SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

OK, this is a spinoff of OctGroom's engagement ring thread.

I've always had a thing about engagement rings. Frankly (and I know some of you are going to be-head me for this), but I don't believe that a ring should be an accepted part of being engaged. Yes, I got boosh a ring, but that was because I wanted to, not because I was expected to.

Basically, I feel that when a man is professing his love for a woman, that is gift enough. A ring shouldn;t be automatic and expected. But I know some girls who will say, 'if my ring isn't 3 karats, i'm not accepting the proposal' Or, they'll accept it, but won't be happy.

Is it true, are engagement rings THAT important? and why? And should a ring be a certain size?

I look forward to the answers

I voted NO, but to be honest there was a time that it did matter to me. Before I had it, I was fairly insistent that it had to be a certain size. I felt like my e-ring was going to be the nicest piece of jewlery I will ever own, something I would wear for the rest of my life and I did have a certain idea in my head of what I wanted it to be.

Looking back, I think I was being too materialistic. When I look at it now, the size does not matter (although it is what I wanted) because it is the sentimental value that I place more emphasis on.

I wouldn't say size specifically matters...But I do believe the ring you get should be a fair representation of what the proposer can afford.

My FH bought himself a Lexus before we got engaged. With that in mind I was not going to be happy with an itty bitty ring...

Would I love him if he could not afford a Lexus. Of course. But that's not the issue.

Would I have expected as big a ring as I got if he could not afford such a fancy car? Of course not.

Get what I am saying?

that's the heart of my question, why does an abstract feeling need a 'symbol'?

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

I wouldn't say size specifically matters...But I do believe the ring you get should be a fair representation of what the proposer can afford.

My FH bought himself a Lexus before we got engaged. With that in mind I was not going to be happy with an itty bitty ring...

Would I love him if he could not afford a Lexus. Of course. But that's not the issue.

Would I have expected as big a ring as I got if he could not afford such a fancy car? Of course not.

Get what I am saying?

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yes, but why should someone expect a ring in the first place?

I voted 'no.' FH and I have been living together for a long time, and we don't have a lot of money. Much as I like those Tiffany rings, and would love to own something from Tiffany one day, I have to be realistic. Even if FH had surprised me with a giant rock, I don't know if I could have kept it, in good conscience.

The symbolism does matter. FH and I picked out a small but beautiful ring from an independent designer -- and I love it.

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Posted by don424

yes, but why should someone expect a ring in the first place?

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I guess it comes down to tradition, I suppose. Why do most women wear a white dress? Etc. etc. etc.

I've always told my FH that the best gift he could give me would be his feelings expressed to me in writing on the back of a brown paper bag.

What can I tell ya if he thinks it's simpler to just buy jewelry?

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Posted by don424

that's the heart of my question, why does an abstract feeling need a 'symbol'?

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Because it is a symbol of a firm commitment, a symbol of future marital status, an investment into our future.

ETA, I forgot to put in tradition.

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Posted by don424

that's the heart of my question, why does an abstract feeling need a 'symbol'?

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I don't have a great answer for this question, but I see what you're saying.

For a lot of people, I think the need for a 'symbol' has a lot to do with peer pressure: 'what would grandma think if I got married but never got a ring?' Others may truly desire a tangible 'sign' of commitment. Others may not expect a ring, but are delighted when someone WANTS to buy one to show how much he (or she!) cares. Others simply wish to follow tradition.

I'm not really sure what my reason was. But I know I did want a beautiful ring, even if it's not a giant rock!

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Posted by don424

so (if i'm playing devil's advocate) you woulnd't take his 'word' for it

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i don't know about you, but i don't live in a romance novel.

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

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Posted by don424

so (if i'm playing devil's advocate) you woulnd't take his 'word' for it

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i don't know about you, but i don't live in a romance novel.

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That's funny. Yes, I do take his word for it, but I beleieve in steps in a relationship. Dating, serious, committed, and the engagement process is one of the steps in a long happy relationship.

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

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Posted by don424

so (if i'm playing devil's advocate) you woulnd't take his 'word' for it

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i don't know about you, but i don't live in a romance novel.

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??

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Posted by Jan05Bride

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

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Posted by don424

so (if i'm playing devil's advocate) you woulnd't take his 'word' for it

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i don't know about you, but i don't live in a romance novel.

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That's funny. Yes, I do take his word for it, but I beleieve in steps in a relationship. Dating, serious, committed, and the engagement process is one of the steps in a long happy relationship.

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that's fine, but why a ring?

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Posted by don424

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Posted by Jan05Bride

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

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Posted by don424

so (if i'm playing devil's advocate) you woulnd't take his 'word' for it

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i don't know about you, but i don't live in a romance novel.

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That's funny. Yes, I do take his word for it, but I beleieve in steps in a relationship. Dating, serious, committed, and the engagement process is one of the steps in a long happy relationship.

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that's fine, but why a ring?

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TRADITIONNNNNNNN
(Have you seen Fiddler on The Roof?)

Listen...I was joking about the romance novel thing...Yes, it's a lovely idea to think of two people being so in love that they need nothing but each other for the rest of their natural lives to sustain them (including big fat engagement rings)...But in REALITY, men give women rings when they promise commitment. That's just what it is.

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Posted by don424

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Posted by Jan05Bride

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

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Posted by don424

so (if i'm playing devil's advocate) you woulnd't take his 'word' for it

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i don't know about you, but i don't live in a romance novel.

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That's funny. Yes, I do take his word for it, but I beleieve in steps in a relationship. Dating, serious, committed, and the engagement process is one of the steps in a long happy relationship.

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that's fine, but why a ring?

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Tradition, it's romantic ... being sarcastic here now 'Because it's what little girls dream of'
Seriously though, I think those are the most basic reasons why we (women) want a ring.

I didn't even want a ring - and told him so - but he got me one anyway. I can't stand tradition for tradition's sake.
But of course now I absolutely love my ring!

I think I have a moderate size ring. I voted no.

I had no idea WHAT my ring would look like before I got it. I was engaged before and bought my OWN DIAMOND!!! That guy bought the band and I bought the 1/4ct marquise to mount on it. He couldnt afford the diamond so I paid for it (yes I got a refund when I turned that bad boy back in)

I learned that it's definately NOT the ring that matters.

I had no idea what the over all weight of my ring was until I got it insured. I am just a tad over 1ct total weight in three stones. That maybe small for other ladies here, but for me it's gorgeous, unique and entirely his which means he's mine.