This is not going to be a popular post.... just to warn you...

Life happens and you have to adjust to the unending changes. No one cares about your wedding as much as you do so it's easy to let the little things get to you. But getting married in itself a huge, huge change and it's easy to let lost in the wedding planning aspect and when people let you down for whatever reason, you take it as a personal blow.

Some people don't have any other outlet. When I was planning, I came on here because I couldn't really talk to any one else who could relate on the same level as the women on this board. I could write in my journal, but it gives no feedback. I could ask my mom, but she planned her wedding 27 years ago. The list goes on.

So I see what you're saying but not everyone perceives things or handles them the same way.

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Posted by kase21
I think it is an honor to be asked, but it is just as much of a favor to us.

Where else can people pay for a dress they don't really get to choose and give up time for all kinds of commitments. Some of my BM's have gone to showcases, DJ appointments and listened to me endlessly drone on about some random purchase that I thought was great - when I'm sure she was bored out of her skull. To overlook the fact that the BP is doing extra for us would be a mistake.

My BM's are thrilled to be a part of my day, they just don't need to be a part of all the details.

It is an honor, but it's still not their top priority and I don't think it's fair to expect it to be.

Maybe this thing would be solved, by making sure we discuss what the expectations are before accepting the invitation to be in the BP.

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I agree with you when you say that as a BM you do extra things for the couple. But I still dont see it as a favor, I dont mind helping with a shower and buyng a gift becuase usually its my close freind or family getting married. When I buy someone a brithday present, im not doing them a favor, im doing it because I want too. What I was trying to say if it feels like a favor or something you have to do and you arent really into it than I think you save the couple the trouble and diappointment and decline to be in the wedding.

This was my opinion in regards to being a BM as a favor not to the original post. I dont see it as a favor and others do - it's only my opinion and others have a right to feel however they choose.

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Posted by smara

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Posted by kase21
I think it is an honor to be asked, but it is just as much of a favor to us.

Where else can people pay for a dress they don't really get to choose and give up time for all kinds of commitments. Some of my BM's have gone to showcases, DJ appointments and listened to me endlessly drone on about some random purchase that I thought was great - when I'm sure she was bored out of her skull. To overlook the fact that the BP is doing extra for us would be a mistake.

My BM's are thrilled to be a part of my day, they just don't need to be a part of all the details.

It is an honor, but it's still not their top priority and I don't think it's fair to expect it to be.

Maybe this thing would be solved, by making sure we discuss what the expectations are before accepting the invitation to be in the BP.

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I agree with you when you say that as a BM you do extra things for the couple. But I still dont see it as a favor, I dont mind helping with a shower and buyng a gift becuase usually its my close freind or family getting married. When I buy someone a brithday present, im not doing them a favor, im doing it because I want too. What I was trying to say if it feels like a favor or something you have to do and you arent really into it than I think you save the couple the trouble and diappointment and decline to be in the wedding.

This was my opinion in regards to being a BM as a favor not to the original post. I dont see it as a favor and others do - it's only my opinion and others have a right to feel however they choose.

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I agree! I am not knocking anyone who thinks it is a favor, but in my personal opinion and past experiences, I think it is an honor. I know all of my BM's were honored as I was honored when my SIL asked me to be a BM and my FSIL asked me to be her MOH in her upcoming wedding. It means different things to different people.

It's been said on the boards so many times, and it's soooooo true: don't sweat the small stuff!! But at the same time, LIW was created for brides to help eachother; and sometimes that includes asking for advice in difficult situations which can come off as venting or being a bridezilla. Sometimes asking 'strangers' for advice is the best thing to do bc you'll get unbiased opinions, so I think that's why so many ladies on here use LIW as an outlet to release their aggravation. And that's what we're here for!!!!

I mean, I have a BM who just found out she has to work the day of my wedding. She just started a new job and June 10 is the last day of her probationary period, but I'm not freaking out, I know she'll do everything she can to be there for me; and if not then that's fine too bc I can't expect the world to revolve around me and I don't want to make her feel bad for having bigger things in her life. My one fear throughout this whole process is meeting our minimum at the RH, I don't want to pay for empty seats but then in the long run that's not what the day is about. The most important thing is that when all is said and done I'll be married to the love of my life, and the rest is just gravy!! I try to go by the '10 year' rule, I ask myself: will this matter in 10 years?. It really puts things in perspective and keeps me focused. As for every one else, it's up to them what they want to contribute, bc in the end it doesn't really matter.

