Sure to stir some controversy-Who still believes in spanking their children. NOT Beating them, but an occassional tap on the coolie

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Posted by kptoys

Maybe a time out is sitting on a chair and not playing with toys. Im not going to stick her out in the snow without a jacket tied to a tree...
BTW - no tv these days can be taken as saving my child... with all the trash on TV now... Forever Eden, CRAP

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My point was this:

Of course..maybe YOUR time out isn't abusive but taken to the extreme
it is...Just like my spanking ISN'T abusive but taken to an extreme...it is!
Any kind of punishment taken to the extreme can be considered abusive

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Posted by kptoys

Children are products of their environment. If they are loved and paid attention to at home, not just blown off like the family hamster, then they have a much better chance of not winding up like the 13 year olds that are getting into drugs, alcohol, etc.

Its completly up to the parents to raise respectful, law abiding children. It is not the schools fault or TV's fault. Its the parents. Its the parents that don't care that their kids are out running wild at 12 at midnight and the parents that dont keep on their kids about schoolwork who need to step back and realize exactly what they are doing to their childrens futures and the future of the US.

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I can not stand when people say these things. I have a brother who is a heroin addict and has been in and out of jail. And when people say that this is the fault of the parents it really gets under my skin. My parents were in our business, did not allow any televisions on in the house until all homework was done, checked the homework, were involved in our activities and spent all of their time and money on us, we were at church every sunday and they kept a close eye on what we were doing. They rarely went out to dinner and never even went away for a weekend alone until I was in college. And out of the seven children they raised, one was just beyond their control. One said f-you, I can do whatever I want and you can't stop me and you can't kick me out until I turn 21 (what my father now refers to as Independence Day).

I hope you never have to go through what my parents, what my whole family had to go through, and continue to go through with my younger brother. And if you do, I hope that no one blames you or judges you. My parents, my mother especially, is forever trying to figure out what she did wrong with him. But the bottom line is that she didn't do anything different with him than with the rest of us.

I am not saying that there aren't kids who are a product of their environment. But don't assume that for each bad kid out there, there are uninvolved parents to blame. I can tell you from experience how very wrong that is.

I am so torn on this issue. FH says he will never raise a hand to our child. I say I don't know what to do. My mother was very quick with a hand, a belt, a brush and on a few occasions, a fist. I grew up in complete fear of her. Now as an adult, and standing 6 inches above her head, I'm not afraid of her but I don't respect her much either. I don't ever remember my dad spanking me in my entire life, although he says he did once or twice. For the most part, that was not his chosen method of discipline. He lectured me to death (I'm talking 2-3 hours of why what I did was wrong/ disrespectful/ unbecoming of a lady/ potentially dangerous and so on - and if I rolled my eyes in the middle he would start all over!). And as a result, the thought of his disappointment would cause me physical pain. I would never dare to let him down.

But what does that leave me with? A hair-trigger temper and the patience of a 2 year old. Unless you've lived what I've lived, you cannot begin to comprehend the fear I have of having children, because it is SO much easier to do REact the way my mother did, than to ACT as my father did.

I do believe that without consequences, children are completely lost. But the consequences have to start early (at birth) otherwise you don't establish authority over your child. I see this in FH's family. Some of the kids just run wild and do whatever they want. Coming from the opposite upbringing, it drives me insane.

I believe in spanking but only as a last resort and used sparingly. I had a healthy fear of being spanked as a child although I think it happened once, maybe twice in my life. My brother was hard headed so he got a few more, but not many. I think you know even at the time that it is for your benefit, even if you're angry at your parents. In my experience , the only people who grow up resenting their parents for it were abused, not just spanked.

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Posted by Tammy5/03

I believe in spanking but only as a last resort and used sparingly. I had a healthy fear of being spanked as a child although I think it happened once, maybe twice in my life. My brother was hard headed so he got a few more, but not many. I think you know even at the time that it is for your benefit, even if you're angry at your parents. In my experience , the only people who grow up resenting their parents for it were abused, not just spanked.

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LOL...is your brother older...It always seemed to me the oldest have it the hardest...LOL
But maybe i am biased ...i am the oldest

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Posted by Becky

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Posted by kptoys

Children are products of their environment. If they are loved and paid attention to at home, not just blown off like the family hamster, then they have a much better chance of not winding up like the 13 year olds that are getting into drugs, alcohol, etc.

