This may sound bitter, but a question to those paying for their wedding

completely on their own?

I am one of these people. I am proud of this, but it is quite the challenge. Neither families are in the position to help us. It would be nice to have an extra couple of thousands of $$$$ but oh well.

I have been thinking that when I have kids and it is time for them to get married I want to be able to contribute. While they will pay for a good portion of it, I want to be in a position where I can help them so they are not struggling as much as I am.

Is this something you guys think about?
Sorry for the vent, but I am stressed and broke.

I agree with you. I hope to contribute to my children's weddings along with college. I will make sacrifices as needed for both.

Thanks Valenia.

I forgot about college, but you get my point.

We really feel that we are getting extra stresses worrying about how to pay for the things we want....I wouldn't wish that on a stranger, never mind my flesh & blood! I think it is important to remember what had to be done & then use that knowledge to help others in the future (college, wedding, 1st house, etc...) Life doesn't always have to be a struggle

I haven't really thought about it, but I will want to pay for most of it. Probably by the time they get married we will wish that they still charged our prices. It seems so high now, but wait till then. Thankfully, my parents are helping out.

I agree with you! Good point!

You may not like hearing this but this is the reason my parents are paying for most of ours. They both came from families who would give them anything that they could afford to - but for i.e my mothers parents were both deaf their entire lives and although had good jobs did not make enough to pay for the wedding or to pay for my mothers school she work full time nights to put herself thru columbia. My grandfather (paternal) died when my father was in college so my grandmother could not afford to help them. They stuggled to pay for the wedding, and buy furniture since they had always lived at home (they lived 3 months on lawn chairs with a matress on the floor until some of their furniture arrived. My parents swore that they would make sure that we did not go thru what they did.

FH's family is not contributing at all. I thank my parents every day for their help - I'm only graduating from school now and FH has just starting his graduate degree - he is living completely off of loans for now - and plans to get a job at the end of the year - without their help there will be NO wedding.

We have friends who are paying for everything themselves and we give them a great amount of respect.

We have both decided that it is important to us to help our children someday so they are not stuggling like our friends.

Good luck - and you should be proud that of the wedding that you pull off with all of your hard work - I'm sure it will be absolutely gorgeous!

Rob- actually I loved your post!!!!

Your relatives struggled and as a result they did not want you to struggle- my point exactly!!

We should all think like thaT.

Thank you - actually I often feel a combination of things - mostly guilt - I know my family can afford to help but when my friends are saying Oh just 5,000 for this or that like it is paper money - it b/c hard to ask for that I usually go with a lower item but they insist on the higher- then I get some people who are jealous that we have it paid for - (we will still be paying for - rehearsal dinner, our rings, the honeymoon, our BP gifts, my parents thank you gift, our wedding night, part of the photography, photos for FH's family, our friends- when you add that up it alone is a small fortune -I simply could NOT imagine paying for everything)

I can't wait to have kids and give them everything I can afford to - I don't want my kids to stuggle like my FH did.

hello, me too. Dont be bitter. Be proud.

I totally understand what your saying nrvbrd.

We really have to sacrifice everything this next year and a half, and it is quite a struggle, we havent been on a vacation at all together, and weve been together for over 5 years (beside a weekend in lake george with his aunt). This year we wanted to do something but we cant and everyone we know is going on cruises, vacations and were SO jealous.

It is definitly worth it I cant wait till our wedding, but im so jealous of other couples that the whole thing is just paid for. We both paid for college on our own too so paying all those loans back doesnt help the $$$ situation.

My dad tells us all the time how much he wishes he could help, and if things change he will help us. And I know he is sad about that, and seeing him go through that I know I wanna be able to be there for my kids weddings one day.

Those of you who are getting help from your family members, even for part of it, make sure you let them know you appreciate it.
Good Luck

John & I are VERY PROUD!
Next week I'll say John, look we paid every dime for all this...it will feel good!

We are paying for our wedding also. Both sets of parents did what they could, but are not in the position financially to pay for our wedding.

I don't mean to sound mean or stingy, but I don't know if I will give my children everything they want. I think there is a very important lesson in earning something for yourself. You appreciate something so much more when you have worked for it, rather than having it handed to you. My parents had no money for my college education, so I worked for it. I worked hard, earned a scholarship, and put myself through school. It has given me a tremendous sense of accomplishment.

I will certainly help my children, but I think it's important for them to do for themselves as well.

Edited to say I'm not bitter about it at all. My parents did the best they could, and I appreciate all their sacrifices. I never felt they 'owed' me a college education, or a wedding for that matter.

Wendypoo - I don't think b/c someones parents pay for things like college or graduate school, or weddings that their kids feel that they are 'owed' these things. If people can afford it (which MANY parents can not) they like to help their children so that they don't start out deep in debt.

My FH for example never received a dime from his family (esp his father) - for school or for anything - in fact he worked 50 hours a week while attending school full time (just so that he could afford to go and help his mother with the bills around the house)- He has paid back all of his loans before starting grad school.

FH's brother had to pay for everything them selves and do not wish to put their kids thru that if they do not need to.

I don't think b/c you do things or pay for things for your kids that you can't teach them the value of money, or other important lessons of life.

i agree with that.. i am getting help from my parents.. i would have had to wait a couple extra years if i didnt.. my parents believe in helping the children before themselves

I don't know. I've been working since the age of 15, and have paid for nearly everything since then, though my parents help out financially when they can, which isn't often.

I don't resent that. I'm proud that I paid for my own education. Personally, it made me work harder in school. I worked my behind off and got three degrees in 4 years at a top notch school. I'm very proud of that.

When I graduated, I moved back home and paid rent to my mom to help out. Bought a new car. Paid off student loans in 5 years instead of 10. Saved for a wedding with FH and just bought a house with FH.

I'm very proud of all of that, and I don't resent my parents for not helping me financially. They have given me so much more tha money can buy. I have their undying love, support, friendship, and more.

THAT is what I will give to my kids. Sure it would be nice to help them financially, but I know too many people (NOT SAYING THIS ABOUT ANYONE ON THIS BOARD SINCE I DON'T KNOW YOU! Please don't think that I am judgine anyone!!) who were handed life on a silver platter and have no financial responsibilities at all. One of my dear friends is always running into money problems, and her parents bail her out all the time, though I know they don't have a lot. And she still is out shopping for clothes all the time. I do not want my kids to grow up like that. Everything I got from my family I cherish, but the intangilbles are worth more to me than anything I've had to pay for for myself.

That said, if your parents have helped you financially, you are certainly very lucky they have the financial ability to do that. And I hope you have been given the other great gifts as well!

We're with you. We'll make sure our kids have as much money as we can give them for their wedding, which better be a good portion of it. My family is not in a position to help at all (I even paid my way through college), and my FH's family gave us a nice monetary gift, but it's only covering the honeymoon and rehearsal dinner.......they just paid for his sister's wedding and I don't think they feel as the groom's parents that they should have to pay for ours.

Oh well.....at least we can have things exactly as we want them with no one telling us how to plan!!

I will give my children the shirt off my back