The +1 drama begins...

So far I've had two people mention bringing dates and we havent even sent out the invites yet! We were planning on inviting people in serious relationships with their dates, as well as older friends/coworkers who may not know a ton of other people.

But if there are a bunch of single in a group of friends we were not planning on inviting them with a guest. Is that wrong? I was out dancing last night and my friend made a comment 'I'm going to have to find a dancing date for your wedding.' He is being invited in a group of 12 dancers that he is friends with, 5 of whom are other singles.

Thoughts?

Yikes!

We invited people the same way. But, in advance of sending the STDs, I spoke with my single friends and let them know that this was what we were doing.

I hope I don't have this drama!

Crashing, sorry!

We did the same thing. We have such large families that we didn't invite people with dates unless in a serious relationship. Some people didn't even come and some people gave serious attitude because of it. I just had to get real with them and tell them the wedding costs a lot of money and we would love to have them there but if they can't come because they don't have a date, I guess I'll understand. They got how stilly they were being. I also explained that if we invited EVERY SINGLE PERSON with a guest our guest list would have been 400 and then if we added the kids (we had an 18 and over wedding) it would be a guest list of 475. It puts it into prospective when you throw numbers at people. At one point I started telling people that that would cost me $40,000 in just the reception hall! They BACKED DOWN QUICK! But that was when they just wouldn't listen to me!

ugh!!!!

i'm dealing with the same thing! It's so presumptuous to assume that just because your single, your automatically allowed to bring someone. I don't want people i don't know at my wedding!!

I may make an exception if I'm under my minimum, but this may only go to people who we're close friends or family with.

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Posted by Stardutchess

I'm sorry but yes it's wrong. Any adult should be invited with a guest. Maybe once he realizes that all of his friends are going he won't even want to bring a date. Be prepared for a lot of people to RSVP no who aren't invited with a guest. I know I would.

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I don't think it is wrong. I think is is nice and gracious to invite everyone with a date, but not all of us can afford to do that.

I can either cut them from my list, or invite them without a date.

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Posted by IrishAli

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Posted by Stardutchess

I'm sorry but yes it's wrong. Any adult should be invited with a guest. Maybe once he realizes that all of his friends are going he won't even want to bring a date. Be prepared for a lot of people to RSVP no who aren't invited with a guest. I know I would.

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I don't think it is wrong. I think is is nice and gracious to invite everyone with a date, but not all of us can afford to do that.

I can either cut them from my list, or invite them without a date.

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I agree, I don't think it's wrong.

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Posted by IrishAli

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Posted by Stardutchess

I'm sorry but yes it's wrong. Any adult should be invited with a guest. Maybe once he realizes that all of his friends are going he won't even want to bring a date. Be prepared for a lot of people to RSVP no who aren't invited with a guest. I know I would.

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I don't think it is wrong. I think is is nice and gracious to invite everyone with a date, but not all of us can afford to do that.

I can either cut them from my list, or invite them without a date.

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Who are we to judge what a serious relation ship is or not. How do you pick and choose which of your friends relationships are valid enough to acknowledge and which aren't. I'm sorry but if people aren't really dating someone, odds are they will not bring anyone, just for the sake of bringing someone . The cost doesn't matter, it should be factored in when making your original guest list.

Apparently I am the only one who feel like this, but I have been seriously insulted in the past by this and swore then that wouldn't be like that when I got married.

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Posted by kshea23

ugh!!!!

i'm dealing with the same thing! It's so presumptuous to assume that just because your single, your automatically allowed to bring someone. I don't want people i don't know at my wedding!!

I may make an exception if I'm under my minimum, but this may only go to people who we're close friends or family with.

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This.. We don't want to look back on our pictures and not know anyone there... This was key for the both of us...

Who are we to judge what a serious relation ship is or not. How do you pick and choose which of your friends relationships are valid enough to acknowledge and which aren't. I'm sorry but if people aren't really dating someone, odds are they will not bring anyone, just for the sake of bringing someone . The cost doesn't matter, it should be factored in when making your original guest list.

Apparently I am the only one who feel like this, but I have been seriously insulted in the past by this and swore then that wouldn't be like that when I got married.

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It's not judging and randomly making a call if a relationship is serious, it's more like being together for a number of months and being exclusive. I think that's a very reasonable call.
A couple shouldn't have to cut out family members or friends so that dates of single guests can be included. That's my opinion. You have your opinion too. No reason to be angry.

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Posted by Stardutchess

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Posted by IrishAli

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Posted by Stardutchess

I'm sorry but yes it's wrong. Any adult should be invited with a guest. Maybe once he realizes that all of his friends are going he won't even want to bring a date. Be prepared for a lot of people to RSVP no who aren't invited with a guest. I know I would.

