Okay. So I totally offended my mom when I asked what she was helping with concerning the wedding. Apparently she doesn't plan on helping at all. I shouldn't have assumed. I did because she helped with my sisters wedding.
Next, my FH parents gave both of his sisters 10K but are only paying for our rehearsal dinner. Don't get me wrong I'm very happy they're giving us anything I just think its slightly... well unfair to say the least.
Lastly, My father said he'd help (my parents are divorced) and I'm not sure how much he is going to give. We're going to sit down and talk about it. It's weird though bc my dad and I have a funny relationship. I grew up in a house hold where you weren't on the same level as your parents (one of those 'bc I said so' house holds). So its weird bc I'm an adult but feel bad talking to my dad about how much he's going to give. I'd be happy with whatever I just want to know so I can budget. And it wouldn't be that big of a deal if there weren't issues with my mother and my FH parents...
Any advice?
allsmiles830
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Re: talking to parents about money
Posted by camerasweets
Posted by allsmiles830
In my opinion, it's 2009...our economy isn't doing so well and I think it's unfair to expect anything from our parents. If it's offered -- all well and good. If not, so be it. We're getting married so it's probably the best time to stand up on our own two feet and do what we can for ourselves. As for me, my future in-laws gave us a very generous early wedding gift, my Mother has helped tremendously and Dad will be soon... It's a joint effort. However, FH and I are paying for the majority of the expenses and to be honest -- I think that's how it should be.
I've always stood up on my own two feet. I moved out when I was 19. I've put myself through college. I've been paying for everything...... since I was 19 and my sisters still live at home! One got knocked up and that's why my mom paid for her wedding... and yet I do things the 'right' way and I get nothing... my FH and I have been dating for almost 5years. She had to have known it was coming and she didn't save at all....
P.S. I'm just venting... It will be fine and I still love my entire family. Sometimes I just feel like because I'm the one that always has it together that I get shafted.
P.S.S. its always easy to have a 'who cares' attitude when you've already gotten a very generous gift.
With respect to your P.S.S. and the who cares attitude...that was our attitude PRIOR to receiving their gift..we didn't expect it and was NOT discussed... To each is own and every family is different....... this is an open form and we're ALL entitled to express ourselves accordingly.
cleokizzy
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Re: talking to parents about money
wow. we're on the same boat but it was MY dad who got offended for my assuming that he's going to chip in! the worst part was how i found out he's not paying... he was helping out with getting quotes from print shops and when i asked if that'll be his gift, he was shocked and told me that i'm paying for the invitations! he's just helping out and his gift of 'rearing me into a good adult' is more than enough for a wedding gift! i'm like sooo shocked when he said that. i've always been a daddy's girl and for him to say that just totally came as a surprise. but like other girls here said - it is 2009 and we are living in a recession so times are tough. i just wished he didn't lecture me about the rearing-thing.
as for FH's parents, i dunno. it might be because of that custom here where it is the brides' parents who have to shoulder more for the wedding? and since it is their son getting married, they're assuming your family will carry part of the cost?
as for your father, it is nice of him to want to sit down and talk about your plans. don't think about your mom or FIL when you talk to him. his contribution has nothing to do with them.
allsmiles830
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Re: talking to parents about money
Posted by camerasweets
Posted by allsmiles830
Posted by AngnShaun
Posted by allsmiles830
In my opinion, it's 2009...our economy isn't doing so well and I think it's unfair to expect anything from our parents. If it's offered -- all well and good. If not, so be it. We're getting married so it's probably the best time to stand up on our own two feet and do what we can for ourselves. As for me, my future in-laws gave us a very generous early wedding gift, my Mother has helped tremendously and Dad will be soon... It's a joint effort. However, FH and I are paying for the majority of the expenses and to be honest -- I think that's how it should be.
i dont think its unfair to expect something from a parent... im not saying they should be expected to pay for everything... but ...i dont know its her mom... I would be offended if my mom didnt do the same thing she did for my sister 4 years ago...
Agreed...but people's financial situations change very often and in general, people are NOT in the same situation today as they were 4 years ago... Besides, circumstances alter cases......
Don't you think though instead of my Mom being offended she should have sat me down and discussed it with me. Saying that she knows that she could give money to both of my sisters for her wedding but right now she's not as financially stable...
Absolutely hun...but maybe she's somewhat embarassed that she can't contribute for you the way should could for your other sisters.... Like the other awesome girl said... don't stress. Everything works out the way it should...and simplicty is key!! No worries, no stress and focus on your union...as we all should (I, too, need to be reminded of that from time to time.)
drivwal
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Re: talking to parents about money
I say just let him offer, that way you don't feel pressured about what to ask him to give and he won't feel like you are giving him a quote. My family is not jumping to help me too much with our wedding because they don't have it really. I just sat and let them offer and my mom has purchased my dress, veil, and slip, she's offered to pay for invites, and she has offered to pay for flowers. It's a larger chunk than I thought she would ever be able to pay but she's offered and I have budgeted everything as if I were paying so the budget is quite tight. I know my mother appreciates that I haven't budgeted loosely because she is footing the bill for some things and I appreciate that she has offered. Money has been a very lighthearted situation between my parents and I so far and I would like to keep it that way...
I do feel that if his parents gave his sisters a large lump sum and your mom paid a larger lump sum for their weddings that it seems unfair on the surface but nowadays with the economy the way that it is and all, it doesn't surprise me. Sorry to hear it still though
TheFutureMrsPM
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Re: talking to parents about money
Posted by AdriandSteve
Imo, expect nothing. Not in a bad way but if you plan to save for everything, and in the end someone does offer to help it'll be extra $. Also by doing this it's not going to hold you up with any plans.
It's one of those things that imo i wouldn't bring up first. If someone is going to help let them offer it and have them bring up the conversation. I don't think your wrong for thinking the way you are but you can't be the one to bring it up.
