starting all over again ? (sorry, long)

(long time user, new profile for this)

FH and I getting close to our wedding date, and we are starting to have some doubts. It's not that we don't want to marry each other, but we've had a very rocky engagement. We've had some very serious issues with his family. They have not expressed joy for us really, and don't care too much for me. The story behind that could take up four pages, but the short bit is that they think we've said and done some terrible things that we didn't say or do at all.

On top of that, FH and I have been so busy with work, school, and life in general that we haven't had time to sit back and enjoy each other as much as we would have liked. Our intimate relationship suffered.

So our engagement has not been what we wanted it to be. We wanted to be excited, we wanted to be early anticipating our wedding, but instead we felt guilty being happy about it, and supressed our emotions. It seems like every time we tried to do something for ourselves or our wedding, someone felt we were out to hurt them.

Most recently FH had his BP and the turn of events at that party were less than ideal. I guess this was the last straw, the last thing to go wrong for our wedding.

FH seriously wants to postpone the wedding, start all over again and do it 'right'. Have our enagement all over again, this time giving it all the attention it warrants. He wants to change a lot about the wedding itself too.

Any thoughts?

My FI and I have been engaged for almost 3 years and we also had a postponment during that time because things were 'rocky'. Now, we are stronger and closer and even though it wasn't my choice, I am so happy we made the decision to wait another year. Each relationship is individual, but if you plan on spending forever together, what's an extra year or two of waiting going to hurt? In the end if it's meant to be it will make the relationship healthier. JMO

if you feel that a postponement is what you need then you should do it...
you two also might want to sit down with the familyu and discuss those things they think you did that you didnt..

hugs to you do what feels right inside

You should do whatever your heart tells you to do, whatever feels right. Don't rush into anything. Marriage isn't going anywhere - there's no deadline - you can do it this year, or next or five years from now.

Good luck with your decision!

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. If I were you I would give it serious thought especially since FH wants to postpone. You don't want to walk down the aisle knowing he isn't ready for it.

I also say do whatever it takes to make you and FH happy. But, on the other hand, remember that the wedding is just ONE DAY. A marriage is a lifetime, and this engagement is leading up to the beginning of that, not just leading up to an event that will be over and then that's that. If it were me, just in my opinion, I would have the best day of my life and not give a god damm sh i t about anyone else except my FH and myself. But I honestly feel you should do what makes you happy. GOOD LUCK!

Do whats best for you and ENJOY it all!!! Best of luck to you!!!

I think you should do what it takes no matter what it is. We are having a three year engagement because we have so much going on between work, school, family, and finances. SO MANY people make comments and not very nice ones, but we love eachother and want things to be right, so we are doing what is right for us. Do what is right for you and your FH. It is your future together and nobody elses. Good Luck and do what your heart tells you!

Follow your heart! You won't go wrong that way!

Everything will be O.K. Things always happen for a reason and have a way of working out.

I don't think we listen to our gut instincts often enough. If it's telling you to postpone it, or if HIS gut is saying that, then do it. You don't want to start off your new life together in doubt and uncertainty.
I believe everything that happens to us & around us is a learning opportunity. Life tries to teach us lessons. I don't know what this one is, but take the time to figure it out. Your happiness is too important.
Good luck!!

thank you everyone for your advice and support. keep it coming. i will show this post to FH tonight to see what he thinks. i know we'll get through this, i just don't know if it'll be on the planned date or a year from then. thank you again!

You have to do what is best for you both. If the postponement will make BOTH you and FH happy than that is what you need to do. You both need to be in agreement with this! Is it possible to go away for a weekend alone, with no distractions and talk this out. It sounds like you guys need some time together to just be alone and together to talk about what you want and need.


Good luck to you!!


We are all here for you

I say if a postponement is what it takes for the both of you to feel comfortable with how things are done, then postpone. Any downside to postponement is more than made up for when you both are happy that your big day has arrived.

to you & FH

DoneRight - as long as the two of you both feel like this, I'd say that you should wait or at least consider it.

It might seem so extreme now, but a few phone calls and all the vendors and halls can be rebooked - don't let that hold you back at all. And maybe this time, you can enjoy it the way both of you should

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for all of your advice. FH and I are still working on things, but we spent a good day together yesterday, I'm betting on another one today, and we still have tomorrow. We'll see where things lead. I'll let you know what we decide when we reach a final decision!

glad to hear you had a nice day - follow your hearts and everything will fall into place.....only you both know what to do....


good luck!!

I am happy to hear you are enjoying special time with each other.