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Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

Original post by sarahradio5

I just don't get it...

We went for our engagement pictures last night. Things were going GREAT! He HATES taking pictures, but Doug from Patken really made everything go smoothly, and the pics were WONDERFUL! We really enjoyed TAKING the pics - it was FUN! I can't WAIT for Doug to do our pics on our wedding day! He's AMAZING.

Okay... so it's time to choose the pic we want. We pick one. Fine. I say to him, let's get a copy for your mom and my parents to give them at the Rehearsal Dinner as a gift. First he says okay, but then when the guy helping us walked away, he said no. So, we only ordered the pic that came with our package for free for us.

When we walked out to the car, I told him I can always scan a copy for them at home. He's like, 'How about we just keep this picture for us?'. At first I said, 'okay', but then I started thinking, 'WHY?' This is an awesome picture that I think both our parents would like. We have so few NICE pictures of us... what's the deal. So I was quiet, and he asked what was wrong. First I said nothing, but he pushed it, so I said, 'I don't understand why you don't want to give a copy to your mom and my parents. I think they would really like it.' And he's like, 'Because I'd like something to be just 'US' for once'. !?!?!?!?!

What does THAT mean? A PICTURE?! My mom knew that we were going for this... HECK, she's paying for us to have Doug... she can't have a COPY OF A PICTURE?!?!

So I said, Joe... what is the big deal? It's a picture. I think they'd really like it. He's like, 'fine... do what you want.' And got mad. (ruining what WAS a really nice night over something SO stupid). I said, 'Joe... I don't get it... it's not like I'm giving them OUR picture. I'm making them a COPY. The couple in front of us was ordering copies for THEIR parents. People DO this. NOT a big deal.'

The BACKGROUND here is that he feels that I'm TOO close to my parents. Which I don't see there's anything WRONG with. My parents have been my best friends my whole life. I don't know if you call it jealousy, or what, but he keeps saying HE wants to be Number 1. But he picks the STUPIDEST things as examples of me putting them before him... like making them a COPY of our engagement picture! It's such a sweet picture!!! It's not like we're naked or anything! Then he said, 'what's gonna happen on our honeymoon... you're gonna call them everyday from Disney to tell them what we did each day?'. Um... yeah, probably. I don't see anything wrong with that!

He gets along SO well with my parents. They would be SO hurt to know the level of jealousy or resentment he has towards them. It's SUCH an issue with us, I don't know what to do. After the fight, I just laid in bed, cried, fell asleep, he left for work and we haven't spoken. I feel sick over this. It was just such a NICE night that turned to crap over something SO stupid. I can't imagine my mom asking for a copy, which she ALREADY said she wanted before we even went, and me having to say NO!?!?!? I won't tell her no. There's no logical reason for it.

edited to add this, which is also posted as one of my replies on page 2:

Thank you. I really DO make a concerted effor to put my FH first. REALLY. I just did NOT think that making them a COPY OF A PICTURE was a big deal!!!

And if I did learn one thing here, it's that I will not call my parents every day from my honeymoon. Honestly, I don't know if I really would have anyway. HE brought it up out of nowhere, assuming I would. I never really thought of it. And I don't even remember the last time I was on vacation to think if I called them every day. Ya know what... on our romantic trips to log cabins and to Baltimore and Bed and Breakfasts, I don't think I DID call them at ALL! He just really threw me off by saying that out of nowhere, I just didn't have a chance to think about the fact that I WOULDN'T call them each day!! ugh... he just gets my HEAD spinning with these arguments sometimes!!! But what ANNOYS me is that the one or two times I WILL call them during the trip (to THANK them maybe for the Dinner with Cinderella they're treating us to or something), I'm going to think I'm BETRAYING him or something.
LaurenluvsTJ Posted:

Re: Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

Sarah, I am sorry if you took what some people were saying the wrong way, but I don't think anyone was trying to be harsh with you. You posted a vent about your FH's behavior and an argument you had. Whenever ANYONE does this, people try to offer advice as to maybe why it happened or what could be done to remedy the situation. When you post in a forum like this, that is what is going to happen. If you don't like what people have to say, then don't post about problems or just take it with a grain of salt.
Yes the few weeks before the wedding are extremely stressful, and you and FH need each other now more than ever. If everything else is going great, don't let a silly argument about a picture stand between you. Maybe you and Joe could sit down and have a conversation about the way you fight. One thing you will always hear from married couples, no matter how long you have been together, is don't go to bed angry. Thats really important. When you wake up in the morning, its a new day and whatever you were fighting about the day before is over.
ellebelle1 Posted:

Re: Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

I can relate to your FH. My DH was always overly involved with his parents and it really bothered me. I always want things to be just for us too.

diluvchu Posted:

Re: Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

Posted by sarahradio5

Posted by diluvchu

Posted by Kara and Todd

I don't believe it's at all possible to determine exactly what the problem is from just hearing one story from one person's perspective.

