SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

Original post by don424

Apr 22, 2004 02:00 PM

OK, this is a spinoff of OctGroom's engagement ring thread.

I've always had a thing about engagement rings. Frankly (and I know some of you are going to be-head me for this), but I don't believe that a ring should be an accepted part of being engaged. Yes, I got boosh a ring, but that was because I wanted to, not because I was expected to.

Basically, I feel that when a man is professing his love for a woman, that is gift enough. A ring shouldn;t be automatic and expected. But I know some girls who will say, 'if my ring isn't 3 karats, i'm not accepting the proposal' Or, they'll accept it, but won't be happy.

Is it true, are engagement rings THAT important? and why? And should a ring be a certain size?

I look forward to the answers

xjulietx Posted: Apr 22, 2004 03:04 PM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

I don't think the size of the stone should matter, nor does it need to be a diamond. It doesn't even need to be ring. I know someone who was proposed to with a necklace. Diamond rings are a tradition and I think it goes back to the Romans equating the fire of a sparkling diamond to the eternal flame of love (or some nonsense like that )

I personally wanted to buy FH an engagement watch, but he doesn't wear much jewelry so he told me to take that money and put it towards our downpayment on our condo.

Rings are not necessary, but from a purely proprietary view, they let others know that you are spoken for (MOST of the time, not all the time as there are those who like a challenge). If you are planning on marrying someone, let the world know it or you may have to fight off the suitors with a stick

Julestrd Posted: Apr 22, 2004 03:04 PM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

I had never envisioned my ring to be a certain size. I had hoped it would be platinum but white gold to me is all the same. The size of my ring is perfect. The center stone is 1/2 ct with 5 diamonds on each size for a total weight of 1 carat. That's definitely fine by me anything bigger would look too gawdy on my finger--my ring is a size 4!!!
But the whole ring thing is definitely something that is tradition. I think it has become to tradition that when people say we're engaged the first words out of their mouth is let me see the ring.

dgtlsunshine Posted: Apr 22, 2004 03:11 PM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

I am so far from being a materialistic person I did not even want an engagement ring. Who was it that said they don't live in a romance novel...that is me. I have never fantasized on being married and all that other stuff.

I don't wear jewelry and I told my FH I did not want an engagement ring. It was VERY important to him that I have one. His feelings were that although it was just a symbol that he felt he as a man asking me to be his wife should show some appreciation to my 'yes'. I didn't deny him his request. I was not against engagement rings I just never really saw the point in them.

I love my ring. It is no 3 karat but I love it b/c my DH thought it was so important that he give me one.

Now he bought me a Lexus a few weeks ago so hey I think he made up for the 3 karat perfectly

OSCARtheGROOM Posted: Apr 22, 2004 03:38 PM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

I voted no. I gave my fw a decent size ring because i wanted to, and because in my mind she deserved it. They don't make a diamond ring big enough to symbolize my love for her. She is far from being a materialistic person! Sometimes i think i'm more materialistic then her.

RedHead Posted: Apr 22, 2004 03:56 PM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

Posted by Becky

To me, it is just tradition. I don't think the ring equals commitment, just like I don't believe that it is 'bad luck' to see your fiance right before the wedding. But I have a ring and I did not see him before the wedding. Just tradition.

I disagree. I believe that a ring is a symbol of a commitment....the commitment to marry. Many cultures have a groom oferring things to a bride/brides family to show the intentions of wanting to get married. Does it have to be a BIG diamond ring NOPE. But that appears to be the american tradition. And of course size of a diamond doesn't matter. I think it is the intentions and the love in which it is given that is most important.

tourist Posted: Apr 22, 2004 04:12 PM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

Mine's kinda small, but I liek it that way. I picked it. ACtaully its got 3 stones, so its nottoo shabby, but it wasn't expensive.

I almost didn't wna toen at all.
But we'v ebeen saying to each other that we'd get married for about 4 years & we thought no one would believ us if we didn't get one.

It is cheesy, but I do think its is a really prtty peice of jewelery, and it does remind me of the fun & excitign time when we actaully decided to go through with all this & officially announce our engagement.

So, it makes me smile when I look at it, but it wasn't an essential part of the whole thing.

tourist Posted: Apr 22, 2004 04:19 PM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

ok, i just re-read other posts & I have to add, that rings win out trasdtion wise, probabaly, b/c you wear them all teh tiems & they are visible. And there is the circle concept.

I was thinking of going non- diamond, to be different, but diamonds go with everything
My aunt has a beautiful yellow gold ring with an opal that wasn't an engament ring per se, but my uncle gave it to her around that time & ever since has been buying her opal jewelery.

I think that's really sweet.

don424 Posted: Apr 22, 2004 04:50 PM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

well thank you all for your answers

yeah, i'll go along with tradition and i'll agree with a symbol of commitment -- i just think that the symbol can take many forms

cocoa Posted: Apr 22, 2004 05:01 PM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

i told fh that i didn't need a ring b/c in all honesty, i didn't. but he refused to accept that therefore i got a ring. and i loooove it! i pretty much picked it out but it was exactly what fh would have gotten me. but to me, i didn't want him spending the money. i love him whether he has money or not. i'm not in the relationship for money and if all he could have afforded was a diamond chip, then i would love that too! he's my man and i am touched when he gets me ice cream!

