'The Gap' -- Opinions requested!

So I was trolling on a different wedding website, and I saw a discussion about the gap in between ceremony and reception. I assumed my opinions didn't relate to those on the site because I'm from New York, but I'm curious to see what you ladies think.

Do you think there's an unacceptable amount of time in between the ceremony and reception?

My reason for being moved by the issue was because I'm getting married in the dead of winter. The sun literally goes down at 4PM the day of my wedding. The church gave us two options for our ceremony, 1PM or 3PM. We absolutely don't want to do a reveal before the ceremony, just our personal choice. In order to have pictures with sunlight, we had to choose the 1PM ceremony.

Our venue wouldn't allow a cocktail hour any earlier than 6:30PM, if there was a day wedding prior, it would let out at 6PM, so I wasn't going to push for any earlier. I don't want random guests hanging around from a prior wedding into mine.

_____________________________
So here's the way my timeline looks:
1:00-2:00PM - Ceremony (If it starts on time)
2:00-3:00PM - Receiving line & photos at the church
3:00PM - Drive to alternate photo location
3:30-4:45PM - Photos at alternate location
4:45PM - Drive to venue
5:30-6:30PM - Photos at the venue, photos with family, etc.
6:30PM - Cocktail hour begins
_____________________________

I'm looking at a 3.5 hour gap in between my ceremony and reception, which is a 30 minute distance from one another, so let's say 3 hours. Is it really that crazy to expect grown adults to amuse themselves for 3 hours in between the two? My church is 1 mile away from 3 major shopping malls. It's surrounded by hundreds of restaurants, bars, etc.

I saw comments like 'I just wouldn't go to the reception,' or 'I would RSVP no because that schedule doesn't work for me'

I've been to plenty of weddings with a large gap, and I enjoyed it. I went to the church in a casual outfit, went home, ate, took a nap, and got ready in my formal attire.

I've also been to plenty of weddings where I wasn't close with the couple, so I skipped the ceremony completely...which is what I figured people would do if they don't appreciate the gap.

My big question is, is anyone on here offended by 'the gap?' Is it so crazy to have a gap in between the ceremony and reception? How do you/have you responded to any weddings with a large gap in between?

That gap does scare me. But I've been too many many wedding that had at least a 2 hour gap. Unfortunately it means many people (who aren't close friends and family) skip the ceremony. I don't know if this is a big issue for u or not since its usually not the close people who skip it. I generally do what you mentioned above, go to the ceremony in more casual clothes and during the break went home, or to the hotel to shower and get ready.

Fact of the mater is, that if there is someone that RSVPs no, because its a 'bad' schedule for them, you likely wouldn't want to share your special day with them anyway because I would never do that to someone important in my life.

So, the big Gap stinks, but in your case its unavoidable. A recommendation to help your guests pass the time is maybe seeing if they hotel you booked a block with would give you a hospitality room for those hours, this was guest who do not live near the location at all have a place to go, maybe supply some light snacks and water, and rest/wait. But that's just something extra and I don't think a requirement.

Hope that helps you feel less stressed about your gap! lol

---

Posted by meejack1110

Hope that helps you feel less stressed about your gap! lol

---

Haha I don't really feel stressed about it at all - I just felt as a guest, I always enjoyed the gap. I was just a little surprised of how anti-gap the other discussion was. The women were so mean & rude, as if the wedding should've been planned to better accommodate them. As a gapper, it was offensive! Hahha

Honestly, the reason I changed from having my ceremony from the venue to the Church was because I wanted the gap (and the long aisle to walk down). I didn't want to do reveal pictures, even though I think they're adorable, and I wanted to have enough time for pictures.

Some people hate the gap and will simply decide not to go to the ceremony which is fine but they're missing what the whole day is really about. I've tossed this around in my head for months and decided I was going to make my day the way I wanted. Call me self but I didn't want to rush taking pictures or anything so I needed the gap.

I'm not offended by the gap because I understand how the bride and groom feels with wanting to have enough time to enjoy their day!

---

Posted by Chaz

---

Posted by meejack1110

Hope that helps you feel less stressed about your gap! lol

---

As a gapper, it was offensive! Hahha

---

hahahah

---

Posted by dariamarie2

---

Posted by Chaz

---

Posted by meejack1110

Hope that helps you feel less stressed about your gap! lol

---

As a gapper, it was offensive! Hahha

---

hahahah

---

lol. By the way my original response to this post was going to be

I love the Gap! But Old Navy has better sales...lol

Forget the non-gappers...it's your day, so Gap Away!

I wouldn't worry about it at all. All the church weddings I have been to have had similar gaps. They were out of state so we had the hotel to go back too we had some drinks. Freshened up. The FH actually took another shower bc there was no ac in the church on the hottest day of the year.
And if u have a lot of local guests they can go home. People will amuse themselves! And if they don't and they don't come bc it doesn't work for them ( I have never heard that before). I would be shocked!!

Gaps happen? our ceremony is at 2:30 - its a full mass, so we will prob be out of the church between 4 and 4:30 if we take some pictures there. Our RH is a 45 min drive away and our cocktail hour starts at 6:00. Some people have grumbled about it but theres not much i can do about it now. BUT they havent grumbled as much about the gap as they have about the 'no kids' at the reception thing.