Its completly up to the parents to raise respectful, law abiding children. It is not the schools fault or TV's fault. Its the parents. Its the parents that don't care that their kids are out running wild at 12 at midnight and the parents that dont keep on their kids about schoolwork who need to step back and realize exactly what they are doing to their childrens futures and the future of the US.

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I can not stand when people say these things. I have a brother who is a heroin addict and has been in and out of jail. And when people say that this is the fault of the parents it really gets under my skin. My parents were in our business, did not allow any televisions on in the house until all homework was done, checked the homework, were involved in our activities and spent all of their time and money on us, we were at church every sunday and they kept a close eye on what we were doing. They rarely went out to dinner and never even went away for a weekend alone until I was in college. And out of the seven children they raised, one was just beyond their control. One said f-you, I can do whatever I want and you can't stop me and you can't kick me out until I turn 21 (what my father now refers to as Independence Day).

I hope you never have to go through what my parents, what my whole family had to go through, and continue to go through with my younger brother. And if you do, I hope that no one blames you or judges you. My parents, my mother especially, is forever trying to figure out what she did wrong with him. But the bottom line is that she didn't do anything different with him than with the rest of us.

I am not saying that there aren't kids who are a product of their environment. But don't assume that for each bad kid out there, there are uninvolved parents to blame. I can tell you from experience how very wrong that is.

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Well sai

Let me ask this.....how many of you actually have your own children? You can't preach on this subject until you do!
I have a 3 year old and I could never ever spank him, there are better ways of handling things then to use scare tactics! I love him to death and I cannot imagine him being afraid of me! Jordan is a very well mannered, well behaved child! You cannot teach a child that smacking or hitting someone else is wrong if you are going to be spanking them yourself - very hypocritical! It shows a lack of restraint on an adults behalf to spank or hit, frustration is a common thing with parents and children, there are better ways to handle it than to spank!

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Posted by jennbaby

same here, my dad spanked me ONCE as a child and I feared him after, but respected and loved him beyond words! After that when he spoke, i listened!

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Maybe I feel differetn about spanking, since it was done to be often, and I was not a bad child. I don't think I was abused, bu I think that I was spanked too much. It seemed like no matter what I did, I got spanked. And the more severe things were bare assed, or with a belt.

This made me fear my father and resent him. Even today just talking about this gets me upset, becasue I don't understand how you can hit your loved ones, like he did to me.

This is why its so scary to think of having children-you can be a 'perfect' parent, love your kids, try and be the best parent you can be, and they can still end up nuts.

A friend of mine told me a story about a friends little boy-his mother does not spank, but uses time-outs. When he is in time out, he yells the whole time and pees on the wall, along w. other destructive behavior. Can you imagine?? Does this mother really think this is effective disipline? I dont advocate spanking as a general rule, but this woman needs to step it up a little-I have met this little boy-he is demonic.

My mom was brought up in a different culture-she is Dominican and did not hesitate to take off her shoe if my sister and I got out of line, and used it. I respect her immensly, and feared her as a child and teenager enough to know that I never wanted to disapoint her. She and my father were terrific parents-I was loved and supported (still am) in all my choices, good and bad. I think any disipline is not totally out of line if its balanced with love, respect and nurturing. If my kids need a smack in the as$ they will get it. Hopefully they will know that does not define how mom feels about them. When I got a smack, I deserved it. I learned not to do that again (or at least not get caught LOL).

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Posted by JENNCHRIS

Let me ask this.....how many of you actually have your own children? You can't preach on this subject until you do!
I have a 3 year old and I could never ever spank him, there are better ways of handling things then to use scare tactics! I love him to death and I cannot imagine him being afraid of me! Jordan is a very well mannered, well behaved child! You cannot teach a child that smacking or hitting someone else is wrong if you are going to be spanking them yourself - very hypocritical! It shows a lack of restraint on an adults behalf to spank or hit, frustration is a common thing with parents and children, there are better ways to handle it than to spank!

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Very Well Said!!!!!

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Posted by JENNCHRIS

Let me ask this.....how many of you actually have your own children? You can't preach on this subject until you do!
I have a 3 year old and I could never ever spank him, there are better ways of handling things then to use scare tactics! I love him to death and I cannot imagine him being afraid of me! Jordan is a very well mannered, well behaved child! You cannot teach a child that smacking or hitting someone else is wrong if you are going to be spanking them yourself - very hypocritical! It shows a lack of restraint on an adults behalf to spank or hit, frustration is a common thing with parents and children, there are better ways to handle it than to spank!

