The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
Original post by AmandaLynn04
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BY: DR. LAURA SCHLESSINGER
I finished reading the book, and, here are my thoughts, as promised:
I'll break it down by chapter:
Chapter 1: The Improper Care and Feeding of Husbands. The title tells all. It talks about how women tend to neglect the feelings of their husbands and put themselves first, without even realizing it. I'm going to take a quote from the book here, which sums it up.
'Kaye, a listener, sent me this e-mail to express her awakening to the notion of gratitude:
I must say that an important point came for me when I was listening to you on the radio, Dr. Laura. You were listening to some woman grouse about picky little things, and you asked her, 'Does your husband provide well for your family? Are your kids all healthy? Do you get to stay at home with them?' and so forth. She answered yes to all of those questions. Then you said, 'So stop whining! You have forgotten to be greatful!'
It was as though God took me by the shoulders and said, 'Hello! This is you idiot!' Right at that moment, in the car, I began to thank God for my husband and for every excellent quality he has. Since then, I have made a conscious effort to do the following things:
Thank God daily for such a terrific guy, mentioning specific qualities for which I'm grateful.
Look for daily ways to be a blessing to my husband (trying to understand what pleases him, anticipating his needs, etc.)
Chart my menstrual cycle and remind myself on PMS days that what I'm feeling isn't true and to keep my mouth shut and let it pass.
Avoid books, magazines, and TV shows that describe what marriage, family, and husbands ought to be like, and make a conscious effort to be grateful for things as they are instead of trying to change the people around me.
Take responsibiliy for my own emotional well-being: Stay rested, don't over committ and then complain, stay in touch with friends with a positive influence.
Stay focused on making a home for my family and remember that it is my highest calling and responsibility, and that it has eternal value. The more I do this, the happier and more content I am.'
That's the first chapter, in a nutshell. It is so important for us to realize that we each chose our FH for a reason, and that we need to keep him for that same reason. It is SO HARD to find a good man, and SO EASY to keep one.
It is also so easy to get caught up in the everyday struggle of life, and neglect those closest to us (our husbands) because they're there, and they'll always be there.
Chapter 2: The White Rabbit Syndrome
The White Rabbit Syndrome refers to the retort of the White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland.... 'I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date. No time.'
It's very important to make time in your day for FH. Even if it's a 5 minute phone call. Let him know how much he means to you EVERY DAY. Don't take what you have for granted. Don't let (your future) kids, job... etc. get in the way of your marriage, if it weren't for your marriage, the rest might not exist.
Chaper 3: 'You're a nag!'
Just as the title says. Don't be a nag. Praise your FH for doing things, even if they are everyday things that they are supposed to do (i.e. take out the trash, put their plate in the dishwasher). It'll make him want to do even more for you. Trust me.
Chapter 4: Men have feelings? Really? You're kidding!
Now, men do not, and never will have the same feelings as us, and have the ability to express them in the same way. It is very VERY important to understand that.
From the book:
A man needs to feel strong and as a protector for women -- basically, to conquer the beast and rescue the fair maiden.
What every man wants is for his woman to make him feel that he is strong and the head of the household. I am not talking caveman style, dragging the woman around by her hair, but just as the leader of the family.
A man wants respect, kindness, and love from his woman.
A man wants to be put on a pedestal, not so that he can look down at everyone, but, to show him that he is the most important thing to his woman.
A man needs his woman to show him that she needs his strength to help her through life.
** The man should be the major breadwinner in the family. Every man needs a battle or war to win to prove himself that he is strong and capable of conquering any and all dragons that life throws his way. Taking care of his family by working and providing are his battles.
A man needs enthusiastic approval, appreciation, and respect from his wife for being a competent man, husband and father.
A man needs his wife to show some interest in his interests, especially when it's an activity she may not 'get' or like. Just being there is important.
A man needs his wife to greet him after work with love and enthusiasm.
A man needs to know that his wife is sexually satisfied by him.
A man needs his wife's encouragement in order to be a man.
**I don't necessarily believe this one, it's a little too old school for me, but, I put it out there, it was on the list and I didn't want to leave it out.
It's really important to realize that your FH has feelings too, and, even if he can't express them as well as you do, they're there, and they mean something.
Chapter 5: 'Huh? Honey, what did you say? What did that mean?'
