Today is a day I will never forget...look at my last post...

i am so sorry..keep your head up

So sorry to hear this.

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Posted by ckleinismine

That is just devestating. It must be really hard but you seen strong about it. May i ask why he hung himself? Was he having problems. My sisters neighbor hung himself, he was in his teens, why??

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Um I don't think I will ever really know why. He was the oldest of 4 boys, his Dad had left years before he passed. His Mom was very absentee she was going to school and was a bartender. She had all 4 boys very young. I know he felt like the father figure of the family. He was a Senior in HS when he passed he was applying to Colleges and wanted to go to North Eastern and be a physical therapist. He was big into working out and fitness. He had a girlfriend he was very serious about for over 2 years and suddenly broke up with her for no reason. We were all baffled about that and then two weeks later on a Friday he went to her house and gave her back all her things and hugged her and told her he never stopped loving her. That sunday, only two days later he killed himself. His brother found him. He had done it from a tree in his backyard. He was missing for 8 hours until his brother thought to go look for him by his favorite thinking spot, the tree....Honestly till this day none of us know why. He didn't leave a note, he never said goodbye. I think he was afraid that we would try to stop him. I would give anything to have him back. I would give anything to have changed his thoughts that day. I would give anything to get that day back and just randomly call him and tell him I love him....which I never got to tell him actually...I pray he knows now.

Wow ok I just really upset myself

now you have me in tears for real. it does help to know that i am not the only person still hurting over a death...a suicide of so long ago. Although my friend did leave a note...i never did see it or read it (due to her family) so I never had closure...not that I think the note would have given me that. i just cant imagine the feelings or thoughts going thru ones mind. i mean..i have had bad things happen...I have been at the bottom...but to be able to hang myself...or like my friend..at the young age of 14..tp put a gun to my head and pull the trigger! I mean...how bad must it have been in her mind to give her the strength to think that doing that was easier than facing her LIFE! I question myself for years...i question God...my faith...but in the end it is my faith that got me..and GETs me thru it. my friend Denise had given me one of her rings when we were in scholl cause i liked it..she never told anyone that she gave it to me..and i never told anyone I had gotten it... I wear it occassionally...well...I went to a psychic a few years back and he was talking about other things...my life...the future...and then all of a sudden out of nowhere he said...'denise thanks you for still wearing her ring'

my faith may teach that suicide is not forgiven...but my Denise is with God..no matter what anyone says

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Posted by JJC

now you have me in tears for real. it does help to know that i am not the only person still hurting over a death...a suicide of so long ago. Although my friend did leave a note...i never did see it or read it (due to her family) so I never had closure...not that I think the note would have given me that. i just cant imagine the feelings or thoughts going thru ones mind. i mean..i have had bad things happen...I have been at the bottom...but to be able to hang myself...or like my friend..at the young age of 14..tp put a gun to my head and pull the trigger! I mean...how bad must it have been in her mind to give her the strength to think that doing that was easier than facing her LIFE! I question myself for years...i question God...my faith...but in the end it is my faith that got me..and GETs me thru it. my friend Denise had given me one of her rings when we were in scholl cause i liked it..she never told anyone that she gave it to me..and i never told anyone I had gotten it... I wear it occassionally...well...I went to a psychic a few years back and he was talking about other things...my life...the future...and then all of a sudden out of nowhere he said...'denise thanks you for still wearing her ring'

my faith may teach that suicide is not forgiven...but my Denise is with God..no matter what anyone says

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OMG SWEETIE!!! That is awful! I am so sorry I upset you. But yes it is comforting to know we have suffered the same loss. I can't imagine what Denise or Wes were thinking. I can't understand it. I have tried to for years. In the beginning I was also very angry at God for what HE did (even though He didn't do it). I just had to blame someone other than Wes ya know? I turned by back on the church, my faith...all of it. That was in 2000. I didn't find my faith again till 2006. I abandoned God but now He is with me always. My faith is stronger now because of that. God is what has pulled me through also. I am sorry I upset you!

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Posted by Jsquared279

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Posted by JJC

now you have me in tears for real. it does help to know that i am not the only person still hurting over a death...a suicide of so long ago. Although my friend did leave a note...i never did see it or read it (due to her family) so I never had closure...not that I think the note would have given me that. i just cant imagine the feelings or thoughts going thru ones mind. i mean..i have had bad things happen...I have been at the bottom...but to be able to hang myself...or like my friend..at the young age of 14..tp put a gun to my head and pull the trigger! I mean...how bad must it have been in her mind to give her the strength to think that doing that was easier than facing her LIFE! I question myself for years...i question God...my faith...but in the end it is my faith that got me..and GETs me thru it. my friend Denise had given me one of her rings when we were in scholl cause i liked it..she never told anyone that she gave it to me..and i never told anyone I had gotten it... I wear it occassionally...well...I went to a psychic a few years back and he was talking about other things...my life...the future...and then all of a sudden out of nowhere he said...'denise thanks you for still wearing her ring'

my faith may teach that suicide is not forgiven...but my Denise is with God..no matter what anyone says