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I don't think it is wrong. I think is is nice and gracious to invite everyone with a date, but not all of us can afford to do that.

I can either cut them from my list, or invite them without a date.

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Who are we to judge what a serious relation ship is or not. How do you pick and choose which of your friends relationships are valid enough to acknowledge and which aren't. I'm sorry but if people aren't really dating someone, odds are they will not bring anyone, just for the sake of bringing someone . The cost doesn't matter, it should be factored in when making your original guest list.

Apparently I am the only one who feel like this, but I have been seriously insulted in the past by this and swore then that wouldn't be like that when I got married.

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If someone is completely single, then then they aren't in a serious relationship, and unless they won't know any other single people there, then they don't *need* to be invited with a date. The only exceptions to this are if you would only be left with a very small number of dateless people, in which case you may as well invite them with dates, or if they are in the bridal party I think they should be invited with a date.

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Posted by Stardutchess

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Posted by IrishAli

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Posted by Stardutchess

I'm sorry but yes it's wrong. Any adult should be invited with a guest. Maybe once he realizes that all of his friends are going he won't even want to bring a date. Be prepared for a lot of people to RSVP no who aren't invited with a guest. I know I would.

---

I don't think it is wrong. I think is is nice and gracious to invite everyone with a date, but not all of us can afford to do that.

I can either cut them from my list, or invite them without a date.

---

Who are we to judge what a serious relation ship is or not. How do you pick and choose which of your friends relationships are valid enough to acknowledge and which aren't. I'm sorry but if people aren't really dating someone, odds are they will not bring anyone, just for the sake of bringing someone . The cost doesn't matter, it should be factored in when making your original guest list.

Apparently I am the only one who feel like this, but I have been seriously insulted in the past by this and swore then that wouldn't be like that when I got married.

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it's all a matter of 'to each is own'.

Personally for my situation, many of my friends (even though i love them all) date someone for a few weeks, then break up and end up with someone else. I can't tell you how many dinners FH and I have gone on with our friends and their 'new' special someone, and then a month later that 'relationship' was over.

Crashing, sorry

At my sisters wedding a friend of ours brought a guy she was dating, shortly after they were broken up and mind you my sister NEVER met this guy before the wedding or even at the wedding-true story.
I know for a fact i dont want people i dont know at my wedding! I cant see me spending $80+ pp on a total stranger just because he is dating Amy and Jack for the moment.
A reception is what 4-5 hours , you seriously cant be without the person your dating for a couple of hours???? Just enjoy the food, drinks and seeing your family member or friend get married.
But anyway its just way to expensive imo! And if a friend had to invite me withour a date , then that is fine. I would still go for my friend. But to each his or her own

Thanks for all the feedback everyone. Its nice to hear that its not just me. I understand what you're saying about 'judging' a serious relationship...I was recently invited as a 'guest' to FH's cousin's wedding which even kind of hurt seeing as how we were already engaged...I personally would have put the person's name... but I did mean friends who I know for a fact are completely single.

I am sort of starting to rethink though....it wouldn't be a ton of extra people. But if I just did it as a courtesy do you think they would not bring someone if they weren't dating? Or would they bring a random person just for the sake of it? Have you seen people do this or are they generally pretty reasonable?

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Posted by LindyBride22

Thanks for all the feedback everyone. Its nice to hear that its not just me. I understand what you're saying about 'judging' a serious relationship...I was recently invited as a 'guest' to FH's cousin's wedding which even kind of hurt seeing as how we were already engaged...I personally would have put the person's name... but I did mean friends who I know for a fact are completely single.

I am sort of starting to rethink though....it wouldn't be a ton of extra people. But if I just did it as a courtesy do you think they would not bring someone if they weren't dating? Or would they bring a random person just for the sake of it? Have you seen people do this or are they generally pretty reasonable?

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You never know what people will do... I would say, wait until your list is 100% final and see how many people would be invited without a guest. But don't promise anyone anything until the invites have gone out!

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Posted by LindyBride22
I am sort of starting to rethink though....it wouldn't be a ton of extra people. But if I just did it as a courtesy do you think they would not bring someone if they weren't dating? Or would they bring a random person just for the sake of it? Have you seen people do this or are they generally pretty reasonable?

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A friend of mine was given a plus one for a date at a wedding last year and instead of bringing the date, she brought a 'female friend' of hers that the bride didnt know....for me thats a major no no. If you dont a have date , why bring a girlfriend just so you wont be alone. That is so rude!