In the interest of not making this the longest post ever, in a few words:
SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. Men don't get subtle hints. If you want to go to the movies, say:
Honey, let's go to the movies.
NOT:
Honey, what do you want to do tonight? And then get mad when he says he'd like to stay in.
Chapter 6: What's Sex?
Don't ever withhold sex from your husband. Everyone gets tired, and that is no excuse. It's part of a healthy relationship. Don't ever use it as a tool to get what you want, it's just hurtful, and wrong.
A man wrote it:
'My wonderful wife has put it best: 'Sex is to a husband what conversation is to a wife. When a wife deprives her husband of sex for days, even weeks, on end, it is tantamount to his refusing to talk to her for days, even weeks.' Think of it that way, wives, and realize what a deleterious impact enforced sexual abstinence has on a good man who is determined to remain faithful.'
Chapter 7: A Man Should Be Respected In His Own Home
This sounds so much more barbaric than the meaning behind it.
Basically, respect your husbands choices and work together, not against each other.
Here are two more quotes from the book:
This is about a woman who used to be REALLY critical of her husband, and, then she realized, that he may not do things the same way she does, but, he gets it done, and that is what counts.
'And in the end, it doesn't much matter that they eat PBJ sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner for a day or that one tooth brushing gets overlooked or whatever little thing that used to set me off? What matters is that our sons have learned that their daddy is an awesome, competent and loving caretaker. More important, I have learned that I set an example for my sons of how a wife should act. Would I want my sons to marry someone who treats them the way I used to treat my own husband? NO!'
And, the other, really important.
'My mother, I believe, had the best advice; in fact, I tollow it to this day as a married woman. The general idea behind her words was simple: If you want me to love and respect the man you date and eventually marry, don't come to me with complaints about all his faults and weaknesses. You may forgive his words and actions easily; I, however, am your mother, and I don't like to see you hurt. It will take more for me to accept his apologies than it will for you.'
SO TRUE. How often do you complain to your mom about your FH? I know I have. But, it's true. Nobody else is there living your life with you everyday, and, we all get into little arguments. Telling your mother about every little thing is such a bad idea. You may have forgiven and forgotten weeks ago, but, a mother doesn't.
And, finally:
Chapter 8: Guy Time
I'll be quick here.
A guy needs his guy time, be it with his brothers, his parents, his cousins, his friends, whomever. It has NOTHING to do with you, and it does not mean he doesn't love you as much.
We all need and take our girl time, so, we have to reciprocate.
Believe me, when guys get together, it's for nothing else other than to watch a game, or play cards....
It is sometimes hard for us to understand this. 'Why do you need to go out without me? What are you doing that I can't be a part of?'
The answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing. He's being a guy. Let it go.
Okay, that's it. I hope this helps, and, I hope that you girls go out and get the book. It was a great read, and, I highly recommend it. It is NOT for everyone, though, and, you have to read it with an open mind!
jgl
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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
Posted by cbcf
I don't agree with everything she says...but I feel that some of the things are very true.
Plus why bash her for who she WAS. I mean yes people make mistakes. And I don't like when people are hypocritical. BUT...she isn't doing this stuff now she did it when she was younger. And maybe she wishes she had this advice when she was younger to be able to reflect upon and it could have saved her marriage and not get into the situations she put herself into. I mean her advice isnt demanding it is just there for whoever wants to take it accept it and reflect on it.
Like I said I dont agree with everything. Come on now if I am tired and really dont want to have sex FH can understand that and we can do it tomorrow mornign when I am refreshed
But I mean I am willing to make my FH happy- After all I love the man and want to spend the rest of my life with him I dont want him to be miserable. And yes we respect each other and do things eqaully and compromise. But if I am staying at home with children and am lucky enough to do that because FH makes a good amount of $ I am definitely going to be greatful and appreciate that and yes be nice nad greet him and possibly have dinner ready for him or something- unless i have 3 young children and was running around after them all day. but then that goes towards FH. When I respect what he does I know he respects what I do and we are there for each other. I mean no I dont think we need to be at their beck and call but yes I will always be there for FH if he needs me because I know he will be there for me.
Oh and on another note- I know that my FH def doesnt understand me sometimes when I say things..so yes I should make it simple for him. But I also nkow he has emotions that arent the same as mine and I cant get mad at him for that!! hehe
well put catie!
when you said..
