Something so beautiful
As many of you may know, through various threads on LIW, I have mentioned my father's extremely poor health. While there is no need for me to rehash what has placed and kept him in and out of the respiratory care, nursing home, and ICU units at North Shore Hospital, Dad's body is no longer able to sustain much longer. He and my mom will have been married 49 years this May 27th. Mom is not able to really come to terms with this and just last Friday night, while in major crisis, allowed a DNR to be signed by oral consent by two doctors so that the family did not have to put names on paper.
Dad knew Ed as 'my friend' for a while as in addition to his physical issues he had Alzheimer's disease and couldn't really remember his name. Daddy was already in the hospital at least 3 months before we decided that we wanted to get married. Ed had spent months investigating and saving for the ring we picked out together as he did not want to 'owe' anything to anyone and refused to charge it (a man after my dad's heart). I wanted to have this ring to show Dad that I would be taken care of - or at least tell him because he is in and out of consciousness. Ed just bought the stones on Monday and the raw mounting is on order - to be received right at the Passover holiday. My family was not able to, nor did we want to make any definitive wedding plans until we had a better picture of what was going to happen in regard to my father. It is the right thing to do (or not to do).
This past Tuesday, the palliative specialist at the hospital finally explained to us the parameters of the DNR and how long Dad could live - it was to be a matter of a week or two at the most - the same amount of time it will take for the ring to be complete. I felt like I was playing with time. But today, another doc told us that the treatment he is receiving within these parameters is doing more harm than good and is to them ethically wrong. We (the 4 kids) know this - mom needs to accept it and we can't do anything until she does.
With things happening so fast and being so uncertain as to WHEN things might happen, Ed and I decided that we were going to tell Dad that we were getting married without having a ring. We wanted to believe that it would give him some sort of peace.
So Ed met me in Dad's ICU room tonight and spoke to him. Ed had his arm around me and I held Daddy's hand. He told him that he was going to marry me and we wanted him to be the first to know. He said 'I am going to take care of your baby and she will be my baby now.' I told him that he will be at our wedding and we will celebrate with him, dance with him, sing with him and honor him. I also told him we will have children to carry on his legacy and they will know their grandfather.
Never in my life did I experience something so incredibly beautiful. It is quite a revealing and very sad story. However, I wanted to share this experience with all of you not for sympathy, and not to make you sad but to share my experience with the two greatest loves of my life. This experience has restored my faith in humanity. Love is such a gift.
I hope none of you are ever put in a position where you have to make decisions and choices that break your heart. But I have to believe that things come full circle. My father will rest peacefully soon. I am at peace with this. Thank you for taking the time to read this make sure you tell your loved ones that you love them as often as you can.
Dad knew Ed as 'my friend' for a while as in addition to his physical issues he had Alzheimer's disease and couldn't really remember his name. Daddy was already in the hospital at least 3 months before we decided that we wanted to get married. Ed had spent months investigating and saving for the ring we picked out together as he did not want to 'owe' anything to anyone and refused to charge it (a man after my dad's heart). I wanted to have this ring to show Dad that I would be taken care of - or at least tell him because he is in and out of consciousness. Ed just bought the stones on Monday and the raw mounting is on order - to be received right at the Passover holiday. My family was not able to, nor did we want to make any definitive wedding plans until we had a better picture of what was going to happen in regard to my father. It is the right thing to do (or not to do).
This past Tuesday, the palliative specialist at the hospital finally explained to us the parameters of the DNR and how long Dad could live - it was to be a matter of a week or two at the most - the same amount of time it will take for the ring to be complete. I felt like I was playing with time. But today, another doc told us that the treatment he is receiving within these parameters is doing more harm than good and is to them ethically wrong. We (the 4 kids) know this - mom needs to accept it and we can't do anything until she does.
With things happening so fast and being so uncertain as to WHEN things might happen, Ed and I decided that we were going to tell Dad that we were getting married without having a ring. We wanted to believe that it would give him some sort of peace.
So Ed met me in Dad's ICU room tonight and spoke to him. Ed had his arm around me and I held Daddy's hand. He told him that he was going to marry me and we wanted him to be the first to know. He said 'I am going to take care of your baby and she will be my baby now.' I told him that he will be at our wedding and we will celebrate with him, dance with him, sing with him and honor him. I also told him we will have children to carry on his legacy and they will know their grandfather.
Never in my life did I experience something so incredibly beautiful. It is quite a revealing and very sad story. However, I wanted to share this experience with all of you not for sympathy, and not to make you sad but to share my experience with the two greatest loves of my life. This experience has restored my faith in humanity. Love is such a gift.
I hope none of you are ever put in a position where you have to make decisions and choices that break your heart. But I have to believe that things come full circle. My father will rest peacefully soon. I am at peace with this. Thank you for taking the time to read this make sure you tell your loved ones that you love them as often as you can.
