The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)

okay i'm so really annoyed right now. first i want to say--if you are okay with kids at your wedding--more power to you, and this is NOT judgement on that, i respect anyone who does this, but at the same time i think OUR guests should respect the decision we made of NOT having children at the wedding.

that being said--both FH and i have big families, and most of our siblings have children. therefore it's an all or nothing thing. either we let them ALL bring kids or no one brings them. since that would total about 20 children UNDER the age of 15, we opted for none. this was explained to everyone--we had arguements about it with my family and it was lots and lots of drama over the past 2 yrs.

well FH has a brother in colorado who has FIVE kids, and it was explained that while we would love to have them with us, it's just not possible. FBIL said he understood, no problem. BUT he still plans on coming with them to NY, but leaving them with FFIL. i don't get them bringing all the kids, especially cause they are DRIVING from colorado...AND his wife just had back surgery last month and has metal rods & pins in her back, so i imagine that it would be painful for her to travel across the country in a car. and on top of them, i'm sure he has to take his children out of school for a week.

anyways--we get their RSVP back today...and to make sure people wouldn't be slick, we have our RSVP say 'We have reserved ___ places in your honor' and i wrote a '2' in the spot. simple right? well FSIL had the audacity to CROSS OUT the '2' and put a '7' next to it! and where it says the 'M_____' she just put 'with children' and check the 'accepts with pleasure'!!!!!!

W T F!!!! the invitation specifcally says 'Adult reception immediately following', we put the # of places you have, and we TOLD YOU that we can't have your kids there! yet you totally disregarded that and put what you wanted!

i am so PO'd right now, i can't tell you. and of course my FH does NOT want to deal with this and talk to them about it. and now if he doesn't do it--we are totally gonna have a HUGE fight, cause i've been battling MY family about this and finally just LAST WEEK got my brother to realize his children can NOT come. now i have to deal with this crap.

i don't understand ppl and i hate this so freaking much. sorry to vent, but i'm PIIISSSSED

you just spelled out my worst nightmare -

we decided only kids in the wedding are invited - with the same reasoning as you - if we invite some we have to invite them all and I cant afford to feed little kids expensive dinners they wont even eat!

I would have your FH call your brother and say the invitation only said two, sorry, you dont have the room for everyone.

People are so rude!

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Posted by LaurenF

oh- i'd be PISSED if i were you. not everyone will agree with my take on this, but if this were me, i'd call FSIL and tell her the children are NOT invited. it's a decision you and FH came to, it was explained to FBIL and you were hoping that they would respect your decision. i wouldn't be afraid of stepping on toes or feeling that you're in the wrong for calling her---after all, she had the nerve to cross off a deliberately set number of guests. she damn well knew what she was doing and likely did it to piss you off and prove a point---that SHE thinks children should be invited. well, sorry- this is not HER wedding. if she wanted children at her wedding, then i hope she had them. but her day has passed, and now it's yours. therefore YOU and FH make the decisions....NOT HER. the NERVE of people....

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TY!

that's totally how i feel. the thing is, i feel like i CAN'T call, cause i've never met either one of these ppl. as a matter of fact, FH has NEVER met his nieces & nephews or his SIL!!

it's a long story, but for awhile him and his brother had a falling out, so they haven't seen each other in YEARS. when his two brothers come for the wedding--it'll be the first time all 3 siblings have been in the same room in more than a decade. therefore, my FH doesn't want to rock the boat, cause he really wants his brothers there, and doesn't want to be a bad guy or something!

so now i have to look like some evil biitch. my FFIL hates me and bad mouths me to his brothers about how it's all ME that doesn't want kids there. (but FH was the one who said it first!) so if i call, i REALLY look evil!!!

seriously--2 months to go...i should've eloped!

OMG!! Your FH hasn't even met 6 or the 7 people that RSVPd? That's absolutely ridiculous. There's no reason that you should bend over backwards for these people. If it were me I'd be screaming at someone right now and I can't even write the words that would be coming out of my mouth on this board. So sorry that you have to deal with this.

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Posted by LaurenF
want to give ME her phone number? i'll gladly call her!

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that would be sweet!

well i told FH tonite--call them ASAP. my exact wording was 'If you don't call and take care of this ASAP--we WILL have a huge blow out, and i don't want that' and i was about to say something else and he said 'i heard you. i'll take care of it'

but i know he's gonna drag azz in calling them.
something tells me i'm gonna be on here in a few days venting about the fight we're gonna have!

Ah mel that stinks.

Maybe after Pete talks to him it will get smoothed over....but the nerve of them to even put you and pete in that position

first of all, i'm very sorry that you've been put in this position.

this isn't a matter of children being invited. this is an issue where fh's sil is being a spoiled brat. it clearly states what you are inviting them to: an adult reception, where the two adults have been invited [period]. to change that, is just rude, improper, and against all rules of etiquette.

i can understand how your fh feels bad about 'rocking the boat', but he also has to be a man and step up to the plate and defend his future wife.

i hope that this problem is resolved soon, for everyone's sake.

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Posted by libby2595

first of all, i'm very sorry that you've been put in this position.

this isn't a matter of children being invited. this is an issue where fh's sil is being a spoiled brat. it clearly states what you are inviting them to: an adult reception, where the two adults have been invited [period]. to change that, is just rude, improper, and against all rules of etiquette.

i can understand how your fh feels bad about 'rocking the boat', but he also has to be a man and step up to the plate and defend his future wife.

i hope that this problem is resolved soon, for everyone's sake.

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I couldn't have said it better myself.

