Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

Original post by tiggsnme

Aug 13, 2007 12:42 PM

I'm thinking of cancelling my reception...still going ahead with the ceremony because I love my FH to death. BUT....I'm running at about 42% no's and there is no way that I can make my room minimum. My parents are paying for the reception and want to go ahead with it, but I just can't justify them wasting all of their money on this. I just feel aweful. I know that part of the problem is that my FH is from CT and I've lived and worked in CT for 10 years, so it's hard for people to come to LI for a wedding. I also work with a lot of doctors and a lot of my colleagues couldn't be bothered to take a trip to NY just to celebrate with me. I feel so hurt that so many of the people who trained me in my residency and who I have worked with for years don't have enough respect to come.
Even my bridal shower was a disaster....out of 50 people invited, only about 10 showed up...not even my own godmother came. I feel so bad that my parents paid money for that (they had it at Milleridge). I would rather have not had one than make my wonderful parents pay for such a bad thing...and I know they feel terrible for me that no one came.
I just don't know what to do. I want to cancel the reception so my parents don't loose so much money, but they and my FH are insistent that we go through with it.

Is anyone interested in CLM for 9/29/07?

Sorry, I just needed some support and you girls have been great!

znycgirl Posted: Aug 13, 2007 02:02 PM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

Oh...and....

tiggsnme Posted: Aug 13, 2007 07:12 PM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

Thanks everyone for your support. I just don't know what to do. I don't really have a B list and I really don't want to have to walk into a half empty room knowing how much my parents shelled out...I think that would make me feel worse than not having a wedding at all.

Maybe I should just postpone....do you think that's possible so late in the game?

Again, thanks to everyone for the support. I really don't know what I would do without everyone's kindness

PegaLega Posted: Aug 13, 2007 07:14 PM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

Posted by tiggsnme

Thanks everyone for your support. I just don't know what to do. I don't really have a B list and I really don't want to have to walk into a half empty room knowing how much my parents shelled out...I think that would make me feel worse than not having a wedding at all.

Maybe I should just postpone....do you think that's possible so late in the game?

Again, thanks to everyone for the support. I really don't know what I would do without everyone's kindness

In all honesty, if you still want the wedding you are planning post pone it. Call you hall immediately and ask them what kind of fees will be added if you change the date. It doesnt hurt to ask

TheMrandMrsof2008 Posted: Aug 13, 2007 07:23 PM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

All I have for you are hugs.

Mooshyboo Posted: Aug 13, 2007 08:51 PM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

awwwww sweetie I am sorry you are going through this ~ maybe post on the 08 ladies board maybe someone would want to move there wedding date up if you are really thinking about cancelling... but I wouldnt cancel it ~ Still have the day of your dreams... on my side I don't really have a lot of people coming either - most of the wedding is FH family and friends... so I feel for you and I was very dissapointed with people I have been working with for over 11 years only 3 people from my office are coming... but I have decided to just think at it this way whoever does not come it will be there loss - whoever realllllly truly cares about you will be there ~~~ but I totally am feeling your pain!!!! Think good thoughts!

bellaro782 Posted: Aug 13, 2007 09:21 PM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

Dont be upset Dont Cancel.. Its your day and the important people will be there Screw everyone else... Enjoy your day .. Maybe your RH will lower the Min. Im sure they will work with you..

lizandgary Posted: Aug 13, 2007 09:35 PM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

Don't cancel. See if you can upgrade for the same money that the min would cost so that you can treat all the guests that made it their duty to come to a fabulous dinner.
See if your vendors can be included in the guests min as well, that might help. (If all else fails, invite your LIW friends)

BunnyBride Posted: Aug 13, 2007 09:59 PM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

I'm so sorry people are letting you down...I agree with the other ladies who think you should just go ahead with wedding.

I had a very small wedding by NY standards (50 guests) and it was an amazing time! I never felt like there were not enough people and all my guests told us they loved how intimate and more like a cool private party it felt.

