Brides Helping Brides ™ - Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

Xelindrya Posted: Apr 01, 2004 11:02 AM

Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

Im sorry but I just don’t get it.

What’s the big deal about knowing when your shower is or is not?

If you think you’re gonna get one, great. Then you can be happy that these people care enough to throw you a little party how nice of them. This isn’t like Christmas where you’re supposed to pretend to not know who Santa is and then be all bummed when you find out he’s fake. It’s not like a surprise birthday party when you at least know the time range and just need the surprise, either. It’s a little party.

If you don’t think you’re gonna get one (like me), then there’s nothing to worry about is there? If someone came out accidentally and hinted I was going to get a shower, then I’d be shocked and happy. Not ticked off that they gave it away. If they then further implied the date, then I’d think of it as an upcoming birthday party for me and be grateful that there’s at least one day (out of all the stressed filled ones) to look forward to.

I just feel bad for all the family members, friends and bridal party folks who accidentally give out Shower information. I mean it’s not the end of the world. Why can’t we just be grateful for the friends and family we have? It’s not a conspiracy if they slip and tell you and I don’t understand how you can be so bummed out if they do. It’s supposed to be a HAPPY time not a disappointment.

So they told you, GREAT now you don’t have to worry about if you won’t have one at all.

I had no engagement dinner, we have no rehearsal dinner, we aren’t planning any bach parties and I’m nearly 200% sure no one I know will throw me a ‘shower’. None of that bothers me. I am glad for the family & Friends I have.

If I knew someone was going to throw me a shower and they slipped and told me info I shouldn’t know I’d giggle like a schoolgirl and the idea that I know. Kinda like when Mom used to hint heavily about where the Xmas gifts were. I didn’t open them the surprise is always still there, but it’s the fun pleasure of knowing some of the secrets.

Why does this have to be such a downer to know Shower information? What am I missing?

Seriously, Im not trying to be cruel I honeslty just don’t get it. What’s the big deal? Did I miss the memo on this? Can someone fill me in?

dkwife Posted: Apr 01, 2004 11:05 AM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

I agree with you 100% on this... I know when my shower is, I am not one big on surprises anyway... At least now I know I should be dressed decently and not hungover : )

MegLehner Posted: Apr 01, 2004 11:05 AM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

I dont really think its a big deal to know when your shower is either. Personally I dont like surprises and since I work and go to school all week I would like to know in advance so I can take off time and plan my studying.
I know the weekend of my shower since I will have to be on LI for it - but it doesnt bother me at all. In fact, I wish I knew more about it. Im hoping FMIL slips up and tells me more

tourist Posted: Apr 01, 2004 11:10 AM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

i thinkits jsut tradiotn to be surpirsed.
i have no ide aif I will have a shower- but there have been many ' it's a shame your cousin didn't have a shower' comments ( i was the MOH, but I was only 19 & in NY and she was in california- i think she had a work one)
so I tink my family will wnat ot thro be one, but aren't saying anything b/c they wnat to keep the surprise tradition.

I am very hard to surprise, so I fully expect to find out & not be surprised. I wish they'd just come & say they want to throw me one, so we don't have to pretend. I just dont' want to bring it up b/c I don't want to presume they are throwing me one.

I dn't get why peopel are semi-involved in their showers ( my friend gave her sister an utfit to have for her so she could change) but jsut want ot be surprised by the time & date.

I guess its just for the tradition & more for the people throwing it-they want to surprise you & they'll be dissapointed if you find out, which is why I think it should all be out in the open in the first place.

Jan05Bride Posted: Apr 01, 2004 11:10 AM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

The big deal is that it is a tradition that it is normally a surprise. Most people know they are going to have one, but the anticipation of not knowing exactly when is half the fun. A lot of people put a lot of effort into surprising the bride and when she finds out it's dissapointing. The bride is not throwing the shower herself, other people are going out of their way (time & money) to make it special for that person. Surprises are fun and it's a let down to know when it's going to be.
As someone who has planned surprises in the past, it really is dissapointing when the honoree finds out after all the work you did to keep it quiet. It's a tradition and there's nothing wrong with being dissapointed because someone ruined that surprise.

Donna Posted: Apr 01, 2004 11:12 AM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

Posted by Jan05Bride

The big deal is that it is a tradition that it is normally a surprise. Most people know they are going to have one, but the anticipation of not knowing exactly when is half the fun. A lot of people put a lot of effort into surprising the bride and when she finds out it's dissapointing. The bride is not throwing the shower herself, other people are going out of their way (time & money) to make it special for that person. Surprises are fun and it's a let down to know when it's going to be.
As someone who has planned surprises in the past, it really is dissapointing when the honoree finds out after all the work you did to keep it quiet. It's a tradition and there's nothing wrong with being dissapointed because someone ruined that surprise.

My thoughts exactly but you said it more eloquently.