Either or both people in the relationship could be totally rational or totally irrational... I just think it's a good idea to at least have an open dialogue about it.


I agree. No offense, but they seem to have a lot of arguments, don't you think there may be a lot of underlying issues in this relationship, not just 'displacing'.


excuse me... but I'm right here. How DARE you talk about me and my relationship like I'm 'not in the room?'. My RELATIONSHIP is fine. This is called the STRESS of THREE WEEKS BEFORE MY WEDDING. I came here for support, and instead I get the 'INFAMOUS THREE' with their OWN mean agendas (whatever they are) being high and mighty with their relationship advice, as if THEIR relationships are problem free. I swear, it's like high school. As always, I am open to differing opinions, but NOT when people feel the need to stand on SOAP BOXES to give them. I really wish I could block THREE peole from responding to open CHAT posts because then I would get REAL, honest advice without their need to act 'above' everyone else when we all know that's not the case.

Thank you to all who have FM'd me about this, telling me not to listen to the girls who have been so 'harsh'. Funny how that 'harsh' word CONSTANTLY comes up when certain people respond to my posts. It's unnecessary - and I would NEVER be that 'harsh' when someone comes on here in need.


Never said my relationship was problem free, which really it is, for the most part. But when you come on a public forum day after day and complain about every little problem you have with your FH people are going to start to think you may have problems with your relationship. I have no 'hidden agenda'. Do you really think I sit here and say...hmmm what can I do to Sarah today??? Sorry you are not on my list of priorities. Many people come on here for advice and to vent. The thing you have to come to terms with is you may not always agree with everyone's opinions. If you can't handle different opinions you shouldn't post on a public forum. It's not 'harsh', it's reality. In the REAL world not everything is how you want it. People are going to disagree with you get used to it.
Kara and Todd Posted:

Re: Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

Well, I didn't realize I was infamous.

I'm sorry if anything I said offended you. I just personally believe in talking things through and that was all I was trying to get across - and I was trying to stop the instant judgment of 'I know what the problem is' that was going on. Apparently, that came across differently and harshly. I apologize for that. It wasn't my intention at all.

Again, sorry if I offended you or made you more upset. Since you so requested, I won't reply to any more of your threads. I'm not out to upset anyone or hurt anyone's feelings.

Best of luck to you in planning your wedding.
sarahradio5 Posted:

Re: Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

Posted by Kara and Todd

Well, I didn't realize I was infamous.

I'm sorry if anything I said offended you. I just personally believe in talking things through and that was all I was trying to get across - and I was trying to stop the instant judgment of 'I know what the problem is' that was going on. Apparently, that came across differently and harshly. I apologize for that. It wasn't my intention at all.

Again, sorry if I offended you or made you more upset. Since you so requested, I won't reply to any more of your threads. I'm not out to upset anyone or hurt anyone's feelings.

Best of luck to you in planning your wedding.


no, no, no!!

I wasn't talking about you!!! What you said was FINE and not harsh at all! I really did appreciate your opinions... it was very helpful. And I would appreciate your advice in the future... my reply before was not intended towards you. You are not one of the 'infamous three'.
chellynyc Posted:

Re: Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

- I think you need some more of these Sarah!!! Just remember in three weeks.... & !!!
diluvchu Posted:

Re: Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

Posted by sarahradio5

Posted by Kara and Todd

Well, I didn't realize I was infamous.

I'm sorry if anything I said offended you. I just personally believe in talking things through and that was all I was trying to get across - and I was trying to stop the instant judgment of 'I know what the problem is' that was going on. Apparently, that came across differently and harshly. I apologize for that. It wasn't my intention at all.

Again, sorry if I offended you or made you more upset. Since you so requested, I won't reply to any more of your threads. I'm not out to upset anyone or hurt anyone's feelings.

Best of luck to you in planning your wedding.


no, no, no!!

I wasn't talking about you!!! What you said was FINE and not harsh at all! I really did appreciate your opinions... it was very helpful. And I would appreciate your advice in the future... my reply before was not intended towards you. You are not one of the 'infamous three'.


And please Sarah, don't talk about us like we aren't in the room. In case no one knows who she is referring to the 'infamous three' is me, Lauren and Cheryl. The secret is out!!! Seriously, get over yourself! We aren't out to get you. You're not that important to us!
sarahradio5 Posted:

Re: Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

Posted by chellynyc

- I think you need some more of these Sarah!!! Just remember in three weeks.... & !!!


thank you VERY much!!! And I truly cannot wait!!!!

