To get engaged or not.....

Original post by ronnysbride

Nov 15, 2006 03:37 PM

Do you think someone with credit card debt should wait to get engaged until they have paid off their debt or it doesn't really matter?

Let me know what you think.....

Dee606 Posted: Nov 15, 2006 04:34 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

I totally agree that it depends on a few things that I guess only the couple knows? Amount of debt, income, spending habits/saving habits. I forgot to mention the amounts of debt in each was in the 20 - 30k range.

I have known 3 girlfriends who have all gone into marriages knowing the their FH's had debts.
Let's just say financial difficulties put a strain on all 3 relationships. One became divorced a little after a year later because of it.
I'm not saying that this will happen to them but they need to be realistic & smart about the kind of situation they are in.

ellebelle1 Posted: Nov 15, 2006 04:39 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

Credit card debt is very bad. Can this girl's man take out a low-interest load to pay for the ring, instead.

ronnysbride Posted: Nov 15, 2006 04:42 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

Posted by ellebelle1

Credit card debt is very bad. Can this girl's man take out a low-interest load to pay for the ring, instead.

Wouldn't that just be adding to the debt?

ellebelle1 Posted: Nov 15, 2006 04:59 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

yea, I thought she just specifically was concerned about credit cards since they have high interest. I could be wrong, though.

LaurenluvsTJ Posted: Nov 15, 2006 05:04 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

I don't see why credit card debt should matter. Is it about buying a ring and being concerned that will put them into more debt? Then don't get a ring.

DanNette Posted: Nov 15, 2006 05:09 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

Its really hard to judge. It just might not be time yet to take on another huge expense like a wedding right away. As long as they are honest with each other and agree on how to manage their funds, things should work out.

We don't know their situation they could be living rent free w/out any car payments, no student loans, no crazy medical bills, or they could have 4 kids to care for...

kahlua716 Posted: Nov 15, 2006 05:09 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

I think that people should make their own decisions. If they are old enough to get married, they are old enough to handle responsibility. The fact that FH or FW is in debt should have no bearing on whether or not they should get married, although it SHOULD effect whether or not they combine their finances.

No one wants to hear 'Your bf/gf owes money, you shouldn't marry someone like THAT.'

It's not right to even discuss something like that....finances are personal and should be between the couple ONLY.

JMO

eelharas4700 Posted: Nov 15, 2006 05:24 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

Well I wanted to be debt free before it all too. But we had a 2 year engagement. That gave me time to pay off the major car payment! Now I have 3 other cards clear and 3 more to go....it will work as long as you're honest about it! Or at least it did with me!

jenn122397 Posted: Nov 15, 2006 05:27 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

how much debt are we talking about here? if it is a considerably large sum, i would say to wait - children and houses and cars and weddings cost money and financial problems are one of the highest causes of divorc. i would say wait until you have it under control

betani Posted: Nov 15, 2006 05:34 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

well, if you'd wait for that, does that mean you'd wait for school loans to be paid off or other forms of debt? i'm personally up to my eye balls in school loans, but still engaged. i can't picture it a different way and we're happy despite that annoying monthly payment. =0P

of course it's a different story if you're worried if the other person is irresponsible with money or will hurt your credit/financial situation. but then there's also a question as to how the marriage will work.

MrsD06 Posted: Nov 15, 2006 05:57 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

I agree it is up to the couple and depends on them being honest with each other and working out some kind of payment plan/budget together.

Also, I'm not quite sure what mortgage payments & children have to do with this...financial goals and futures should definitely be discussed but just b/c you are married does not mean you are having kids or buying a house right away

jgl Posted: Nov 15, 2006 06:07 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

i dont like debt and i pay everything off, FH is the same way. we only owe student loans. We waited to get engaged till we were settled in a career.

So i would say wait, but paying off debt could take a while and that may but off hte engagement longer. I would just get engaged without getting the expensive BLING! haha but then you have to think.. who is paying for the wedding and what about living expenses?

there is just so much to think about that is why I don't let my self get into debt and why FH pays for everything in cash

AeroJenn Posted: Nov 15, 2006 06:48 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

To be honest, it can take YEARS to get out of credit card debt...
Of course we would all love to be 100% financially stable when we get engaged, but sometimes thats just impossible.
If you two are in love and want to get married, I dont think money should have anything to do with it.
FH and I are engaged and I owe $50K in student loans! Its life...dont put it on hold because of some debt

mskittynj Posted: Nov 15, 2006 07:25 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

It's an individual preference!!!!! Really up ot the couple. That didn't stop us...lololol
XOXOXO
Kitty

snowcutie82 Posted: Nov 15, 2006 07:30 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

i think most ppl have debt coming out of school...either school loans or credit card debt because u might not be making that much at your first job BUT u still have to pay your bills (if no one is helping u).

i think as long as they can control their debt and budget...and are honest with each other...then why not?

they love each other...so why should debt stop them...especially since most ppl have some kind of debt.

do they have $ saved elsewhere for the ring or will that add more debt???? and what kind of ring is she 'Expecting' that's something to consider...

but like most ppl have said its a personal decision for the couple

DSNY08 Posted: Nov 15, 2006 07:39 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

if the person who has the debt is responsible about it, and always makes at least the minimums & isn't defaulting or in collections, I see no problem with it. I might wait to get married until i was out of debt, but i see no problem being engaged in debt.

As long as you are honest with your FH about the debt, & are responsible with it, no problem

CLMon7906 Posted: Nov 15, 2006 08:59 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

Honestly, marriage isn't a transaction and the 2 of you could end up in debt together in 6 months, a year, 20 years. Also, would you REALLY and truly give someone up over money problems in their past? It isn't exactly a predictor of future behavior...many people in debt, bad debt, are in it because life SUX. They got ill, laid off....

If you love someone, in reality, debt doesn't matter...it will/can make it harder, but so can a bad driving record which a rich, debt free person can have. A criminal record will also cause some issues. Honestly, there are a lot worse traits a person can have.

Also, my aunt told me about a friend of hers who's husband royally screwed up his credit....she married him anyway. They bought a house and cars....EVERYTHING is in HER name. His name was just never added to anything at any time to avoid NOT getting approved.

heatherandrichie Posted: Nov 15, 2006 09:02 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

Posted by Lools

I have some debt and I got engaged while having it. I used to want to be debt free before I was engaged or married because I didn't want to bring my financial baggage into a relationship. However, I have been open and honest with my FH about my debt and he has been AMAZING in helping me organize it and pay it off. I really couldn't have gotten as far as I have with paying of my debt if it weren't for him.
I think you should go on with your life and not let your financial problems hold you back. Get financial counseling and marry the man of your dreams. Life must go on.

I had the same situation, but reversed. I have organized my FH's credit, made settlements and raised his score immensly. Each situation is different!

portjeffbride Posted: Nov 15, 2006 09:26 PM

Re: To get engaged or not.....

I think the most important thing prior to marriage is to have complete financial transparency.... You can get engaged anytime, but the fiancee should know what debt they're legally inheriting prior to a marriage license. From there, you can decide when it's best to tie the knot...