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OMG SWEETIE!!! That is awful! I am so sorry I upset you. But yes it is comforting to know we have suffered the same loss. I can't imagine what Denise or Wes were thinking. I can't understand it. I have tried to for years. In the beginning I was also very angry at God for what HE did (even though He didn't do it). I just had to blame someone other than Wes ya know? I turned by back on the church, my faith...all of it. That was in 2000. I didn't find my faith again till 2006. I abandoned God but now He is with me always. My faith is stronger now because of that. God is what has pulled me through also. I am sorry I upset you!

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no...YOU didnt upset me...just thinking about all this....but its good to think about..helps with the healing....its times like these when i feel bad for those without any faith....

I know it must be tough today, but he must have been an amazing friend to have touched you so deeply and it is important to be grateful for the relationship. I know he will be with you on your special day.

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Posted by gporka23

I have been reading what everyone has been writing and it is just so sad that so many people have experienced a loss similiar to yours. I wish life wasn't like that and noone ever had to feel that kind of pain. I too lost my best friend 2 years ago (it was unexpected) and I am still in the 'pissed off/ dont understand why' phase, but I beat myself up lately. I don't feel like I was the best friend I could be and I feel guilty because all I want to do lately is forget about it instead of remembering. Our families were really close so I always see her mom and I can't take it. I feel like such a horrible person but I do not like to be around her mom.. yet she is always over my parents house. I get panic attacks sometimes when she is around. I feel like my friend is probably looking down on me from heaven wondering why the hell I dont want to remember her or see her mom. I guess everyone deals with these things in different ways... I dont understand how I am dealing with it right now, but I hope one day to have the same peace that you have, because I really really need it.

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Wow sweetie. The way you are feeling is perfectly normal, especially so close to the event. I liked to be around Wes' family after he passed but everyone grieves differently. Your friend is not looking down thinking anything bad about you or why you are doing what you are doing. She completely knows that everyone handles this differently. The peace will come. It takes time. As you saw by my last super long post that it took me 6 years. Don't beat yourself up. I am 100% certain that you were an amazing friend to her. I felt the same way. I always used to think well how great of a friend must I have been that I never saw his pain? But he didn't want to me see it. He concealed it from everyone. So please do not beat yourself up. She is your angel in heaven now and will be there waiting for you when you are old and grey and your time has come! I hope you feel a lil bit better! If you need me I am here!

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Posted by Jsquared279

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Posted by gporka23

I have been reading what everyone has been writing and it is just so sad that so many people have experienced a loss similiar to yours. I wish life wasn't like that and noone ever had to feel that kind of pain. I too lost my best friend 2 years ago (it was unexpected) and I am still in the 'pissed off/ dont understand why' phase, but I beat myself up lately. I don't feel like I was the best friend I could be and I feel guilty because all I want to do lately is forget about it instead of remembering. Our families were really close so I always see her mom and I can't take it. I feel like such a horrible person but I do not like to be around her mom.. yet she is always over my parents house. I get panic attacks sometimes when she is around. I feel like my friend is probably looking down on me from heaven wondering why the hell I dont want to remember her or see her mom. I guess everyone deals with these things in different ways... I dont understand how I am dealing with it right now, but I hope one day to have the same peace that you have, because I really really need it.

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Wow sweetie. The way you are feeling is perfectly normal, especially so close to the event. I liked to be around Wes' family after he passed but everyone grieves differently. Your friend is not looking down thinking anything bad about you or why you are doing what you are doing. She completely knows that everyone handles this differently. The peace will come. It takes time. As you saw by my last super long post that it took me 6 years. Don't beat yourself up. I am 100% certain that you were an amazing friend to her. I felt the same way. I always used to think well how great of a friend must I have been that I never saw his pain? But he didn't want to me see it. He concealed it from everyone. So please do not beat yourself up. She is your angel in heaven now and will be there waiting for you when you are old and grey and your time has come! I hope you feel a lil bit better! If you need me I am here!

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Thank you!!

You didn't hijack anything! Don't be silly!!

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Posted by JJC

you just gave me chills for when I was 14 my best friend shot herself....omg...it never gets easier to deal with and i am 31! Now my thought of her dwindle down to the fact that she would have been a bridesmaid..i think about her all the time...
I feel your pain Jess...

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aww, i'm so sorry for both of you guys! i lost my dad when i was little, but never a friend...never someone so young.

I'm so sorry to hear that

My thoughts are with you