okay i'm so really annoyed right now. first i want to say--if you are okay with kids at your wedding--more power to you, and this is NOT judgement on that, i respect anyone who does this, but at the same time i think OUR guests should respect the decision we made of NOT having children at the wedding.
that being said--both FH and i have big families, and most of our siblings have children. therefore it's an all or nothing thing. either we let them ALL bring kids or no one brings them. since that would total about 20 children UNDER the age of 15, we opted for none. this was explained to everyone--we had arguements about it with my family and it was lots and lots of drama over the past 2 yrs.
well FH has a brother in colorado who has FIVE kids, and it was explained that while we would love to have them with us, it's just not possible. FBIL said he understood, no problem. BUT he still plans on coming with them to NY, but leaving them with FFIL. i don't get them bringing all the kids, especially cause they are DRIVING from colorado...AND his wife just had back surgery last month and has metal rods & pins in her back, so i imagine that it would be painful for her to travel across the country in a car. and on top of them, i'm sure he has to take his children out of school for a week.
anyways--we get their RSVP back today...and to make sure people wouldn't be slick, we have our RSVP say 'We have reserved ___ places in your honor' and i wrote a '2' in the spot. simple right? well FSIL had the audacity to CROSS OUT the '2' and put a '7' next to it! and where it says the 'M_____' she just put 'with children' and check the 'accepts with pleasure'!!!!!!
W T F!!!! the invitation specifcally says 'Adult reception immediately following', we put the # of places you have, and we TOLD YOU that we can't have your kids there! yet you totally disregarded that and put what you wanted!
i am so PO'd right now, i can't tell you. and of course my FH does NOT want to deal with this and talk to them about it. and now if he doesn't do it--we are totally gonna have a HUGE fight, cause i've been battling MY family about this and finally just LAST WEEK got my brother to realize his children can NOT come. now i have to deal with this crap.
i don't understand ppl and i hate this so freaking much. sorry to vent, but i'm PIIISSSSED
happygirl07
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Posted by akaMrsT This is not mine but by Kim aka Katherine121
The tag line is 'This is for those people who just don't get it.'
'You were counted very special To be one of our invited guests To witness our happy nuptials Your presence we did request But your demand that we invite persons Whom we don't even know Has caused us to reconsider The invitation we did bestow We're sorry to have to tell you The stressful fire you've ignited Did result in one conclusion YOU ARE UN-INVITED!'
Mrs. T - I realy like that poem. Gotta save for when it's my turn.
Mel, I actually thought the same thing - how would the kids be left with FIL's when they'll be at the wedding?
I like the written approach.
In any event, to you.
mbg1007
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Posted by LaurenF
hmmm.....tough one. i think you're going to have to battle this one out with FH. if it were me, this would seem like a battle worth fighting. it would be one thing if you and FH were each at odds about whether you wanted kids at the wedding. but the two of you AGREE! and YOU'RE making the wedding. i'd be upset if FH didn't step up and do something. this is pretty much just allowing his family to bully you into making a decision in their favor. that's BS in my opinion. if my FH's brother did this, i'd be livid and i'd be damned if i sat back and let them steamroll me into allowing kids to be there. want to give ME her phone number? i'll gladly call her!
Laur, I have no doubt in my mind that you would call her, youre too much!!!!
daniebc16
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
They probably did it because they can't get a babysitter for 5 kids and they probably think that you won't say anything...but you must, cause then other people at the wedding will see all those kids there and get pretty annoyed.
Tria1110
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Oh my !!! I would be totally pi$$ed! People are absolutely outrageous.
Good Luck!
ejm1219
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Could you get a babysitter for them? Say that you arranged to have so and so watch the children AT HOME so they can enjoy your special day!
Kara and Todd
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Posted by libby2595
first of all, i'm very sorry that you've been put in this position.
this isn't a matter of children being invited. this is an issue where fh's sil is being a spoiled brat. it clearly states what you are inviting them to: an adult reception, where the two adults have been invited [period]. to change that, is just rude, improper, and against all rules of etiquette.
i can understand how your fh feels bad about 'rocking the boat', but he also has to be a man and step up to the plate and defend his future wife.
i hope that this problem is resolved soon, for everyone's sake.
