Spin Off to Girls who live with FH b/f the wedding ..

Ok .. This is to all the girls that live with FH b/f marriage. When you all went to talk to your priest or rabbi's about getting married, did they ask you if you and FH live together? did you lie and say No? or did you tell them truth? if you told them the truth what was their response?

I am asking this b/c on Monday I went to confession. In my confession i told the priest that FH and I live together. He asked we if we lived together like Brother and Sister and I was like NO we live like a couple. He asked if we thought about getting married anytime soon and I said we were in the process and we are getting married in the Catholic Church. Well he started going on talking about how the ceremony of marriage in the church is to unite the couple and how we weren't suppose to be living together b/f getting married b/c then that beats the whole purpose of having a catholic ceremony. Anyway he made me feel like I shouldn't be getting married in a church. And I've been feeling weird ever since. Like i'm such a sinner for living with FH

What do you girls think?? Thank God he is not a priest in my church or the priest who will be marrying me. But I was just curious if anyone had the same experience??

I'm sorry you're feeling bad over this.

In the church's eyes one is not supposed to 'be' with each other before marriage, hence his reaction. However, even the catholic church knows that today, a majority of people don't hold true to this. It is within a priests right to refuse to to officiate a wedding because of this (at least I believe it is, someone correct me if I'm wrong), but there are many that are out there that are more lenient. I disagree with the comment that living together defeats the purpose of a catholic ceremony.

I have not told my priest outright, however, he is a family friend and I believe he knows. If he does ask I won't lie about it, I'm not lying about my life to ensure the priest will marry me, that seems more wrong then the fact that FH and I live together, which I don't feel bad about at all.

Its really all about personal preference and how closely you hold your religious beliefs. I'm sure there are many people out there who have run into this, I know I spoke to one priest (not to officiate but I was lookign at possibly having my ceremony at his chapel) and I didn't like my interaction with him and so I'm just having it at my priests church rather then this nicer one. You need to be where you feel comfortable.

Hope this helps.

Like brother and sister

We dont live together but we were told by our deacon (hes a family friend) to say NO (or tell our friends to say no) ... also say no if they ask if you have sex. (they didnt ask us that tho)

lie

Thanks! And I totally agree with you. Although I was raised Catholic, I can't say I follow the religion 100%. And I do agree that some priests have different views on this. Like I said, he is not even a priest at my church. He was just there that one night that confession was going on. Even my brother felt weird confessing with him b/c he said he made no sense LOL.

My church is very flexible so I am waiting until I hit my one year mark to go talk to my priest about getting married there. I know they will have no problems marrying me b/c they know me and my family very well for years. but I am very nervous about my priest asking me that one question. I don't know why LOL.

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Posted by kdm822

Like brother and sister

We dont live together but we were told by our deacon (hes a family friend) to say NO (or tell our friends to say no) ... also say no if they ask if you have sex. (they didnt ask us that tho)

lie

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Seriously when he asked if we lived like Brother and Sister I wanted to laugh! Like really?? if we were living like brother and sister I would have never even brought up the topic. I didn't laugh b/c i didn't want to seem disrespectful. LOL.

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Posted by JRT5412

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Posted by kdm822

Like brother and sister

We dont live together but we were told by our deacon (hes a family friend) to say NO (or tell our friends to say no) ... also say no if they ask if you have sex. (they didnt ask us that tho)

lie

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Seriously when he asked if we lived like Brother and Sister I wanted to laugh! Like really?? if we were living like brother and sister I would have never even brought up the topic. I didn't laugh b/c i didn't want to seem disrespectful. LOL.

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So funny!! Thats something the deacon we are friends with would jk to us about. I probably would have thought ' no im not marrying my brother you sicko! ' ... Like everyone else said it depends on how faithful you are in your religion. I dont go to church and i know my jewish friends know more about being catholic then i ever learned in religion. So for me if i was asked something i had to lie about i probably would have lied. But thats just me. My Fhs nanny and a couple cousins are very religious, some also told us to lie if we had to (i was suprised )

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Posted by sjr385

(I play both sides of the 'are we living together?' question. We're both Jewish and I know our rabbi won't care. But...)

Be honest. If you're 'living in sin', it's better to do it openly than lie to the priest, right? It sounds like the priest at confession is taking the official position of the Church. But there are plenty of girls on here who are getting married in the Church who live together and have sex before marriage. Some of the girls said they were given a hard time about it at pre-cana and others said it was fine. Besides, isn't it better to be imperfect members of the church than to be non-members?

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Your soo right .. i'm sure many couples getting married in a church are having pre-marital Sex! which is another sin. Who doesn't have sex nowadays b/f marriage?

I'm so glad I dont have to go to Confession, ever.

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Posted by CaughtMyFish

I'm so glad I dont have to go to Confession, ever.

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Seriously i tried very hard to keep a straight face while i was doing it.

We have our meeting with the church in about 3 weeks. I don't plan on lying to the priest about lviing together. Not that I am a perfect catholic but I don't want to lie to a priest for something that I feel should not be an issue.
I don't think it will be a big issue at my parish. My SIL is chinese and doesn't really follow a relighion. My brother met with the church and they baptized my nephew there. The priest didn't have anything negative to say about them not being married by the church, but he said he just suggested they do that he felt it was important, especially since they'll be raising the baby that way. He had even agreed to waive the fee for them.

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Posted by JRT5412

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Posted by sjr385

(I play both sides of the 'are we living together?' question. We're both Jewish and I know our rabbi won't care. But...)

Be honest. If you're 'living in sin', it's better to do it openly than lie to the priest, right? It sounds like the priest at confession is taking the official position of the Church. But there are plenty of girls on here who are getting married in the Church who live together and have sex before marriage. Some of the girls said they were given a hard time about it at pre-cana and others said it was fine. Besides, isn't it better to be imperfect members of the church than to be non-members?

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Your soo right .. i'm sure many couples getting married in a church are having pre-marital Sex! which is another sin. Who doesn't have sex nowadays b/f marriage?

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You would actually be surprised about this. I know tons of couples who have not had sex....and they won't until they get married.

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Posted by roblisa09

Honestly, I grew up Pentecostal. Very strict and very religious and I eventually came out of that religious mindset years ago. I think that this is all about personal convictions. I never understood the whole confession thing. The only one that can truly forgive any sin is the one who shed HIS blood for you. While I do believe that we must obey or submit to some kind of faith authority I don't think you need to lie and the end the only one you truly need to answer to and can judge you is God. After all he knows the true intentions of your heart. Don't be so stressed about this, pray in your heart about it and I agree with what one of the brides said, obviously you're looking for God's blessing so that should count. Remember this is between you, FH and God!!!! Smile Sweetie!!!

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That is soo true .. you are soo right that we are looking for God's blessing and that this marriage is me, FH and God!!! I like that. Thanks Doll that made me smile