okay i'm so really annoyed right now. first i want to say--if you are okay with kids at your wedding--more power to you, and this is NOT judgement on that, i respect anyone who does this, but at the same time i think OUR guests should respect the decision we made of NOT having children at the wedding.
that being said--both FH and i have big families, and most of our siblings have children. therefore it's an all or nothing thing. either we let them ALL bring kids or no one brings them. since that would total about 20 children UNDER the age of 15, we opted for none. this was explained to everyone--we had arguements about it with my family and it was lots and lots of drama over the past 2 yrs.
well FH has a brother in colorado who has FIVE kids, and it was explained that while we would love to have them with us, it's just not possible. FBIL said he understood, no problem. BUT he still plans on coming with them to NY, but leaving them with FFIL. i don't get them bringing all the kids, especially cause they are DRIVING from colorado...AND his wife just had back surgery last month and has metal rods & pins in her back, so i imagine that it would be painful for her to travel across the country in a car. and on top of them, i'm sure he has to take his children out of school for a week.
anyways--we get their RSVP back today...and to make sure people wouldn't be slick, we have our RSVP say 'We have reserved ___ places in your honor' and i wrote a '2' in the spot. simple right? well FSIL had the audacity to CROSS OUT the '2' and put a '7' next to it! and where it says the 'M_____' she just put 'with children' and check the 'accepts with pleasure'!!!!!!
W T F!!!! the invitation specifcally says 'Adult reception immediately following', we put the # of places you have, and we TOLD YOU that we can't have your kids there! yet you totally disregarded that and put what you wanted!
i am so PO'd right now, i can't tell you. and of course my FH does NOT want to deal with this and talk to them about it. and now if he doesn't do it--we are totally gonna have a HUGE fight, cause i've been battling MY family about this and finally just LAST WEEK got my brother to realize his children can NOT come. now i have to deal with this crap.
i don't understand ppl and i hate this so freaking much. sorry to vent, but i'm PIIISSSSED
felicita
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
I'm actually really worried this might happen with one of my BMs. She has some issues with manners. For instance, she lives in Boston and will just call out of the blue and tell me she needs to stay with me for a weekend and is bringing her HUSBAND and her kid. First of all, my FH and I live in a 2 BR apartment, but one of the BR is an office. Not only is it inconvenient to have a couple staying over in the living room, but a couple with a child is just insane.
I started the ball rolling by asking her the other day where she was leaving her daughter when she comes up for the wedding next year. Hopefully, she's got the hint now.
SomethingBlu
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
*I didn't read through responses, sorry if I'm duplicating.*
I had to respond because I had the same exact thing happen to me. Down to the fact that I used the same wording as you, I put in the number of people, I paid extra to address inner envelopes, I sent beautifully calligraphed envelopes with people's proper names.
But we still got a (late) RSVP with children, when ADULT RECEPTION was specified. When I told my MOH and best friend that her 3 month old couldn't come. When I had fights with my family about it. When people knew it was ADULTS only forever, since we had a 2+ year engagement and it was clearly written on our wedding website.
Ultimately, it's not up to you to say something (luckily). It's your FH's battle, it's his family. You did all you can. Now it's in his hands.
My DH is a wimp, so we got into it since he said he wasn't going to say anything (he was embarrased). But I told his mother, who spread the word, who told his aunt, who told the uncle that wanted to bring the kids. The kids stood home. Battle won.
I'll spare you the horror of the other family members (DH's, of course) who did bring their 2 kids. Unannounced, uninvited, they sat in laps all night. Too late at that point. Thank God for liquor!!
I feel your pain...have someone else deal with it though. Don't put anything in writing. This too shall pass. But it needs to be addressed by someone in DH's family. How can your FFIL stay with the kids? Won't he be there? If worse comes to worse, offer a babysitter. Make it clear that it's no kids.
You'll have enough other stress - breathe!!
rozeyro
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
maybe he was joking....
ewickens
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Vent away! Just stand your ground on this one and if your DH won't say anything, then you take care of it, and tell him he supports you on this thru and thru, or he's going to have bigger problems on his hands. You can't make an exception for one side with kids without doing it for the other. It's not fair to the two of you.
TLC1018
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
WOW!! I cannot believe the nerve of them to do that! Whose wedding is this again? if they want to have something and invite children, then be my guest! This will cause a huge uproar especially if you just explained to your own brother that his children cannot come. I can understand if they cannot make the trip out and leave the kids at home, but that does not mean the kids automatically get invited!!!!!! I am so sorry that you're dealing with this. This truly ***** and I hope that your FH delivers on his promise to take care of it. Even though he has been separated from his brother, there needs to be a level of respect. They crossed the boundaries big time! You're smart to deal with this now and not give in to them!!
kathrynlinton
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Posted by ejm1219
Could you get a babysitter for them? Say that you arranged to have so and so watch the children AT HOME so they can enjoy your special day!