Totally agree. Your FH needs to say something IMMEDIATELY. The longer you wait to say something, the worse it will be. Get this resolved NOW. She needs to be told on no uncertain terms that kids are not invited.
This is one of my worst nightmares, too... Luckily, our families don't seem to want to bring their children. They don't want tob e running around after kids all night - they want to enjoy the wedding.
I hope you get this resolved soon. If this happened to me, someone would be on the phone within minutes of receiving the response card to explain!
blu6385
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
this is my exact fear ... me and FH has decidedno kids at the wedding only kids that are in the wedding ... i'm waiting to see all the drama thats going to start ... my motto is this you dont like it too bad its my wedding ... since that probably wont fly to well ... my second thought is that i will find babysitters and offer to get them one to watch thier kids where their staying while they attend the wedding ....
DNicholes
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
I just don't understand people sometimes....
jeanla4c
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
all I can say that hasn't been said is:
I don't get how people don't get it---we had some issues with this type of thing as well and in the end those people chose not to come.
natseven
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Posted by Dee606
I would be so pissed! You should take a deep breath & then let him know that he needs to tell his brother that the kids CANNOT come.
I agree. FH has to step up to the plate and tell his brother NO!!!
Theatrimelz
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!! Wow people have real nerve!!!!
dplehat
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Posted by ejm1219
Could you get a babysitter for them? Say that you arranged to have so and so watch the children AT HOME so they can enjoy your special day!
I agree with this and the one about sending a letter. First send th letter and is they still show up with the kids let the kids stay for the ceremony and then have them removed and brought to a babysitter. I am thinking of asking my sisters bil to do this for my sisters kids so they can be in pics but not at the reception. I am only having my flower girl at the reception no other kids.
DandS
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Posted by Pencils
Since this so far has been through written communication, and the wedding isn't next week, I think you should keep it written, so far. Write them a letter, signed by both of you, saying that you're so happy that they can attend, that you're SO glad that the siblings will be together for the first time in a decade, it means so much to you, blah blah blah blah... BUT, they must have misunderstood, this is an ADULT reception, that you are unable to have children there, that you both have huge families with many children and your budget just did not stretch to including the children, and that you can't include some and not others. Besides, you both think it will be a wonderful reception because all the adults will be able to chat and dance and catch up without having to care for the kids, that it's been so long the siblings want to be able to focus on each other. And on from there. The nice thing about a letter is they can't interject or argue with you, hopefully they'll just read it through. Then call them in a week or send an email to make sure they got it, and you can ask them about the part I've suggested below.
What I do think would be a good idea, since the kids will be there, to plan some time where you and your FH can get to know them. You're undoubtedly going to be very busy, but this may very well be the only time you're going to see these kids for a long time, as they live so far away, and you should grab the opportunity. Lunch the day before? Trip to the park? Maybe just hanging out at the grandparents? Whatever. Propose this to the parents, saying that you do really want to spend quality time with the kids, so you'll do it then, not at the ADULT wedding reception. I think you'll all be happy you did it later. If there are other relatives' kids in the area, maybe have a kids' wedding reception, even--get in a cake and ice cream, and hang out with the kids for a couple of hours. It would be fun!
I think that is a great idea!
DandS
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Posted by akaMrsT
I think you need the UN-invitation.......
This is not mine but by Kim aka Katherine121
The tag line is 'This is for those people who just don't get it.'
'You were counted very special To be one of our invited guests To witness our happy nuptials Your presence we did request But your demand that we invite persons Whom we don't even know Has caused us to reconsider The invitation we did bestow We're sorry to have to tell you The stressful fire you've ignited Did result in one conclusion YOU ARE UN-INVITED!'
