To invite or not??

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Posted by stinenandy2010

sorry little confused....so are you asking if your 3rd stepmom should be invited? and if your 2nd stepmom should sit with your fathers parents?

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I know its confusing- my step mom is sitting with my grandparents but i dont think my 3rd step mom needs to be invited....

This is so tough

As for the wedding... I definitely think you should not sit your 3rd stepmom with your 'mom' and father's parents! The wedding is a long affair and you don't want your mom to be uncomfortable for that entire time. Definitely sit them at two separate tables for the wedding.

As for the shower, if there will be drama brought by not inviting your third stepmom I think maybe you should invite her. Your mom, as your MOH, may be preoccupied with helping you out with the gitfs and everything and she said it was alright to invite her. It is a tough situation, but I think if you invite her to the shower it will stop your stepsister from throwing too many fits and it will ease the blow when your third stepmom isn't sitting with your dad's parents at the wedding.

HTH! I am so sorry you have such family drama!

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Posted by MarjorieFrank

This is so tough

As for the wedding... I definitely think you should not sit your 3rd stepmom with your 'mom' and father's parents! The wedding is a long affair and you don't want your mom to be uncomfortable for that entire time. Definitely sit them at two separate tables for the wedding.

As for the shower, if there will be drama brought by not inviting your third stepmom I think maybe you should invite her. Your mom, as your MOH, may be preoccupied with helping you out with the gitfs and everything and she said it was alright to invite her. It is a tough situation, but I think if you invite her to the shower it will stop your stepsister from throwing too many fits and it will ease the blow when your third stepmom isn't sitting with your dad's parents at the wedding.

HTH! I am so sorry you have such family drama!

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ITA

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Posted by MarjorieFrank

This is so tough

As for the wedding... I definitely think you should not sit your 3rd stepmom with your 'mom' and father's parents! The wedding is a long affair and you don't want your mom to be uncomfortable for that entire time. Definitely sit them at two separate tables for the wedding.

As for the shower, if there will be drama brought by not inviting your third stepmom I think maybe you should invite her. Your mom, as your MOH, may be preoccupied with helping you out with the gitfs and everything and she said it was alright to invite her. It is a tough situation, but I think if you invite her to the shower it will stop your stepsister from throwing too many fits and it will ease the blow when your third stepmom isn't sitting with your dad's parents at the wedding.

HTH! I am so sorry you have such family drama!

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thank you! i know it s u c k s..... its just that mt 3rd step mom knew my father was married but didnt care ----- ugh thanks for your help.

so is your third stepmom still married to your father?

if so, then i think she should be invited to the shower....as for seating at the wedding, obviously wherever you are sitting your father is where she should be. if they are not married anymore, sit her wherever you have room.

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Posted by stinenandy2010

so is your third stepmom still married to your father?

if so, then i think she should be invited to the shower....as for seating at the wedding, obviously wherever you are sitting your father is where she should be. if they are not married anymore, sit her wherever you have room.

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No my father died 5 years ago & i havent spoken to her in forever.

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Posted by soontobemrsag

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Posted by stinenandy2010

so is your third stepmom still married to your father?

if so, then i think she should be invited to the shower....as for seating at the wedding, obviously wherever you are sitting your father is where she should be. if they are not married anymore, sit her wherever you have room.

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No my father died 5 years ago & i havent spoken to her in forever.

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aww i'm sorry.....in that case, you can sit her wherever, it sounds like you don't have a close relationship with her, so i wouldn't go out of your way to please her.

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Posted by stinenandy2010

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Posted by soontobemrsag

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Posted by stinenandy2010

so is your third stepmom still married to your father?

if so, then i think she should be invited to the shower....as for seating at the wedding, obviously wherever you are sitting your father is where she should be. if they are not married anymore, sit her wherever you have room.

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No my father died 5 years ago & i havent spoken to her in forever.

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aww i'm sorry.....in that case, you can sit her wherever, it sounds like you don't have a close relationship with her, so i wouldn't go out of your way to please her.

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ITA. you shouldn't go out of your way to please her. you'd probably not talk to her after the wedding anyway. do whatever feels most comfortable to you and your FH.

this may sound insensitive but I dont see why you should invite her to either since your Dad has passed now for 5 years and you never had a relationship with her in the first place. If your girls are throwing you (paying for) the bridal shower however I might just give in and let her invite her mom but if not, I really cant see why. As for the wedding, if you end up inviting her, your mom should not have to sit with her.

