I am trying to plan this wedding. I get no help around here. My aunt and mother never come around to lend a helping hand. My grandfather is capable of doing things but he wont. Example: If there is no food in the house he just wont eat, instead of going to the store while I am at work or school. He waits for me for everything. I am so tired,and I cant take it. Is anyone else in a position like this? I just feel like there is not enough time in the day for me to get everything done. I have no 'down time'....SORRY, thanks for letting me vent!

Re: So Stressed out!

christy, i think you are sweet for doing this for your grandfather. one day when he is no longer around, you will be proud of what you did for him, since no one else is.
your honeymoon will be the ultimate reward for relaxation. 7 more months to go.
keep your chin up.

Re: So Stressed out!

Christy - It's awful that your mother and aunt don't help. What is he going to do after you are married? Will you and your husband be living there or will he be on his own? Have you asked him outright (and has he refused) to take on some responsibilities like picking up groceries if you prepare a list? Since he's capable of contributing to his care, don't let him manipulate you with feelings of guilt. You need to take care of your own needs too.

Re: So Stressed out!

Well, he of course wants me to stay in his house after I am married. But my FH and I really want to have our 'own' place. We are really ready for lives of our own. But I feel bad, because I know how alone my poppa will be. It breaks my heart just thinking of it. He does contribute more around here than before, but I still need him to do more. I have 7 months to prepare him for being totally on his own. I unfortunately have the most selfish family that ever exsisted. My mother and I dont speak (believe me it is for the best), and my aunt is recently divorced and enjoying her new life. My brother is away at school, so it leaves me with too much. I am not trying to praise myself, but I am the only one who cares in this family. Most of the time I handle it well, but I am going to be 26 and would love to just worry about my own life for once. Even growing up, I raised my brother and sister (5 and ten years younger than me). I have always had more than my fair share of responsibility. I am just hoping for a lighter load once I am married. Some people view marriage as this binding thing, but for me and my FH it will be such freedom. (He has very similar circumstances in his family). So, thanks for letting me talk girls. I am trying my best to stay sane and help my poppa become more independent. Man, april seems so far away!

Re: So Stressed out!

Christy,
Its so BIG-Hearted of you to do what you are doing.
God Bless you. and this will in the end make you a stronger person. Its obvious that your poppa was good to you growing up, since you feel bad 'leaving him'. Grandparents are among the best role models and inspirations we have in life.
I totally admire you for what you are doing for your grandfather.
About him helping out, have you asked him ? Maybe it will make him feel more useful if you DO ask him. Elderly folks begin to feel useless and then become depressed if they dont contribute to every day activities. Does he drive ? so that he would be able to do some grocery shopping?
Maybe if you give him one or 2 days of the week to go to the nearest Waldbaums and maybe you can make the list with him, so he feels included in what is purchased... Just an idea. Its hard to think of more ideas, not knowing the full picture. Maybe he is totally broken hearted and its gotten him down?
Does he have friends that he socializes with ?
I dont mean to pry or ask anything that you dont want to tell, just trying to get an idea, so I can offer some more ideas.
Again, God Bless you for what you are doing.
As the ladies here also said, keep your chin up, you will be so proud of yourself when you look back on these days years from now.
Try to make yourself lists to keep more organized. and on those lists make time for YOURSELF TOO !
put in that trip to the nail salon, and that date for you and your fiance. Even if its small amounts of time here and there, make it work !

HUGS and keep us posted !

Sorry so LONG !! (I have a tendency to ramble...)

Re: So Stressed out!

Aww sorry to hear it! If you ever need to talk I am here for you.

Re: So Stressed out!

Sorry there is so much on your shoulders. It seems you love your grandfather dearly, but you will have to live your life with your FH. Has anyone else even mentioned lending him a hand once you're married? I think it is so unfair of your family to leave it all up to you. That is a lot to ask of just one person.
Whatever happens, keep your head up, and know that you have a heart of gold.

Re: So Stressed out!

Christy...you are truly selfless...but you have been put in an unfair position...when my grandfather was sick...my dad and aunt put him in a home (to work up to a special care apartment)...my cousin who was very close to my grandfather said he would live with him...they told him no (he doesn't speak to my aunt or father anymore)...b/c a 29 year old should not have to be under that burden...

here are my suggestions...look to see if there is a special care apartment for your grandfather...his was like $3000 a month...but they have peope to clean and they have a dining hall!! so no meals have to be prepared...unless he wants to do it...I don't know of any on LI (my gpa was in CT), but I do know in Greenlawn there is Pomanauk Village...which is a senior residence...but they have to cook an clean...

tell your mom and aunt (in person or a letter) that you are moving out in 2-3 months and are passing the responsibility of your grandfather to them...you can offer to come by 2-3/week, but they have to split up the rest...

hire a cleaning woman...a cook...whatever it takes to get by...if your grandfather was anything like mine...he never spent a dime, so had some money at the end of his life....


I wish you the best...and I truly respect what you are doing for your gpa...but IMHO you need to be selfish right now!! you can never replace your youth!