When I respect what he does I know he respects what I do and we are there for each other.
thats pretty much what dr. L is saying!!
irishsweetheart
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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
Posted by kellybean
ok so I know I am going to get flamed but let me just give my two cents....I work full time and then some...I am raising two kids...one with a medical condition......I clean I cook ....etc........I am not nor will I ever Kiss Fh *** just because hes a man.....guy time go for it have fun....do I make sure he knows that he is loved respected and appreciated ...I sure do .....day in and day out.....is it gonna kill him to do laundry ..nope he does it all the time.....he helps alot....we are equals in everything we do........
AMEN TO THAT!
hb123
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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
Posted by FutureMrs.T
Posted by AmandaLynn04
Posted by FutureMrs.T
It seems almost degrading to woman. I am the bread winner in my family, I have a great, interesting job that I enjoy and my FH doesnt mind it at all. He cooks dinner 5 nights a week (he gets home 2 hours before I do). We share in the cleaning. If I am tired, I am not going to have sex, I am going to go to bed.
We are EQUALS in our relationship. We should make each other happy, it shouldnt be one sided for me to make him happy and make sure all his needs are met. I have needs too.
You're missing the point here. i'm not going to sit here and defend her. I'm just going to say, again, that her basic idea is that you are in control of your happiness, and, you need to make others happy in order to do so.
But it seems like the book is all about making the MAN happy.......I dont agree with that. We are equals in our relationship....
I'm gonna have to jump in here and agree with FutureMrsT. FH knows me and knows who I am, we've been together for 10 years. If he wants a housekeeper, cook and maid, he can hire one. I have a full time job and work hard. So does he. We share domestic responsibilities, why shouldn't we?
Bottom line is, each relationship is different and that is the business of those in the relationship. Just as my FH knows he's not marrying a housekeeper, I know that I am not marrying into a 'traditional' role. My happiness is as important as his.
Please don't take this the wrong way, as I mentioned, to each their own. But I don't need Dr. Laura telling me how I should go about keeping my FH happy. He is responsible for his own happiness!
cookieling
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kellybean
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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
Posted by irishsweetheart
Posted by kellybean
ok so I know I am going to get flamed but let me just give my two cents....I work full time and then some...I am raising two kids...one with a medical condition......I clean I cook ....etc........I am not nor will I ever Kiss Fh *** just because hes a man.....guy time go for it have fun....do I make sure he knows that he is loved respected and appreciated ...I sure do .....day in and day out.....is it gonna kill him to do laundry ..nope he does it all the time.....he helps alot....we are equals in everything we do........
AMEN TO THAT!
and to even further my point....we give birth and nurse and let me tell you something when you have an almost 11 pound 24 and half inch baby then and maybe then will I kiss FH ***....but he has to nurse also!!!
cbcf
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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
Posted by jgl
Posted by cbcf
I don't agree with everything she says...but I feel that some of the things are very true.
Plus why bash her for who she WAS. I mean yes people make mistakes. And I don't like when people are hypocritical. BUT...she isn't doing this stuff now she did it when she was younger. And maybe she wishes she had this advice when she was younger to be able to reflect upon and it could have saved her marriage and not get into the situations she put herself into. I mean her advice isnt demanding it is just there for whoever wants to take it accept it and reflect on it.
Like I said I dont agree with everything. Come on now if I am tired and really dont want to have sex FH can understand that and we can do it tomorrow mornign when I am refreshed
But I mean I am willing to make my FH happy- After all I love the man and want to spend the rest of my life with him I dont want him to be miserable. And yes we respect each other and do things eqaully and compromise. But if I am staying at home with children and am lucky enough to do that because FH makes a good amount of $ I am definitely going to be greatful and appreciate that and yes be nice nad greet him and possibly have dinner ready for him or something- unless i have 3 young children and was running around after them all day. but then that goes towards FH. When I respect what he does I know he respects what I do and we are there for each other. I mean no I dont think we need to be at their beck and call but yes I will always be there for FH if he needs me because I know he will be there for me.
Oh and on another note- I know that my FH def doesnt understand me sometimes when I say things..so yes I should make it simple for him. But I also nkow he has emotions that arent the same as mine and I cant get mad at him for that!! hehe
well put catie!
when you said..
