LIWeddings.com
Post New Topic

Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

crystalsky Posted:

Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

Need some advice ladies..

I am getting married in Oct. and sent out save the dates to those we would be inviting to the wedding earlier this year.

We are trying to keep our guest number around 95-100, and we sent save the dates out to about 120.

Since then there have been a few people that I will now have to invite, as well as some then single friends who will now want to bring a date.
At the same token, there are some people that I sent save the dates to that now I kind of wish I didn't. Not that they did anything wrong, but these are people that I have either somewhat lost touch with and don't talk to as much, and maybe didn't really THINK hard about wheter I wanted them at the wedding or not. But I did send them a save the date and now I guess there is really no tactful way to put this but is there any way to have them 'Not save the date anymore'?

Some thigns to keep in mind, I have not sent invitations out yet, and don't know for sure if these people will come to begin with.

I'm really sorry if this sounds rude or , just wondering if anyone ever had these feelings, and if anyone did anything about it? Is there even a way to do this without looking like a A-hole? I am thinking it's probably just better to not say anything and hope that they won't come??
As if I didn't have enough things to stress or think about I can't stop thinking about this...Let me know any thoughts and thanks for reading.

Kara and Todd Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

Not everyone will be able to come to the wedding, so it's unlikely that if you invite 120, 120 people will come. You're more likely to get around 95.

It would, however, be very rude not to invite someone who received a STD!
adamluvsericka Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

well, since you already sent the std, i think the right thing to do is invite them and hope they dont come. but dont be surprised if they do.

this was my issue with sending std's. i kinda feel like i'm inviting some people out of courtesy - same as you, some people that I dont keep in touch with that often, family members who dont know how to spell my name, etc. so we decided to nix the stds all together. as far as i'm concerned i already told all the people that I want there, so no need to announce to all these other people who probably wouldn't come anyway, but because they got this cute std in the mail, might make an effort to show up.

sorry, it stinks...just hope they dont come, but be prepared for it!
Trishthedish Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

I am in the same boat as you. I have a gf at work who I was extremely close with but now she told me she doesn't want to really talk to me anymore b/c I am negative. I am not negative I am a person who tells it like it is, I don't sugar coat. Anyway, I would love to hear some responses to your post.

Nonetheless, my shower invites already went out and my mom sent one to this girl.

I guess I myself did not think things fully through when I sent htem out. I should have only sent them to close family and extremely close friends.

I've been told by my friends that you cannot take it back now since you've sent them out b/c that would be rude. I am praying that some people just say no when my invites are sent out. I too have not sent out my invites yet.

Good luck with everything and I know how you feel.
bemyyoko Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

unfortunately i don't think there's really much you can do at this point.
once you send the std's or the shower invites those people should definately be invited.

i'm sorry.
but on the bright side, it's very rare that you get less than a 15% decline rate. i think the actual average is 20-30% decline. so maybe they just won't come.
crystalsky Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

Yes I do know it would be rude, I know it wouldn't feel all that great if I was on the other side. I think I was so excited in the beginning stages of planning that I didn't think through the guest list as much as I should have. Like I said, just wanted to see if anyone actually went through with not inviting someone who got an STD and what you all thought. Seems like all there is to do now is hope they don't come.. haha or don't allow them to bring a date.. just kidding.. kinda

thanks all.
DGoldfarb0776 Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

Posted by Kara and Todd

Not everyone will be able to come to the wedding, so it's unlikely that if you invite 120, 120 people will come. You're more likely to get around 95.

It would, however, be very rude not to invite someone who received a STD!


Was just going to say exactly the same thing. You're going to end up with about 95 people if you invite 120-125 and it would be not nice to send an invite to those that got a STD.
donegal419 Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

Yes, i agree... it is rude to not invite people that received a STD.... However, less people will come than you think. also, if you're worried about numbers.... don't invite single people with a guest. i wasn't able to invite my single friends with guests due to budget and space restraints and they understood.... just be sure to sit them with people they know so they have a good time!

GOOD LUCK!
GinaBambina08 Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

Honestly, I don't see how you could get out of that...the good thing is, they might not come anyway..

