Sperm donor headaches

swags1016 Posted: May 02, 2003 07:43 PM

Sperm donor headaches

UGH!

When we first got engaged I told my father (who basically had nothing to do with my life) that I wanted my stepfather to walk me half way then hand me off to him to walk me down the aisle.
That was 2 years ago that I told him this.

So on Sunday, along with all the other crap that I was dealing with, he tells me AGAIN he is not happy about it and starts crap with me. It wasn't like I wasn't already crying when he called. He felt the need to add more fuel to the fire.

So I called him the next day and told him that, fine after all the DISRESPECTFUL things that he has done to me and my brother that NO ONE was walking me down the aisle.

So anyway he has the NERVE to call FI this morning and try to get him to take his side. FI (he is such a good man) tells him that he supports me in OUR decision that no one will walk me down the aisle. So he tell FI not to send out his invitations! We are supposed to mail them tomorrow!

dgtlsunshine Posted: May 02, 2003 07:45 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

Is your stepdad really special to you? If so I would have him walk me down the aisle since my sperm donor was never really involved in my life .

kelly6273 Posted: May 02, 2003 07:46 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

I agree.

swags1016 Posted: May 02, 2003 07:58 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

That was my initial thought I was trying to have everyone including his s lut of a girlfriend (my mother's former best friend) be included in the wedding and he has the nerve to start this with me now 80 something days before my wedding!!

Olgaki Posted: May 02, 2003 08:02 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

you were going to include his girlfriend That is VERY noble of you - if you don't particularly like him then why would you even include his GF - not like she's family. You are very nice!!! Don't let yourself get stepped on! If you want your Stepdad then you put him in! I hate parents who act like kids!!!! Kudos to you for being such a nice girl!

eroxgirl Posted: May 02, 2003 08:33 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

I think you are being OVERLY accomodating to him! He has some nerve saying one word to you about your plans! If he wasn't there for your life, he should be GRATEFUL that you would want him to walk you down halfway. You should have only the person that YOU WANT to walk you down the aisle do it. IMO it should be someone who deserves it.

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: May 02, 2003 08:38 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

I agree. It's very nice of you to try to do the right thing, but this is your day and you have to do what is going to make you happy.
If your stepfather is special to you, I wouldn't not include him because your father might be upset, You'll regret it. And why should you have to be so accomidating to a man who was not involved in your life?
These d.amn 'fathers' blow me away

swags1016 Posted: May 02, 2003 09:09 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

Thank you! I agree but I was trying to be respectful. Now what do I do with these **** invitations because I will be house sitting for my mother all of next week and will be unreachable (to him). Should I ignore his statement and mail them anyway? To me, he is just proving that he wants to put on a show for everyone and that if he is not going to walk me down the aisle then he would have to explain to all my mothers old friends and everyone else that he is not the perfect father that he lies and claims he is?

I have class tomorrow, I was going to leave class early tomorrow and meet FI at the post office to mail these because he wants to be there when we mail them and he works nights.

Olgaki Posted: May 02, 2003 09:11 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

I would mail them anyway - you'll come out looking like the bigger person - which you are! Plus you never know what will happen between then and now

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: May 02, 2003 09:21 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

Mail them and if he chooses not to attend, HIS LOSS!!!
All of a sudden he expects to walk into your life so he can look like father of the f.riggen year!! Unbelieveable...

Boop2704 Posted: May 02, 2003 09:58 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

I am having somewhat of a problem like yours. My dad has not really been too involved in my life since my parents divorced 15 years ago. When all the wedding planning came around he is under the assumption that he has all these rights. I wanted both my parents to walk me down the isle since my mom has always been there for me my whole life, no matter what it was she was always there. Well, my dad told me if she walks me down te isle he won't come. OK fine so out with that, I don't need the headaches and my mom who is the best, totally understands. Now, my new problem with him is going to the church. I want both my parents to drive in the car with me to the church. I want the two people who brought me into the world to be the last I spend my final minutes as a single woman with. Well, my dad's reply to this was ' What about my wife, I am married'. LIKE I CARE. I told him she can go on the party bus. It is my wedding and this is what I want. Anyway, he is still saying no to this and I told him that he doesn't have to come and he actually threatened me again. ASS !!! He says it is the father that traditionally goes in the car. So, my reply to him was, ' If we are going by tradition than it is the father of the bride who pays for the wedding'. He shut up after that. He is being cheap, My mom is basically paying for the whole wedding, she won't let me pay. He's giving us a few thousand, not even enough to cover his family. Wow, I really needed to vent. Thank you for listening. I am learning to just ignore him !!! Finally!
I have spent too many days and nights crying over everything he says to me.

Sorry this is sooo long.

swags1016 Posted: May 02, 2003 10:03 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

You ever wonder if it is the 'significant' others of our fathers that make them act like this. Because I know personally may father is not bright enough for this! Both my mother and & I feel that she is whispering stuff in his ear.

lilmrs Posted: May 02, 2003 10:08 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

Boop: He says it is the father that traditionally goes in the car. So, my reply to him was, ' If we are going by tradition than it is the father of the bride who pays for the wedding'. He shut up after that. GOOD FOR YOU!

Ladies, I know these are your 'fathers' but if they were never really your 'dads' I feel you are being more than accomodating...if they don't like it and are giving you grief I think you should go with your gut.

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: May 02, 2003 10:11 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

I have to agree. And if it's your mom that was there for you all these years, and your 'father' is giving you a hard time about her walking you down the aisle, F him! Where was he all these years? Who was there for all through good times and BAD?? Not him!!! I'm sorry I'm getting crazy, this whole topic just makes me nuts!

lilmrs Posted: May 02, 2003 10:13 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

I agree 2nd! Some people are so into protocal...they forget the whole meaning behind it. Your mother who has been behing you through thick and thin...she is really the one who is giving you 'away'

Wendy Posted: May 02, 2003 10:18 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

I have a sperm donor too, but fortunately for me he never bothered to take any part of my life. I will say that if your stepfather is important to you and you want him to particpate by walking you down the aisle, then do it. You owe your father nothing at all and as shown by his behavior he sure doesn't deserve it either.

I would send the invite but that's it. If he has to explain to his side of the family why he isn't walking you down the aisle, too bad. It is your day and you should have things the way that you want them. Hopefully he will leave you alone. Sounds like your FI set him straight. Good for him!

swags1016 Posted: May 02, 2003 10:25 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

It is not HIS invite that I think he is worried about it is his guests that I think he is worried about because then he would have to do all the explaining!

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: May 02, 2003 10:27 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

Well while he's at it let him explain to his family why he hasn't been in your life all these years!

swags1016 Posted: May 02, 2003 10:29 PM

Re: Sperm donor headaches

LOL he'll lie like he always does! He always told everyone that the reason he was broke was because he was paying so much in Child support/alimony and my college--- ummmm $25 a week/no alimony and $35.00 towards college (I ran short on a book once so he paid for the money I was short)