CLMon7906 Posted:

Re: Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

FIRST, it's a public forum and you put it out there and got opinions and first hand experiences and some pretty heartfelt advice. I apologize for being HONEST with you. I was never HARSH nor did I have an agenda out to get you. Trust me, I have enough going on in my life that I don't worry about what I can do to antagonzie Sarah.

SECOND, you are the first person to DISAGREE with the advice you seek out and GET OFFENDED the moment you aren't being agreed with.

THIRD, I'm personally sick and tired of you getting mad and publicly ridiculing people for doing exactly what they are supposed to....give out advice!

FOURTH, my marriage isn't PERFECT by textbook definition, but it's rather awesome. I actually believe I put in my own feelings and bad experiences with my own husband acting the way you are towards your FH. So get off of your own soapbox. You might be a VERY sweet person, but you often seem to have 'fights' with your FH over YOUR parents. In fact, I can't remember the last time you vented about a 'fight' that didn't somehow involve your parents deeply.

kathrynlinton Posted:

Re: Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

Listen, I am very, very close with my family. And not just parents, I have three cousins and my sister and myself are all like siblings, not like cousins. My DH on the other hand has a very strained relationship with his mom (he is close to his step mother though) so he was hit with a major whammy when joining my family

Ok, don't take this the wrong way because it MAY come off sounding not how I mean it, but honestly, I think your parents may have to relax a little. I know they paid for your wedding (mine did too, whole thing soup to nuts, literally) but just because of that doesn't mean they should expect certain preference in your life. You are getting married, and as hard as it is for our parents to let go, they have to. They have to understand that your marriage comes first, just like theirs did when they got married. The first year of marriage is tough and it isn't going to be any easier with a lot of resentment going around. This is not a conversation you necessarily have to have THIS MINUTE, but I do think that you should at some point send out some vibes, feelers or have a talk with them if you need to, but they need to accept that your life is yours with your FH now and they are a part (a large part) but things have shifted. I call my mom everyday (especially since I've been pregnant because I am a BIG baby) but I did not call her from my honeymoon. In fact, my parents took a honeymoon too!

Listen, it sounds like you and your FH love each other a lot and you both are loved by your parents, which is amazing and you are both lucky. But sometimes it makes people uncomfortable to be in relationships like that and you all have to find a place where fights like these don't happen.

Plus. Everyone fights before their wedding. Rite of passage.
KandE917 Posted:

Re: Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

Posted by CLMon7906

Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

Well... I think you need to think about where this is coming from. I don't think giving your parents a nice picture of the two of you is a big deal, but obviously this is stemming from something else. Many girls are close with their parents, esp. their moms (I know I am) but you ARE getting married, and he SHOULD be the #1 person in your life. Everything you said sounded normal until you got the part about your HM - that you would be calling them every day from Disney to tell them what you did. Sorry, but thats just not appropriate. This is the time for you and your new husband to celebrate your marriage. Alone. Call them to let them know you got there ok, and then maybe once during the time you are there.
I think he might be right with this one.


I completely agree...DO NOT call anyone on your HM unless one of you ends up in the hospital or jail!!!! This is a time for JUST the 2 of you and no one else! NO ONE. The point is to BOND as husband and wife...you can't do that if you spend an hour on the phone each day detailing your time with mommy and daddy!

I can understand the picture thing...I say this to DH all the time...sometimes, you get something and you want it to be just yours...you don't want to share it...there's nothing wrong with that. It might seem silly to you, but he's obviously feeling left out, less important....and those are VALID feelings. You need to be more receptive to how he feels and honor that. If he wants to hog a great pic of the 2 of you for just the 2 of you, relish in knowing that ONLY the 2 of you will have this great shot!


Sorry Sarah but I have to agree with all the ladies here. Calling daily from the HM is NOT ok. I too am extremely close to my mom and 2 sisters and I would never want or dream of calling them from my HM...I'm not even calling once. I'll drop a quick email to say we arrived safely and that is all. They can see my pictures and hear all about the trip when we get home. The HM is a time for the 2 of you.....very strange to want to call home every day - I'm sorry.

He is going to be your husband - he should be #1 to you now. If he's not you might want to re-evaluate things...have a talk with your family as to why you won't be calling them every day - make them feel ok with it.

As for the picture thing - I actually don't get it but like everyone says it is obv. stemming from something else. I can't imagine why you couldn't give your parents and his a copy...seems silly but he is obv. upset about other things....not coming first in your life.

You should sit down and talk it out...good luck!!!
snydl40 Posted:

Re: Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

I wouldn't fight over this. I can see where he is coming from, but I would get a picture for both of our parents as well.

My FH used to complain that he wasn't #1, and now I have made him #1. He holds no resentment towards my family, or my job. You have to keep in mind that when everyone else is gone, he will be your husband and will be with you till the day you die.

