the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

JPC1125 Posted: Oct 11, 2004 06:02 PM

the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

Ok so i called her today cause i was excited that FH and I decided on a color scheme for out big day (white and gold)

Shes seems unimpressed and starts giving me attitude about how i caved into his idea of a winter wedding

Everything with her is us vs them as in my family versus his family

She hates them- thinks that they are too frivolous with their money, too selfish etc

so she calls me back tonight and wants to get started on 'just how much are you spending on this wedding young lady, you are being wasteful with the budget for this wedding, i'd rather you put the money towards a house instead....what do you mean avg weddings on LI are more than 20,000?!!!!!'

::SCREAMS:: I cant t ake it anymore...the main thing is that I have yet to tell her that his family has said they would pay for half if not all the wedding costs

Meanwhile, she has offered to LOAN us 2,500 for our first hall payment.

This is my wedding for cryin out loud and if we want to have chair covers, we will dammit!!!

allaboutthecake Posted: Oct 11, 2004 06:10 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

Wow, that is crazy. I would hate it if my mom said those things. A winter wedding is such a great idea and there are so many different ways that you could decorate, I love it when there is a theme. I can't believe that she said that she would loan you the money for the first downpayment. How are you FI's parents about the wedding. I hope at least they are supportive. Good Luck

MamanDaddyof2 Posted: Oct 11, 2004 06:11 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

my father is the one who thinks its a WASTE of money
but he isnt paying for it I dont even live ther so he can say whatever he wants in the end it is my decision(mine and fh)
all he has to do is walk me down the aisle.....everyone always has something to say ....always
chin up....it will be ok

JPC1125 Posted: Oct 11, 2004 06:13 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

they are....ffil isnt so much with the planning but def with the $ and we are very lucky for their help

I knwo my parents arent rich but they havent said they would contribute anything but i know that if they did, my mom would want total control over what they pay for

rcs Posted: Oct 11, 2004 06:13 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

I totally hear your pain!!! Don't you wish your mom could be like 'other mom's' who are all excited about every detail and want your day to be soooo special no matter what the cost??

My parent's keep pulling the same thing.. Why are you having such a BIG wedding.. Don't you think the money could be used for other things (like a house)... AHHHH!

Meanwhile I am having a SMALL wedding with approx 125 guests!! PARENTS JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!

You can vent to me any time!!!

DebMaher Posted: Oct 11, 2004 06:15 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

Jen:

I have no particular words of wisdom. I do not know why people take one of the best days and don't let you do with it as you deem fit. I do not know why they cannot celebrate the beautiful people you are and the beautiful family you will become.
Please know that at the least, you have support and people who hope all your dreams come true here. Vent vent vent.

Deb

MamanDaddyof2 Posted: Oct 11, 2004 06:17 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

Posted by rcs

I totally hear your pain!!! Don't you wish your mom could be like 'other mom's' who are all excited about every detail and want your day to be soooo special no matter what the cost??

My parent's keep pulling the same thing.. Why are you having such a BIG wedding.. Don't you think the money could be used for other things (like a house)... AHHHH!

Meanwhile I am having a SMALL wedding with approx 125 guests!! PARENTS JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!

You can vent to me any time!!!

I feel the same way about my mom I WISH she would beinto all the details and all that. She doesnt even want me to go dress shopping with her for her dress....she is just gonna get whatever I wish she was more into it

JPC1125 Posted: Oct 11, 2004 06:38 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

you know....as i typed i started to feel better

as you responded, i started to feel relieved

and as i feel your support/ sympathy i feel like everything will be alright

I do indeed love this board

thanks for the hugs

JPC1125 Posted: Oct 11, 2004 06:40 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

I think i should point out that its not just the wedding thats turning my mom into a witch...shes kinda always been that way

Shes the Emily to my Lorelai Gilmore

She even yelled at me as I called to tell her that my FH had proposed and therefore ruined my happy night

Im just waiting to see 1) how many more fights will happen between now and the day i die and 2) how she will ruin my wedding day sorry but i should almost be used to this crap from her by now