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I don't have any children. I know that until I am in the situation I don't really know what I will do. I agree that spanking shouldn't be the first approach used to discipline (sp??) a child. But when all else fails, I don't see anything wrong with a slap on the toush NOT beating or whupping a child's a$$. But who knows when I have a child I may never spank them.

I think the same goes for people who have children. A person NEVER knows what they will do until they are put in a situation. A parent can say now that they will never do it but there may come the time that the child pushes those buttons.

I would like to think that I will have well behaved and well mannered kids who respect themselves, our family and other people. I hope I never have to spank them, but I just don't know until that time comes.

Jennchris:

You're assuming that children follow ALL examples parents provide them with (claiming it's hyporcritical to spank and then tell them not to hit).

How many 'non spanked' children go on to hit, abuse and murder? It would be interesting to see the statistics on that...

And even though I don't have children (yet) doesn't mean I and other's can't form an opinion based on the exposure of other children in our lives (nieces, friend's children, etc.).

Becky - I hear you girl. I'm sure you remember (or not) the post I had about my out of control niece and what the guidelines were concerning legal age. Doesn't matter about environment sometimes, a bad apple is a bad apple.

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Posted by Shamee

Jennchris:

You're assuming that children follow ALL examples parents provide them with (claiming it's hyporcritical to spank and then tell them not to hit).

How many 'non spanked' children go on to hit, abuse and murder? It would be interesting to see the statistics on that...

And even though I don't have children (yet) doesn't mean I and other's can't form an opinion based on the exposure of other children in our lives (nieces, friend's children, etc.).

Becky - I hear you girl. I'm sure you remember (or not) the post I had about my out of control niece and what the guidelines were concerning legal age. Doesn't matter about environment sometimes, a bad apple is a bad apple.

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Sharon, I agree with everything in your post and I do remember your post about your neice. I am sure that I responded, because I remember thinking that she reminded me a lot of my brother, aka 'the bad seed.' I hope that things are better with your neice and that she is able to turn things around in a way that, at 25, my brother still has been unable to.

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Posted by JENNCHRIS

Let me ask this.....how many of you actually have your own children? You can't preach on this subject until you do!
I have a 3 year old and I could never ever spank him, there are better ways of handling things then to use scare tactics! I love him to death and I cannot imagine him being afraid of me! Jordan is a very well mannered, well behaved child! You cannot teach a child that smacking or hitting someone else is wrong if you are going to be spanking them yourself - very hypocritical! It shows a lack of restraint on an adults behalf to spank or hit, frustration is a common thing with parents and children, there are better ways to handle it than to spank!

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So what are the alternative you plan on using with your child when he needs to
be disciplined

I did not post on this yesterday, because I was not sure how I would word my opinion. I went home last night and asked DH this same question. Both he and I believe in the occassional spank when disciplining children. Let me stress that, OUR children.

My mother gave me and my brothers a little slap on the hand or butt when we were doing something VERY wrong, but not without an explanation and it was VERY rare. I feel (JMO) that hitting without any type of explanation is where the problem occurs. Children are not dumb, if you give them a slap and tell them why, I'm pretty sure they won't do THAT again. I'm not sure I agree with the ladies that say if you discipline your children by spanking them, they will never know that it's not right to hit others. I have NEVER EVER been in trouble for hitting another person. I just knew it was wrong from the way my parents taught us. It's like we knew if we did something terribly bad, we may be slapped, but we also knew that hitting others was wrong. I hope this makes sense... I'm no expert, lol

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How many 'non spanked' children go on to hit, abuse and murder? It would be interesting to see the statistics on that...

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first of all, i didn't say they go on to abuse and murder....jeez!
You can all raise your children the way you feel is right, I know that I am raising my son the way I believe!
For those who have children you know that it's amazing the things that children pick up on and it's amazing how much of the parents you see in that child. You are their role model and they look to you for guidance and to learn how they are supposed to behave, IMO if you are spanking them you are showing them a poor way of dealing with things. You need to show your child that it is good to TALK about things and to express themselves. For parents that have difficult children, maybe they need to find a different way to deal with things, I've been lucky, my son is very well mannered.
I just know that when I look at my son, I know that I only want what is best for him, and spanking is not.
It's my opinion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!