---

Posted by Megglez108

Our ceremony at the church is at 3:30 and our cocktail hour starts at 7 pm. It's also on a Friday. I've stressed about people taking the day off from work, the fact that its in October so the sun goes down earlier taking away from pictures, if the gap in between is too long or too short but in the end I had to stop worrying. I have travelled all over, taken days off from work, dealt with crazy long gaps for all my friends and family. If they want to be at my wedding, they will make it work otherwise oh well, I know I'll have an amazing time :)

---

My gap will be from 4:30-7:00 and IDC! If you don't like it don't come to my ceremony. It could be worse like NOT having enough time. I had to drive all over Long Island from East to West then West to way East for a wedding two months ago and I missed the hotel shuttle because of the traffic and because my FH made me go get his car putting me even further west in rush hour. SO annoying. Not their fault but I rather be waiting then rushing

Its not like you're asking people to wait around from a 7am ceremony at a church to a 130pm cocktail hour. Yep. I've been a guest to a 7am ceremony with a 130pm cocktail hour start. A SIX AND A HALF HOUR GAP. THAT was offensive. However... I did what you did. I went to the church in casual clothes... and then I came home and went back to bed and then got ready for the reception.

I'd be more concerned for the OOT guests who drove in for the day. I have family that will be coming in from Westchester just for the day... if I was a 'gapper' (lol at this term btw Chaz lol) I wouldn't really know what they would do.

What I've seen that is a good idea is that in the wedding program... people have put a list of things to do around the area.


As a non-gapper ... I'm not offended by a gap as long as its less than like... 4 hours. 4 hours gives me enough time to either take a nap and get all pretty again... or it gives me enough time to maybe find an even better dress for the reception at the mall.


Also... when I first clicked on this thread... I really thought it was about the clothing store....

Hi! So I personally have NEVER been to a non-church wedding (!!!). Every single wedding I have ever attended had an earlier church time, a gap, and then reception, so this is perfectly normal to me. Coming onto the boards, I realized that more people get married at the RH these days, it seems. But as far as my entire family, friends, inner circle, etc. this is a perfectly normal scenario.

Our church is 3:00 pm nuptial mass, and then 7:00 cocktail hour. The photographer was THRILLED with this gap. She said it will give us so much time for pictures, and that she really wants to try and not pull us out of the reception at all for pictures (maybe just family pictures with aunts and uncles). So to me, this seems fine.

Also, when FSIL got married, it was 2:00 (not a full mass). Afterwards FMIL and FFIL had everyone back to their house for refreshments and snacks to kill time while the bridal party went out and took photos in a park. Just an idea! HTH.

---

Posted by StephanieXO

Hi! So I personally have NEVER been to a non-church wedding (!!!). Every single wedding I have ever attended had an earlier church time, a gap, and then reception, so this is perfectly normal to me. Coming onto the boards, I realized that more people get married at the RH these days, it seems. But as far as my entire family, friends, inner circle, etc. this is a perfectly normal scenario.

Our church is 3:00 pm nuptial mass, and then 7:00 cocktail hour. The photographer was THRILLED with this gap. She said it will give us so much time for pictures, and that she really wants to try and not pull us out of the reception at all for pictures (maybe just family pictures with aunts and uncles). So to me, this seems fine.

Also, when FSIL got married, it was 2:00 (not a full mass). Afterwards FMIL and FFIL had everyone back to their house for refreshments and snacks to kill time while the bridal party went out and took photos in a park. Just an idea! HTH.

---

my family is the exact same way - church wedding and a gap so family can go get ready and check into hotel if need be and then go to the cocktail hour. I am thinking of a 7pm start for cocktail hour so it gives everyone enough time to get there - not feel rushed -and so the bridal party has enough time to freshen up

---

Posted by cmonaco10

---

Posted by StephanieXO

Hi! So I personally have NEVER been to a non-church wedding (!!!). Every single wedding I have ever attended had an earlier church time, a gap, and then reception, so this is perfectly normal to me. Coming onto the boards, I realized that more people get married at the RH these days, it seems. But as far as my entire family, friends, inner circle, etc. this is a perfectly normal scenario.

Our church is 3:00 pm nuptial mass, and then 7:00 cocktail hour. The photographer was THRILLED with this gap. She said it will give us so much time for pictures, and that she really wants to try and not pull us out of the reception at all for pictures (maybe just family pictures with aunts and uncles). So to me, this seems fine.

Also, when FSIL got married, it was 2:00 (not a full mass). Afterwards FMIL and FFIL had everyone back to their house for refreshments and snacks to kill time while the bridal party went out and took photos in a park. Just an idea! HTH.

---

my family is the exact same way - church wedding and a gap so family can go get ready and check into hotel if need be and then go to the cocktail hour. I am thinking of a 7pm start for cocktail hour so it gives everyone enough time to get there - not feel rushed -and so the bridal party has enough time to freshen up

---

I think 7 pm start is a nice time. My FFIL was also happy with the start time because in our families/friends there are alot of men that do construction and work on Saturdays. This gives them time to go home after work, shower, get ready, without feeling rushed. Look into what time the sun sets on your wedding day, this can change your opinion too. The sun sets at 6:55 on October 4th for us. So the photographer is thrilled she will be able to catch a sunset pic with us before cocktail hour starts.

---

Posted by StephanieXO

Afterwards FMIL and FFIL had everyone back to their house for refreshments and snacks to kill time while the bridal party went out and took photos in a park. Just an idea! HTH.

---

Yeah FMIL & my mother both want to set up some snacks & drinks and welcome people to our houses for the gap, mostly for our families who traveled and don't know the area as well.

I'm honestly excited for the gap, we'll have enough time to take any pictures we want, and be able to attend our full cocktail hour. I'm not particularly worried, I know our family & friends can amuse themselves - I was just surprised that literally the ENTIRE other board was anti-gap. I guess it's just a cultural difference with different states.