I think I went a lil off topic here, but that's my $.02!!

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Posted by kase21

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Posted by VadersBride2006

Hmmm... definitely something to think about....

I'm a bridezilla b/c I expect my sisters (who I have been MOH for in both their weddings) to be there for me on MY special day?

I'm a bridezilla b/c I expect my BM's to call me once in a blue moon to see if there is anything they need to do, or just say hi?

I'm a bridezilla b/c I'm upset that my BIL isn't coming to the wedding b/c he has to do a flea market that my sister already paid for, even though she knew the date of my wedding before hand?? Or that my FH's Aunt isn't coming b/c she has to go to the races?

I'm a bridezilla b/c I occasionally get disappointed and need to vent in a place where I thought people would not be judgemental b/c they are all going through the same thing?

I wouldn't call that a bridezilla.... I'd call it HUMAN!

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I don't think most people on these boards are being judgemental...even with this topic.

I think that since we're all here to give advice and generally chat about all weddings things big and small, it's just more of an observation and some advice that we should take a step back and look at the bigger picture rather than sweating all the little things that ultimately we can't control.

No one was called out as a Bridezilla and there will be things that we should and do go crazy over - the store orders the wrong dress, the MOH dyes her hair green or whatever.

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WELL SAID!!!! I completely agree. I don't think that this post was meant to offend anyone but rather to simply put things in perspective.

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Posted by chloeme2

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Posted by kase21

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Posted by VadersBride2006

Hmmm... definitely something to think about....

I'm a bridezilla b/c I expect my sisters (who I have been MOH for in both their weddings) to be there for me on MY special day?

I'm a bridezilla b/c I expect my BM's to call me once in a blue moon to see if there is anything they need to do, or just say hi?

I'm a bridezilla b/c I'm upset that my BIL isn't coming to the wedding b/c he has to do a flea market that my sister already paid for, even though she knew the date of my wedding before hand?? Or that my FH's Aunt isn't coming b/c she has to go to the races?

I'm a bridezilla b/c I occasionally get disappointed and need to vent in a place where I thought people would not be judgemental b/c they are all going through the same thing?

I wouldn't call that a bridezilla.... I'd call it HUMAN!

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I don't think most people on these boards are being judgemental...even with this topic.

I think that since we're all here to give advice and generally chat about all weddings things big and small, it's just more of an observation and some advice that we should take a step back and look at the bigger picture rather than sweating all the little things that ultimately we can't control.

No one was called out as a Bridezilla and there will be things that we should and do go crazy over - the store orders the wrong dress, the MOH dyes her hair green or whatever.

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WELL SAID!!!! I completely agree. I don't think that this post was meant to offend anyone but rather to simply put things in perspective.

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That's exactly what I was trying to do as well. The 'big' things are what I come here to rant and rave about... not the small stuff...

Although I don't complain too often, I do use these boards as a place to vent my frustrations about the big things as well as some small things....I know there are people here that are feeling the same frustrations as I am...since we are all brides and can relate, why not?

I think the original poster had a good point...but venting is a part of planning...and what better place to do it than amongst other brides?

Wow this a doozy!!!!

Ok, this is my take and my opinion:

I completely and totally agree that the world doesn't revolve around me. That's why I discuss my wedding plans with FH and you ladies here on NYC/LIW. So I completely and totally understand when someone vents their 'frustrations' here as opposed to their family and friends. WHY??? Because someone on here may be going through the same thing and can relate. Most of us feel a comradity (sp??) amongst eachother because we are all planning our big day and may be able to understand better than others.

I don't think it's 'bridezilla' to be disappointed about someone not coming through for you. At any other time in ones life, if we think someone will do something or be their for us and they don't aren't we all disappointed, but if it's a bride their automatically labeled a 'bridezilla' which to me is unfair. Most brides that 'vent' on the boards I believe vent here and not to anyone else because they don't want to be 'bridezillas' and understand that life doesn't revolve around them but certainly still have feelings.

As for the whole BP I completely agree that I do not see it as a 'favor' I chose my BP carefully and I chose people who mean a lot to me and I know they were all honored to be a part of our big day. A favor is lending someone a dollar not being a part of the biggest day of their lives. Even with that said, I still didn't expect a lot from my BP because I understand they have their own lives to lead. BUT, when someone accepts to be in a BP they should understand the time/monetary responsibility as well and accept/decline accordingly. I also believe that it's the bride's responsibility to share her 'expectations' with the BP so they can make a decision accordingly.

