UGH e-party dilemma

Everyday I'm more and more glad that we're going to postpone the wedding. There's just too much BS going on. FH is not getting along with his parents at all. They were cruel to him, me and my mom, and his mom was even nasty to him when he called to wish her a happy mother's day.

Since we're postponing the wedding, we now have time and $$ to have an e-party, which I'd really like to do, and my family offered to help with preparations, and extended family even offered to cook if we decided to have it at the house!

But here's the thing. Fh isn't getting along with his parents. They said terrible things about me and my mom, and I mean terrible things, and they show him no respect. We don't know what to do about the e-party/. I actually never want to see them again, so really I don't want to invite them. FH doens't want to invite them either b/c of the wya they'v been acting, but he still feels bad having t go through all of this wedding stuff which is supposedly joyful without his parents.. And now he's saying we shouldn't invite anyone in his family (he has aunts and uncles and cousins who we get alng with very well) because then it'll get back to his aprents that were having the aprty and it will make them even more angry. I don't care, if we're not vintiig themm it's with good reason, so I don't feel the need to hide it from them. The only thing is I don't want to cause more tensions in the family, between his aunt and his mom, for example, if we invite his aunt and not his mom. What should we do>

I'm just so upset. Planning a wedding is supposed to be so joyful, and it's been such a nightmare. I have to have a wedding wo my dad, and I'm not inviitng his family because they've been supporting him and not us at all, and now w/o FH's family..where will it end..? what should I do?

honestly, and as much as it sux, I don't think you should be having this party without at least resolving some of the issues. You cannot go through the rest of your lives with this much animosity between you and his parents.

there is going to have to be concessions made on both sides. I really feel for your FH- he's getting it on all sides. Someone here is going to have to be the better person and try to resolve this without resorting to screaming in public places.

I think until tensions settle, that you should hold off on gathering people together...years from now, you guys, but especially FH, may regret shutting them out, not matter how terrible they are being right now (I'm familiar with your other posts, and all I can say is )

sorry hun, that's just what I think.

There's NO resolution with these people. They're the screamers. We wouldn't actually scream at them back, but omg the embarassment in front of my family.

Even after all of the fighting FH called his mom on mothers' day

FH: Hi mom. I just called to say Happy Mother's Day!

PsychoMom: well, I didn't expect to hear from YOU (nastily)

FH: Well, even though I'm upset with you, you're still my mom

PsychoMom: You have no right ot be uspet with me, I'm angry with you..blah bah bkah

FH: ok..bye mom...happy mother's day

See what we're up against?

ETA: I just feel frustrated because these crazy people along with my jackazz dad are robbing us of this whole experience, which is supposed to be such a good one, that everyone looks forward to

I would invite every one that you get along with. His aunt and uncle shouldn't lose out on celebrating with the 2 of you and your family just bc his parents have been giving you guys a hard time. I don't think it's a good idea to invite his parents to your e-party bc you want to enjoy your day and you just won't with them there. I'm sorry things have to be this way but you 2 need to do what's best for you. As long as neither you or your FH are talking to them I wouldn't invite them, it's just not worth the trouble. I agree with you, don't be afraid if they find out, maybe they'll learn their lesson and behave for the wedding. But I understand your FI's fears, it's his family. As long as you keep close with his aunt and uncle then I don't think there's anything else you can do. Just don't cut yourself off from his family altogether. You don't want him to resent you for that later down the line.

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Posted by cindyandkevin

I would invite every one that you get along with. His aunt and uncle shouldn't lose out on celebrating with the 2 of you and your family just bc his parents have been giving you guys a hard time. I don't think it's a good idea to invite his parents to your e-party bc you want to enjoy your day and you just won't with them there. I'm sorry things have to be this way but you 2 need to do what's best for you. As long as neither you or your FH are talking to them I wouldn't invite them, it's just not worth the trouble. I agree with you, don't be afraid if they find out, maybe they'll learn their lesson and behave for the wedding. But I understand your FI's fears, it's his family. As long as you keep close with his aunt and uncle then I don't think there's anything else you can do. Just don't cut yourself off from his family altogether. You don't want him to resent you for that later down the line.

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agreed!!! Well said, Cindy.

And Jenn,
I admire you for handling this so well.

I'm so scared they'd come just to make themselves not look bad that I don't want to risk it.