When I respect what he does I know he respects what I do and we are there for each other.
thats pretty much what dr. L is saying!!
thanks Gina. I guess everyone just has to take this book (if they read it) with a grain of salt and like Kitwisdom said enjoy reading the written words more than thinking bout who actually wrote it.
And yes I believe repsect is a major part of a relationship as well as trust honesty etc etc. And with respect comes respect and being there for each other.I know FH will do the coooking, cleaning and laundry at times. But I know I will as well. And why not respect him when he says he is tooo tired to do something (I mean as long as it isnt all the time) because I know there will be times when I say the same thing haha - did that make any sense???
MJDoc12
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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
Posted by kellybean
ok so I know I am going to get flamed but let me just give my two cents....I work full time and then some...I am raising two kids...one with a medical condition......I clean I cook ....etc........I am not nor will I ever Kiss Fh *** just because hes a man.....guy time go for it have fun....do I make sure he knows that he is loved respected and appreciated ...I sure do .....day in and day out.....is it gonna kill him to do laundry ..nope he does it all the time.....he helps alot....we are equals in everything we do........
Totally with you -- some of the things that this women says -- 'chart ing your menstrual cycle' so that you knoow that you need to just 'shut up and let it pass' so that you don't upset your FH/DH????
yeah -- sorry but during THAT time my DH caters to ME cause i feel like crap. i take EXCELLENT care of my husband -- we are very much in love cause when one needs a little extra -- we take care of EACH OTHER
AMGBride2008
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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
Posted by ant n tilde
i didnt read the review bc i want to read the book but i bookmarked it
but seriously i totally agree with everything she says ( on her show )
maybe its not RIGHT and maybe its not PC but thats the way it is in my house and thats the way it will be when i am with FH - we are very traditional and believe in the traditional (old school) roles. . .I believe all this PC bullcrap is leading to the downfall of society THERE I SAID IT!!! i dont like to talk about it often bc i have never really met someone who agrees with me LOL so i dont feel like getting flamed but that is how i feel - i am definitely an anti feminist.
but i will not say more until i have read it!
Matilde, I respect where you're coming from and how you plan to 'do it' in your household with your FH when you're married (and no, I don't mean THAT 'do it' you dirty dirty girl).
However, just keep in mind that what is 'traditional' is changing everyday.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I didn't read the whole review of the book because I got really tired imagining myself catering like that to my FH (physically tired... I feel like all of that would be so tiring ). From what I read, it sounds like it a 'How-to' book on becoming a Stepford wife.... no thanks.
cookieling
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AmandaLynn04
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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
I think a lot of the reason I feel so strongly about this is very personal, but, I will share a tiny bit.
FH was in a horrible, unloving marriage. I know how much it hurt him, I have heard it from him, his friends, and his family.
So, I am willing to, and will go out of my way to ensure that we have a happy loving marriage. I will go out of my way to make him happy, and I expect those feelings to be reciprocated. I will do everything in my power to be the best wife and mother that I can be. And, by doing so, I expect that he will do the same to be the best husband he can be.
Our roles have already been decided, he will work, and I will stay home and raise our children. I am VERY FORTUNATE that we will be able to do so, and I will thank him every day for giving me that opportunity.
It may be a very old school way of thinking, but, it works for us. And, I know that that situation will not work for everyone.
ant n tilde
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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
Posted by AMGBride2008
Posted by ant n tilde
i didnt read the review bc i want to read the book but i bookmarked it
but seriously i totally agree with everything she says ( on her show )
maybe its not RIGHT and maybe its not PC but thats the way it is in my house and thats the way it will be when i am with FH - we are very traditional and believe in the traditional (old school) roles. . .I believe all this PC bullcrap is leading to the downfall of society THERE I SAID IT!!! i dont like to talk about it often bc i have never really met someone who agrees with me LOL so i dont feel like getting flamed but that is how i feel - i am definitely an anti feminist.
but i will not say more until i have read it!
Matilde, I respect where you're coming from and how you plan to 'do it' in your household with your FH when you're married (and no, I don't mean THAT 'do it' you dirty dirty girl).