Jan05Bride Posted: Apr 22, 2004 05:05 PM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

Posted by don424
i just think that the symbol can take many forms

Yes it can and as you can see many of our brides have something other than the traditional 'diamond' ...

don424 Posted: Apr 22, 2004 05:33 PM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

yes i see that

butterfly20 Posted: Apr 22, 2004 06:23 PM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

i agree... its not the size...if your a college student proposing to your girlfriend, or have debt to pay off then you cant afford a larger ring,
however i think that within reason a girl should get a nice size ring if thats really important to her(and to me nice size is 1 carat not 3)...

me personally it mattered to me that it 'sparkled' and was an average size(not big not small so i wanted my 1 carat)... the reason being is im not a girl who walks around wearing much jewlery, and i dont own diamond jewelry(except a necklace with diamond chips) so it me it was my one luxuary among simple jewelry and non designer clothing...

september2004 Posted: Apr 22, 2004 07:22 PM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

Posted by don424

that's the heart of my question, why does an abstract feeling need a 'symbol'?

i didn't want a ring and my dad actually tried to talk FH out of it (he was so cute, he asked for my father's 'permission', my father looked at him like he had 5 heads but appreciated the thought). to FH, it wasn't 'real' if i didn't have a ring, the symbol means a lot to him. because it meant so much to him, i decided to go along with it, but within reason...

marymoon Posted: Apr 22, 2004 11:04 PM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

Maybe I'm going to sound like a princess on this one, but I honestyl agree that the overallquality/price DOES matter. In proportion to what the guy can fford, of course. I just feel like if he gets you a cheap ring, his commitment is cheap. And if he will make the sacrifice to buy you a really beautiful ring, then it sets a precedent that he's willing to sacrifice for you always (As you're willing to sacrifice for him as well). I just think if the guy really spends a lot (in proportion to his financial situation ), it really shows something to me, it becomes more meaningful. I don't know how to describe it. it's not coming out right. I just always though, you know, your engagement ring is forver, it had better be a good one!

gertyrae Posted: Apr 22, 2004 11:20 PM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

I don't think the size matters , or that it has to be a diamond. DH and I were returning stuff one day and he pulled me into a store and asked what kind of e-ring I would want, I told him 'none'. He felt it was necessary, that he wouldn't be able to propose w/out one. So, I got a sapphire. I don't understand the whole diamond thing, I think it's sort of crazy. Supposedly if all the diamonds that are in storage, just with DeBeers, were released, they would have no value at all. I like sapphires, and that's what I got.
BTW, I have a friend who cannot, for the life of her, understand why I wanted a sapphire and not a diamond. She doesn't think anyone will ever figure out whether I am engaged or married or what?!!

marymoon Posted: Apr 22, 2004 11:27 PM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

haha! How cares if anyone knows if you're engaged or not! I agree. It doens't have to be a diamond. There doens't have to be one at all. It's about what you want and what you like and what's important to you. For me, it was important to have a diamond engagement ring, although sapphires and pearls are SOOO pretty!

bxgell2 Posted: Apr 22, 2004 11:29 PM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

I feel the same way... I never wear jewelry, I'm not much of a girly girl, and I never really imagined getting married... so, I dropped lots and lots of hints to my FI that I didn't want a ring, and didn't really expect one... but he got one anyway... though he compromised because he didn't spend too much on the ring, and instead, put a chunk of the money towards a trip to switzerland as part of the engagement gift, so that it could be something for both of us... I appreciated that 100 times more than the actual ring... I've heard also of plenty of girls who haven't gotten a ring... one girl I know, her FI gave her a beautiful piece of artwork as the engagement gift... my FI almost bought me a Carmen Gia instead of the ring... but knowing my luck with cars (7 accidents in one year!), he opted for the ring

Kriss2c Posted: Apr 23, 2004 07:52 AM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

I voted no.... it's about the commitment it symbolizes. The commitment is still there without the ring, right.

dgtlsunshine Posted: Apr 23, 2004 08:08 AM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

My SIL and her husband didn't exchange rings at all. They don't have engagement rings or wedding rings. That is one couple that has a wonderful marriage.

OctGroom Posted: Apr 23, 2004 10:33 AM

Re: SPINOFF: In the honor of OctGroom

Thanks Don!

I always thought.. what good is the size of a ring if the marriage sucks?

Gimme a good marraige anyday over a big ring. Sure it looks nice socially for her to show it off.. but I rather be happy when we're home at night. The ring only goes so far. JMO

My FW wanted had a certain dream size that I just couldn't afford. I told her.. I'll do my best. And she loved what I got.

BTW.. She actually thought it WAS the size.. but I couldn't lie to her.