That's like with his sister and the wedidng. We could invite her and say she probbaly won't come b/c she hates us..but the thing is, she might come just for spite, and then cause a drunken scene, and then she's ruined my wedding. why? so I can look like the better person? I know I am. I don't need to prove it.

hey! Just FM you

I think if you have a party you have to invite them. Other people would wonder where the MOG is (I would assume).

Do you think they will behave themselves if you invite some of their work friends and neighbors?

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Posted by sarahbelle

I think if you have a party you have to invite them. Other people would wonder where the MOG is (I would assume).

Do you think they will behave themselves if you invite some of their work friends and neighbors?

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Umm...it's a good theory, sin't it? that they'd behave in front of firneds and neighbors. The created a HUGE scene at the CEMETARY at the unveiling for FH's grandparents' graves. HUGE, in front of family, friends, etc.

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Posted by piyopika

hey! Just FM you

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\\I didnt get an FM!

It really depends. If you don't invite them you may just make things worse.


I don't talk to my dad, at all. So when I sent out the eparty invites, I called him the day before I mailed them to let him know he shouldn't expect one. But I don't want a relationship with him. But I also didn't want him to think his was lost in the mail and just didn't get to him, and then have him show up. But that's my situation...

I think you need to sit with your FH and really see what kind of a relationship he wants with his parents. If he wants to kill the relationship, don't invite them. But if he wants one, you should invite them, but try to have a discussion with them, even if that's a screaming match (away from the party). If they're not invited to the e-party and are invited to the wedding you may have a real problem on your hands on the day of your wedding.

Good Luck!

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Posted by kase21

It really depends. If you don't invite them you may just make things worse.


I don't talk to my dad, at all. So when I sent out the eparty invites, I called him the day before I mailed them to let him know he shouldn't expect one. But I don't want a relationship with him. But I also didn't want him to think his was lost in the mail and just didn't get to him, and then have him show up. But that's my situation...

I think you need to sit with your FH and really see what kind of a relationship he wants with his parents. If he wants to kill the relationship, don't invite them. But if he wants one, you should invite them, but try to have a discussion with them, even if that's a screaming match (away from the party). If they're not invited to the e-party and are invited to the wedding you may have a real problem on your hands on the day of your wedding.

Good Luck!

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Well said.
I agree with this. When it all comes down to it, he is still their son.... Neither one of you wants to have regrets or resentment later on. I would figure this all out before you have an e-party.

I am so sorry ....thats such a shame! for all of you ...its a hard thing

Maybe things will cool off a little...have you guys thought about getting our own place a little sooner ......

I am a firm believer of only inviting those who are happy for you and want to celebrate your love. If FI's parents can't do that, then they don't deserve to be there. People need to be held accountable for their actions and FI's parents need to learn to be nicer to you and to your FI. You deserve to celebrate and if they will only ruin it, don't invite them. JMHO. No matter what, you and FI love each other...hold on to that.

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Posted by marymoon

I'm so scared they'd come just to make themselves not look bad that I don't want to risk it.

That's like with his sister and the wedidng. We could invite her and say she probbaly won't come b/c she hates us..but the thing is, she might come just for spite, and then cause a drunken scene, and then she's ruined my wedding. why? so I can look like the better person? I know I am. I don't need to prove it.

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She won't ruin your wedding she would make herself look like a jacka$$by making a drunken scene.

As for the E-party and FH parents there has to be a way somehow I know you say they scream and yell all the time and there is no talking to them well maybe have his parents over for dinner or go out ot dinner or even go to their house for dinner and try to talk it out and if they scream and yell let them as long as you and FH talk to them maybe that is the only way they know how to communicate and maybe after the entire conversation about everything then things might be better hopefully.
I am so sorry you haveto go through all of this I know its a very hard thing to deal with.
I am just trying to come up with something to make things a little better for you but I am not sure anyhting will be good enough for them.

Fh doens't live with his parents, thank god.

FH already tried calling his mom and talking to her, she's completely intractible and somehow thinks WE'RE wrong, and all she did for hours was spout out completely insulting bullshizz. There's no point in trying to talk to them! Fh tried talking to his aunt (his mom's sister) and she said she completely understood, but we haven't heard form ehr since, so..

ETA: And believe me, they will have NO problem ruining my wedding. NONE. You are completely overestimating these people. If they would make a scene at a CEMETARY while memorializing her OWN PARENTS, she'd do anything.

I am so sorry

honestly the o nly thing to do is not invite them. ITs sad to say but thats the only solution and then cut all ties with them. JMO