However, just keep in mind that what is 'traditional' is changing everyday.
great point!! i just refer to it as traditional. . . makes it easier KWIM?
cbcf
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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
Posted by hb123
Posted by FutureMrs.T
Posted by AmandaLynn04
Posted by FutureMrs.T
It seems almost degrading to woman. I am the bread winner in my family, I have a great, interesting job that I enjoy and my FH doesnt mind it at all. He cooks dinner 5 nights a week (he gets home 2 hours before I do). We share in the cleaning. If I am tired, I am not going to have sex, I am going to go to bed.
We are EQUALS in our relationship. We should make each other happy, it shouldnt be one sided for me to make him happy and make sure all his needs are met. I have needs too.
You're missing the point here. i'm not going to sit here and defend her. I'm just going to say, again, that her basic idea is that you are in control of your happiness, and, you need to make others happy in order to do so.
But it seems like the book is all about making the MAN happy.......I dont agree with that. We are equals in our relationship....
I'm gonna have to jump in here and agree with FutureMrsT. FH knows me and knows who I am, we've been together for 10 years. If he wants a housekeeper, cook and maid, he can hire one. I have a full time job and work hard. So does he. We share domestic responsibilities, why shouldn't we?
Bottom line is, each relationship is different and that is the business of those in the relationship. Just as my FH knows he's not marrying a housekeeper, I know that I am not marrying into a 'traditional' role. My happiness is as important as his.
Please don't take this the wrong way, as I mentioned, to each their own. But I don't need Dr. Laura telling me how I should go about keeping my FH happy. He is responsible for his own happiness!
i just have to say yes people are responsible for their happiness. but i dont ever want to be the one who is making FH unhappy and not want to be in the relationship anymore or doubting our relationship. And I think there are ways to make FH happy and make him realize he is happy being withyou. And I am not saying tha you have to cook and clean for them all the time. FH knows I cant cook for my life. But YES I will learn because I know FH will not only appreciate it but he will be happy I am happy that I learned to cook.
So althought we are responsibly for our own happiness at times. I think our happiness def has to go with also how others make us feel and what others do for us as well as what we do for others.
KitWisdom
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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
Posted by cookieling
By the way, I just wanted to say that this is the most fun I've had on LIW in a long time. This has been a very entertianing discussion and certainly at no one's expense.
I think we're all just bored at work today and this is a fun, friendly debate to pass the time.
AMEN to that! This has helped me pass the very painful hours at work. A lively debate is always good, and I respect all of your opinions.
jgl
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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
Posted by kellybean
ok so I know I am going to get flamed but let me just give my two cents....I work full time and then some...I am raising two kids...one with a medical condition......I clean I cook ....etc........I am not nor will I ever Kiss Fh *** just because hes a man.....guy time go for it have fun....do I make sure he knows that he is loved respected and appreciated ...I sure do .....day in and day out.....is it gonna kill him to do laundry ..nope he does it all the time.....he helps alot....we are equals in everything we do........
Kelly i understand what you are saying - you are right - you are prob doing everything right.
the thing is with this book there are so many woman out there that say i ask my husband to do things - he doesnt - he says im nagging him - he doesnt help me around the house.. and they realize they are in a rut, they have gotten to the point where their husband comes home and its like oh yeah 'hi' , the excitemet of seeing him is lost, Dr. L's book kinda helps people see that, see how to get back on track - it may sound silly to run up to the door to greet him when he comes home - but just think how you would feel if you had that lost from your relationship and your FH jsut came up to you and kissed you and huged you - just because! ts a great feeling (not saying that your FH doesnt do that - im saying that after a while - we forget how important that is - i think the book helps us see that)
MJDoc12
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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
Posted by AmandaLynn04
I think a lot of the reason I feel so strongly about this is very personal, but, I will share a tiny bit.
FH was in a horrible, unloving marriage. I know how much it hurt him, I have heard it from him, his friends, and his family.
So, I am willing to, and will go out of my way to ensure that we have a happy loving marriage. I will go out of my way to make him happy, and I expect those feelings to be reciprocated. I will do everything in my power to be the best wife and mother that I can be. And, by doing so, I expect that he will do the same to be the best husband he can be.
Our roles have already been decided, he will work, and I will stay home and raise our children. I am VERY FORTUNATE that we will be able to do so, and I will thank him every day for giving me that opportunity.
