spinoff to 'If you knew your unborn child would be disabled...'

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Posted by elyssa222

it might be to late to apologize but in no way shape of form did I mean to offend anyone. The reason I asked is because I know someone who is in a situation. She has a son who was just diagnosed as autistic and he is rather low functioning. She had said to me that if I had known that this would be his life I would have aborted him. I was dumbfounded to say the least and tried to explain to her about the options she had and the developments being made in the autism field.

The reason I asked was because I wanted to know what other people who felt the way she did about aborting the child had she known would do.

I didnt mean to single out anyone and apologize that I did. In fact I think it is very brave and rather honorable of people to say they would abort (even though I don't agree) It takes a lot of strength and character to make that decision.

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I can understand where you are coming from, this is the unfortunate thing about verbalizing your thoughts through typing words, we can't hear your 'true' message and tone. So sorry for your friend, in my opinion your child is your child and you deal with what is handed to you, especially when it is your child! Autistic children can make HUGE headway in regard to development as long as early intervention is implemented.Autistic children can learen to be warm and communicative and can smile at you and hug you, and for those reasons I hope your friend will remain focused and strong.

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Posted by elyssa222

it might be to late to apologize but in no way shape of form did I mean to offend anyone. The reason I asked is because I know someone who is in a situation. She has a son who was just diagnosed as autistic and he is rather low functioning. She had said to me that if I had known that this would be his life I would have aborted him. I was dumbfounded to say the least and tried to explain to her about the options she had and the developments being made in the autism field.

The reason I asked was because I wanted to know what other people who felt the way she did about aborting the child had she known would do.

I didnt mean to single out anyone and apologize that I did. In fact I think it is very brave and rather honorable of people to say they would abort (even though I don't agree) It takes a lot of strength and character to make that decision.

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well i think it would have been much better of a question stated like the above. AND i still think it is a question for everyone to answer

I just do not understand what kind of answers you thought you were going to get other than that we would help out our child in every way imagineable.

I have worked with autisitic kids and adults...low, moderate, high functioning...it is all EXTREMELY difficult and i feel bad for you friend. AND if she is smart she will find a great place to help her child.

If you would like to talk to me about it please FM me!

Redhead,

But as evident by the friend in this scenario, some mothers would have opted for an abortion if they knew a severe disability would be developed. I think it is sooo taboo to say 'yes, I would have aborted if I knew my child would of turned out like this', it's just like Mom's who admit that Motherhood is not what they had hoped it to be, it's a taboo subject because society just doesn't approve of it.

It's a really tough subject and it's hard to imagine what you would do until you become a mother. I could NEVER abort, but I know MANY parents who would of done so but just don't admit to it in public. Also, there is a HUGE difference between just working with a severly disabled population vs. living with and raising a child with a severe disability, there is no comparison.

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Posted by emilain

Redhead,

But as evident by the friend in this scenario, some mothers would have opted for an abortion if they knew a severe disability would be developed. I think it is sooo taboo to say 'yes, I would have aborted if I knew my child would of turned out like this', it's just like Mom's who admit that Motherhood is not what they had hoped it to be, it's a taboo subject because society just doesn't approve of it.

It's a really tough subject and it's hard to imagine what you would do until you become a mother. I could NEVER abort, but I know MANY parents who would of done so but just don't admit to it in public. Also, there is a HUGE difference between just working with a severly disabled population vs. living with and raising a child with a severe disability, there is no comparison.

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taboo or not...it is honesty. I think if i had a severly disabled child..yes i would abort. It has NOTHING TO DO with society at all. It has to do with the quality of life an Profoundly disabled person could have...It actually really depneds on a lot of things...which is why just saying 'disabled' is to general and to large of a term.

Me personally...i do not have to be a mother to know how i feel about this topic though....
I work with this population and i do look at them as wanting the absolute best care possible. I see and talk to their parents almost everyday...I hear their stories (all different...most sad and scared). I thik just because you are a mother, doesn't mean you know what or how it is to raise a disabled child..Nor do you understand the quality of life a MAJORITY of them have...unless you have a relative, sibling or work in the field...

I am pretty sure i know what i would do..and i do not think there is anything wrong with being honest about it...

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taboo or not...it is honesty. I think if i had a severly disabled child..yes i would abort. It has NOTHING TO DO with society at all. It has to do with the quality of life an Profoundly disabled person could have...It actually really depneds on a lot of things...which is why just saying 'disabled' is to general and to large of a term.

Me personally...i do not have to be a mother to know how i feel about this topic though....
I work with this population and i do look at them as wanting the absolute best care possible. I see and talk to their parents almost everyday...I hear their stories (all different...most sad and scared). I thik just because you are a mother, doesn't mean you know what or how it is to raise a disabled child..Nor do you understand the quality of life a MAJORITY of them have...unless you have a relative, sibling or work in the field...

I am pretty sure i know what i would do..and i do not think there is anything wrong with being honest about it...

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I guess it's all highly debatable, but I believe that inot until you are put in the situation will you REALLY know where you stand. I have seen some tragic situations and the scenario changes because the parents are dealing with it at that moment in time. I have seen DNR's turn into excessive efforts to keep a person alive and the family and patient swore that they would NEVER want to have extraordiary measures to keep them alive, that is why I say being 'in th emoment' usually changes everything.

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Posted by emilain

I guess it's all highly debatable, but I believe that inot until you are put in the situation will you REALLY know where you stand. I have seen some tragic situations and the scenario changes because the parents are dealing with it at that moment in time. I have seen DNR's turn into excessive efforts to keep a person alive and the family and patient swore that they would NEVER want to have extraordiary measures to keep them alive, that is why I say being 'in th emoment' usually changes everything.

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i agree it is VERY highly debateable..and i think that it is VERY hard to make that kind of decision.

But i guess maybe there are MANY different positions that you have to experience...not just being a mother (in this situation).
Not many people have the opportunity to see what i do...which is all the info i need. But that is me....And i respect everyones decisions for themselves!

In this case, if it is your first child..you will not have any ability to experience anything...very hard!