soo ... it actually happened .. (vent)

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Posted by kater08

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Posted by Kimbalina

I think you are acting HIGHLY immature if you have '10 years on them' and now increasing your budget by 10k. I think that your guest and family might get the hint or even know on your FH's side of the family what they (the other couple) is doing.

Do I think it is rude of them,,, yes. However don't forget this is about a MARRIAGE,,, not who's wedding is better. If you are in your 30's as you hinted at, then your priorities should be in order, not worrying about making your FBIL and FSIL's wedding look like a kids party.

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ITA!! This day is about you and your FH vowing to spend the rest of your lives together and celebrating that. It shouldn't matter if it takes place at the Waldorf Astoria or a petting zoo. I think in 5 years you'll wish you had that 'extra' $10K that you spent on things you didn't need. This isn't My Super Sweet 16...its your wedding.

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ITA with both.

It is unbeliveable that no matter what other issues there may be betweem the families you are focusing on showing them off bc they are having a morning wedding, you will have more guests etc. At the end of the day none of the glitz and glamour matter. What is important is the beginning of your life together as husband and wife. Spending 25K more then they do will not make you a happier couple nor have a better marriage.

I understand your upset and that is ok, but dont be childish bc remember that Karma is a ------ as another poster said all this extra money and they can have a gorgeous day and you have a blizzard.

Oh and sorry to be the buzz kill but on their wedding day no one will care that you got married two weeks before, so someone saying that you will take their limelight is wrong. The same can be said that during your wedding people will be asking the bride what she plans on doing and how her plans are coming along. You both have your dream days and they are yours to enjoy and not try to out shine each other.

I understand that they did wrong it was a horrible thing to do but seriously I don't think you should be arguing with your family member for this. After the wedding is over and you guys go on your separate ways it might be hurtful that you guys are still mad at each other and you don't want that. I would be extremely upset but I will try to work my way around this. Good luck!!!!


G.

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Posted by CloudNine

ya know whats odd to me is WHY they would want the wedding SO CLOSE to yours and its AFTER.
for me i would be happy that mine is first. if i was planning one close to a family memeber i would do it months after because i woudlnt still want the focus on the previous wedding...by far you are in the better position here so dont stress it.
just keep all your plans on the hush and dont give them any ideas

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very true!

I agree it's a annoyance that it is close to yours....but really what difference does it make....

ITA with the others that this is about your marriage...not the wedding or someone else's...

They are getting married after you...and you just have to accept it...but to try to ruin their wedding and compare yours to theirs is just losing sight of the whole point...

I have a few things to add because this post really stuck out in my mind, especially as I'm sitting here wondering if I can afford to marry my fiance after 5 years engaged and almost 10 years together.

1) Ultimately your wedding is not about a day. it's not about a reception hall, or flowers, or cake, or a band. It's CERTAINLY not about FBIL and FFSIL. It's about starting a life together. Why start it off in such a bitter manner?

2) I've been to lots of weddings, ranging from really inexpensive, to big blowouts, and I have to tell you that what made the best weddings the best was one thing - How happy the bride and groom were. if they're happy, everyone else will be happy for them and the party will be great. I've also been to expensive weddings where there was clearly some family tension, and even though it was just a friend and I had no idea what was going on, I could sense it, and it made the wedding less enjoyable for everyone. People barely danced. There was just an air about it that was weird. If you contrast that to other weddings where the bride and groom cut every corner, but had a blast and everyone there was happy for them, there's no comparison.

My cousin got engaged after my sister and planned the wedding for a few weeks before. It was a LOT in the family going on. 2 showers and 2 weddings so close. We thought it was kind of weird, but we shurgged it off, and you know what? The weddings were totally different and totally awesome, and it was a great few months with so much joy.

The situation you're in must be more complicated than just a wedding day. But I have to tell you I have been through hell and back with my fiance. His family, my family, cancer, death, abandonment, depression, unemployment, the list goes on and on. I'm sure you have had lots of problems too. In the grand scheme of things, this whole close wedding thing is NOTHING. Don't let it get to you.

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Posted by HSsweethearts

I have a few things to add because this post really stuck out in my mind, especially as I'm sitting here wondering if I can afford to marry my fiance after 5 years engaged and almost 10 years together.

1) Ultimately your wedding is not about a day. it's not about a reception hall, or flowers, or cake, or a band. It's CERTAINLY not about FBIL and FFSIL. It's about starting a life together. Why start it off in such a bitter manner?

2) I've been to lots of weddings, ranging from really inexpensive, to big blowouts, and I have to tell you that what made the best weddings the best was one thing - How happy the bride and groom were. if they're happy, everyone else will be happy for them and the party will be great. I've also been to expensive weddings where there was clearly some family tension, and even though it was just a friend and I had no idea what was going on, I could sense it, and it made the wedding less enjoyable for everyone. People barely danced. There was just an air about it that was weird. If you contrast that to other weddings where the bride and groom cut every corner, but had a blast and everyone there was happy for them, there's no comparison.

My cousin got engaged after my sister and planned the wedding for a few weeks before. It was a LOT in the family going on. 2 showers and 2 weddings so close. We thought it was kind of weird, but we shurgged it off, and you know what? The weddings were totally different and totally awesome, and it was a great few months with so much joy.

The situation you're in must be more complicated than just a wedding day. But I have to tell you I have been through hell and back with my fiance. His family, my family, cancer, death, abandonment, depression, unemployment, the list goes on and on. I'm sure you have had lots of problems too. In the grand scheme of things, this whole close wedding thing is NOTHING. Don't let it get to you.

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ITA. Because of familial problems, we thought for over 2.5 years that we wouldn't have a wedding and we might elope. We've also gone through so much, including seeing each other once every 3 weeks for 7 months on end, deaths in the family, etc., and so now we are just ecstatic to have everything falling into place. We are lucky that my parents are paying for the entire thing and I just happened to pick an expensive place bc I fell in love with it... but the 'extra $10k' is not going to make your wedding any better. No one will know where that money went. You already picked your RH and Giorgio's is great - I was a BM at my cousin's wedding there. So the extra $10k will just be scattered here and there, or perhaps will allow you to have more people, but that's it. Just try to focus on the fact that you are starting your life with your FH and it is a celebration of love. Don't poison it with anger and frustration - your day will be great if you are happy and you don't turn it into a competition.