Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

Original post by wacky

Mar 01, 2004 02:36 PM

Just curious. Im going to say me. I cant stand when people try to rationalize with a 2 year old kid..

wacky Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:18 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

Posted by yabbobay

Posted by OctGroom

I think a tap is acceptable. Abuse is never OK. And I think mental punishment is just as bad as physical.

I agree...but I am torn with what karen says...it sends out a contradictory message.

wacky...just curious...I love the idea of making you read...but I wonder if you looked at reading as punishment...

Yabbobay it acutally calmed me down and made me an avid reader in my youth. I looked forward to going to the library it became my escape and I hated doing chores

wacky Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:19 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

Posted by NYCHICK

Just to add a quick note on fear. We all experience fear, in some way. It is not the fear that will have your child beside himself. You should up to work on time because you 'fear being reprimanded or fired', you do assignment because you 'fear' getting a failing grade, you pay your taxes because because you 'fear and Irs audit'. I think the fear you all are talking about is abusive fear and their needs to be a distinction between a spanking and abuse.

I hear ya,

Becky Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:25 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

Posted by The Original 2nd-time-around

Posted by Becky

I feel the exact opposite. I think that if your kids aren't afraid of you there is nothing holding them in check.

I know this particular child who would point at people and call them fat, kick or hit anyone, yell and scream at her mother and she did not care what her mom said or did. She needed a spanking more than any child I have ever seen. I think the whole problem was that she was not afraid of her mother at all.

I would hate for my child to be fearful of me, since I'm supposed to be his safe haven, however, kids need to know 'who's boss' and respect the parents authority.

That is an interesting point. I am not talking about tiptoeing around, not wanting to make a sound kind of fear. But I know that when I was a kid, I knew that certain behavior was going to make my parents very angry. And it wasn't that I didn't want to curse when everyone else was or go into the woods near my house. I did want to. But I didn't because I didn't want my parents to find out and punish me. And there were PLENTY of times that I didn't hit a younger brother or sister because I knew I would get in trouble and not because hitting is wrong.

But by the time I was old enough to be in that situation, my parents no longer hit us. I was always afraid that I would get spanked, but it never happened. I think the threat of being hit is more important than the hitting.

But thats just me.

kptoys Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:26 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

Posted by NYCHICK

Just to add a quick note on fear. We all experience fear, in some way. It is not the fear that will have your child beside himself. You should up to work on time because you 'fear being reprimanded or fired', you do assignment because you 'fear' getting a failing grade, you pay your taxes because because you 'fear and Irs audit'. I think the fear you all are talking about is abusive fear and their needs to be a distinction between a spanking and abuse.

Can a child distingush between abuse and just a spanking? To them its all abuse. Hitting hurts...

NYCHICK Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:29 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

I think a child knows that the behavior he/she is exhibiting is unacceptable, which leads to an unsavory end result. You as the parent need to make that distinction, not the child, he looks to you , the parent for information like that. That is precisely why he/she is a child.

wacky Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:30 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

I totally agree with kids understanding who the authority figure is. I think thats whats lacking, parents dont distinguish themselves as authority figures, so kids dont have to listen to others such as teachers, police officers, other parents, adults etc.

I think its a shame

kptoys Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:30 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

but then at what age do you begin with the spankings? Does a child who is 1 for example know that pulling mommies flowers off the table is wrong?

Lunatrek Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:31 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

If you communicate with your kids enough, and give them plenty of consequences (not physical) for their bad behavior, that will be enough to keep the right amount of authority without having them actually be afraid of you. I think hitting is the easy way out.

wacky Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:32 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

How does your one year old get up on the table to pull the flowers?

jennbaby Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:33 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

My friends kids is a little terror! Yes TERROR! She does not repremand him except for a little yell here & there, its sad, but the dad started giving him a tap on the a$$ once in a while & my, how he changed!

kptoys Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:35 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

wacky - I have a runner on my table and there are flowers on it. I also have a low table with flowers on it too that would be very easy for Emma to reach

Jordan Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:35 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

Posted by Lunatrek

If you communicate with your kids enough, and give them plenty of consequences (not physical) for their bad behavior, that will be enough to keep the right amount of authority without having them actually be afraid of you. I think hitting is the easy way out.

Well put. I have to agree with this and with what Michele31 said.

NYCHICK Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:37 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

Posted by jennbaby

My friends kids is a little terror! Yes TERROR! She does not repremand him except for a little yell here & there, its sad, but the dad started giving him a tap on the a$$ once in a while & my, how he changed!

o lord tell me about it. I think it is sad when grown people cannot stand a child because he has no behavior. I had to tell my mother that I did not want my little cousin as my RB because he is just more that I can stand. He always tells FH and me ' get out of my house' when we go to MY GRANDMOTHER's. And his parents say nothing. That child rubs me the wrong way. It is a damn shame, to feel this way about a 5 year old child but I can't handle it..........

wacky Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:38 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

Kptoys, god bless you but I wouldnt have the patience to keep replacing the flowers.

I wouldnt allow the child in certain rooms call me rotten. And another pet peeve of mine why do parents let their kids color their walls?

jennbaby Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:39 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

Posted by wacky

And another pet peeve of mine why do parents let their kids color their walls?

cause they got mr. clean magic eraser

kptoys Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:41 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

Ya see though Wacky... I only had to clean up the flowers ONCE. She knocked them over and I spoke calmly to her telling her that that was not what we do with the flowers. She got upset cause she knew she did something wrong. BUT then she went back after them and with a strong tone of voice I told her NO... since then she has never touched them, well except to smell them.

cocoa Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:41 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

Posted by bride2B04

hummm tough one...i would say yes but on the hand more then the coolie

ets: anything but the soap in the mouth i donty miss that

soap in the mouth TOTALLY worked for me and i put that idea in my little book of ideas to use. and yeah, a swat is okay in my book. not little beatings, but a swat...i've seen in nature mother bears or lions give their babies little taps on their bottoms.

wacky Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:42 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

Kptoys can you be my mom?

Jordan Posted: Mar 01, 2004 03:43 PM

Re: Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

I think a lot of this is hard to answer until we're all in the situation - as a parent.

My mother instilled fear in me - with her temper, words and hands/fists. There is no way - absolutely NO WAY - I am that person...and therefore, that line of 'disciplining' is not even a thought or option for me.

Teaching a child respect while respecting the child, is something I hope to be able to do as a parent. I hope I am able to walk away when I feel the urge to take the easy way out and slap my child. This is a serious struggle with me - having been a child of an abusive parent. Every day I struggle with whether I will 'turn into' her or whether I will remain strong. I just don't think parenting is as easy as speculating...I think it's something you need to be entrenched in before you can actually say what it is you are and aren't, going to do and be.

JMO.