I guess your step sister sees it as disrespect to her mom that you wouldnt invite her since her and your Dad were married but if you can explain that you respect that they were once married and if you had a relationship with her while your Dad was living that would be one thing but you didnt have a relationship with her then and not now so your choice is to have people at the wedding only who you have had or currently have a 'friendly' relationship with and it gets out of hand when one invites friends/relatives of others, etc.

Oh- what is your grandparent's relationship with her?

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Posted by MrsSoto

this may sound insensitive but I dont see why you should invite her to either since your Dad has passed now for 5 years and you never had a relationship with her in the first place. If your girls are throwing you (paying for) the bridal shower however I might just give in and let her invite her mom but if not, I really cant see why. As for the wedding, if you end up inviting her, your mom should not have to sit with her.

I guess your step sister sees it as disrespect to her mom that you wouldnt invite her since her and your Dad were married but if you can explain that you respect that they were once married and if you had a relationship with her while your Dad was living that would be one thing but you didnt have a relationship with her then and not now so your choice is to have people at the wedding only who you have had or currently have a 'friendly' relationship with and it gets out of hand when one invites friends/relatives of others, etc.

Oh- what is your grandparent's relationship with her?

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See now thats what i think - she hasnt seen my grandparents in a while maybe a year but my 'mom' goes there like 1 every month or so they talk all the time so theres no comparison & its not liek we have a relationship - my step sister is paying for part of the shower but so is my 'mom' and other bridal party - she got so adimant that her mother HAS to sit with my grandparents and she HAS to be invited - is she kidding???? By the way i never saw a clear pic of you and you are a cutie! LOL

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Posted by soontobemrsag

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Posted by MrsSoto

this may sound insensitive but I dont see why you should invite her to either since your Dad has passed now for 5 years and you never had a relationship with her in the first place. If your girls are throwing you (paying for) the bridal shower however I might just give in and let her invite her mom but if not, I really cant see why. As for the wedding, if you end up inviting her, your mom should not have to sit with her.

I guess your step sister sees it as disrespect to her mom that you wouldnt invite her since her and your Dad were married but if you can explain that you respect that they were once married and if you had a relationship with her while your Dad was living that would be one thing but you didnt have a relationship with her then and not now so your choice is to have people at the wedding only who you have had or currently have a 'friendly' relationship with and it gets out of hand when one invites friends/relatives of others, etc.

Oh- what is your grandparent's relationship with her?

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See now thats what i think - she hasnt seen my grandparents in a while maybe a year but my 'mom' goes there like 1 every month or so they talk all the time so theres no comparison & its not liek we have a relationship - my step sister is paying for part of the shower but so is my 'mom' and other bridal party - she got so adimant that her mother HAS to sit with my grandparents and she HAS to be invited - is she kidding???? By the way i never saw a clear pic of you and you are a cutie! LOL

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So yeah since she's paying for part of the shower then maybe just invite the mom even though this should be about YOU but if you want to keep the peace. But if she thinks that because she is invited to the shower (if you do say okay), then that means she should be invited to the wedding, she is wrong. I still say she shouldnt be at the wedding even if she does see your Grandpartents once a year or something. As far as your mom being uncomfortable at the shower, explain that since your step sis is paying for part, you felt it was only right. Hopefully she'll understand.

And thanks Danes, you are too sweet..I call my bf this lol and since you are both Danas, well now you are Danes too

That really stinks--I would do whatever you think will cause the least amount of drama. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and make some people happy in order to avoid fighting, I think. If it is easier to invite her, then do it. You can sit her with her daughter (although I would definitely not sit her with your mom).

Sorry...I'm bad at stuff like this. HTH!

I think you should invite your 3rd stepmom to the shower. Your mother and her are adults and should act accordingly. You don't want to have guilt on your head for not inviting her, or for fueling any future hard feelings. Go to bed at night knowing you did the right thing. Yes, her presence may hurt your mom a little but the ramifications of not inviting the 3rd mom could be a lot worse (and I don't just mean having a mad stepsister). You could unintentionally start WWIII in your family.

However, you can control the seating and sit people where you want for the wedding. Though if your father is still married to her, they really should sit together.

You need to think of your mom first I think.

I want my dad there on my wedding day but I know my mom will be beside herself if I do that so he'll just have to understand.