JMHO!!!

You mean my wedding isn't the center of everyone's universe?? When was someone going to tell me this??

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Posted by MayBride06

You mean my wedding isn't the center of everyone's universe?? When was someone going to tell me this??

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Posted by Jackie&Justin

I agree and disagree. There are definatly more important things in life and I think people need to realize that whats most important is the love of your fi and yourself, and family. That being said, it's an emotional time and you really find out who your true friend are during this process.

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You got it!!!!

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Posted by MrsFelix

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Posted by MayBride06

You mean my wedding isn't the center of everyone's universe?? When was someone going to tell me this??

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Sorry I just came back from getting my hair done and I thought that was hysterical MayBride06

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Posted by MayBride06

You mean my wedding isn't the center of everyone's universe?? When was someone going to tell me this??

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Well this here lady cannot wait for the PIG. Your wedding IS the center of my universe after a week of Passover fun! BRING ON THE PORK PRODUCTS!

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Posted by Maybride519

I personally don't think its Bridezilla if people who you are counting on are letting you down! A Bridezilla is someone who tells her BM's that they all have to wear matching underwear!!
If somone accepts the role, it can be disapointing to have someone back out of events that go along with the role. Not that the world has to stop for this bride, but...what goes around, comes around and a bride will never forget all of the wonderful things that are done for her during her special time. Just my opinion. Not judging anyone elses opinion on this.

I just wanted to add that I am speaking of the bridal party, not any ol' guest that is invited. I know they don't give two sh!@t's! Lol.

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I TOTALLY agree with this! i have posted a couple of times about my BM leaving my shower in the middle of me opening presents, and me being upset about it. i don't think that means i'm being a bridezilla. i just feel like of all the people you should be able to count on to be at your shower, it should be your BP. any of the other people invited can do whatever they want...
now, yelling at a banquet manager because i napkin isn't folded perfectly square- THATS being a bridezilla!

I have been wanting to post this all day. It may be relevant. It may not but I really wanna close this text window on my desk top:

I chose not to talk about my wedding with people I saw on a daily basis whether it be at work or elsewhere unless they asked me a question. I used LIW as my venting grounds. Either people didn't care or they were so unhappy with themselves that saying 'congratulations' was actually too much for them. TRust me - it happens. I had family to make a big deal over us - whether we wanted it or not. My wedding came at a very hard time for our family and people knew we needed support. Especially the people on LIW. You have all been my rock. Or is that rocks?

Since the TV show 'Bridezilla's' aired, any bride with an opinion about anything is automatically dubbed a 'Bridezilla.' If wanting my dress in pearl vs. white makes me a bridezilla then I guess I am. If wanting hand calligraphy versus computer calligraphy makes me a bridezilla, then I guess I am. If wanting Chateau Briand versus Prime Rib makes me a bridezilla, then I guess I am. If asking bridal party to be on time for pictures makes me a bridezilla, well you know the rest. These arent unreasonable opinions or choices. They are typical parts of wedding planning.

I think problems arise when people accept the honors of being in a bridal party a bit too prematurely. They may not have the time, money or interest (which is TOTALLY OK) to be a part of it but rather than hurt a friend (or family member) they accept the responsibility. They may not realize that it IS an expense, it IS time consuming and it CAN be an inconvenience. I have seen more threads that speak of bridal party woes and people getting along and what not and it blows me away. I didnt ask some chick off the street to stand next to me on my special day. I asked life long friends and family members to be with us. These people have lives, children, mortgages and responsibilities that are nowhere near where my DH and I are right now. And you know what? They made us one of their priorities by being there for us in various capacities. This is what it is all about.

If being in a bridal party is simply an opportunity for someone to showcase themselves for attention or a photo-op then they are doing it for the wrong reasons. Yes this does happen. How many times have we all seen posts where brides say 'I don't know what to do. My mom (or MIL) says I HAVE to have this one in my BP. ' or 'This one assumes I am going to ask them to be in my BP.' There is no honor if you have to ask to be in a BP.

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Posted by Boston&NY2006

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Posted by july06bride

I agree and disagree to a point... No one will be as excited as I am for my wedding, except maybe my mother...and no the world does not revolve around me...BUT when people who are close to me and who accept being a bridesmaid don't do anything at all...or cant come to any events pre-wedding it hurts...If you couldnt commit than you shouldnt have said yes! JMHO

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Well said!