This is a good idea--but it drives me NUTS. Why should it be the bride's responsibility to do EVERYTHING!!!
Just call, email, whatever that there has been some type of misunderstanding, but there will be no children at the wedding and you are really sorry if this changes their plans, but you can't just allow their children and no one elses.
And do it soon. I had this issue too and SIL and MIL almost didn't come to our wedding because of it.
GettinHutched
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
I am just appalled and disgusted....FH definitely has to put them in their place!
The NERVE of people is right!! It's just unfathomable sometimes. Do they not remember how damn expensive weddings are?!??! Sick sick sick...
Lots of to you and I hope it all works out!
SoontobeMrsH
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Look if it were me & my FH decided not to call (which I'm sure if this were us, FH would choose not to call), I would. I know it's not going to be an easy call, but I'd rather, be honest w/ these realitives on who was invited and who wasn't & why. I would also bring up the fact that this was discussed previously...
I'm sorry I know this is a hard position to be in. This is additional stress that you do not need right now, esp, with the holidays here and your wedding weeks away,
deirdre730
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Girl, I totally agree with you and I am in the midst of the same BS with my fiance, my mother and extended family, with the KIDS BS! I do not WANT KIDS at my wedding! It is an adult function, and If I turn around and see my 10 year old crazy cousin break dancing on my dance floor at my reception I will FLIP OUT!!! I fought with my mother over this (it is her sister's kids we are referring to) and I came to a compromise. I am inviting some of the kids, with personal invitations, and the others I am not inviting. Using the 'Too Young' card. It is all the same family, and I invited the older girls (12 & 14) and the two youngers ones I did not (the crazy break dancer). THis was the compromise i had to come to with my mother, but I did not want any kids. UNfortunately, the wedding is not all about you ( or me in this case) and there are other people to consider. And people have balls (especially damily members) and do not respect your wishes. I told everyone no kids a year ago, and my aunt still insisted on putting Cousin 'dee dee's' wedding into her daughters heads, and then now they expect it! Who knows, ignore it, and have a great time! Don't sweat the small stuff becasue this is small stuff that you are not even going to remember come wedding day!! It's all good!!!
LImama
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Posted by SomethingBlu Unannounced, uninvited, they sat in laps all night. Too late at that point.
Just curious, did the hall charge for these lapsters?
Can NOT believe the nerve of some people!! Good Luck to you!
MJDoc12
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
i am so glad i have this board---cause i really was super farking pisssed off about this, and i know that brides like me understand.
i guess the thing that annoys me is that they are trying to totally disregard our wishes, and will probably have to take their kids out of school for a week to do this. not to mention FSIL just had BACK SURGERY on halloween---having metals rods & pins inserted. um...how can you drive across country with your rugrats like that?
this might sound bridezilla--but i know if it was FH and I with our kids, and he had a relative getting married far away, i would just say 'You go, fly out there to be with your brother who you haven't seen in YEARS, and i will stay behind with the kids.' i hope that doesn't make me sound selfish....lol...but i don't get why they don't just do it like this. i told them that FH and i would fly out to colorado when we get our first vacation together after the wedding. (i have a free trip waiting to be used from delta). we could all enjoy ourselves then.
my FH is still trying to get the nerve to call--and i'm gonna have to light a fire under his azz to do it.
i mentioned the baby-sitting thing to them before, when they said they would bring the kids to NY, but not to the wedding....and they didn't seem to keen on it, cause they have to, 'trust the person' who's watching their kids. which i understand, BUT c'mon ppl....i'm TRYING here!
BRod-Cheng
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
I sooooo feel your pain.
The same thing happened to me. One of my friends offered to call, while pretending to be my wedding coordinator, and gently explain that the children were not invited.
I wound up calling myself.
SomethingBlu
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Posted by LImama
Posted by SomethingBlu Unannounced, uninvited, they sat in laps all night. Too late at that point.
Just curious, did the hall charge for these lapsters?
Nope. They didn't get a meal, so no charge. Halls account for these type of things (there are always no-shows, extras accounted for) so it's all good.
Happy planning ladies!!
PreshusSmurf
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Re: The NERVE of people! (LONG RSVP VENT!)
Posted by akaMrsT
I think you need the UN-invitation.......
This is not mine but by Kim aka Katherine121
The tag line is 'This is for those people who just don't get it.'
'You were counted very special To be one of our invited guests To witness our happy nuptials Your presence we did request But your demand that we invite persons Whom we don't even know Has caused us to reconsider The invitation we did bestow We're sorry to have to tell you The stressful fire you've ignited Did result in one conclusion YOU ARE UN-INVITED!'
