Sorry? Change of plans

JENI'BRIDE Posted: May 14, 2004 12:03 PM

Sorry? Change of plans

I need some advice!! This is so awkward. I need to ask a friend not to be a bridesmaid.

I feel terrible...I dont think there is any nice way to handle this.
I should have thought more before I asked her...we have known each other a long time but we are not really close anymore. The rest of my bridal party I pretty much consider family..They will always be in my life.
One of the grooms is not going to be in the wedding and the number is odd.

Am I evil?
Any suggestions?

BMD'sPeanut Posted: May 14, 2004 12:04 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

i wouldn't do that.

jfabbride Posted: May 14, 2004 12:05 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

JMO...you can't ask her to step down at this point. My BM's and GM's are uneven and it's really not that big a deal.

june262004 Posted: May 14, 2004 12:06 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

Just because your numnber will be odd is not a reason to get rid of a bridesmaid. If she has done horrible things then I would say yes. But many people have odd # bridesmaids/groomsmen. 2 Girls can walk with one guy!

BMD'sPeanut Posted: May 14, 2004 12:06 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

i have 12 girls and 9 boys.

April302005 Posted: May 14, 2004 12:08 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

I'm in the (almost) same situation. I asked everyone and their mother to be in my wedding when I first got engaged. It was ridiculous. So I decided to cut back to just family and that leaves me w/ 7 bridesmaids and 8 kids (YIKES!!). My friends completely understood and things worked out great. they have all been very supportive and helpful just as if they were still in the wedding party.

OctBride05 Posted: May 14, 2004 12:08 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

i would not do that. a lot of people have an uneven bridal party, i have 4 girls and 3 guys.

Corduroy94 Posted: May 14, 2004 12:09 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

Posted by june262004

Just because your numnber will be odd is not a reason to get rid of a bridesmaid. If she has done horrible things then I would say yes. But many people have odd # bridesmaids/groomsmen. 2 Girls can walk with one guy!

I have to agree! I could never ask someone to NOT be a BM after asking them to make a huge comitment. That could be really akward & insulting for her depending on how she takes it.

I do wish you all the best with it & I hope it works out.

mattituckprincess Posted: May 14, 2004 12:10 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

in my opinion, i don't think you have an option. you've already asked and if the only reason is because you have an uneven bridal party i don't think that will go over well.

but if you are going to do it then i would suggest lying and telling her something about money issues. i don't think you should tell her the real reason. i know i would be hurt.

MrsNYPDsGirl Posted: May 14, 2004 12:10 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

I don't think I would ask someone 'not' to be in it... Right now I have 4 girls and 3 boys too and there is one girl that I am not as close to now as I once was. Even so, I wouldn't dream of asking her to step down. I feel like that would ruin whatever friendship we have left!!! JMO though. Good luck!

JENI'BRIDE Posted: May 14, 2004 12:14 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

Thanks for the advice.
Its not really about odd or even.
I am not really close with her and I know Its my fault for not thinking more before I asked.
I dont want to look back in the future and have someone in the bridal party who probably wont even be a part of my life.

The rest of the BP is: My sister, his sister, and my two best friends!

june262004 Posted: May 14, 2004 12:16 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

Posted by JENI'BRIDE

Thanks for the advice.
Its not really about odd or even.
I am not really close with her and I know Its my fault for not thinking more before I asked.
I dont want to look back in the future and have someone in the bridal party who probably wont even be a part of my life.

The rest of the BP is: My sister, his sister, and my two best friends!

I still wouldn't do it. JMO!

BMD'sPeanut Posted: May 14, 2004 12:17 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

Posted by JENI'BRIDE

Thanks for the advice.
Its not really about odd or even.
I am not really close with her and I know Its my fault for not thinking more before I asked.
I dont want to look back in the future and have someone in the bridal party who probably wont even be a part of my life.

The rest of the BP is: My sister, his sister, and my two best friends!

if you don't expect to be friends with her again after this, then go for it.

kpny622 Posted: May 14, 2004 12:19 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

personally, if that was me and I was asked to leave the bridal party, I'd be so insulted that there's no way I'd even come to the wedding as a guest (although you may not care since you say she won't be a part of your life anyway in the future)

ChristineC68 Posted: May 14, 2004 12:26 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

Posted by kpny622

personally, if that was me and I was asked to leave the bridal party, I'd be so insulted that there's no way I'd even come to the wedding as a guest (although you may not care since you say she won't be a part of your life anyway in the future)

I would feel the same way. If I were in this person's shoes, I would be out of your life as soon as the conversation ended.

JENI'BRIDE Posted: May 14, 2004 12:39 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

You guys are the best!
I asked a couple of friends for advice and they seem to think its not that big of a deal.
But the overwhelming response from you guys - is no way!
My gut feeling was the same...I felt terrible just thinking of the conversation with her.

So she's in. Thanks again. Its good to have other brides to bring me back to reality.

BMD'sPeanut Posted: May 14, 2004 12:42 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

Posted by JENI'BRIDE

You guys are the best!
I asked a couple of friends for advice and they seem to think its not that big of a deal.
But the overwhelming response from you guys - is no way!
My gut feeling was the same...I felt terrible just thinking of the conversation with her.

So she's in. Thanks again. Its good to have other brides to bring me back to reality.

perhaps you can use this as a way to get back to being close to her...if she's not receptive, then you may re-think her inclusion...but if she is, then you may have another close friend to add to your list...and that wouldn't be so bad!

Valentinegirl Posted: May 14, 2004 12:46 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

Posted by JENI'BRIDE

You guys are the best!
I asked a couple of friends for advice and they seem to think its not that big of a deal.
But the overwhelming response from you guys - is no way!
My gut feeling was the same...I felt terrible just thinking of the conversation with her.

So she's in. Thanks again. Its good to have other brides to bring me back to reality.

Good choise. I would say definitely don't do that. I would be hurt if it was me.

june262004 Posted: May 14, 2004 12:51 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

nferrandi Posted: May 14, 2004 01:08 PM

Re: Sorry? Change of plans

The only way I would ask someone to leave my BP was if they had done something terribly wrong or disrespectful. You guys aren't as close as you once were and you asked her to be part of your BP. Maybe you made a mistake in judgement, but she really shouldn't have to be hurt because of that. Just suck it up. Maybe this wedding will bring you closer again.