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Posted by Dee606

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Posted by libby2595

first of all, i'm very sorry that you've been put in this position.

this isn't a matter of children being invited. this is an issue where fh's sil is being a spoiled brat. it clearly states what you are inviting them to: an adult reception, where the two adults have been invited [period]. to change that, is just rude, improper, and against all rules of etiquette.

i can understand how your fh feels bad about 'rocking the boat', but he also has to be a man and step up to the plate and defend his future wife.

i hope that this problem is resolved soon, for everyone's sake.

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I couldn't have said it better myself.

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Me too!



The fact that they are AWARE that this is Pete and Melissa's wishes and they are purposely going against them is SO rude-- regardless of how you feel about Kids VS. No Kids... This is about respecting other people's wishes! It is so rude I can't even believe it.

I hope it works out Melissa

Since this so far has been through written communication, and the wedding isn't next week, I think you should keep it written, so far. Write them a letter, signed by both of you, saying that you're so happy that they can attend, that you're SO glad that the siblings will be together for the first time in a decade, it means so much to you, blah blah blah blah... BUT, they must have misunderstood, this is an ADULT reception, that you are unable to have children there, that you both have huge families with many children and your budget just did not stretch to including the children, and that you can't include some and not others. Besides, you both think it will be a wonderful reception because all the adults will be able to chat and dance and catch up without having to care for the kids, that it's been so long the siblings want to be able to focus on each other. And on from there. The nice thing about a letter is they can't interject or argue with you, hopefully they'll just read it through. Then call them in a week or send an email to make sure they got it, and you can ask them about the part I've suggested below.

What I do think would be a good idea, since the kids will be there, to plan some time where you and your FH can get to know them. You're undoubtedly going to be very busy, but this may very well be the only time you're going to see these kids for a long time, as they live so far away, and you should grab the opportunity. Lunch the day before? Trip to the park? Maybe just hanging out at the grandparents? Whatever. Propose this to the parents, saying that you do really want to spend quality time with the kids, so you'll do it then, not at the ADULT wedding reception. I think you'll all be happy you did it later. If there are other relatives' kids in the area, maybe have a kids' wedding reception, even--get in a cake and ice cream, and hang out with the kids for a couple of hours. It would be fun!

I am a little confused by this. Not only because the kids are NOT invited but won't your FFIL be at the wedding So the kids would be left with

We had a similar issue and we also had pre-filled in that X number of seats have been reserved in your honor. My uncle decided that he would cross out the 2 and write in 6 to bring all 4 of his kids. I had my sister handle it since I did not want to use any choice words with my uncle. Needless to say the kids did not attend. He had to change to a NO due to surgery that week.

I think you need the UN-invitation.......

This is not mine but by Kim aka Katherine121

The tag line is 'This is for those people who just don't get it.'

'You were counted very special
To be one of our invited guests
To witness our happy nuptials
Your presence we did request
But your demand that we invite persons
Whom we don't even know
Has caused us to reconsider
The invitation we did bestow
We're sorry to have to tell you
The stressful fire you've ignited
Did result in one conclusion
YOU ARE UN-INVITED!'

I would be sooooo mad! That is just wrong-I would call them and let them know that no children will be allowed into the hall under any circumstances.

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Posted by akaMrsT

I am a little confused by this. Not only because the kids are NOT invited but won't your FFIL be at the wedding So the kids would be left with

We had a similar issue and we also had pre-filled in that X number of seats have been reserved in your honor. My uncle decided that he would cross out the 2 and write in 6 to bring all 4 of his kids. I had my sister handle it since I did not want to use any choice words with my uncle. Needless to say the kids did not attend. He had to change to a NO due to surgery that week.

I think you need the UN-invitation.......

This is not mine but by Kim aka Katherine121

The tag line is 'This is for those people who just don't get it.'

'You were counted very special
To be one of our invited guests
To witness our happy nuptials
Your presence we did request
But your demand that we invite persons
Whom we don't even know
Has caused us to reconsider
The invitation we did bestow
We're sorry to have to tell you
The stressful fire you've ignited
Did result in one conclusion
YOU ARE UN-INVITED!'

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so funny!

and to clarify--FFIL is NOT coming to the wedding. FH and him have not spoken in 5 mos. and his FFIL is a waste of space jerk. don't even get me STARTED on that guy! let me put it this way, he hasn't done anything in the past 10 years except father 6 kids with his disgusting girlfriend and collect a gov't check.

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by akaMrsT

I am a little confused by this. Not only because the kids are NOT invited but won't your FFIL be at the wedding So the kids would be left with

We had a similar issue and we also had pre-filled in that X number of seats have been reserved in your honor. My uncle decided that he would cross out the 2 and write in 6 to bring all 4 of his kids. I had my sister handle it since I did not want to use any choice words with my uncle. Needless to say the kids did not attend. He had to change to a NO due to surgery that week.

I think you need the UN-invitation.......

This is not mine but by Kim aka Katherine121

The tag line is 'This is for those people who just don't get it.'

'You were counted very special
To be one of our invited guests
To witness our happy nuptials
Your presence we did request
But your demand that we invite persons
Whom we don't even know
Has caused us to reconsider
The invitation we did bestow
We're sorry to have to tell you
The stressful fire you've ignited
Did result in one conclusion
YOU ARE UN-INVITED!'

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so funny!

and to clarify--FFIL is NOT coming to the wedding. FH and him have not spoken in 5 mos. and his FFIL is a waste of space jerk. don't even get me STARTED on that guy! let me put it this way, he hasn't done anything in the past 10 years except father 6 kids with his disgusting girlfriend and collect a gov't check.

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Ugh! Just drama. I think Kim can get you a set