My neighbor growing up was a professional cellist - like really, really good. She was great to me my whole life - giving me cookies and free cello lessons and lending me a cello. When I asked her to play at our ceremony, she said of course, would be honored. Then when I emailed her to ask for her current mailing address to send a save the date, she said, 'You can send my daughter's to this address, and my son's to me since he lives in Europe.' OK, so does that mean I have to invited the son and daughter??? I was definitely NOT expecting to do so.
Do I:
1. Ignore it - just send her an invited 'and guest' and let her bring one of them
2. Invite the daughter, the son, and the son's wife and kids
3. Talk to her about it
4. Other
Maybe she feels like in lieu of payment, she wants them there? The son is WAY older than me and I haven't seen him in like 25 years. The daughter was my older brother's age, so I did know her, but we were not friends or anything. She's 6 years older than I.
Why would they want to come to my wedding anyway, we were not friends???
Thanks, thanks!!! R
PegaLega
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
I really cant believe I am going to say this but I think that you should talk to her first and see how she reacts-if it seems like she is upset then invite her children too. If you can afford to swing it then maybe just invite them. Normally I would say no way no how but it seems like you are torn
teenigrrl
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
This is very tricky, but I think you do need to talk to her about it. It may be that she wants her kids invited in lieu of payment, she may also thinks it's a respect thing, that since she's performing, and you've know her since childhood, it's just expected that her kids would also be invited. I think you need to talk to her to find out why she expects for her kids to be invited, and then take it from there.
Brian and Marie
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
Posted by PegaLega
I really cant believe I am going to say this but I think that you should talk to her first and see how she reacts-if it seems like she is upset then invite her children too. If you can afford to swing it then maybe just invite them. Normally I would say no way no how but it seems like you are torn
I agree!
mandc722
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
Yep this is a tricky situation. I also think you need to talk to her about it. Maybe she just assumed that you'd be inviting them and it didn't occure to her that you might think otherwise. I do not think that they need to be invited, unless like others said that is what she would prefer as payment (in which case that's a lot of $-right?) You can always tell her that the guest list is tight and you just don't have the room to add these extra people.
rocketsummer17
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
You should definately talk to her about the situation...it seems like she isnt considering how large or small your wedding is going to be...
On the other hand though, if her son is living in Europe do you think him and his family would come to the wedding? Would it hurt to send an invite to be civil?
Cacarina
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
Just don't invite them. That is ridiculous. This woman should not have crossed that line. It's tacky!
kellyannebrennan
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
I would think you should just invite them and like you said... why would the way older son want to go? Especially all the way from Europe with his kids and everything. Just keep your fingers crossed they reply no. I would be afraid she would get offended or feel stupid if you asked her about it.
Rejjie
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
Yes, I definitely don't want to embarrass her. I am SO bad at hard conversations! I am an avoider! Would it be ok to invite the son without his family? I think it's a possibility that she's using the wedding as an excuse to have her kids home at the same time. Oh man - getting married means growing up, doesn't it! OUCH GROWING PAINS!!!
BoxOfRocks
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
Yes, talk to her.
She shouldn't have just assumed you'd invite her kids, but if you don't invite them without telling her first, she might interpret as an insult or as a passive aggressive move.
No, it's not right, but sometimes in wedding planning we have to take on the burden of over-communication or be the bigger person since everyone seems to have so many different expectations. Argh.
MsPotterhead
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
It may be hard, but you'll feel better after talking to her.
Kara and Todd
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
How tacky and presumptuous of her!!
I would talk to her about it calmly, but remain firm that no, her kids are NOT invited.
danibrwneyes
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
I am almost tempted to vote just ignore it but that might offend or insult her. But it is also very presumputous of her to just think her kids are being invited, especially since one lives in Europe? Does she think her son is going to come? I am having a hard time getting aunts and uncles from italy to come to my wedding and I visit them every few years! Honestly as uncomfortable as it would be talk to her. But like one of the other girls said if you can swing it then just invite them. Good Luck!
tdebe
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
If you haven't talked to her daughter in years and her son lives in Europe and you were never close to him, I honestly don't think that either would come. I would just invite them. I would never travel to another country to see my old neighbor get married especially if I hardly talked to them and it's uncomfortable going to a wedding not knowing anyone except the guest you came with, especially if you're not even close to the couple getting married so I don't think you'd have anything to worry about.
thelastresort
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
Posted by tdebe
If you haven't talked to her daughter in years and her son lives in Europe and you were never close to him, I honestly don't think that either would come. I would just invite them. I would never travel to another country to see my old neighbor get married especially if I hardly talked to them and it's uncomfortable going to a wedding not knowing anyone except the guest you came with, especially if you're not even close to the couple getting married so I don't think you'd have anything to worry about.
I agree with this. If this woman was always good to you, etc. I would just invite her kids although I agree it was a little tacky on her part.
Lemons
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
Posted by mandc722
Yep this is a tricky situation. I also think you need to talk to her about it. Maybe she just assumed that you'd be inviting them and it didn't occure to her that you might think otherwise. I do not think that they need to be invited, unless like others said that is what she would prefer as payment (in which case that's a lot of $-right?) You can always tell her that the guest list is tight and you just don't have the room to add these extra people.
I agree 100%
futuremrsfab
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
Since she is performing- do you think you can count her as a vendor? That might make it less expensive- but I would discuss it with her- maybe her son and daughter wont come- but because they have known you so long would just like the invite and to send a gift?
dmurph
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
UGH! I guess if you can afford the extra people it is always best to keep the peace and pray they respond no. Which it sounds like they would. But if you are really trying to keep the list down, and inviting will cause you stress, then I think you should speak with her. Most people now a days understand how expensive a wedding can be. If you speak to her I would just be very apologetic ie: 'Oh wish we could invite them blah blah blah'. Play good cop bad cop if you must. She did cross a line ASSUMING they were going to be invited. She should have said IF you were planning on inviting them here is their address. Gotta LOVE wedding politics! GOOD LUCK!!!!!
SOTHISISLOVE53109
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
I suggested you talk to her first and explain the situation...I just can't believe that people ask these requests, I would never have the nerve. But yes talk to her and see how she takes it, maybe she was just assuming that because you have know her so long you would invite her family as well..maybe she doesn't go to a lot of weddings?
ratherbealeper
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Re: tricky invite situation - advice please!
If it will ruin the relationship you have with her invite them knowing that the europe-bound son will more than likely not attend. Do not invite his children.
If she is understanding and it wont affect anything, then don't invite them and give her a guest.
a few xtra heads is not worth ruining a life long relationship