It may be a very old school way of thinking, but, it works for us. And, I know that that situation will not work for everyone.
i am very sorry that your FH had a terrible marriage before--but at least he found you
just make sure that when you are going out of your way to 'make up' for what he lacked before, that you don't forget about your needs and desires as well. make sure that he totally respects, and caters to YOU as well. a lot of Dr. Laura's advice is very one-sided---and that is something i think is wrong. marriage is about TWO ppl being the rocks for EACH OTHER.
i'm not saying that you have an unattentive FH -- i don't know you--but i'm just saying make sure your relationship is a two way street. it is not your responsiblity to have to 'make up' for what he lacked before--he has you NOW and that is what matters!!
MJDoc12
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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
Posted by cookieling
By the way, I just wanted to say that this is the most fun I've had on LIW in a long time. This has been a very entertianing discussion and certainly at no one's expense.
I think we're all just bored at work today and this is a fun, friendly debate to pass the time.
totally! i love good debates! my morning has been quite boring at work.
KitWisdom
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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
Posted by jgl
Posted by kellybean
ok so I know I am going to get flamed but let me just give my two cents....I work full time and then some...I am raising two kids...one with a medical condition......I clean I cook ....etc........I am not nor will I ever Kiss Fh *** just because hes a man.....guy time go for it have fun....do I make sure he knows that he is loved respected and appreciated ...I sure do .....day in and day out.....is it gonna kill him to do laundry ..nope he does it all the time.....he helps alot....we are equals in everything we do........
Kelly i understand what you are saying - you are right - you are prob doing everything right.
the thing is with this book there are so many woman out there that say i ask my husband to do things - he doesnt - he says im nagging him - he doesnt help me around the house.. and they realize they are in a rut, they have gotten to the point where their husband comes home and its like oh yeah 'hi' , the excitemet of seeing him is lost, Dr. L's book kinda helps people see that, see how to get back on track - it may sound silly to run up to the door to greet him when he comes home - but just think how you would feel if you had that lost from your relationship and your FH jsut came up to you and kissed you and huged you - just because! ts a great feeling (not saying that your FH doesnt do that - im saying that after a while - we forget how important that is - i think the book helps us see that)
I personally know I can be an awful nag, so I appreciate the reminder to respect and praise FH more. Actually, I tend to follow advice for a different source when it comes to this: dog trainers! There was a great article in the NY Times and a great British show about how you can basically ‘train’ your husband if he’s not helpful. It’s based on the whole clicker method of dog training where you mark and reward a behavior, thereby shaping the behavior. It’s gotten FH to clean without grumbling sometimes! lol
kellybean
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Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
Posted by jgl
Posted by kellybean
ok so I know I am going to get flamed but let me just give my two cents....I work full time and then some...I am raising two kids...one with a medical condition......I clean I cook ....etc........I am not nor will I ever Kiss Fh *** just because hes a man.....guy time go for it have fun....do I make sure he knows that he is loved respected and appreciated ...I sure do .....day in and day out.....is it gonna kill him to do laundry ..nope he does it all the time.....he helps alot....we are equals in everything we do........
Kelly i understand what you are saying - you are right - you are prob doing everything right.
the thing is with this book there are so many woman out there that say i ask my husband to do things - he doesnt - he says im nagging him - he doesnt help me around the house.. and they realize they are in a rut, they have gotten to the point where their husband comes home and its like oh yeah 'hi' , the excitemet of seeing him is lost, Dr. L's book kinda helps people see that, see how to get back on track - it may sound silly to run up to the door to greet him when he comes home - but just think how you would feel if you had that lost from your relationship and your FH jsut came up to you and kissed you and huged you - just because! ts a great feeling (not saying that your FH doesnt do that - im saying that after a while - we forget how important that is - i think the book helps us see that)
Im not saying I dont think there is alot of work involved in making and keeping a happy marriage...Im divorced lol.....however....I feel its a two way street....you can not make someone happy with you,,,,,happiness comes from within.........
AmandaLynn04
Thread views: 12,103
Member since
Re: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands! (REVIEW) LONGEST POST EVER, BE WARNED!
Thank you. And no, it's not to make up for what his first marriage was lacking. It's more to ensure it doesn't happen again, if that makes sense.
We are very attentive to each others needs. And, by me going out of my way to thank him for what he does, in return, I get more of it from him. It's a win/win, for us.