Aug07OFCbride Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

aghh. i SO know what youre talking about!!! i went through the same exact thing. i feel like i was so stupid when i sent out so many STDs, then later freaked when i talked to my mom and step dad who reminded me of how many ppl we were hoping to keep it too. Its not like I didnt know, I just figured so many wouldnt come. Ill attribute it to bride brain!

Anyways, the ppl who I ended up questioning sending STDS to are like...random ppl that FMIL listed off out of her address book who fh either doesnt know or hasnt seen in EONS!... all OOT (Im talking like Alaska and Idaho) and so we ended up asking around casually, like fitting it into convo w/o sounding like jerks, who we could expect to come and who probably wouldnbt be able to make it. 'we just want to get an idea of whether we can expect you...' type of thing. so then we could rest assured about it at least. in the end, only fhs close fam will be attending...the ppl who he really really wants to be there.

sidenote, some of those OOTers didnt even know the STD wasnt the formal invite. fh says etiquettte like we worry about out here just doesnt work like that where he grew up (Alaska).

anyways, dont stress too much. not everyone will come!!
sassygirl9 Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

I would say the key is to talk to single friends and tell them, they can't bring a date, they will understand

Flutterbye922 Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

Hopefully you will get a lot of no's. You def have to send an invite to whomever you sent a save the date to.

nitsnats Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

I know exactly how you feel. After we got engaged, we were so excited that I sent STDs to EVERYONE...and now a year later I just sent out the invitations and there were some people who I just lost contact with...I did send them an invitation because I thought it would be rude not to, since they did get a STD...

ADVICE FOR BRIDES WHO DID NOT SEND OUT STD YET:

Only send them to immedite family and VERY close friends...otherwise you may be in our situation!
LitBallerinaGirl Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

Do whatever your heart says is right. One of my co-workers sent out STD to all of our colleagues and then a few left. She just didn't invite them even though they had received STDs.

femmes Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

I decided that i will only send STD's to family and my closest friends..I will not be sending them to everyone, including coworkers...relationships change and i would hate to be in the predicament your in..Although If I sent a STD and was no longer speaking to that person, i would not invite them. I dont think its rude it all..

ChristineAaron08 Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

We only sent STDs to the A list. You should definitely send invites to them if they also got the STD. If you lost touch with them, maybe they wont even come to the Wedding. You should be fine though- like others said- you can probably knock out about 20%- that is what the statistics say. As for inviting friends with/without guests- it is perfectly OK (etiquitte wise) not to invite single friends with a guest who are not in a serious relatonship with anyone. IMO If your girlfriend just met some dude in a club 2 weeks ago and wants to bring him- sorry Charlie.

SusiBtoM Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

Posted by Kara and Todd

Not everyone will be able to come to the wedding, so it's unlikely that if you invite 120, 120 people will come. You're more likely to get around 95.

It would, however, be very rude not to invite someone who received a STD!


I agree.
I don't believe in sending out STDs. They weren't done up until recently. An invitation is sent out 8 to 10 weeks in advance of the day, which should be sufficient time for someone to decide if they will attend or not. If there are OOT guests, which we have a few, we called them to let them know our wedding date..
rkl1130 Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

We only sent STD to close friends and family because relationships can change in a short amount of time.

Since you sent them a STD, the right thing to do would be to send them an invite as well. If you are concerned about numbers, remember that not everyone you invite will be coming despite the STD and you can limit your guest list by not inviting everyone with a guest--they'll understand.
futuremrsfab Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

Unfortunately that happens and if they received a STD they might be very hurt about not being invited...

my friend got married over the summer and she sent out STDs and mine was for me and my boyfriend (we were not engaged until months later) and then when i got the wedding invitation only i was invited and i was upset and that was just her not inviting my boyfriend.
futuremrsfab Posted:

Re: Thoughts/advice on 'Don't save the date anymore'..kinda long

Posted by femmes

I decided that i will only send STD's to family and my closest friends..I will not be sending them to everyone, including coworkers...relationships change and i would hate to be in the predicament your in..Although If I sent a STD and was no longer speaking to that person, i would not invite them. I dont think its rude it all..


date twin!!! great idea- I am going to copy you :)

Reply to this topic

Log in to reply or quote a post.