spinoff, of sorts, tradition...

do you think that our parents should be expected to cover wedding costs? in this day and age, i think that the bride and groom should expect to shoulder most of the costs involved.

our parents offered to cover expenses and we excepted b/c we needed help, but we are still paying over 90% of the costs, which we expected to do.

what are your feelings on this?

My feelings are...my dad wants to pay for my wedding bc he said the moment he heard 'ITS A GIRL' he couldnt wait to give me a wedding so.... this is his dream day believe it or not and I am very lucky to have it, that i know.

I dont think there is a right or wrong person to pay for a wedding. It is what it is!

I think it shouldn't be expected for anyone's parents to cover the cost of a wedding. Many Brides and Grooms who are getting married now are 'older' (when I say older, I mean over the age of 25) and have their own careers for the most part, with their own income coming in. In many cases we all live on our own whether it be renting or owning a home. We know how to live on our own and pay for our own things as well as things we want (like weddings!).

I think the 'tradition' (and I use that term loosely) comes from the fact that back in the day when couples were getting married younger (the woman being only 18-20 yrs old) she was basically going right from her parents to her husbands home. What 18, 19 or even 20 year old has the means to pay for a wedding? I also think weddings were not quite as elaborate as they are now. I could (and very well could possibly be way off base here).

My point is that as ADULTS in the working world, we should not just expect our parents to pay for a wedding. DH and I are both very fortunate where we have very well paying jobs, we have a beautiful house in a beautiful area, and our parents did pay for our wedding. We could have EASILY done it, and expected that we would, but both of our parents wouldn't hear of it. We did pay for all the little extra's.

My opinion:

If it's offered - great, thank you, shutup.

If it's not offered - don't ask for it (or even DEMAND.)

If you're truly a grown azz person that makes such a huge decision in life such as marriage, than you also need to be a grown azz person and pay for what you can afford. I see way too many people biting off more than they can chew.

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Posted by ChrissynRicky

My opinion:

If it's offered - great, thank you, shutup.

If it's not offered - don't ask for it (or even DEMAND.)

If you're truly a grown azz person that makes such a huge decision in life such as marriage, than you also need to be a grown azz person and pay for what you can afford. I see way too many people biting off more than they can chew.

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Well said, my dear Christine. Exactly my thoughts!

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Posted by ChrissynRicky

My opinion:

If it's offered - great, thank you, shutup.

If it's not offered - don't ask for it (or even DEMAND.)

If you're truly a grown azz person that makes such a huge decision in life such as marriage, than you also need to be a grown azz person and pay for what you can afford. I see way too many people biting off more than they can chew.

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Well said!

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Posted by stephanielyse

It depends a lot of the family, their financial situation, the age and financial situation of the bride. When I called my parents to tell them I got engaged one of the first things they said was 'We're going to throw you a wedding.' They have two daughters and have been planning for this for a long time. To them it's an honor to throw us this celebration. Also, they have the means to and if FH and I were paying for it we would be having a very different wedding, which is not to my parent's standards of what their daughter's wedding would be. If my parents didn't have the money to throw us a wedding, or if FH and I were able to throw one for ourselves I would have no problem paying for it, although I probably wouldn't be on the phone with my mother 78 hours a day talking about every last detail.

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I wouldn't say that it even depends on the age of the bride either. Like I said, DH and I were perfectly capable of paying for the wedding ourselves. I'm 35 and he's 40, so we are financially stable/secure, etc... our parents just wanted to do this for us for many reasons. (as guilty as I felt about it), I let them.

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Posted by ChrissynRicky

My opinion:

If it's offered - great, thank you, shutup.

If it's not offered - don't ask for it (or even DEMAND.)

If you're truly a grown azz person that makes such a huge decision in life such as marriage, than you also need to be a grown azz person and pay for what you can afford. I see way too many people biting off more than they can chew.

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I agree w/ you C. When i go to vendors and book and there is a deposit, I dont go running to my dad saying 'Ummm, can i have that $1000 back that i just used of my own $ to book the photographer?' When he does find out i pay for things, he puts in on my 'tab' and says he is paying me back every cent but i wont take it. But i am sure gracious that he is willing and able

FH and I are extremely lucky to have very generous parents.

When we got engaged, we were adamant about paying for the wedding ourselves. My parents wouldn't hear of it, we argued for weeks and they ultimately said that whatever they would have given us for the wedding would have gone to a down payment on a house for us. My FILs gave us a very generous gift, and are paying for the Rehearsal Dinner, so we are both very fortunate.

FH has been working overtime, and I got a second job to help raise some extra cash. We are paying quite a bit ourselves, and I am very grateful for whatever my parents and FILs have, could and wanted to contribute. I would never, ever expect anyone to pay for my wedding.

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Posted by stephanielyse

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Posted by FallBride05

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Posted by stephanielyse

It depends a lot of the family, their financial situation, the age and financial situation of the bride. When I called my parents to tell them I got engaged one of the first things they said was 'We're going to throw you a wedding.' They have two daughters and have been planning for this for a long time. To them it's an honor to throw us this celebration. Also, they have the means to and if FH and I were paying for it we would be having a very different wedding, which is not to my parent's standards of what their daughter's wedding would be. If my parents didn't have the money to throw us a wedding, or if FH and I were able to throw one for ourselves I would have no problem paying for it, although I probably wouldn't be on the phone with my mother 78 hours a day talking about every last detail.

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I wouldn't say that it even depends on the age of the bride either. Like I said, DH and I were perfectly capable of paying for the wedding ourselves. I'm 35 and he's 40, so we are financially stable/secure, etc... our parents just wanted to do this for us for many reasons. (as guilty as I felt about it), I let them.

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You're right. What I meant by that was that if you're getting married at a very young age, it's not excpected that you would have the means to pay for a big wedding, where as getting married once you're a bit older and have an estabilished career and a bit of savings, you COULD afford to pay for it on your own. I think it's wonderful when parents have the means and will to pay for their child's wedding, regardless of their age, but more and more people are getting married after having lived on their own and making their own money for upwards of 10 years and I'm sure at that point many couples would rather foot the bill themselves than have their parents be in charge. It's a nice tradition to pay for your daughter's wedding, but it also poses a financial burdern to many families, esp with weddings being so expensive these days, so I think that it's great when a couple is able to pay for their own wedding, or when the families come together to split it or any of the other combinations that we see today.

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I agree 100% and is similar to what I wrote up top

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Posted by conigs25

My feelings are...my dad wants to pay for my wedding bc he said the moment he heard 'ITS A GIRL' he couldnt wait to give me a wedding so.... this is his dream day believe it or not and I am very lucky to have it, that i know.

I dont think there is a right or wrong person to pay for a wedding. It is what it is!

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I completely agree. My father has been looking forward to this day since I arrived. I'm very fortunate and appreciate everything my parents have done.

Had they not offered, my FH and I would have paid for our own wedding. I don't think any specific person should pay...

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Posted by ChrissynRicky

My opinion:

If it's offered - great, thank you, shutup.

If it's not offered - don't ask for it (or even DEMAND.)

If you're truly a grown azz person that makes such a huge decision in life such as marriage, than you also need to be a grown azz person and pay for what you can afford. I see way too many people biting off more than they can chew.

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amen to that!!!