Everyone who loves and cares for you will be there..the rest are not worth your tears..

Please FM me if you need to vent or chat

*edited because my spelling s u c k s*

ksl268 Posted: Aug 13, 2007 10:06 PM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

OMG, that's awful Please don't cancel your reception. Think about the people who will be there and want to celebrate with you and your FH. I know it seems like the money will be wasted by not meeting the minimum, but wouldn't you rather have the memories of a nice reception with your families and friends who could make it...? If your parents are ok with it, I think you should have it. Good Luck

DiamondPipa Posted: Aug 13, 2007 10:08 PM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

i don't want to offend you b/c i'm sure you're not like this, but most doctors wouldn't travel that far for a wedding (although i don't think it's far at all). For some reason, they tend to be selfish and if it's not to further their career or if it won't benefit THEM in any way, they won't bother going. It's NOT YOU! Don't be upset and you should totally go through with your wedding as planned from the beginning. Who are they to ruin YOUR DAY??? You just have to stay strong and have this wedding for you, FH, and your family...especially everyone who is supportive of you.

Mich0621 Posted: Aug 13, 2007 10:10 PM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

Posted by tiggsnme

I'm thinking of cancelling my reception...still going ahead with the ceremony because I love my FH to death. BUT....I'm running at about 42% no's and there is no way that I can make my room minimum. My parents are paying for the reception and want to go ahead with it, but I just can't justify them wasting all of their money on this. I just feel aweful. I know that part of the problem is that my FH is from CT and I've lived and worked in CT for 10 years, so it's hard for people to come to LI for a wedding. I also work with a lot of doctors and a lot of my colleagues couldn't be bothered to take a trip to NY just to celebrate with me. I feel so hurt that so many of the people who trained me in my residency and who I have worked with for years don't have enough respect to come.
Even my bridal shower was a disaster....out of 50 people invited, only about 10 showed up...not even my own godmother came. I feel so bad that my parents paid money for that (they had it at Milleridge). I would rather have not had one than make my wonderful parents pay for such a bad thing...and I know they feel terrible for me that no one came.
I just don't know what to do. I want to cancel the reception so my parents don't loose so much money, but they and my FH are insistent that we go through with it.

Is anyone interested in CLM for 9/29/07?

Sorry, I just needed some support and you girls have been great!

Here are some hugs sweetie

However, screw em' and let the show go on...don't think about the 42% of a-holes who said no and didn't think about you, but instead, those who said yes and love you enough to want to share your special day. It seems like this stinks now, but consider this...you go ahead with the blessing of your parents and FH who both sound incredible, and when you walk into that room, you will truly know that you are surrounded by people who love you and care enough to see you happy. In the long run, that is so much better than a bunch of people who couldn't care less about you! Use this chance to negotiate with the hall, but I wouldn't jump to cancel, because you will likely lose what you put down (unless you contract says otherwise)...bottom line, you will have a lovely day and a great life with the awesome people who surround you! And no matter what, you will do what is best for you and you have support for that!

dancerandchef Posted: Aug 13, 2007 10:19 PM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

We are so sorry to hear about this. You two should still have you special day no matter what. See what your RH can do for you.

Here are some hugs

~dancer and chef~
charlotte and michael

Mrs.NicolaXoXo Posted: Aug 13, 2007 11:42 PM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

Why don't you talk to the CLM about reducing your minumum and doing something small and intimate with the people that do respond yes in a smaller room at the CLM. Don't cancel your reception, just change it around a bit. Don't let other people ruin your big day, it is their loss if they don't come:)

oldladybride Posted: Aug 14, 2007 01:07 AM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

I agree with the girls who said you better check the RH policy on cancelling. So close to the date you may be required to pay all not just the deposit.
If you don't have a viennese hour maybe you could trade in the missing minimums for that or upgrade to a more luxurious menu if you did not choose the top level. And as has been said, talk to the people. They make be sympathetic and not too greedy and be willing to reduce the min.
You might ask if they have a smaller room where you could relocate where you might feel more comfortable with a smaller group. If they can do that you might be able to negotiate with them since they now have a larger room available for an event and they need to use less staff for yours.
HTH
In any case please enjoy your day with the people that care about you.

songwriterchic Posted: Aug 14, 2007 01:43 AM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

Don't cancel your reception - don't let these people ruin your day because they can't bother to make it. I have a 40-50% no rate, and we're just going to see if the RH can throw in some upgrades, or donate some extra dishes to a soup kitchen.