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Very well put... I agree whole heartedly. When you give so much to others, it hurts when you don't feel you're getting that in return during such a special time.

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Posted by Goldi1021

I have been wanting to post this all day. It may be relevant. It may not but I really wanna close this text window on my desk top:

I chose not to talk about my wedding with people I saw on a daily basis whether it be at work or elsewhere unless they asked me a question. I used LIW as my venting grounds. Either people didn't care or they were so unhappy with themselves that saying 'congratulations' was actually too much for them. TRust me - it happens. I had family to make a big deal over us - whether we wanted it or not. My wedding came at a very hard time for our family and people knew we needed support. Especially the people on LIW. You have all been my rock. Or is that rocks?

Since the TV show 'Bridezilla's' aired, any bride with an opinion about anything is automatically dubbed a 'Bridezilla.' If wanting my dress in pearl vs. white makes me a bridezilla then I guess I am. If wanting hand calligraphy versus computer calligraphy makes me a bridezilla, then I guess I am. If wanting Chateau Briand versus Prime Rib makes me a bridezilla, then I guess I am. If asking bridal party to be on time for pictures makes me a bridezilla, well you know the rest. These arent unreasonable opinions or choices. They are typical parts of wedding planning.

I think problems arise when people accept the honors of being in a bridal party a bit too prematurely. They may not have the time, money or interest (which is TOTALLY OK) to be a part of it but rather than hurt a friend (or family member) they accept the responsibility. They may not realize that it IS an expense, it IS time consuming and it CAN be an inconvenience. I have seen more threads that speak of bridal party woes and people getting along and what not and it blows me away. I didnt ask some chick off the street to stand next to me on my special day. I asked life long friends and family members to be with us. These people have lives, children, mortgages and responsibilities that are nowhere near where my DH and I are right now. And you know what? They made us one of their priorities by being there for us in various capacities. This is what it is all about.

If being in a bridal party is simply an opportunity for someone to showcase themselves for attention or a photo-op then they are doing it for the wrong reasons. Yes this does happen. How many times have we all seen posts where brides say 'I don't know what to do. My mom (or MIL) says I HAVE to have this one in my BP. ' or 'This one assumes I am going to ask them to be in my BP.' There is no honor if you have to ask to be in a BP.

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couldn't have said it better myself!

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Posted by Goldi1021

I have been wanting to post this all day. It may be relevant. It may not but I really wanna close this text window on my desk top:

I chose not to talk about my wedding with people I saw on a daily basis whether it be at work or elsewhere unless they asked me a question. I used LIW as my venting grounds. Either people didn't care or they were so unhappy with themselves that saying 'congratulations' was actually too much for them. TRust me - it happens. I had family to make a big deal over us - whether we wanted it or not. My wedding came at a very hard time for our family and people knew we needed support. Especially the people on LIW. You have all been my rock. Or is that rocks?

Since the TV show 'Bridezilla's' aired, any bride with an opinion about anything is automatically dubbed a 'Bridezilla.' If wanting my dress in pearl vs. white makes me a bridezilla then I guess I am. If wanting hand calligraphy versus computer calligraphy makes me a bridezilla, then I guess I am. If wanting Chateau Briand versus Prime Rib makes me a bridezilla, then I guess I am. If asking bridal party to be on time for pictures makes me a bridezilla, well you know the rest. These arent unreasonable opinions or choices. They are typical parts of wedding planning.

I think problems arise when people accept the honors of being in a bridal party a bit too prematurely. They may not have the time, money or interest (which is TOTALLY OK) to be a part of it but rather than hurt a friend (or family member) they accept the responsibility. They may not realize that it IS an expense, it IS time consuming and it CAN be an inconvenience. I have seen more threads that speak of bridal party woes and people getting along and what not and it blows me away. I didnt ask some chick off the street to stand next to me on my special day. I asked life long friends and family members to be with us. These people have lives, children, mortgages and responsibilities that are nowhere near where my DH and I are right now. And you know what? They made us one of their priorities by being there for us in various capacities. This is what it is all about.

If being in a bridal party is simply an opportunity for someone to showcase themselves for attention or a photo-op then they are doing it for the wrong reasons. Yes this does happen. How many times have we all seen posts where brides say 'I don't know what to do. My mom (or MIL) says I HAVE to have this one in my BP. ' or 'This one assumes I am going to ask them to be in my BP.' There is no honor if you have to ask to be in a BP.

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You're my hero!!