I'm looking for a little help. My friend is getting married in September. She is NOT your average bride. She does not want a Bridal shower or a Bachelorette party. She has constantly told her mom that she does not need anything and does not want a 'SHOWER'. Well her mom agreed to buy her and FH furniture in place of a shower.
Her reason for not wanting a shower is pretty much because she doesn't feel comfortable asking for gifts.
Now because all of our friends have all had showers and she has participated for everyone, we want to do something for her. So I decided that I would have the 'close' friends over my house to have a 'get together'.....with gifts....lol. We don't want to call it a 'Shower' but we would really like to get her a few things. At first I thought lingerie, but how much do you really need....and she is not that frilly either. Her mother also suggested that we ask her FH if he thinks that they need anything and then create a list for the invitation....I'm not sure if this is a good idea.
So basically, I am looking for advice.......Can anyone give me some gift ideas? Even though there will only be 10-15 people, I am sending out a formal invitation....how should I word it? We are also thinking of doing it at night......so that it seems a little less 'shower-ish'...... I am so confused.
Thanks
reenielady
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Re: The 'No Shower' Shower....need advice
Nice idea but I would let people figure out the gifts on their own - otherwise it would seem as if you are asking for gifts.
Kara and Todd
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Re: The 'No Shower' Shower....need advice
Well, I'm going to go out on a limb here. If she doesn't want a shower, don't throw her one.
She said she doesn't want one - so don't throw a party for here where everyone brings presents. Just because you don't call it a shower doesn't make it any less so.
If you want to do something, I'd consider pooling together to get her and her FH one really nice thing they need / want, rather than potentially getting her a whole bunch of things she doesn't want or need.
My MOH and some of my BMs are attemping to push a lingerie / passion party on me and I don't want one! I'm not forced with the uncomfortable situation of having to tell them 'No, I really don't want to do this.' FH and I decided we'd have a joint bachelor/bachelorette party for both sides of the BP to meet each other and that was it. I'm uncomfortable with the idea and don't want it. If it were thrown for me as a surprise, I'd hate it.
I'm not trying to compare the two, and I understand that you really are just trying to make this special for her... but if she's said she doesn't want it, then the best thing to do would be to respect her wishes. She is the bride - she should be able to call the shots. If she wants it this way, it should be her call. I would not throw her a shower when she's said she doesn't want one.
SusiBtoM
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Re: The 'No Shower' Shower....need advice
IMO, make it a pre-wedding get together, gifts optional.
MJDoc12
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Re: The 'No Shower' Shower....need advice
maybe you should all pool together money and get them a big gift card to someone place that they could use stuff for themselves like BBB or target or something.
and instead of a 'non' shower--make it a joint thing with her FH and couples. like a nite out at their favorite restaurant with 15-20 pp.
like kara said--if she has said over and over again that she does NOT want a shower, i wouldn't try and throw her a party she seems uncomfortable with. i know you want to do something nice for her cause she's always been there for everyone else's showers, but if its not her thing--i wouldn't try and push it under a different name. JMO
Kara and Todd
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Re: The 'No Shower' Shower....need advice
IMHO, this is like taking a shower away from a bride that wants one... You wouldn't want someone to do that to you, so please don't do the reverse to someone else.
I've been battling this for months with my BMs b/c I do NOT want a bachelorette party and FH does NOT want a bachelor party. They're not who we are or what we want to do. I'd be very upset if someone else just decided that I had to have on anyway and went ahead and planned it.
I KNOW you are just trying to do something nice and thoughtful for them, but I would respect her wishes and find something else nice to do.
Dalito322
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Re: The 'No Shower' Shower....need advice
This is a little different, not sure if you want to go this route....
My friend didn't register for gifts, instead they did the Honeymoon registry. And instead of a traditional shower, they did a joint Honeymoon shower, where basically it was a big party with a Mexican theme (their HM was in Mexico) - gifts were optional, but if people wanted to they'd give them something Honeymoon related....fun quirky gifts, or something they could use on the honeymoon. (HM registries allowed you to give $$ towards something like a dinner or excursion, then you give a gift certificate to them)
Not sure if that helped at all - but it was something different!
rkl1130
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Re: The 'No Shower' Shower....need advice
That is really sweet of you to try to put something together.