My mom had trouble filling seats at my shower too - she had to tell people to bring their kids to fill seats. At first I felt lousy seeing so many empty tables, but at least now I know who's wedding/shower not to go to in the future.

Snickers76 Posted: Aug 18, 2007 11:04 AM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

Posted by magbride

Oh I'm so sorry!
Would you consider moving it to a smaller venue, so you'll still have a reception, just on a smaller scale. My co-worker is having a small wedding. her reception is at a nice restaurant rather than a RH.

That is what i did. It was so nice!

tiggsnme Posted: Aug 18, 2007 12:28 PM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

Thanks for all the support everyone. I'm just so devastated. I really feel like I've let everyone down...if I had more friends or co-workers who liked me, maybe we wouldn't be in this situation. I feel really bad for my fiance because I know how important it is to him to have a big wedding with lots of people to help us celebrate. And I feel awful to make my parents pay so much money for us to walk into an empty room.

I still want to cancel and just have the church service, but they don't want that.. I just don't know what to do. Everything seems to be falling apart now...I hate my job (lots of backstabbing, manipulative people) and my cat, who I adore just had a mass taken off his chest that the vet isn't sure if it's a tumor or not.

sorry to sound like such a crybaby....sometimes it just helps to be able to write it down. thanks again for all of your support and suggestions

KiTTeN0819 Posted: Aug 18, 2007 02:06 PM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

Posted by tiggsnme

Thanks for all the support everyone. I'm just so devastated. I really feel like I've let everyone down...if I had more friends or co-workers who liked me, maybe we wouldn't be in this situation. I feel really bad for my fiance because I know how important it is to him to have a big wedding with lots of people to help us celebrate. And I feel awful to make my parents pay so much money for us to walk into an empty room.

I still want to cancel and just have the church service, but they don't want that.. I just don't know what to do. Everything seems to be falling apart now...I hate my job (lots of backstabbing, manipulative people) and my cat, who I adore just had a mass taken off his chest that the vet isn't sure if it's a tumor or not.

sorry to sound like such a crybaby....sometimes it just helps to be able to write it down. thanks again for all of your support and suggestions

How much was your minimum? And who cares if those people cant show up, The most important person in your life will be there, isnt that all that matters in the end? For my eparty we had about 40% of the people invited not show, out of my 20 friends i invited only 2 showed up. Sure the room had empty tables, and there was TONS of leftover food and favors, but the party was still fantastic. I think you should do it, your probably going to have to spend the money either way so why not party it up. And im sure the hall can arrange the tables so they wont look so empty if thats what your worried about. Maybe put less people at each table. Who doesnt love extra room when they eat.

Snowflake08 Posted: Aug 18, 2007 02:52 PM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

i am so sorry that you are going through this and feel hurt by people you felt close too
im sure it is a sad feeling

i think your parents are right though
i think the people that really want to be there and share in this special day WILL be there for you

Your closest friends and family will be there and that is what matters

tiggsnme Posted: Aug 20, 2007 12:36 PM

Re: Thinking of cancelling my reception...need hugs (sorry...long)

I want to cancel the reception and still go ahead with the church service. My family and FH want to still have the reception but I am so upset by the whole thing that I want nothing to do with it. I would like to have the church service then maybe cookies and cake at my parents' house for those who had planned to attend the reception. What do you think? And how would you inform the guests who did agree to come?

Right now we have about 80 yes and 40+ no
Thanks for all the support!