Bebalina Posted: Apr 01, 2004 11:13 AM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

Xelindrya,

I understand what you are saying....and you make many valid points. I can't speak for the other girls on this site, but I'm sure some of them will agree with me on this ...
You're correct when you say be grateful for the friends and family you have, and not to be upset if someone let is slip when your shower is, however, I know for myself, I wouldn't want to know when my bridal shower is for the simple fact, it's part of tradition for the bridal party or the mother of the bride, to plan a surpise bridal shower, to pamper the bride and give her gifts to wish her and her groom well in their new life together.
Now if I was to find out when my bridal shower was...I would be slightly upset ...bc its a classic moment walking into a room where everyong is there for you not bc its ur birthday, but your getting married.
I think I've went on long enuff here, but bottom line is its just part of tradition for it to be a surprise, and if it's not you feel a bit upset by it. Not that the world is over or anything, but I know for myself, it just feels nice.

tourist Posted: Apr 01, 2004 11:13 AM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

Posted by searsc

I agree with you 100% on this... I know when my shower is, I am not one big on surprises anyway... At least now I know I should be dressed decently and not hungover : )

LOL! Very good point.I don't want to plan it, I have other things to do, but if someone let me know they are planning one, I'd like to tell them I'd like it in somone's house, casual, maybe with pizza, not a surprise. Those are my only requests--take it from there.

nsgraham Posted: Apr 01, 2004 11:13 AM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

Well, for me it's a question of my level of obsession with wedding planning. If I knew when my shower was, I would get really stupid and check my registry all the time and bug my MOH for 'just one more detail' and depressed when it's 3 days beforehand and no one's bought me anything off the registry and try to influence it way too much. I already bought the favors! (which I will give to my MOH and not think anymore about) I'm normally bad with surprises, but I insisted on keeping this one from me because I know I would wake up thinking and wondering about it and I have enough stress right now. I'm the kid who convinced their parents that Christmas actually happened at 12 midnight on Christmas Eve so of course we could open our presents then - because I just couldn't wait. Keeping it a surprise keeps the stress levels off - I can put it to the back of my head.

That's just me.

Also, surprises, when they work, are a lot of fun! Everyone's usually works really hard to keep the surprise a surprise, and so when you know early you blow it for them. And it's nice to be surprised, if you were looking forward to it.

jacardi Posted: Apr 01, 2004 11:16 AM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

I agree with knowing, someone always blows it anyway,
I know when mine is, but than again my mom lives in fla. so if she comes up I will know anyway

zaley Posted: Apr 01, 2004 11:18 AM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

I don't think that it is a big deal. i knew i was getting one, i just found out the date. but for the people that are doing it for me it is a big deal to them and i don't want to kill it for them.

dkwife Posted: Apr 01, 2004 11:18 AM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

Everyone is different... Some care, some don't... that's how it is with everything and it makes the world go round...

usuk2004 Posted: Apr 01, 2004 11:32 AM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

Posted by Jan05Bride

The big deal is that it is a tradition that it is normally a surprise. Most people know they are going to have one, but the anticipation of not knowing exactly when is half the fun.

Surprises are fun and it's a let down to know when it's going to be.

it really is dissapointing when the honoree finds out after all the work you did to keep it quiet. It's a tradition and there's nothing wrong with being dissapointed because someone ruined that surprise.

I agree. I figured mine out because some people slipped, but if I told my mother I knew, she would be so disappointed.

I think it just comes down to the fact that some people enjoy surprises and some don't. I love to be surprised, because it truly happens so rarely. DH, on the other hand, HATES to be surprised. It's just a matter of opinion.

julz33 Posted: Apr 01, 2004 11:34 AM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

I know when my shower is also I like it better this way!

OctBride03 Posted: Apr 01, 2004 11:35 AM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

Posted by Jan05Bride

The big deal is that it is a tradition that it is normally a surprise. Most people know they are going to have one, but the anticipation of not knowing exactly when is half the fun. A lot of people put a lot of effort into surprising the bride and when she finds out it's dissapointing. The bride is not throwing the shower herself, other people are going out of their way (time & money) to make it special for that person. Surprises are fun and it's a let down to know when it's going to be.
As someone who has planned surprises in the past, it really is dissapointing when the honoree finds out after all the work you did to keep it quiet. It's a tradition and there's nothing wrong with being dissapointed because someone ruined that surprise.

I agree 100%

ChristineC68 Posted: Apr 01, 2004 11:47 AM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

Posted by Xelindrya
............If I knew someone was going to throw me a shower and they slipped and told me info I shouldn’t know I’d giggle like a schoolgirl and the idea that I know. Kinda like when Mom used to hint heavily about where the Xmas gifts were. I didn’t open them the surprise is always still there, but it’s the fun pleasure of knowing some of the secrets. .....

You pretty much answered your own question here. You knew you were getting gifts and you knew where they were but you didn't peak because it would be fun to be surprised when you opened them on Christmas morning!

Most of us expect a shower of some sort and we know we will get presents at the shower.

So what's the big deal if we want to be surprised after the hosts and the guests went to the trouble of trying to create the surprise??

brideinapril Posted: Apr 01, 2004 11:52 AM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

I didn't know when my shower was, so I was totally surprised. My mom threw it for me. The happiness on her face was the only gift I needed that day.

However, if I did know about it, to me, it would not have been a big deal, I think its a big deal for the people throwing it.

kel2004 Posted: Apr 01, 2004 12:03 PM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

I think the reason for the tradition of the surprise is that you are not supposed to assume that you are getting a shower. If your friends and family want to 'shower' you with gifts, they shouldn't tell you about it beforehand. That's tacky. These days it can get complicated trying to keep things a surprise - so many people involved, people out of town, etc. And that's why it's more common for the bride nowadays to not be surprised. JMO...

gilgo31 Posted: Apr 01, 2004 12:06 PM

Re: Sorry to say this but.. whats the big deal? Showers? (NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE)

I have to agree on the surprise part - I like surprises and I totally appreciate all the work going into keeping my shower a secret. That said, both my FI and my dad kinda slipped on the details,and I was kinda disappointed that I have an idea but hey, I'm glad I'm getting a shower nonetheless. But someone's post mentioned getting favors - is that something the bride is supposed to do? I didn't even think about that? I'm not even sure who is hosting my shower - do I have to get a hostess gift? If I'm not sure of the place, how do I know when to bring it? Ick, I didn't even think of these things - I don't want to show up empty handed!! Thanks for any advice..