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Terrible Meltdown Last Night - Long

Original post by mendara

So last night I had the mother of all meltdowns!

With my wedding 3 weeks away and the guest list growing before I can take a breath - I think FH and I will be divorced before we are even married.

My dilema???

I originally wanted a small wedding of maybe 150 people. 150 people was in our budget range and I felt comfortable with that -

so I invited 40 of my close friends and family -and figured since FH has a huge family he can take the rest -

I know most of you have heard me rant about this - but here it goes again - the list that came back for FIL - was over 150 and counting - of FIL friends and family more than half of these people we don't even know - when the invite list count got to 260 - I voiced my concerns numerous times that we can't afford all these people - I was hushed several times with assurances from FH that his family will help and so I hushed... My dad had agreed to help us and gave me 7K - my dad is a bus driver and gave me all he could - and then FH and I put in some more - I again expressed my concerns over the guest list and FIL told me not to worry these invites are going out more 'out of respect' and that most of these people WILL NOT attend this exact quote came from FH's father.

fast forward to last night -

a) I find out FIL got their hands on more invites and are still sending them out!

b) FIL said they can only give us 3k!

c) FH said absolutely nothing about this.

d) did I say the wedding was in three weeks and 100 of those people that are over our budget are friends of FIL that I don't know and FH does not know and that they are still inviting people?

and there are still 40 invites out there past the rsvp date that have not responded all from FIL side and people that I don't know so therefore I can't call them myself.

so last night I freaked out and wanted to call the entire wedding off because I don't understand how FIL can do this to us - leave us out there like this -

I understand that they may not have the money - but then how and why did you invite all of these people 'out of respect' ?? - and why are you still doing it???

how do you expect your son and his new wife to pay for this wedding of mostly your friends?

am I wrong? Once I began to cry last night I couldn't stop. I seriously felt like taking the rsvp cards and burning them - this is my wedding aren't I supposed to be happy?

then FH says his best friend has offered to lend us the extra money - but is that the point?

the point is his parents should understand what they did is wrong and that we are freaking out - we walk into the FIL house smiling like all is well - and we leave smiling then get in the car and argue like there is no tomorrow....

shouldn't we say something? Shouldn't FIL know that they should be concerned and helping us get our hands on more money?

sorry this is so long jeez.
PinkSoil Posted:

Re: Terrible Meltdown Last Night - Long

I'm so sorry, that is awful. You have every right to be mad. They put you in a situation where you now feel out of control because there is nothing you can do about and you don't have the money for it. I'm so sorry!
csorisi Posted:

Re: Terrible Meltdown Last Night - Long

I am so sorry that this is happening to you...planning a wedding isn't perfect but this is crazy. This is one of the reasons I handled all the invitations--neither side got invitations. I would make sure that your FH gets the remaining invitations that his parents have to make sure that no further invitations go out. I understand that maybe they don't have more than $3k to give you but at the same time they shouldn't be inviting peopel 3 weeks beofre the wedding. My list grew to more than I wanted to but alot of people are invited with guests & some peopel were invited to be polite. Both of our parents gave us money but nothing that is covering the entire wedding. Me & FH are paying the majority of it.

I hope that the next 3 weeks go much smoother & if you have no choice but to talk to your FILs then I would do it. I understand that FH spoke to his dad but it seems that this has been done in the past & he still doesn't get it. I would also have your FILs give you the numbers to those peopel that haven't responded so you have a better idea of the number coming. Maybe they all are saying NO!

Good luck!
Swan06 Posted:

Re: Terrible Meltdown Last Night - Long

Girl, you need to sit down and seriously speak with him! Your both not millionaires. It is so hard when your FH's family runs his life and he doesn't have the courage to stand up and say anything. Most of the people that I have invited are from my FH's side. He has about 75 and I have 25. Your FH needs to stand up and talk. It's not up to you to say anything! We all now that if you do, you'll be the bad one for the rest of your life. Good luck and I hope you resolve this issue a.s.a.p!!!!

Love_my_Freddybear Posted:

Re: Terrible Meltdown Last Night - Long

Sometimes things left unsaid is better! But in this case, girl, I honestly think you need to sit down and talk to your FIL's. You DO NOT want to get started on the wrong foot. This day is soppossed to be all about you and your FH!!!!
You need to express your feelings, you really don't need this burden on you. You don't deserve this! I truly feel for you girl!!!

And big ups to you Dad who works hard for a living, but was still made it possible to give soemthing to you. I know it meant a lot to you!!! And quite frankly, 7 G's is a lot!!!!!!

I only wish!!!!
Mrs.Z Posted:

Re: Terrible Meltdown Last Night - Long

You have got to be kidding me??? How can she still be sending invites out? I would tell her unless you plan on giving me /us aot more money NO MORE people. that is nerve JMO. She has NO right. dont cancel anything things somehow have a way of working out. But really I dont know how she walks with those between her legs. And FH should tell his parents enough is enough and that can be said in a nice way. Good Luck
nylibride Posted:

Re: Terrible Meltdown Last Night - Long

I am SO SO SO sorry!!!! I don't have anything brilliant to add to the very sound advice and feedback that you have already received from the girls. However, I do want to reiterate that your FH REALLY REALLY needs to step up here!!! This is HIS family doing this to you guys and causing you all of this upset and distress. It is putting you in a terrible position. It is NOT for your dad to put in extra $$ and you should NOT be paying for these people. Either the FIL gives you the $$ for these extra people or the polite letter should go out. Anyone with common sense and sensitivity would realize the pressure and distress inviting all of these random extra people would cause you. Please tell FH to step up, he is the one who really should be handling this horrible situation....