That being said, I do agree it is a very nice gesture and think you should get a copy for both sets of parents.
sarahradio5 Posted:

Re: Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

Posted by KandE917

Sorry Sarah but I have to agree with all the ladies here. Calling daily from the HM is NOT ok. I too am extremely close to my mom and 2 sisters and I would never want or dream of calling them from my HM...I'm not even calling once. I'll drop a quick email to say we arrived safely and that is all. They can see my pictures and hear all about the trip when we get home. The HM is a time for the 2 of you.....very strange to want to call home every day - I'm sorry.

He is going to be your husband - he should be #1 to you now. If he's not you might want to re-evaluate things...have a talk with your family as to why you won't be calling them every day - make them feel ok with it.

As for the picture thing - I actually don't get it but like everyone says it is obv. stemming from something else. I can't imagine why you couldn't give your parents and his a copy...seems silly but he is obv. upset about other things....not coming first in your life.

You should sit down and talk it out...good luck!!!


Thank you... I posted this reply earlier...

Thank you. I really DO make a concerted effor to put my FH first. REALLY. I just did NOT think that making them a COPY OF A PICTURE was a big deal!!!

And if I did learn one thing here, it's that I will not call my parents every day from my honeymoon. Honestly, I don't know if I really would have anyway. HE brought it up out of nowhere, assuming I would. I never really thought of it. And I don't even remember the last time I was on vacation to think if I called them every day. Ya know what... on our romantic trips to log cabins and to Baltimore and Bed and Breakfasts, I don't think I DID call them at ALL! He just really threw me off by saying that out of nowhere, I just didn't have a chance to think about the fact that I WOULDN'T call them each day!! ugh... he just gets my HEAD spinning with these arguments sometimes!!! But what ANNOYS me is that the one or two times I WILL call them during the trip (to THANK them maybe for the Dinner with Cinderella they're treating us to or something), I'm going to think I'm BETRAYING him or something.
sarahradio5 Posted:

Re: Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

Posted by snydl40

I wouldn't fight over this. I can see where he is coming from, but I would get a picture for both of our parents as well.

My FH used to complain that he wasn't #1, and now I have made him #1. He holds no resentment towards my family, or my job. You have to keep in mind that when everyone else is gone, he will be your husband and will be with you till the day you die.

That being said, I do agree it is a very nice gesture and think you should get a copy for both sets of parents.


Thank you... as a compromise, I'm going to get one of the OTHER poses we liked to give to our parents, and keep this 'special' pose as ours.

I really do make a concerted effort to make him #1... I'm hoping his feelings that he's not will go away after the wedding since my mom has been helping me the most in this whole process. But it's not like if my mom doesn't help me, he will. If my mom doesn't help me, NO ONE will. And I DO need help!!!

I appreciate your advice!
kathrynlinton Posted:

Re: Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

Posted by sarahradio5
, I'm going to think I'm BETRAYING him or something.


Don't look at it that way, just look at it that he wants to spend his honeymoon with his new wife! Thinking of it like that will just make you upset
KandE917 Posted:

Re: Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

Posted by sarahradio5

Thank you... I posted this reply earlier...

Thank you. I really DO make a concerted effor to put my FH first. REALLY. I just did NOT think that making them a COPY OF A PICTURE was a big deal!!!

And if I did learn one thing here, it's that I will not call my parents every day from my honeymoon. Honestly, I don't know if I really would have anyway. HE brought it up out of nowhere, assuming I would. I never really thought of it. And I don't even remember the last time I was on vacation to think if I called them every day. Ya know what... on our romantic trips to log cabins and to Baltimore and Bed and Breakfasts, I don't think I DID call them at ALL! He just really threw me off by saying that out of nowhere, I just didn't have a chance to think about the fact that I WOULDN'T call them each day!! ugh... he just gets my HEAD spinning with these arguments sometimes!!! But what ANNOYS me is that the one or two times I WILL call them during the trip (to THANK them maybe for the Dinner with Cinderella they're treating us to or something), I'm going to think I'm BETRAYING him or something.


Sorry Sarah....I saw that AFTER I replied. I have a bad habit of not reading all replies before I post!

And I think your compromise about getting a different picture for your parents is a great idea...I hope he comes around and is ok with that!
GOOD LUCK!!!
mhermanns Posted:

Re: Things have been going SO well... but now got in a fight with my FH

I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from. My FH is the EXACT same way. I am very close with myparents and in fact, my whole family is close and he is jealous because he doesn't have the same relationship with his family and ALWAYS gives me a hard time about mine. I feel your pain. Its hard when they say that they want to be number one because you know they are, but at the sametime, your family is also important. My mom is one of my bestfriends....we talk on the phone at work like 5 times a day! We call eachother for the stupidest things, but that's what I love about our relationship, and my family as well. I wish I had some advice for you, but I don't even know what to do about my own! LOL. I just ignore it and try to make him feel special.....what else can we do?

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