FH just called me and asked me if it was too late to elope. Apparently his parents are super p*ssed that their names aren't on the invitations. I totally understand them wanting to be named, but FH decided he didn't want to include them because his mom is really his step mom (his real mom died when he was 4) and he didn't want to say he was their son when he would be leaving out his real mom. Anyway, it's too late now, so I guess the FILs are going to have to get over it, but I feel really bad about it and I know FH is really upset too.
Any suggestions on how to deal with this, other than ordering new invitations? I'm so upset - I told FH to make sure it was ok before we ordered! ARG!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks for all of your advice. I felt really badly that FILs were upset because they are always so good to us. We talked to them about FH's concern and they said we should just put 'son of Mr. and Mrs. ...' which could be either his real mom or his step mom. We found out that we could just order the invite card so it wouldn't be too expensive and it should be done in time, so we reordered. Everyone is happy now.
VeggieBride
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
did he explain to them how he felt about it?
megsher
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I wasn't going to pt mine on either. My parents are throwing this wedding, now I'm concerned.
dedecakes
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Who is paying for the wedding? If they are putting any money into it, then they should have a say. If they are not putting in a dime, they have no right to open their mouths. My parents are paying for the reception (we are paying for the rest). I was planning on just putting:
Together with their parents
Although I have this funny feeling that my parents are not going to like that idea. lol!
MrsSM09
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
Are they chipping in to help pay for the wedding?
SoontobeMrsG
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Isnt it suppose to be if the parents pay they get mentioned on the invite? I think that your FH just needs to be honest with his step mom and dad and say that he did not want to disrespect the honor of his late mom. They should understand, if not remind them people only look at the invite for the date, time and place of the wedding anyway!!
jlovesa
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
They are helping to pay for the wedding - this is why I can totally understand them wanting to be named (I could even understand if they weren't paying just because they are his parents), but FH said no. He also said they wouldn't care. Famous last words...
VeggieBride
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ahhh ouch....he should have asked them before the invites were made.....if theyre paying their names def should be on there.
im sorry...totally not your fault and now you have to feel the wrath. I hope they dont hold it against you.
SoontobeMrsG
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My FH has that same non chalant attitude. He should have a talk with them, and just explain why he wanted it this way.
Camroy
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We included both sets of parents names. My parents aren't paying per say for the wedding but gave a significant gift towards the purchase of our home. It was my decision if I wanted the gift for the house or wedding. I felt the home was more important and want to respect them and include their names for the wedding. Our invites will read that they request the honor of your presence in marriage of daughter to son of FH's parents names.
Edit - I would let FH handle it. He said it was ok, kinda created this. Let him speak to them and discuss it. How did they find out? Where are you in the process of your invites?
dazies1011
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Posted by jlovesa
They are helping to pay for the wedding - this is why I can totally understand them wanting to be named (I could even understand if they weren't paying just because they are his parents), but FH said no. He also said they wouldn't care. Famous last words...
My question was going to be who is paying? I understand that they are paying half but, he should explain to them how HE feels. They aren't the only with feels and it is his day.
jennaandguy09
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
Honestly, it's a little late for them to be upset, they're going to have to get over, my FMIL is doing nothing and her name will not appear on the invites, I say if you're having a program put their names in there. Good luck!!!!!!
Kristina2009
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
We are paying on our own (with generous small things coming from my parents that we just learned about - shower, dress, a generous wedding gift).
We put
With together their parents, Mr. and Mrs. A and Mr. and Mrs, B K and M invite ypu
FH also did not want to list his parents names but I felt bad. It does bug me a little that our parents seem to be getting credit for throwing the party but in the end I don't want to offend anyone and better that than hurt feelings. I know that my parents would help if I could not afford it.
Since they are contributing - I would see if you can just reprint the main invite card. If you ordered from a book you should have time. Honestly, I would probably be upset if I were them as it is the right thing to list them if they are paying. If reordering is not an option maybe a thank you speech to them at the wedding letting everyone know this wedding would not be possible without their generosity, etc.
Kristina2009
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did u list your parents names?
GT143EA
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We put 'Together with their families'
FutureMrsG
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Maybe FH can sit down with his parents and explain why he choose to word the invitation the way he did-They may still be upset but maybe they will understand his feelings.
elysemichelle
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ok. so as we know, u arent going to order new invites, nor should u. FH doesnt want to dishonor his mother and that is acceptable and right. I am having that same issue with my grandfather who passed away and my grandmother walking down the aisle with her new bf. I wont allow it becuz he is NOT my grandfather (he has been in my life for almost 8 years as a grandfather figure).
so what to do? this is what i recommend. Tell them the exact reason FH didnt want to have them on, sit down together to do this. FH's step mother should understand and FH father should accept it without hesitation! She is NOT his mother. On top of this, tell them how much you appreciate what they have contributed to the wedding. At the wedding, or the rehearsal dinner (i think the wedding would be better and seem moer receptive to them since its a larger crowd) together with your new husband, thank your parents and FIL's in front of everyone. It just has to be short but sweet, but ive seen it done many times! (i grew up in a catering family! so ive seen hundreds of weddings!) they will truly appreicate it and it will get the point across that they helped host the party and that you are thanking them for that reason.
let me know how it goes!!!!!!!!!
Rosa29
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
My Mom died 8 years ago and I am including her name on my invitation as the late......he could have done that and plus his step-mother should really understand and respect his wishes.
MLAngelo
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Who is paying for the wedding. Traditionally the brides parents paid and so only the brides parents were named on the invite. That might be the excuse, to say you were going with tradition.
MLAngelo
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Posted by dedecakes
Who is paying for the wedding? If they are putting any money into it, then they should have a say. If they are not putting in a dime, they have no right to open their mouths. My parents are paying for the reception (we are paying for the rest). I was planning on just putting:
Together with their parents
Although I have this funny feeling that my parents are not going to like that idea. lol!
If your parents are paying it should say they are throwing it, you should check with them first. The wording indicates who is paying for it, who is the host/hostess.