If she doesn't want one though, you shouldn't throw one regardless of what it's called.
My suggestion--get a whole bunch of people together with her FH (guys and girls) and do something that way. This way, you would still be doing something nice for her without the pressure of 'shower.' And like the other girls said--pool money and get them one big present as opposed to several small ones because then it will feel like a shower.
smplynluv
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Re: The 'No Shower' Shower....need advice
Posted by Kara and Todd
IMHO, this is like taking a shower away from a bride that wants one... You wouldn't want someone to do that to you, so please don't do the reverse to someone else.
I've been battling this for months with my BMs b/c I do NOT want a bachelorette party and FH does NOT want a bachelor party. They're not who we are or what we want to do. I'd be very upset if someone else just decided that I had to have on anyway and went ahead and planned it.
I KNOW you are just trying to do something nice and thoughtful for them, but I would respect her wishes and find something else nice to do.
I gotta agree here on this one. I don't want a bach. party and if my bm just threw one for me anyways i would get mad bc i'm just not comfortable with it. She's not comfortable receiving gifts and if this is really true, you will be putting her in a position she doesn't wanna be in. Even though its with good intentions, don't try to push something she has expressed to you that she doesn't want.
futuremrsfab
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Re: The 'No Shower' Shower....need advice
Posted by Kara and Todd
If you want to do something, I'd consider pooling together to get her and her FH one really nice thing they need / want, rather than potentially getting her a whole bunch of things she doesn't want or need.
I like Kara's idea about chipping in and giving the bride and groom a joint gift instead of a shower.
ny2272
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Re: The 'No Shower' Shower....need advice
Yeah - I agree with the other girls on this one. Just get everyone to contribute something & give her a gift certificate (to her favorite store) or a dinner certificate for two at a nice restaurant on their honeymoon
GinaZ
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Re: The 'No Shower' Shower....need advice
Maybe just dont call it a shower on the invite. Maybe do a wine tasting with the girls in celebration of her marriage? People will prolly bring gifts on their own.
chacha
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Re: The 'No Shower' Shower....need advice
Posted by MJDoc12
maybe you should all pool together money and get them a big gift card to someone place that they could use stuff for themselves like BBB or target or something.
and instead of a 'non' shower--make it a joint thing with her FH and couples. like a nite out at their favorite restaurant with 15-20 pp.
The pooling together of money is a great idea! Then they can use it for what they want---or you can ask FH which store they could use it at and get a gift card beforehand... and def a party of dinner out is great ---maybe she has a favorite place to eat?
LitBallerinaGirl
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Re: The 'No Shower' Shower....need advice
I like the idea of pooling some money together and just giving her either a big gift certificate or a gift that you know they want. I wouldn't throw her a shower or even do anything that remotely looks like one if she really doesn't want one.
FutureMrsRice
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Re: The 'No Shower' Shower....need advice
I agree. If she doesn't want a shower, don't throw one.
However, a fun idea might be to all chip in for a really great group gift (ie: furniture, BBQ, etc...)
Good luck!!
tbone66
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Re: The 'No Shower' Shower....need advice
Another idea if you don't want to do a party type of thing is to collect money from the girls and give her a gift certificate or go away for a weekend for a girls weekend.
SylvieB
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Re: The 'No Shower' Shower....need advice
Maybe you could all pool your money together and give her a gift certificate for a day of pampering at a spa b/f the wedding? What bride wouldn't LOVE that? Or what also came to mind is a gift card for whatever airline she is using for her HM, I know Southwest and a couple others have them.
nanny111
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Re: The 'No Shower' Shower....need advice
I think thats a great idea.... just some close friends. Let everyone pick their own gifts! If you think about it.. the best gifts at a shower are always the more personally picked ones.