She will never be the best freind that many girls have but it feels better to know I'm not the only one whose mom seems mean or crazy

DMcK Posted: Oct 11, 2004 06:49 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. It is a shame that this time of joy is a reminder of who you can count out to celebrate in your joy and who you can count on to ruin. Feel free to vent to us anytime and my thoughts are with you

JPC1125 Posted: Oct 11, 2004 06:51 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

i feel like i want to call her again but i know that it can only get more sour...i want to put her in her place but i grew up with respect for my elders

rcs Posted: Oct 11, 2004 06:51 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

NO! not all all!! My mom is the same way!! I actually told my FH and BM that I am not interested in a shower because I am so nervous that she won't be able to 'act appropiately' I am to the point where I try to not discuss the wedding plans with her so we don't fight...

I know it sound pathetic but the best advice I can give you is to learn not to expect much.. then you don't get disappointed!!! Just remember its your special day.. if she wants to be a part of it great.. if not you have plenty of other people to share your joy with!!!!

pickles16 Posted: Oct 11, 2004 06:53 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

Ugh...I hate it, my parents are paying for MOST of the wedding, while FH's parents are putting in a nominal amount, and my mom can't stand that..she thinks its antiquated, and therefore she thinks they are antiquated and old fashioned, which they are..but none the less they are good to me..but its started sooo many fights between myself and my mom and even FH and my mom...I hate it

JPC1125 Posted: Oct 11, 2004 07:32 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

sigh....wedding are supposed to be fun and happy events

I know there are more important issues in the world right now that make my problems seem insignificant but any family problems seem large and they hurt and dont heal very quickly

GettingMarried0402 Posted: Oct 11, 2004 07:48 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

It sucks that you have to go through this.
My mom lives in another country so she really can't bother me much. The few times she has tried to give off a negative vibe about something....I tell her I have to go b/c my phone will come too high and I have a wedding to pay for.

Its funny though b/c my FH mom said something similar to him when we booked the hall. She made comment along the lines of 'so I see you let her talk you into the expensive catering hall.' I was so mad I wanted to scream. But were ok now. I gues she was looking out for him.

It's too bad your mom has that 'us vs. them' mentality. That could be a problem.

JPC1125 Posted: Oct 11, 2004 07:53 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

its funny you mentioned that catering hall stuff

i dont know where the animosity comes from cause my FIL's are so generous and extend every invite to my family- they just wont go to thanksgiving dinner and such

i think what really makes me mad is the thought that my kids might have to hear bad things about my parents. Thats how I grew up

May05Bride Posted: Oct 11, 2004 08:32 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

First, congrats on picking your colors! My wedding is Gold (euro champagne) so I think your colors are perfect choice!

Sorry you are getting this reaction from your mom. Parents can be crazy this time.

Princess047 Posted: Oct 11, 2004 09:56 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

I hear you - I want chair covers too

My mom argues with me over how much money I'm spending all the time. As a matter of fact - we argued about 3 hours ago.

It sucks, but I just don't listen (HA)

JPC1125 Posted: Oct 11, 2004 10:30 PM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

I have to say that ive gotten much better at dealing with her craziness.

I used to cry and get real depressed but after about 100 times of that I realized it always happens and its not the end of our relationship

I just dont know what upsets me more ---the fact that she comments on my budget without contributing anything or the fact she thinks it a war between her and my fmil

PS- I am a gilmore girls addict and I get alot of my mom handling tips from that show

Its eerie, the mom on GG is alot like my mom but with out all the $$$

Dooodles Posted: Oct 12, 2004 09:50 AM

Re: the- 'my mom is a pain'- vent

Okay, Lorelai Gilmore - time to give Emily some bits of sarcasm to make yourself feel a bit better!!

My Mom has actually been okay with everything but my dress. I thought she would hate my hall, but knowing I have always wanted a wedding right off the water, she just loved it and actually convinced me to book it. She just can't get over my not having a 'traditional' bridal gown.

P.S. - Don't you just love Lorelai?