So I have heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest and I think I have witnessed that already with some friends of mine. I have 2 friends that have been together for years and do love each other they were married last fall and the wedding was beautiful. I know they did pre-cana, had lots of classes and discussions to 'prepare' them for marriage. I dont however think they really knew what they were getting into.
They seem to argue ALOT, there is plenty of blame for who causing the arguments and not much resolution. I think they both try to compromise in situations, but when it comes down to it,,,, they do not know how to communicate. It is sad to see because tonight, as they loudly argued and pointed fingers in a bar, the bouncers were paying attention, other people were paying attention, and our friends felt very awkward about the situation and have seen this one to many times. The 'd' word was brought up, in not so many words... (I dont think they are at that point yet however)
I did my best to diffuse the argument by seperating them and calming them down, then telling them to relax and talk. I love my friends and feel horrible that they are having such a rough patch. But in the end I learned a lesson: Communication is key. Then comes understanding and being able to truly be one.
Please don't feel sorry for them,, I believe they can work through this. But keep your future marriage on track and know what you can and cant tolerate with your FH and be able to communicate any problems.
Goodnight
beachbum05
Posted:
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Re: The First Year is the Hardest....(semi long)
i agree about the living together thing...we do - and I'm glad we do.
But at the same time, statistics show that you're more likely to get divorced if you've lived together before getting married.
So who knows. I think it really depends - couple to couple.
But I really hope your friends work it out Kim. I cant fathom yelling at my DH across a bar and using the D-word in front of people. It sounds like they are going through a rough patch. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger though, right? Hopefully they can sit down and rationally talk through everything.
ant n tilde
Posted:
Member since
Re: The First Year is the Hardest....(semi long)
the first year is the hardest and i feel like people just give up when things get rough ( not your friends, i mean in general) it is so sad to me
FH and I have been together for over nine and a half years ( will be ten when we get married ) and we would both be incredibly foolish to think that we know EVERYTHING about each other or our arguments will magically go away after marriage
Sometimes i feel like couples go into marriage expecting the best and never preparing for the worst. . . FH and I are actually the opposite LOL we are expecting the worst and praying for the best
We know it is going to be ridiculously hard to move in together, especially living in a tiny apartment in my parents' house. . . but I know we will make it through the first couple years of hardships so that we can enjoy the rest of our lives together
I am sure your friends will make it through all of this
loislane
Posted:
Member since
Re: The First Year is the Hardest....(semi long)
Relationships in general are difficult, relationships with parents, siblings, friends, family and they go through patches of all sorts. It's easier to throw in the towel then to work it out but with the bad comes the good. Communication with people is totally key but also knowing things will pass is a good technique as well. When you are in a dramatic point or situation it usually diffuses, knowing that it will, is something that is key to put in your mind as you are going through this. I blow off the handle very easily and this is something I try to teach myself when arguing with the people I care about. I am sure your friends will get through this, all things do pass.