This is so funny - I wish I had it about 2 months ago
hmv12
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Posted by Meaghan729
you just spelled out my worst nightmare -
we decided only kids in the wedding are invited - with the same reasoning as you - if we invite some we have to invite them all and I cant afford to feed little kids expensive dinners they wont even eat!
I would have your FH call your brother and say the invitation only said two, sorry, you dont have the room for everyone.
People are so rude!
I am also having only the kids in the wedding party.....I have been dealing with arguements since I have been engaged. I actually had my future SIL back out of the wedding b/c of the kid situation... I am completely disguisted with any situations regarding children...I have three nieces and two nephews, and a 9 year old future step-daughter that I love all to death...The wedding is about you and your FH and everyone else seems to forget that...I feel you 100% on this one
soon2bmrsdunn
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Member since
Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
This is also my WORST nightmare. I feel for you and will have to add to this post when I am more calm about this. It really get me so upset when I hear about this.
Kara and Todd
Posted:
Member since
Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Posted by Pencils
Since this so far has been through written communication, and the wedding isn't next week, I think you should keep it written, so far. Write them a letter, signed by both of you, saying that you're so happy that they can attend, that you're SO glad that the siblings will be together for the first time in a decade, it means so much to you, blah blah blah blah... BUT, they must have misunderstood, this is an ADULT reception, that you are unable to have children there, that you both have huge families with many children and your budget just did not stretch to including the children, and that you can't include some and not others. Besides, you both think it will be a wonderful reception because all the adults will be able to chat and dance and catch up without having to care for the kids, that it's been so long the siblings want to be able to focus on each other. And on from there. The nice thing about a letter is they can't interject or argue with you, hopefully they'll just read it through. Then call them in a week or send an email to make sure they got it, and you can ask them about the part I've suggested below.
What I do think would be a good idea, since the kids will be there, to plan some time where you and your FH can get to know them. You're undoubtedly going to be very busy, but this may very well be the only time you're going to see these kids for a long time, as they live so far away, and you should grab the opportunity. Lunch the day before? Trip to the park? Maybe just hanging out at the grandparents? Whatever. Propose this to the parents, saying that you do really want to spend quality time with the kids, so you'll do it then, not at the ADULT wedding reception. I think you'll all be happy you did it later. If there are other relatives' kids in the area, maybe have a kids' wedding reception, even--get in a cake and ice cream, and hang out with the kids for a couple of hours. It would be fun!
The only thing I disagree with is that the communication should only be written. This needs to be addressed over the phone at the very least so that you can be sure they get it.
I'd follow up with the letter about how your so excited their coming, and sorry they were confused about the children being invited. However, I'd DEFINITELY call first to discuss this. It is far to easy for things to mysteriously disappear in the mail.
tonimike
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Member since
Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
wow, thats balsy ,, i mean u even went thru the effort to put the $ of guest , & they cross it out & add 5 more people,,
im sure it will work out, just stinks u gott go thru it .,,
Espo22
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Member since
Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
So sorry to hear that, def a tough situation to handle, good luck.
I am so not looking forward to this part either. Fi doesnt want kids at the wedding and i love kids so didnt think about it until he mentioned it. THeres just too many kids that will possibly come, we have no idea if parents would bring them or not. I don't want it to turn into a zoo with 30 kids running around, thats a bit much. Plus it would actually cost us alot pp for kids, and i dont think most of our guests would realize how much it would cost us. Plus that means more tables, more centerpieces, basically more money. Which is exactly what you need to explain to her.
Also, why not write to them and say that although you would love for all of them to attend, you have reached your maximum. Also, say that due to your budget you would not be able to afford all the kids on both sides of your family so it was better off to not invite any kids so nobody feels insulted. Say that you have told your OWN family they cant bring kids and it would cause controversey if other kids attended.
faithandkevin
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Member since
Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
The balls on some people, I do not understand it! Your wedding day is for you and FH- not their big day to introduce their kids to the family. I hope it works out- if it doesn't, maybe FH's buddies can provide them with a police escort right outta there!!