I'm so sorry.
mendara Posted:

Re: Terrible Meltdown Last Night - Long

Hello everyone - thanks for the advice - I hope it all works out - I declined and invite from the inlaws today to have dinner - FH said he spoke to his father - and I feel like if i am around him - I will snap.

I just read out load the names of the people who have not rsvp'd to FH - everysingle person on that list were people neither of us know...fh seemed sad by this and he is realizing my point about this.

This weekend I am pringitn a clean list with the counts and missing rsvp names - and I personally am going to bring this to the FIL and tell them they will have to call these people and ask them if they are coming because I and FH don't know any of them and then I am going to confirm that the money situation will be resolved by them -

as per FH I am not to worry about it and leave it up to them.

and so I will step out of this mess before I lose it an strangle someone.

but I wanted to thank of all your for helping me see that I am not crazy.
Soon2BeMrs2006 Posted:

Re: Terrible Meltdown Last Night - Long

omg I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. That's horrible and so unfair. Maybe they do only have 3000, but that doesnt give them the right to make you and FH and your dad go into debt.

capgrl26 Posted:

Re: Terrible Meltdown Last Night - Long

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. You need to get FH on your side, but I think it's best to go around his back and confront the real problem like another BTB mentioned.

I'm so sad for you and sad that your Dad feels guilty. That breaks my heart. I'm truly angry for you.

I hope this all works out. You won't be happy until you resolve it, so do it now. You need to tell your IL's to dis-invite or pay up. If they don't do either....threaten to call the whole thing off.
otherme Posted:

Re: Terrible Meltdown Last Night - Long

You poor thing!!!
I hate to say this, but if they've been so underhanded in the process all along, what makes you think they're going to 'take care' of it all now?
Your FH saying that he and his Dad are taking care of it and you shouldn't worry sounds like they are just blowing you off because you're the one thats been raising concern about it and they don't want to hear it anymore. (maybe not your FH, but i'm sure his Dad)

I wouldnt' be able to sit back and not worry about it. When it comes time to pay the hall, who's paying? you need to know this up front because ultimately you and your FH are responsible for the money. There is a contract. If the hall asks you for money that you dont have, you can't say to them that your FFIL said don't worry about it - they still need their money!

When you meet with them, you have to leave there with a clear answer as to who is paying exactly what for what, because when the day comes and the hall is looking for money, you don't want to be left hanging..

Good luck!!
FallBride05 Posted:

Re: Terrible Meltdown Last Night - Long

I can sympathsize totally with you!!!! Our wedding is going to be huge! We have almost 500 people invited.

Soooo... with my move and everything else going on, FFIL offered to do the envelopes for me on his computer. He did a beautiful job, but when I got home with them last Friday, and was going through them, I realized there were 27 extra adressed envelopes in the batch (I knew EXACTLY how many I needed). That's 54 extra people on top of the 432 we already had on the list (and that would put FIL's guest list over 200 ppl) I flipped big time, FH has never seen me like that before. FFIL thought we would never notice that there were all these extra people invited. I made FH call him and explain to him why what he did was wrong and to make his parents shave down the list. Well they did... and then a day after all this, FFIL sends us an email asking FH if he wanted his 3rd GRADE TEACHER AT THE WEDDING... ARE YOU $%*& KIDDING ME??? The last time FH saw his 3rd grade teacher was in 3rd grade!!!!

Needless to say, it took me quite a few days to calm down and I'm so happy the invitations are finally out of my house and in the mail! This has been the most stressed I have been... I thought doing the invitations would be the fun part!
Mrs. dleeny Posted:

Re: Terrible Meltdown Last Night - Long

Posted by FallBride05

I can sympathsize totally with you!!!! Our wedding is going to be huge! We have almost 500 people invited.

Soooo... with my move and everything else going on, FFIL offered to do the envelopes for me on his computer. He did a beautiful job, but when I got home with them last Friday, and was going through them, I realized there were 27 extra adressed envelopes in the batch (I knew EXACTLY how many I needed). That's 54 extra people on top of the 432 we already had on the list (and that would put FIL's guest list over 200 ppl) I flipped big time, FH has never seen me like that before. FFIL thought we would never notice that there were all these extra people invited. I made FH call him and explain to him why what he did was wrong and to make his parents shave down the list. Well they did... and then a day after all this, FFIL sends us an email asking FH if he wanted his 3rd GRADE TEACHER AT THE WEDDING... ARE YOU $%*& KIDDING ME??? The last time FH saw his 3rd grade teacher was in 3rd grade!!!!

Needless to say, it took me quite a few days to calm down and I'm so happy the invitations are finally out of my house and in the mail! This has been the most stressed I have been... I thought doing the invitations would be the fun part!
all I have to say is................

what the hell????? his 3rd grade teacher?

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